Tag Archives: Kelly Urich
Starbeams: The Top 5 Signs Johnson County is Under a Boil Order
Top 5 signs Johnson County is under a boil water order.
#5. 500,000 people in tents waiting for Whole Foods to open.
#4. Residents seen giving water to their gardener to see if he lives.
#3. One more excuse to close Planned Parenthood.
#2. People crowd community centers to protest school closings.
And the No. 1 reason Johnson County is under a boil order is…
Starbeams: Royals Mount Charity Drive, Topeka Lands on Mars & Don Harman Warms Up
The Daily Beast ranks Kansas City third on the list of the most charitable cities in the nation. Several factors figured into the equation; including percentage of salary, time donated…and the Royals bullpen.
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Topeka is home to the new Mars chocolate factory. 200 employees will make M & Ms and Snickers candy bars. Nice to see that our high speed Google network is drawing companies to TOPEKA.
Stargazing: City of Bad Plumbing, Ugly Fountains, Finest Phallus, Mi Ranchito Sentencing
World War I ended on this date in 1919. The following day, someone in Kansas City thought it would be a great idea to build a giant PENIS to memorialize The First World War.
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Kansas City International airport has been hampered by two water main breaks in recent days. Terminal A parking was flooded and water service to US Airways disrupted. Despite that, travelers say the water breaks were more enjoyable than the ugly fountain in the airport’s median.
Starbeams: Royals All Stars, Sprint’s New 3-D Evo, Solar in Sweet Springs
It’s time for the Royals to determine who their All-Star Game representative will be. So far the leading candidate is the beer vendor in section 225.
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The Kansas City Zoo wants a city-wide 1/8-cent sales tax to generate over $17 million a year for the zoo. I’m having a hard time with this because, as I understand it, the zoo animals already receive free healthcare.
Starbeams: Top 5 Things About 75 MPH, Green Lantern @ Noble House Jewelry?
THE TOP 5 THINGS ABOUT 75 mph SPEED LIMIT IN KANSAS:
#5. Now you can storm chase while being respectful of the law.
#4. People in Salina can get to their next door neighbor’s house in 45 minutes.
#3. Makes it easier to drive next to a speeding fire truck.
#2. Quicker getaway when God decides to deal with Westboro Baptist freaks.
#1. All the people doing 90 are no longer a blur.
Starbeams: Parlez Vous Gold Cup? Dresses to Di For
The U.S. National Team played in Livestrong Sporting Park last night in Gold Cup action.
It’s nice to see soccer catching on because I was running out of places in town where I’m the only person who speaks English.
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The Princess Diana exhibit set a new record for ticket sales here. Union Station officials were hoping to sell 75,000 tickets but more than 105,000 people took the tour. Including 3,100 people the day Will & Kate were married. Kate can hardly wait for the exhibit to return to England so she can RECYCLE SOME OF THE DRESSES.
Starbeams: Too Big & Ugly for the Plaza? The Four Day Murray’s Work Week
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The Country Club Plaza has been decorated with dozens of hanging baskets full of flowers. Plaza residents are considering whether or not to petition to have the baskets removed because they’re too big and ugly to be on the Plaza.
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THIS JUST IN: Over half the residents of Kansas City are considered too big and ugly to be on the plaza.
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Starbeams: Tornado Chair, Trump Does Clay, Soapy Suit & KU Spelling Bee
Greetings from the Heartland, where you can be a storm chaser by just sitting in your recliner.
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Donald Trump tells Fox News that he won’t rule out jumping back into the presidential race, if the right Republican candidate doesn’t emerge. Trump is taking direction from his political advisor; CLAY CHASTAIN.
Starbeams: Google’s Secret, Arnold’s Ride & Harold’s Folly
Google officials building high-speed broadband in Kansas City are calling our town "the best well-kept secret under the sun." Before we get too excited, before KC they listed Bin Laden as the best well-kept secret.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was spotted riding a bike in Santa Monica. He just wants the world to know he can ride anything in the house.
Starbeams: Brownback Mountain, T-2 for Two, Dancing w/ Micheal Mahoney’s Rug
Kansas Governor Sam Brownback is defending his decision to make 11,000 square miles of the Flint Hills off-limits to wind farm expansion. Someone must have convinced him wind turbines are "art."
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Amazon.com says DVD sales of Terminator 2 are up 169% since Arnold‘s scandal broke. And he’s considering filming ANOTHER Terminator. Considering both his kids were born within days of each other, he shouldn’t have to practice much on those "reloading" scenes.
Starbeams: Royals Help Usher in End of World, Google & Saks @ Indian Springs?
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Some Christian radio stations are claiming the world will end on May 21st. The prediction is based on actual calculations. Saturday is supposedly the 7,000th anniversary of Noah and the Great Flood, and we’re due for the apocalypse that day.
