KC Confidential

So many bases to cover, so little time…

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SAY WHAT?

The on-air, quote of the month honors for August goes to 610 Sports host Nick Wright.

For his triple diss of blogger Tony Botello, radio chick Darla Jaye and NewsRadio KMBZ.

"(Tony) has a weekly spot on Hate Radio 980 with all 63 I.Q. points of Darla Jaye."

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GRAND THEFT AUTO

Another reason for the bad blood between last month’s KanRocksas fest and alt rock station The Buzz, which refused to accept advertsing or help promote KanRocksas:

A number of the acts that played KanRocksas were penciled in for Buzz Under the Stars shows. Insiders say KanRocksas cost Entercom and the Buzz as many as three City Market shows this summer. Three.

Crossroads lost some shows too, but managed to contain its disappointment rather than declare war on KanRocksas.

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THEY SUCK PERIOD

Craig Glazer‘s pal Sam Mellinger, sports columnist at the Star, tiptoes around saying pretty much the same thing as Glazer about this year’s Kansas City Chiefs.

"Maybe it’s not as bad as it looks," Mellinger’s column today begins. Later adding, "Whatever plan coach Todd Haley and the Chiefs had for this preseason turned into a bag of stink."

Now here’s Mellinger’s hedge…

"If the Chiefs beat the Bills in the opener, this is all forgotten, wasted energy, we move on."

Glazer’s take on Mellinger’s Bills theory?

"No way. The Bills are a real bad team and we’re playing them at home. So we could beat ’em and it could be one of our three or four wins. But then come the losing streaks. This team is a train wreck."

Is Glazer prepared to eat crow if the Chiefs make the playoffs and go to the Super Bowl this season?

"If that happens, I will walk naked down Shawnee Mission Parkway in Fairway at midnight with my head shaved."

Stay tuned…

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ART BY ANY OTHER NAME

Re the closing next month of Crosstown Station downtown….

I remember staking out the venue prior to its opening in late 2007 trying to find out who would be running the show and what sort of music they planned to promote. Super nice guys, very earnest, but they were mostlytalking about booking lesser known, quasi non-mainstream acts that sounded like they’d be hard to make bank on.

Crosstown had a great stage and sound setup though and was understandably very proud of its tech.

Now a confession; the initial reason Crosstown sparked my interest in was the almost universal distaste for the arguably lame mural adorning the club’s south facing wall. An ass shot of a dumpy, a middle-aged-looking guitar dude leaning over from behind while blazing away.

The $64 million question: When Crosstown goes, should the guitar fatty mural stay?

"No, paint it over," says one downtown business neighbor. "One fewer big butt to look at."
 

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FLY ME ALERT

A moment of silence please, for departed Pennylane music guru LeRoi Johnson one of the Pitch‘s earliest institutions back in the alt weekly’s record store rag days.

The good-hearted Johnson was an institution at Pennylane and to followers of the early Pitch. But to say his reviews were succinct would be an understatement. However, sadly, as the Pitch matured in the mid to late 1980s and took on more serious music critics such as Danny Alexander, David Cantwell, and Mike Warren, editors felt LeRoi’s reviews were lacking in depth and the paper moved on.

Everything to its time….

This just in, from Jardine‘s jazz club owner Beena Brandsgard…

I mean, Beena Rajalekshmi. I mean, Beena Raja. Due to popular demand, the jazz club diva with the musical last names has added an additional Marilyn Maye show to this week’s mix.

"I added another show tomorrow at 5 p.m.," Raja says. "Because of the call volume."

Early reports from Roger the Plumber and Tracy "I got banned" Thomas are that Maye’s show is the best ever. Roger and Thomas celebrated their birthdays Wednesday at Maye’s show at Jardine’s.

How good is this year’s incarnation of the 80-something Maye?

"Oh my god, unbelieveable," Raja says. "She’s better than ever and she’s doing lots of different stuff."

Such as confiding to the crowd that she’s getting married…

"She did say that she’s going to get married and somebody asked me if it was really true," Raja says. "But it’s just part of the intro to a song and it’s funny."

I’ve said quite a few positive things about Groupon the past two years…

Following its entry into the KC market, business owners I interviewed spoke highly of it. Said the people who buy Groupons – half off coupons usually – are upscale, bring friends, spend  money, tip well and become repeat customers.

And with hundreds of thousands of locals on Groupon’s email list, it’s also good advertising, businesses say.

With rare exception, members of the comments crowd totally disagreed.

Giving stuff away for half price devalues the product, they say. Pisses off people who pay full price. It’s just bad business.

Well, if it’s so bad, how come everybody in the free world is doing it?

There are so many Groupon wannabes of late, it’s getting hard to keep them straight. There’s Muncharoo (queerest name since KanRocksas, although they got there first). Living Social, CrowdSavings, DailyDeals and many more.

