Tag Archives: Kelly Urich
Starbeams: Google Not So Lucky for KCK, Chief Arrested & Warrensburg Hooters
Google’s plan to wire Kansas City, Kansas with fast Internet connections doesn’t mean any new jobs will be coming to town. “We are not hiring a whole lot of people,” said Google’s director of community affairs. “Like, we may hire two. Most of this can be done remotely.”
However, Google will install the "I’m not feeling so lucky" button for KCK residents.
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Chiefs linebacker Mike Vrabel was arrested Monday and charged with felony theft from a casino. Even more embarrassing: The casino was in INDIANA.
If Vrabel is convicted, he’ll be drafted by the Steelers.
Starbeams: Taking Heat Off Fred Phelps, Sprint Ads @ The K & Max Floyd’s Advice
The moron – not Morman – preacher who burned the Qur’an in Florida is now officially responsible for the deaths of American troops in Afghanistan. The only good news for locals is, he’s replaced the preacher in Topeka as the biggest loser in the nation. Whatever happened to the good old days when preachers would burn KISS and Led Zeppelin albums?
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About last night’s UConn vs. Butler NCAA basketball championship. Guess I’m the only person in the nation who’s bracket led to Baker vs Mid-American Nazarene University.
Starbeams: Huzzah! Brett Back! Google to Rescue! Costner Out of Acting & Kelly on Point!
MoDot managed to open the Blue Ridge Cutoff Bridge just in time for the Royals home opener.
Let’s just hope this isn’t the biggest victory for Royals’ fans this season.
Google has chosen Kansas City, Kansas as the first test market for high-speed cable.
That means KCK will have Internet access 100 times faster than the rest of us. Residents of Wyandotte county will now be able to file police reports in a nanosecond.
Starbeams: KC Mayoral Tough Guy ‘Test, Buzzing Libya, KU Ripe for Upset & Tiger Woods Update
No one is sure who be elected Mayor of Kansas City today, but we’re pretty sure who would win if it came down to a boxing match.
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B-2 Stealth Bombers from Missouri’s Whiteman Air Force Base were involved in the attacks on Libya over the weekend. You could tell the pilots were from Knob Knoster when they asked permission to buzz the Tripoli Walmart.
Starbeams: Escaping Japan to KCI, Shrinking Sprint & Royals Opening Day Pitcher
A group of Japanese exchange students arrived at KCI Monday. The students were thrilled to be here, relieved to escape the radiation scare but a bit surprised to see our airports ceilings still covered with asbestos.
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The first-ever face transplant in this country was performed in Boston this week. A construction worker who had his face disfigured in a terrible power line accident received a new nose, lips, skin, muscles and nerves from a dead person. If all goes as hoped, the 25 year-old man should look more natural than Joan Rivers.
Starbeams: Plato’s Retreat, ‘Dear John’ & Gen X Radio to the Rescue
The new population center of the United States is Plato, Missouri.
If you took the entire population of the country and found the centermost point, you’d be right in the middle of southern Missouri just south of Ft. Leonard Wood.
Come to ink of it, Ft. Leonard Wood would have been a better name for the movie "Winter’s BONE."
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TAYLOR SWIFT has joined the cast of "The Lorax" based on the classic Dr. Seuss book.
This time around the Lorax speaks for the trees…and for all the women who had their hearts broken by John Mayer.
Starbeams: Meltdowns Nuclear & Political, Disaster PC, KU Does Facebook & Duck Calls
I’m trying to figure out where I stand on nuclear energy. I haven’t seen a rod meltdown like this since former Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich.
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The MATT DAMON movie "Hereafter" has been removed from theaters in Japan, because it includes a recreation of the 2004 tsunami in the Indian Ocean. It’s the same political correctness that kept Hollywood from releasing "Twister" in the spring of 1996 – NOT!
Starbeams: Micheal Mahoney’s Hair, KCPD DUI Van, Cheap Trick to Rescue & V8
The grand marshal for Kansas City’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade will be Micheal Mahoney from KMBC Channel 9.
Several parade workers will be walking along next to Mahoney’s car with giant ropes tethered to his hair.
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Westport will be one giant sobriety checkpoint on St. Patrick’s Day. The KCPD has a new $395,000 mobile van that can do 5 breathalyzer tests at a time. Something about wanting to be ready when the Backstreet Boys hit town.
Starbeams: Royals Win Big, Sprint Invading Poland & Top 10 Passion Killers
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The Kansas City Royals prevailed in a lawsuit seeking $25,000 for injuries suffered when Sluggerr threw a hot dog in a fan’s face. It’s the first time the Royals have won something of national relevance since 1985.
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Rumors about Sprint buying T-Mobile are still circulating. Sprint is buying its way into global domination. Together with Nextel and T-Mobile, Sprint hopes to invade Poland later this year.
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The "three-year glitch" has replaced the "seven-year itch" as the tipping point where couples begin taking each other for granted, according to a new survey. The study finds, at three years, people give fewer compliments, find little quirks to be HUGE annoyances, and have a lot less sex.
The top 10 everyday passion-killers…
Starbeams: Thawing Out Finger, T-Mobile Lady in Pink, HBO Channels Hitler & Sheen
With temperatures warming this weekend, I’ve suddenly realized that I’ve been wearing mittens so long I’ve forgotten how to give the finger.
