Tag Archives: Kelly Urich
STARBEAMS: KC affordable to live in; fewer snow removal complaints
Kansas City ranks #13 on the new Forbes.com list of most affordable cities. Omaha is the most affordable place. Apparently, Forbes is trying to come out with a new city list 52 WEEKS OF THE YEAR.
Kansas City’s Black and Veatch engineering firm has won a bid to build a power plant in Afghanistan. Kandahar and Helmand are years behind developed nations as most residents are just now learning the Electric Slide.
STARBEAMS: Boobie Ice Cream and Shuttle Cocks in KC
Chiefs coach Todd Haley said he is relieved the season is over so he can finally get back to not shaving.
I did have an entertaining moment while at the game Sunday. I sat next to Casey Wiegmann’s wife, Danni Boatwright of CBS Survivor fame. She gave birth a few weeks ago and well into the first half she informed me that her milk had "dropped."
I asked if I could help her with that and she said, "Only if you want ice cream!"
TOP 5 WAYS TO STAY WARM IN KANSAS CITY:
STARBEAMS: Starbucks logo change; KC KS police; and short school weeks
Starbucks is about to change the logo on their coffee cups…again.
This is the fourth change since 1971.
The new logo is a picture of an empty wallet.
The Kansas City, KS police department is being investigated by the FBI amid allegations of misconduct. Four members of the police squad have been arrested and suspended without pay.
Officals won’t say what the misconduct was but the suspended police have already been offered a job with the KU Athletic Department.
STARBEAMS: Outerspace Sex and Festering Sores
Instead, scientists recommend that female astronauts should consider having sex with me because it’s OUT OF THIS WORLD!
Recent research from the University of Kansas Medical Center indicates that conceiving in outer space is close to impossible.
Sperm counts drop and ovaries don’t work.
Starbeams: Top 5 Reasons AFC Attendance Low
We win the AFC West and only 60,000 people turned out Arrowhead for the Titans game. The Chiefs blame it on low attendance across the league the day after Christmas.
TOP 5 OTHER REASONS ARROWHEAD WASN’T FULL:
5. Grandma only gave us ten bucks for Christmas.
4. Titans fans got lost because Rand McNally map uses big words.
3. Kansas City fans are all caught up in Royals mania.
Starbeams: Meerkats, Skunks and Christmas Traditions
A couple of teenaged guys were charged with stealing the meerkat from the Kansas City Zoo. On the way home from the zoo, the meerkat bit one of them, drawing blood.
Which, ironically, gives away the plot for the next Twilight movie.
A skunk came within 20 feet of wandering into one of the automatic doors at KCI last Thursday. The skunk got away but passengers are urged to call airport security if he’s spotted.
Apparently, TSA is getting tired of just feeling up PEOPLE.
Starbeams: Bye-bye Streetside; Facebook; and holiday Glee
Streetside Records in Westport will close in January.
The record store was known as Pennylane Records until 1989.
Several hundred people are trying to save the record store – a Facebook page is up, although no one has bought a record since the Bee Gees were big.
Starbeams: KU news; KC racially integrated; hip herb has cool factor
KU is reportedly looking to replace Lew Perkins with the University of Tulsa’s Bubba Cunningham.
It’s the first time a Lew had been replaced by a Bubba that didn’t involve the staff at a country radio station.
The Brookings Institute says Kansas City is one of the top 10 racially integrated cities in America.
It’s true.
I can now go to Quik Trips all over town and not understand what the hell clerks are saying.
Starbeams: Down & Out in Branson, Charger-itus, Miley Cyrus
More than 600 passengers spent the night on a Branson showboat Saturday night when the boat became stranded after running aground on a bank at Table Rock Lake. Temperatures were in single digits and some passengers resorted to wearing tablecloths to keep warm. They said the experience was miserable but it was still better than the Baldknobbers Jamboree.
*******
I’m not making excuses but if I was in San Diego and it was 85 degrees, the last thing I would want to do is play football for an hour.
Starbeams: School shuts down; Ford shuts down production
More than half the students at Trailwood Elementary are out with a stomach flu, so the school had to be closed.
Out of habit, several hundred parents arrived to protest the closing.
Starbeams: Top 5 Surgeries in Chiefs History, Steve Rose, Larry Moore
With Chiefs quarterback Matt Cassel recovering from appendectomy surgery, it’s time to revisit…
THE TOP 5 SURGERIES IN CHIEFS HISTORY:
#5. Herm Edwards had a THREE AND OUT-patient surgery.
#4. During the Herm era, 79,000 Chiefs fans had surgery for sleep apnea.
#3. Andre Rison had Lefteye surgery.
#2. Carl Peterson had to be surgically removed from Lamar Hunt’s ass.
Starbeams: Hardbody Mike Shanin, OP Farmer’s Market & KU athletics
*** Former Kansas City Chief Will Shields has won NFL Man of the Year and now can add the Walter Camp Football Foundation’s Man of the Year. Meanwhile, I’ve worked in Kansas City radio for 20 years and have never even once been employee of the month.
*** This looks like trouble; the Overland Park Farmers’ Market has agreed to open a new booth for the KU Athletic Department.
Starbeams: Johns and Bristol Palin
A prostitution sting in Johnson County has led to 29 men being arrested and 5 women for promoting prostitution. Most people don’t associate Johnson County with prostitution You know, these stings average 10 arrests per day.
We put the "John" in "Johnson County."
Johnson Drive west of I-35 is being closed for 5 days to repair the railroad tracks. If you think commuters are pissed, you should see the train engineers.
Starbeams: Chuck Norris, Lew Perkins and the KCPD
Chuck Norris was made an honorary member of the Texas Rangers yesterday.
Also, Lew Perkins was just made an honorary member of the Kansas Lottery.
Starbeams: ALL CAPS and Sayonora to Cyber Monday
Traffic signs are changing all over the metro.
The new signs will feature upper and lower-case letters instead of all upper-case. The reason? Older drivers have trouble reading letters that are in all caps.
Plus, younger drivers view all upper-case as SHOUTING.
Starbeams: NORAD, NASA and IRAN
Google and NORAD are teaming up once again to track Santa’s flight. Although he has yet to take off, www.NoradSanta.org is already counting down.
Santa’s having a hard time getting past the airport screening.
Starbeams: TV and Trash Talking
The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show airs Tuesday night on CBS.
Now you know why men have spent years perfecting 3D HDTV technology.
I got totally confused and spent all of Black Friday watching B.E.T.
Starbeams: Thanksgiving Tidings
TOP
5 THINGS OVERHEARD AT A KANSAS CITY THANKSGIVING DINNER:
#5. If I eat any more, it’ll take two TSA agents to grope me at the airport.
#4. Get a towel. Dwayne Bowe just dropped the turkey.
#3. There must have been half a million people at the Plaza lighting ceremony.
#2. Mayor Funkhouser is here to put the star on top of the tree.
#1. Pass the BBQ Sauce!
Starbeams: Safety Pins and Presidents…
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Doctors recently found a safety pin stuck in a 6-year-old girl’s head.
They think she swallowed it when she was a baby. The pin is open and is lodged in her sinus cavity. A cat scan found it and it will be removed within a week. Doctors call Alexis a one-in-a-million.
The TSA calls her a terrorist.
Starbeams: Thanksgiving and Airport-approved Skivvies
Things are out of control in Kansas City.
It’s not even Thanksgiving yet and already people are vomiting in Westport like it’s St. Patrick’s Day.