And most recently, the Kansas City Star’s DealSaver.com.

While it’s unlikely the Star will be the last one to the half-price party, clearly it came late.

As evidenced by a check of its DealSaver’s "past deals" page.

There we find – even with the newspaper pimping daily DealSavers on its front page and in giant print ads – a lengthy list of failed giveaways.

Let’s take a look.

With millions of readers each week, only 16 deals sold for Jaskki’s Tobacco Cafe. Four for Girlfriends The Salon and just 51 for the well-established Joe’s Pizza in Westport. Sixteen for RSVP Medspa. One for Patty Rymer, Esthetician. Celsius DermaSpa sold four. Draft Horse Clothing, 13. Gina’s Sew Crazy, 12. Lumbrite Teeth Whitening, 25.

And check this, Imagery in Werstport sold just 13. And that’s a very cool store.

And the KC Freedom Fest – complete with coverage from the news/entertainment side of the Star – sold just 15 half off three day passes.

If that sounds bad, Melissa Blayton sold only just $75 for $225 makeup and hairstyling services deal and Skin Solutions sold ZERO laser hair removal sessions.

Even totally hip, Mission boutique Lulu’s has justy two deals sold with under a day to play.

It’s not all quite that bleak…

Adams Chrysler Dodge Jeep sold just forty-six $39 oil changes and tire rotations ($89 value).

And there are some success stories, albeit few.

Stroud‘s sold out 1,000, $10 to get $20 deals. The Peanut sold 777 similarly. Cascone’s sold 525, $10 for $20s. And Waldo Pizza – a neighborhood institution – sold out 1,500, $8 gets you $16 deals.

A Star deal I’m watching and kinda recommending – Kansas City’s Ghosts & Gangsters Tour – has only 37 deals sold at this writing. It offers an introductory ghost hunt for half off at $20 and a three hour ghost hunt at half off for $30.

"Each ticket purchased per person includes training on how to use the same equipment you see on all of the paranormal investigative TV shows, as well as plenty of time trying to capture your evidence," the pitch reads. "All photographs and audio recording files will then be delivered to your house so you can continue your quest by reviewing the evidence at your leisure.

"You will be exploring The Chambers of Edgar Allen Poe Commercial Haunted Attraction. This place is really HAUNTED. It was proven to be so by TV’s Ghost Lab seen on the Discovery Channel!"

With Halloween approaching, what’s not to like about that deal?

Here’s the bottom line….

The novelty of the Groupon "experience" appears to be fading. Clever dealmakers like Muncharoo make it harder to guage their track records than the Star, but it appears that the market is starting to soften. That the novelty is beginning to fade.

Even Groupon has deals up that show only 28 and 10 bought (with 22 hours remaining).

Are Groupon and it’s many immitators destined to become the online junk mail of the near future?

That is the question!

I didn’t fare too well asking venerable Boulevard Drive In owner Wes Neal for his most twisted tale…

I mean, c’mon. Kids sneaking up on the movie projector, making finger puppets on the screen?

That’s it?

Nearly 60 years of lording over one of Kansas City’s top passion pits and no streaking stories, no shootouts, no plane crashes, no public sex. Just bunny ears on the big screen. Pretty pathetic.

Turns out there was one thing that jumps out….

And wouldn’t you know it, one of Neal’s most memorable moments was a story recounted in the pages of the Kansas City Star about something that never happened.

That’s right, fake news.

"Here’s a story that’s completely false," Neal says, pointing to a newspaper clipping on the lobby wall that ran in Star Magazine on September 17, 2000.

"Somebody sent that into the Star and they printed it," Neal says. "I didn’t see it until a long time later."

Which is why Neal didn’t bother to call the newspaper to ask for a correction.

"They didn’t verify it," Neal says. "I’ve been here every day and it never happened. It never happened."

Made a good yarn though for readers of the Sunday newspaper..

"Cattle night at the drive -in," the headline reads.

"One hot, summer night though, we were watching a western with the usual exciting cattle drive and the cowboys rounding up the large, bellowing herd. But then we actually began smelling those cattle, and the lowing seemed more real and closer. It soon became apparent that a cattle train had derailed next to the drive-in…The bawling cattle let everyone know they were scared and uncomfortable…"

If the above yarn sounds a bit to pat, take a number…

One minute, the cowpokes up on the screen are rounding up doggies. Next thing anybody knows, the doggies are stinking up the drive in?

Good one!

Now allow me to explain how the game is played at the Star and where it likely went awry.

The Star solicits letters and essays from the public. When they arrive a staffer is charged with contacting the writer, confirming their identity and sorting out any loose ends. Like if the writer says she got flashed by Chiefs owner Clark Hunt, the Star would require confirmation.

That’s an exaggeration, but you get the idea. If the writer talked of getting drenched during Mamma Mia at Starlight and it never rained, the Star’s job would be to catch it before it was published.

