KC Confidential

This isn’t the first report on the death of former Channel 41 late night personality Uncle Ed Muscare...

However, in the interest of adding a bit of corrective information along with some news and views to the mix of mostly blogger driven reporting and commentary, let’s take another look. The New York native died in a Florida prison Sunday at the age of 79.

"He was creepy, the creepiest," says former Shawnee Counciwoman Tracy Thomas. "He was a cross between Ed Wood and a defrocked priest."

"I met him a couple times," says longtime radio personality and movie dude Jack Poessiger. "He was an entertaining guy at a time when late night ntelevision still had local programming and it became a local phenomenon. And when he left, his show got taken over by by Dick Wilson of KCMO FM."

Contrary to reports that Muscare’s "All Night Live" show ran in the 1970s, it was on for four years from 1981 to 1985, according to a fan who chronicled his passing recently on YouTube.

Muscare’s schtick – incidentally he went by Muscari while on TV in KC – was to engage is a bizarre series of skits in between scarey movies, Three Stooges shorts and the like.

"The most popular that I remember was his bananna phone," Poessiger recalls. "You’d hear the phone ring and he’d grab a bannana and take the call. And he kept a cat in a chest of drawers or his desk drawer. His whole approach was he was very much on the edge – very out there – and a lot of college kids would watch the show, which was very dark.

"He also had viewers make a secret pledge to his show. Like you belonged to his club and his weirdness. I used to watch it every so often because it was hip, funny and totally off-center compared to what anyone else was doing on TV at the time."

Muscare’s crime – allegedly fondling an underage youth – went down in the 80s when he "pleaded no contest in Orange County to a 1987 sexual battery of a boy," the Orlando Sentinel reports. "He served a prison term and was placed on a 10-year probation, but the term was extended twice because of subsequent violations. In 1998 he failed to comply with sex-offender-registration requirements when he lived in Lady Lake and he later moved to South Carolina without notifying authorities"

Which resulted in Muscare being busted again and ordered not to post anymore YouTube videos under the name edarem, for which he became popular with "more than 7 million views and legions of followers," the Post reports.

One such video in 2009 entitled "Pretty Woman," garnered more than 1.6 milllion views. It features a frazzle-haired Muscare lip synching and grooving in a creepy manner to the Roy Orbison classic while doing a mini, faux strip tease, removing his sweater and unbuttoning one of his shirt buttons.

In another strange video two years ago, "How I quit Smoking," Muscare tells viewers to replace the cigarette pack in their shirt pockets with sunflower seeds and eat them instead. Muscare reportedly died of lung cancer.

His, uh, significant other – a woman by the name of Marion Kolehmainen – posted a YouTube announcement of Muscare’s death Monday in which she said, "I have so much I want to share with you and so much I don’t know if I should share with you.

"Edward’s okay. I know some of you don’t believe in the afterlife, but believe me, he’s doing okay. He left me with all of his love and I’m okay, too. I really am…Ed’s at home now; he’s with the angels."

She told the Post, "He made his life, his career being the center of attention. There are some people that all they can focus on is his charge back in the 80s. I don’t want people to judge him for what happened. He’s sorry for it. He’s a good man. That’s what I want people to remember."

All’s fair in love and Card Wars…

For years Westport businessman Bill Nigro has waged a war of words against a pair of cards Kansas City has required workers in the service industry – bars and restaurants – to purchase and carry. Nigro polished one off – the health department’s "food handler" card – last month and as of this year, they are no longer required.

The so-called "health card" cost 20 bucks and required workers who handle food to take classes on hand washing and the like.

That leaves one last card on Nigro’s hit list, Kansas City Regulated Industries "liquor card."

"This is something that’s been debated on the council at length," says Regulated Industries head Gary Majors. "And we did systematically go through a lot of the regulations and modified some of them that didn’t make any sense – actually, a lot of ’em.

"As far as the liquor cards, that was one of two things that was hotly debated and the Public Safety Neighborhoods Committee decided (we) should keep them – that was the first time. The second time the law was changed and we came up with ordinance changes."

Ordinance changes to rules that banned convicted felons from working in the liquor biz. Ordinances that were struck down with the exception of murder, rape and sexual abuse of a child, Majors says.

"That was a hotly debated process and many of the council didn’t want to relax our restrictions at all," Majors says. "They wanted to keep all felons out, but the council approved it."

So twice in four years the liquor cards were discussed and debated, Majors says.

Persons working in the alcohol selling and serving biz are required to apply for the card by submitting their personal information to Regulated Industries (at a cost of $13 a year). Regulated Industries then processes that information and gives them a green light. Or doesn’t.