Plus, it’s mid-May and the Royals are still in contention.
Starbeams: TOP 5 QUALIFICATIONS TO BE AN OVERLAND PARK MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER
The city of Overland Park now has mounted police. Be on the lookout for a new posse patrolling its affluent streets.
THE TOP 5 QUALIFICATIONS TO BE AN OVERLAND PARK MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER:
#5. Must be willing to train your horse not to let other drivers merge.
#4. Must be willing to fight dangerous crime like when people leave their garage doors open…
#3. Can’t be embarrassed to ride in a saddle made by Gucci.
#2. Must resist the temptation to be suspicious of people doing garden work.
And the No. 1 qualification for being a Johnson County Mounty…
Starbeams: End of Posnanski Pox Epidemic Frees KC for Sports Greatness
Let me just say what everyone is thinking. I fully expect the Royals to win the World Series and the Chiefs to win the Super Bowl now that the Joe Posnanski sports jinx is gone. Our hard-luck sports streak could also be linked to Johnny Rowland’s mustache.
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Kansas governor Sam Brownback fired the Kansas Arts Commission and the entire agency will be shut down in June. From now on, all art in Kansas will consist of images of Jesus found in tree bark.
Starbeams: Crown Center Day Care, Tammy Faye Rescues Scout & Incarcerated @ The K
A Real Paint in the Ass!
Someone splashed a bucket of paint all over the back of the Kansas City Scout statue overlooking downtown. Even with the vandalism, the statue isn’t as ugly as the painted cows display that came through town in 2001. It was actually somewhat refreshing to see area taggers going abstract for a change.
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A $15 million Legoland Discovery Center will open in spring 2012 in conjunction with a $15 million Sea Life aquarium at Crown Center. The giant Legoland will reportedly create a two- to three-hour indoor experience for children ages 3 to 10. Area parents are already calling it DAYCARE LAND.
Starbeams: TOP 5 WAYS TO CELEBRATE THE DEATH OF BIN LADEN IN KC
TOP 5 WAYS TO CELEBRATE THE DEATH OF BIN LADEN:
#5. Get back to the serious business of discovering where President Obama was born.
#4. Do what we always do to celebrate in Kansas City…throw a BBQ!
#3. Just go ahead and shoot anyone in your neighborhood who seems suspicious.
#2. Start your own search for the second most dangerous man in the world, Vice President, Joe Biden.
#1. Celebrate like Bin Laden has for 10 years; sit around and get bombed!
Starbeams: Out with the Easter Bunny, In with The Beast, Thirsty Kidz & Royals
Those scary Easter Bunnies are being removed from the Plaza, signaling the start of haunted house season in Kansas City.
The average age for Missouri kids take their first drink of alcohol is 11. The good news? Fewer smoke because they say cigarettes cut into their meth money.
Starbeams: Fat R Us & Top 5 Tweets from Loose Park Tree
Just another national list where Kansas City ranks in the the FAT TOP TEN.
It’s about time we add another ‘S’ to the end of Kansas.
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I’m trying to decide if I’m more embarrassed I follow Charlie Sheen on Twitter, or a tree in Loose Park that began Tweeting recently. That’s right, a 100 year-old tree in Loose Park has its own Twitter account. @PENNY OAK.
The tree is tweeting in honor of Earth Day this Friday.
TOP 5 TWEETS FROM PENNY OAK:
Starbeams: Bottoms Up for Gaga, Wide Body & Poked by Homeland Security
Lady Gaga fell off a piano during a concert in Houston. She kept performing and never missed a beat. In doing so, she joins Bono, Steven Tyler and Jimmy Buffet...so she’s really 30 years ahead of herself.
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American Idol is denying accusations made by 19-year-old Ashley Kauffman, who claimed staffers made her sit in the back row last Thursday because she was, "just too big, too heavy to be in front" with her hot friends. More bad news for Ashley?
Starbeams: The Top 5 Things in KC That Haven’t Changed in 150 Years
Kansas City’s celebrating its Sesquicentennial and celebrations are already underway. And 150 years of our city kinda got me wondering what life was like then versus now. So after hours of intense research, I give you the…
TOP 5 THINGS IN KANSAS CITY THAT HAVEN’T CHANGED IN 150 YEARS:
#5. There’s never a line to see the Steamboat Arabia.
#4. We’re rarely featured on network television.
Starbeams: TOP 5 WAYS GOOGLE HAS CHANGED KANSAS CITY, KANSAS
TOP 5 WAYS GOOGLE HAS CHANGED KANSAS CITY, KANSAS:
#5. All city holidays will be announced with dorky graphics…
#4. New city slogan- Where high speed internet meets high speed police chases…
#3. FB friend Spencer in KCK can now invite me to play Mafia wars 3 million times an hour…