Here’s how history can and sometimes does get re-written.

A writer recounts an innocuous tale that flies under the radar of the staffer confirming and/or editing the submission. Then off it goes into print.

"Essays about memories of Kansas City and the region are preferred," reads an editor’s solicitation at the end of the Star‘s bogus cattle drive story. "Include your complete address, phone number and social security number…and you will recieve a payment of $25."

The bottom line: the Star should have contacted – not just the writer – but Neal to confirm the suspicious story.

They did not, Neal swears it never happened and tens of thousands of Kansas Citians think they know differently. Not that it’s life and death, but fiction is fiction.

By the way, I have made (and continue to make) several attempts to contact the woman identified as the writer.  I’ve one more lead to follow in the morning. If I break through, I’ll report back.

Summer’s almost done, but it’s still not too late to check out your friendly, neighborhood drive in movie theater…

You’re out under the stars, holding court in the front of your car, the bed of your pickup and/or in the lawn chair of your choice. The massive outdoor movie screen glaring back at you.

Kind of like a poor man’s Starlight Theatre…

Or as the Web site driveinmovie.com describes it – celebrating "the presence of the past." Which worked for me since my trip to KCK’s Boulevard Drive In Saturday entailed watching a sendup to the 60s sci-fi hit, "Planet of the Apes."

While affording me the opportunity to grill the longtime owner of the "world’s greatest drive in theatre," octogenarian Wes Neal.

Starting with the quadruple bypass heart surgery he had on his 82nd birthday.

"I told the surgeon I was going to draw a cartoon of me on the operating table," Neal says. "And him swinging an ax and saying, ‘Happy Birthday!’ "

Speaking of memorable moments…

"In two more years it’ll be our 60th birthday at the drive in," Neal says. "If I’m still living then. I’m sort of easing into retirement."

Neal says the first ever drive in movie theater in this country went downin  1933 with a sheet for a screen and a projector on a car hood. Which doesn’t exactly explain why Americans fell in love with the concept in the 1950s, 1960s and 1970s.

"Drive ins didn’t become prominent until after World War II and all these soldiers came home and bought cars," Neal explains. "And people didn’t want to give up their cars – they wanted to be in their cars."

Might that have had something to do with the stricter morals of the day and the need for young men and women to find a getaway for some romantic quality time? After all, they didn’t call drive in theaters called "passion pits" for nothing, right?

"Well, you just told me," Neal quips.

So did Neal have to patrol the parking lot with flashlights back then to limit the in-car hanky-panky to an R-rating?

"No, we didn’t," Neal says. "We didn’t want to run away half of our customers – or a third, anyway."

These days, "There’s not as much smooching going on," Neal says. "People don’t care what their kids do (at home)."

Translation: nobdody needs to go to a drive in to find love.

The wildest thing that ever went down at the Boulevard over the years?

"A lot of people for one reason or another – mostly because they could – put their hands up in front of the projector so it showed on the screen," Neal says. "People used to like to do that."

Man, that’s what I call wild!

How about the sneak in factor? Looks like it might not be that hard to pull off.

"They used to come over the fence in droves," Neal says. "Now you can’t pay ’em to sneak in. People ask me, do people still sneak in and I say, ‘No, I wish they would.’ Because they pay $8 to get in and it costs me $9 to put on the show. So I’d make a dollar."

Neal’s had his share of celebrity visits as well. No Academy Award winners, but people like actress Elizabeth James, the motorcycle-riding hottie/damsel in distress in the 1967 Billy Jack movie "The Born Losers."

"I asked her if she liked riding motocycles," Neal says. "And she said, ‘Never been on one.’ "

Now a little empirical wisdom gleaned from Neal’s 50 years of operating a drive in theater.

"Drive ins are noted for three things," he muses "Corndogs, mosquitoes and trains – I don’t know why so many drive ins are built near train tracks ."

Estimates peg the number of drive ins in the US at between 4,000 and 5,000 in the late 1950s. However, less than 500 still exist, according to drive-ins.com.

Are they here to stay?

"I don’t think so," Neal says. "Because eventually the property’s going to get too (valuable). And a lot of ’em are owned by mom and pops like me. And when they die off…"

The first wave of drive ins dying off followed their wildly popular run in the 50s, 60s and early 70s, Neal says.

"Then in the 80s, the bottom just dropped out," Neal says.

The drive in customers of today are "middle class people, mostly 20 to 40,"he  says. "And several older people come. They like it because they remember how drive ins used to be."

Speaking of which, did the Boulevard ever show X-Rated movies?

"We did way back when all the drive ins were closing," Neal says. "Everybody tried X-rated movies, but it didn’t work."

These days the Boulevard’s weekend swap meets help keep the wolf away from the door.

"That’s been the salvation of this drive in," Neal says.