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Here’s an idea. When they baptize members of the
Westboro (Attorney) Church
, they should hold them under water for 20 minutes.Rumors have surfaced about Overland Park-based Sprint possibly buying T-Mobile.
They don’t really gain a strategic advantage, but it might give them enough leverage to FIRE THAT ANNOYING CHICK IN THE PINK DRESS.
Starbeams: KU-MIZZOU puts the BS in CBS; Hen Hatches Monster Egg; Symphony Sells Out in Flint Hills
Angry viewers are expressing outrage after the KU-MIZZOU game was switched with 3 1/2 minutes to go. CBS quickly put the BS in CBS by explaining it with sunspot and satellite transponder issues.
**Charlie Sheen tried to blame the problems with CBS on Chuck Lorre.
**Then he said CBS has one speed…GO!
**Then he said he thought MIZZOU lacked Tiger Blood.
**Then he congratulated KU for WINNING!
STARBEAMS: Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen; KC Mosque Burning
Missouri is once again the meth capital of the nation, with nearly 2,000 lab seizures in 2010.
We could drop to second place this year depending on how long Charlie Sheen stays alive.
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Kansas City-based Midwest Research Institute changed its name today. This is the place where they invented the coating for M&Ms and even space suits for astronauts. The new name is shocking.
They’re calling it the Charlie Sheen Chemical Research Lab.
STARBEAMS: KC Auto Show; Arkansas Earthquake and KFC Chicken Run
You know the economy is struggling when most people attending this week’s auto show will have to hitchhike.
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Greenbrier, Arkansas registered a 4.7 earthquake Monday morning. That’s connected to the New Madrid Fault line and was the biggest quake they’ve felt since 1969.
It was strong enough to knock several cousins off each other.
STARBEAMS: Emergency plane lands in Independence; Wild and Crazy Comes in Threes for Sheen and KC Zoo
A small airplane from Florida had to make an emergency landing after engine problems Thursday morning around 2 a.m. The plane landed on Little Blue Parkway in Independence. Everyone was fine.
Nobody was hurt but the landing did disrupt a couple of meth deals.
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Charlie Sheen took off for the Bahamas on a private jet yesterday, accompanied by three women. It was nice to see Wilson Phillips back together again.
STARBEAMS: KC Crime Down; Union Station Up; Royals Down
Violent crime in Kansas City dropped drastically last year. Rape was down 19%. Robbery was down 19%. Assault was down 12%.The drop in crime was more than double the national average. This coincides with the year I started writing for KCCONFIDENTIAL.COM.
Coincidence? I THINK NOT!
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Union Station finished 2010 with a $4 million surplus. About half of that money came from donations.
The other half came from me paying parking tickets.
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Two-time All-Star and Kansas City reliever Joakim Soria Tweeted he doesn’t like to be called the Mexicutioner. He said, "How about we change my nickname to something more positive? In support to Mexico to stop all the violence!!!"
TOP 5 NEW NICKNAMES FOR JOAKIM SORIA:
STARBEAMS: Urich Delivers Stand-up; Woman Delivers in Elevator
I took a stab at stand-up comedy in front of a recorded studio audience.
Watch if you don’t mind losing a few minutes of your life…
STARBEAMS: KC ranked 9th Most Dangerous; Diana Dress Tour; Thwarting Mexican Vacay Mishaps
A new US News & World Report survey ranked the most dangerous cities in the country – Missouri has two cities in the top 10. Kansas City is ranked the ninth most dangerous. St. Louis was ranked the number one most dangerous city.
FBI data includes burglary and motor vehicle theft, as well as violent crimes like murder and robbery. In Kansas City, you’re three times more likely to be a victim than in the average city. St. Louis was the only city where you are five times more likely to be a victim.
Things have gotten so bad, St. Louis is considering changing their area code to 911.
STARBEAMS: Honoring Washington, Hilton and the American Way
There’s one common last name in this country that’s 90% black and that would be "Washington." The main reason Washington is so common is because a lot of emancipated slaves picked that last name to honor the country’s first president, even though he was a slave owner. There aren’t many black children with the last name Urich, but only because Sharita Hutton is playing hard-to-get.
Last night on Hawaii Five-0, Dane Cook guest starred as Dano’s brother. So, at least we knew the show wouldn’t be funny.
Note to the producers; we only watch to see Grace Park in a bikini.
Don’t waste your time with a plot.
STARBEAMS: Headless Woman Eaten by Dogs; Latest on KC Chiefs and Royals
Tulsa, Oklahoma police found the body of a headless 55-year-old woman in her home and the cause of death was ruled – natural causes!
Apparently, she died of natural causes a few months ago, and her dogs got so hungry they ate different parts of her body and gnawed off her head and dragged it into a different room.
Let this be a lesson to children…when the chips are down your puppy will eat you.
STARBEAMS: Michael Kors to Plaza; Obama a Hottie? Gas Prices Up & Partisan Sex Poll
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Project Runway judge Michael Kors will open a designer fashion store on the Plaza this summer. The store will take part of the current Eddie Bauer space which is moving to the former Mark Shale space.
It’s about time!
It was getting to the point where there were only like 30 stores for my gay friends to shop on the Plaza.
A new survey in Allure Magazine finds the race that women find most attractive is mixed race. 64 percent of women think people like President Obama are the epitome of beauty.
In honor of President’s day I think Boulevard should release a part chocolate, part vanilla ale.