"What’s the purpose of the card?" Nigro counters. "To save me from hiring bad guys? We don’t need 10 people at Regulated Industries to pull money out of poor people to make cards. It’s just a way for the city to make money and they’re having a tough time admitting that."

The problem, Nigro says, is that minimum wage workers have a tough time with coming up with the cash – $40 up front for three years – and dragging down to out-of-the-way parts of the city to apply for the cards.

"I’m not saying it’s not tough on people just getting started," Majors says. "But I don’t think it prevents nearly the number of people (Nigro thinks it does) from getting a job. My opinion is, there’s some real value there, in more than one way."

Majors says he thinks it keeps bad guys out of the industry, but Nigro says, "We can police ourselves," Majors says. "We’ve given Bill a lot of what he’s asked for, but we disagree on some things."

"It’s a meaningless card," Nigro says. "I use them to pick door locks, that’s what I use mine for. I hope they can read it when they come in to check mine."

Which brings us to Nigro’s second gripe about the liquor cards.

And that’s that Regulated Industries and police come into bars and restaurants on busy nights and hassle workers at the worst possible time to make sure they have their liquor cards on them. And if they don’t, they send them home leaving the businesses short-handed.

"That’s not true," Majors says. "All they have to do is the business owners make a copy of the cards and keep them on file. Or we take the person’s name (who doesn’t have a card) and get back to them later. Then if they don’t have a card, we tell the business they can’t serve liquor and they can’t be a bouncer."

Hold it right there, Nigro says.

"They say they don’t send you home? How many bartenders do you want me to have call you to tell you they’ve sent people home? Maybe this is something new they’re doing because we’ve complained."

Nigro’s bottom line on the liquor cards:

"It’s a bigger insult than the health card, because at least with the health card they teach you how to wash your hands and keep warm things warm and cold things cold. They’ve used the liquor cards in the past to shake us down.

"They shove these cards down the throats of people who can’t afford them. They’re roadblocks to people trying to get jobs. I think it’s nonsense and that’s why I call them dumb cards. Half my employees don’t have cars and they have to find a way to get to 7th and Woodland to go get a card. It prevents owners from being able to conduct business."

Nigro’s New Year’s Resolution: to do to KC’s liquor cards the same thing he did last year to the city’s health cards.

The battle lines are drawn…

Before this column spirals out of control. allow me to say a few kind words about George Toma...

Without question the longtime Kansas City A’s, Chiefs and Royals groundskeeper was the gold standard among groundskeepers in Major League Baseball and the National Football League. The 80-something Toma started as groundskeeper for major league baseball in Kansas City in 1957, when the Athletics were playing at Municipal Stadium at 22nd Street and Brooklyn Avenue.

Toma’s also renown for his decades of duty tending to Super Bowl fields and sporting events worldwide.

So it comes as little surprise that in a sports short in today’s Star we learn he’s been inducted into the Major League Baseball Groundskeeper Hall of Fame.

Hold it right there…

The Major League Baseball Groundskeeper Hall of Fame – who’s ever heard of that?

"I tell ya, I’ve never heard of it before," says MLB communications head Mike Teevan. "I don’t think officially it’s a part of Major League Baseball."

Naturally, the Star skipped over that tiny detail, leaving to reader’s imagination whether such a stately pleasure dome actually exists, housing marble busts and bronze statues of grass growers past and present astride lawnmowers from days gone by.

And frankly, outside of Toma, who really ever heard of sod sultans such as deceased Milwaukee Brewers groundskeeper Gary VandenBerg, for whom Toma’s trophy was named?

Incidentally VanderBerg, who died in October at age 59, only started with the Brewers in 1981, 24 years into Toma’s career in KC. Aside from being "beloved" in Milwaukee and winning several awards, VandenBerg’s bio pales in comparison to Toma’s.

After reading VandenBerg’s eulogies, it’s clear the award should bear Toma’s name if anyone’s.

So yes, it’s most excellent that Toma was awarded this distinction. But it should also have been noted in the reporting that prior to his selection, there was no groundskeeper hall of fame and that he and the dude who were installed this week are the one and only people in this yet brand new, if imaginary HOF.

And to be fair, that Toma was selected by a small, self-appointed committee of five baseball execs, two of whom are members of the Kansas City Royals organization.

It’s also worth noting that outside of players, managers, baseball executives and umpires, there are no inductees in the National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York. That according to NBHOF communications director Craig Muder.

"There are awards winner," Muder says. "But they are not inductees."

None of whom are groundskeeper, btw.

Don’t look now, but there’s an imaginary crawdaddy drought going down…

For three long weeks a crawfish shortage has gripped KC’s top cajun restaurant chain, Jazz a Louisiana Kitchen. That according to a server Monday at the eatery’s 39th and State Line location. Which, of course, flew in the face of the restaurant’s Mudbug Mondays special, "2 Pounds of Crawfish and 2 Pints Select Draft Beer" for $14.99.

