Tag Archives: Kelly Urich
Starbeams: Sporting Kansas City and Secure Streets
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Wizards new name is SPORTING KANSAS CITY. I had listeners call and tell me how they’re sporting Kansas City. Some of the responses:
I have a Chiefs tattoo on my right bicep.
I choked on a rib and had to be resuscitated.
I gained 30 pounds in the past 8 months.
I never walk a block away when I can drive.
Starbeams: Omaha Bails on Royals, Dirty Restrooms & Bristol Palin
The Omaha Royals are changing their name. The team will now be called the Omaha Storm Chasers in what might be the worst name for a franchise since the Kansas City Wiz. You know things are getting really bad when even minor-leaguers don’t want to be associated with the Royals.
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Walmart sales jumped over 9 percent in the 3rd quarter thanks to strong sales in China. When you buy something at a China Walmart they make it while you wait.
Starbeams: Eve, the Apple and Maxwell
Critics say the new Harry Potter movie that features an almost nude Emma Watson might not be appropriate for little children who are dying to see the movie.
Also not appropriate for grown men who are dying to see Emma Watson.
Apple announced yesterday that you can now officially download Beatles songs from iTunes.
Starbeams: Top 5 Reasons Todd Haley Refused to Shake Hands
Believe it or not, I was actually supposed to travel to Denver for the Chiefs game but my wife accidentally booked my flight for December instead of November.
I was mad at her until midway through the first quarter. Anyone want to go to Denver December 11?
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Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church paraded into McAlester, Oklahoma last week to protest another military funeral. But through a divine act of intervention, somehow their church bus tires were slashed. Apparently, GOD HATES TIRES.
Starbeams: Runaway Train
"Unstoppable" opens in theaters today. It’s like "Speed." But instead of a runaway bus, it’s a train. I’m still waiting for a movie about hijacking that one guy who rides the JO.
Starbeams: Runaway Missiles and Late Night Shows
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TOP 5 EXPLANATIONS FOR THE MISSILE FIRED OFF THE WEST COAST:
#5. Before leaving office, Gov. Schwarzenegger wants to know what this button does.
#4. Crazy Harry trying to prove to the world he is truly crazy.
#3. Jay Leno trying to steal the thunder from Conan again.
#2. The missile had a dream about Megan Fox.
And for the number one reason …
Starbeams: Royals, Chiefs and Rambo!
The Kansas City Royals have selected the team’s player of the year – first baseman Billy Butler. Billy, recognized for his .318 batting record and 15 home runs, was thrown out while running from his table to the podium to accept the award.
The Chiefs just signed Derrick Johnson to a five-year deal worth up to $34 million. He considered holding out for even more money so he could afford parking at Arrowhead Stadium.
Read more on dead pelicans and Rambo…
Starbeams: Scooby Doo, Dos Equis and Laptop Safety
*** A Kansas City woman is making national news for letting her son dress as a girl for Halloween. In fact, as Daphne from the Scooby-Doo show. Moms at his preschool expressed their dislike because the woman claims her 5-year-old son is gay.
When I was a kid I would dress as Freddie from Scooby-Doo. Orange ascots are macho…
Starbeams: Charlie Sheen, Buried Pot, Tan Republicans NASA Bag Fees
The price of gold is pushing $1,400 an ounce. My broker, Charles Sheen, just bought a controlling interest in Goldschläger.
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Thirty tons of pot was discovered in a deep tunnel on the US/Mexican border last week.
No wonder those Chilean miners were smiling when they emerged from the hole.
Starbeams: Westboro Baptist Savings Time, Prop A Bake Sale & Quayle
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Saturday daylight savings time goes away and we fall back an hour. So adjust your clocks before you go to bed. Members of the Westboro Baptist Church, should remember to set their clocks back to the year 1800.
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Missourians approved Prop A requiring a vote for those onerous earnings taxes in Kansas City and St. Louis. This weekend Kansas City will host its first bake sale to pay for street repair.
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Ben Quayle was elected to congress in Arizona. Ben is the son of former VP Dan Quayle.
Today he’s hard at work coming up with an excuse for how he avoided the draft for Operation Iraqi Freedom.
Starbeams: Election Day with John Mayer, Lindsay Lohan & Herbie
Republicans are expected to pick up between 50-60 seats in the house. 50-60 seats? That’s more tail than John Mayer will get today!
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Stephene Moore compared Kevin Yoder to Lindsay Lohan in a last minute attempt to move the meter. We think she must have meant to compare Yoder to Herbie Fully Loaded.
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Moore’s campaign maintains Yoder is hiding something by his refusing to take a breathalyzer test on K-10. Yoder counters that Stephene continues to hide the ‘i’ in her name.
Politicians reportedly spent $4 BILLION on this mid-term election. And these are the people we are putting in charge of our country?
Starbeams: If a Tree Falls in Brookside, Obama & Burt Reynolds
That’s the last time I go trick or treating in Mission Hills wearing a Barack Obama mask.
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Only in Brookside: A car running from police hits a tree at 100 mph and everybody runs outside to make sure the tree’s okay.
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GM has stopped making Pontiac . So much for those of us who grew up with Smokey and the Bandit as their role model.