There were none to be had my server said.

What? No crawdaddies at an eatery who’s very logo is – you guessed it – cartoon crawdaddies!

"I actually don’t know why we haven’t been able to get them," Jazz staffer Jane said in a followup call Tuesday. "I assume because they’re not in season or something. I’ll have to ask my manager, but he’s not here. We haven’t been able to get them for a while, but I have no idea why. Sorry."

Ditto for the Jazz location at the Legends in KCK.

"It’s our food distributor that’s been out," Jazz staffer Andy said. "It’ll probably be a little bit longer, probably a few more weeks."

While an extended crawfish shortage in Kansas City may seem unthinkable, take heart; Joe’s Crab Shack in Olathe says it’s experienced no such shortage. Come and get ’em.

"We have ’em," says Joe’s manager Ed Shaw. "We don’t have any problem getting them. I have not heard anything about a shortage, but sometimes a vendor will buy in bulk and they just can’t get them."

Upon further investigative reporting I learned local seafood wholesalers Seattle Fish and Fabulous Fish Co. also say they have crawfish in stock.

"I don’t think there’s necessarily a shortage," Seattle’s Zack Zachott said. "I’ve got some. It’s just a tricky business."

Not familiar with crayfish as a food group? Read on.

According to chacha.com, "Crayfish, crawfish, or crawdads are freshwater crustaceans resembling small lobsters, to which they are related. They breathe through feather-like gills and they are mostly found in brooks and streams where there is fresh water running."

Get it? Little lobster thingies.

They’re raised and shipped year round by organizations like Kyle LeBlanc Crawfish Farms in Raceland, Louisiana.

"They can’t get ’em?" LeBlanc asked. "They can get ’em from me."

That’s cool, but is there some sort of seasonal shortage or something going down?

"No, not really," LeBlanc says. "I ship 10 months out of the year and I’ve got ’em right now."

As it happens, KC Confidential Web meister Lazarus Potter was hanging at Jazz Monday night also.

Was Laz bummed about the crawdaddy shortage?

"Nope, I hate to say it but I never order crawfish," he says. "And I especially would never order crawfish in Kansas City."

Better late than never, I suppose…

That’s one way to look at yesterday’s front-page, upper right-hand story in the Star by Mike Hendricks.

"Drug of Choice For Kids Is Pot," reads the headline. "Use of alcohol and tobacco drops, but high school seniors’ daily marijuana use hits a 30-year peak."

However the story – masquerading as breaking news – was little more than a ginned up rehash of a month-old report widely covered by other news media around the country early last month.

For example, "Teen drinking, smoking continue to decline, but pot use is up," reads a Los Angeles Times headline covering the same report cited by Hendricks.

The key difference being the Times story ran in a timely manner on December 15th.

The day after the report was released.

Hendricks localized the story somewhat by dressing it up with quotes from local educators, a couple unnamed colleges kids and a bit of "social media" by touching on a little known group called "Show Me Cannabis Regulation" with a Facebook page with only 2,554 "likes".

The fact remaining that what the Star trotted out as front page news – that teens are smoking more pot – wasmonth old news.

A story that had been reported weeks ago by dozens of newspapers, television stations and bloggers – everyone from the Washington Post, Time Magazine and Fox News to the Huffinton Post, Christian Science Monitor and Kalamazoo Gazette.

The question being, why should Kansas Citians pay to read month old news stories and be last to know?

It’s the story that just won’t die…

One of the comments section dudes spent the better part of a week needling me for writing so frequently about Jardine’s. He had a point. On the other hand, when Kansas City’s top jazz club goes down ugly (not to mention weird), who am I to ignore it?

Especially given that for better and for worse, I’m in the unique position of having access to most of the players in this jazz soap. Lucky me.

Besides, what’s not to like about the local alt weekly and Fox news getting taken for a ride on the bogus sale story?

Meanwhile back at the mainstream news ranch, the Kansas City Star is more-or-less sitting on its hands after being embarrassed by its music writer getting outted by Jardine’s owner for accepting free brewskies.

Star copy editor / jazz dude Joe Klopus did manage to choke out the following non-news tidbit last week:

"Jardine’s update. Some recent online reports that former jazz venue Jardine’s has a new owner have been hasty, incorrect and perhaps wishful. But at press time for this section, a deal is reportedly in the pipeline."

Fat chance! Loosely translated, what Klopus is telling readers is he has no idea what’s going at Jardine’s. You can’t win if you don’t play, and clearly Joe Klo is not a playa.

So what is going on now at Jardine’s? A buncha bizarre stuff, but all behind the scenes.

Let’s sort it out for Joe and everyone who bought the Fox 4 / Pitch yarn that a pair of local married dudes bought it.

Never happened.

Multiple sources have confirmed that Jardine’s remains for sale with at least two separate ownership groups having expressed an interest in buying the club. One such group is headed by former Sprint exec Paul Wilson, who has produced documents subsequent to the misreported "sale" evidencing that the club is still being offered for sale by owner Beena Raja.

"At this point we’re no less interested in buying Jardine’s than we ever were," Wilson says. "We’ve got an investor and we’re waiting for the next shoe to drop."

As for the ownership issue, "I think Beena absolutely owns it," Wilson says. "I have an email from her stating that she owns it, sent the day after the Pitch story said that the two guys bought it. And I got an email from her lawyer with a contract 10 hours after Channel 4 had the supposed new owners on television saying they’d bought it."

Wilson says he’s been told Jardine’s is two to four months behind on rent and the club has remained dark since Thanksgiving, other than a handful of nights, the last being New Year’s Eve. The club’s January concert calendar also remains blank.

Next up?

"Hurry up and wait, I guess," Wilson says. "I think there’ll be another 30 days of topsy-turvy before things sort out. So we’re just getting our ducks in a row to make sure we’re the first in line when that happens."

Colliers senior property manager Scott Padon did not return calls for this column.

And the beat goes on…

It’s no secret that news light as it is, Ink magazine is kicking the Pitch‘s butt…

That after only three years on the scene to the Pitch‘s 30-plus. Things had gotten so bad at the Pitch last year that after years of trying to dump it, its former out-of-town parent finally unloaded it on the publisher of the Nashville Scene alt weekly.

When I interviewed former Pitch publisher Hal Brody a few months later, he was shocked to learn his former pub was barely choking out 40-page issues. Meanwhile, Ink was knocking back 56-pagers – 40 percent larger than the now lowly Pitch.

So what does Ink have that the Pitch doesn’t?

Let’s examine the two pubs – and the Nashville Scene – through the eyes of a 30-something, female marketing director who asked not to be named.

"When I read through the Pitch the ads appear geared towards a particular audience," she says. "And I don’t want to be associated with advertisers touting random hookups, drugs, bankruptcy and being poor. Ink doesn’t have the sleazy ads in the back like the Pitch. When you get through reading the Pitch you feel a little bit dirty."

"Like the Pitch has a full-page ad for three DVDs for $9.99 from Cirilla’s – as if I want to make a beeline to Cirilla’s to buy some porn."

"You know, if your audience is male, I guess that’s fine. I used to identify more with the content of the Pitch because of the music, but there’s not as much music in there these days."

Now let’s take a closer look at Ink…

"I kinda like it," the marketing director says. "It has short snippets that are pretty digestible."

The $64 million question being, is it hip?

"No, I wouldn’t use the word hip, but I think it’s somewhat relevant and useful," she says. "And I think it skews older – 35 plus. It’s a lot more mainstream than the Pitch."

Which brings us to the Nashville Scene, the Pitch parent’s flagship alt weekly.

"It blows both Ink and the Pitch away," the marketing director says. "It’s hipper than Ink and there’s not a ton of nasty sex in it – the ads that are there are relatively tasteful. It looks nicer because of the coated stock paper and all the color. It combines the best of both worlds in a taasteful way."

When the Scene publisher purchased the Pitch last year, it was assumed it would clear the decks and transform it into a cleaner, hipper, far more upscale alt weekly.

Well, the decks got cleared alright, and the Pitch has been limping along on a skeleton staff for months with very few pages and even less content. And while it’s been cleaned up a bit, it’s still haunted by the trashy advertisers it’s long wrestled with.

Trust me, this is nothing new.

From its earliest days in the mid- to late 1980s when I ran the Pitch, the sex ads have been a struggle.

We would set up new distribution points around the city to increase our reach only to get phone calls from the new businesses asking us to remove our racks because they’d had customer complaints about the sex ads.

At times when the Pitch and New Times battled for supremacy, one publication or the other would refuse to take sex ads to try and claim the higher ground. However in the end, the money was just too substantial to leave on the table. And when Star publisher Art Brisbane did away with strip club ads in the sports section they had almost nowhere else to go other than radio.

What’s more the Nashville Scene trumps both the Pitch and Ink for real deal content.

It’s got six more columns than the Pitch, ranging from art and theater to sports. At 56 pages, the Scene delivers both content and hipness in an upscale manner, sans the sleaze factor. What few sex ads it has are discreet.

The question being, can the dudes in Nashville turn things around in KC with largely the same guys running the show here (with the exception of the better writers and reporters who have either fled or were fired)?

They’re not exactly making it look easy…