Today: Record Breaking Winter Weather Continues, But for How Long?

Will the Winter of 2011 / 2012 be a record breaker?

It’s looking that way so far, says KSHB TV waether wonk Gary Lezak.

"To date, we’ve had .4 of an inch of snow," Lezak says. "And the lowest snowfall ever was 4.5 inches in the winter of 1922-1923. So we’ve got 4.1 inches just to get to the lowest season ever, but there’s no sign of that now."

Hence the bear market on show shovels, snow blowers, driveway ice melting chemicals – even winter coats!

However, that could change.

It’s getting late but "I still think it’s going to happen, but the next three weeks are critical," Lezak says. "I think there are two or three storm systems coming between now and February 10th."

Stay tuned…

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Hearne: The Sorry State of Affairs in Lawrence & Fond Adieu to MU

Think things are bad in Kansas City, it’s no cakewalk in Lawrence these days either…

That according to businessman John Kiefer, the owner of Kiefs Audio / Video and numerous shopping center and real estate properties around the city.

"Look at the last few months in Lawrence," Kiefer says. "Sears is going to close – that’s an 80,000 square foot store. Old Navy is going to close – that’s a 20,000 square foot store. Borders is gone and nobody’s leased that space. Blockbuster had a pretty good size store on 23rd Street and they’re gone. And downtown people are going in and out like crazy."

And the days appear numbered for big box stores like Best Buy, Kiefer says.

"Best Buy today is starting to be labled by the students as a fancy ass Radio Shack," he says. "What do they even have in audio? They don’t even have sound rooms. Best Buy has a problem because they’re the last remaining (audio/video) specialty store. Now if KU was the only good basketball team in the country, who would they have to play?"

Any signs Lawrence may be poised to mount a comeback?

"Well, we like to brag that we are," Kiefer quips. "We have 80,000 people in Lawrence with half of them either students or student affiliated."

However, Lawrence’s vaunted downtown is rapidly turning into Aggieville East.

"It’s called the Central Business District," Kiefer says. "But every building that goes vacant turns into a bar, a restaurant or a game store."

Retail is dying because while students and shoppers can price shop most goods on the Web, ‘You can’t buy food and liquor on the Internet," Kiefer says. "Look at what’s there closely. There’s very little retail."

Which brings us to Lawrence’s, uh, sports economy.

Kiefer is bullish on KU Football, "because we have a new coach who has a tremendous record with guys in the pros," he says. "Last year couldn’t have been worse and we have a weaker schedule this year, so we’ll win some games. Our last coach (Turner Gill) left us with some good players in the backfield but no offensive line. So even though people criticize our last coach, he did a good job but our alumni didn’t want to wait."

Kiefer’s take on Missouri leaving the Big 12?

"Who cares? I don’t. Our rivalry was a wonderful thing, but there was no rivalry in basketball and in football they beat us. The last time we had a basketball rivalry was when they had Norm Stewart."

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Stargazing: Pipeline Smackdown, Return of Chocolate Ale & Erin Lanigan to KCC?

A proposed oil pipeline from Canada through Kansas has been rejected. Mainly, because it wasn’t something Kansas could steal from downtown Kansas City, Missouri. Governor Brownback says he’s willing to allow the pipeline to be built, but only if it goes through the middle of several Planned Parenthood clinics.

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A Shawnee Mission West student got a perfect score on her A.C.T.  To give you an idea of how difficult this is to do, more than a million students take this every year and less than one tenth of one percent get a perfect score. Erin Lanigan did it this year.  She also plays violin and is on the school’s literary club.  Congratulations Erin!  We’ve got an internship waiting for you here at KC CONFIDENTIAL.

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Boulevard‘s wildly popular Chocolate Ale is back.  This year’s recipe will contain slightly more cocoa. Last year it was going for $100 a bottle around February 14. For $100 I could buy a fairly attractive date for Valentine’s Day.

 

Kelly Urich hosts the morning show on The Point, 99.7 FM

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Sounds Good: Jack’s Mannequin@Beaumont, Danny Pound Review@Lawrence Arts Center, AWOLNATION@Beaumont

Some big news for Kansas City’s favorite dance/music/acrobatic/visual arts group, Quixotic

It was recently announced that Quixotic will be a featured "speaker" at the TED Full Spectrum Conference held in Long Beach, California on February 27th – March 2nd.  For those unfamiliar with TED, here’s a blurb from their website:

"From dazzling technology and leading-edge science to the richest veins of human creativity and interconnection, we are assembling our most diverse group of speakers ever for TED2012, with just this in common: they have something remarkable to share, and they are able to share it in a remarkable way. We’re inviting them to develop "full spectrum" presentations: blizzards of images, new uses of music, extravagant use of under-used senses, intricate choreography between speaker and screen, new ways of involving the audience, breakthroughs in animation, and intense, campfire-style storytelling."

Sounds kinda weird and new-agey right? 

But check out some of the other speakers participating — KCK’s own genre-bending singer Janelle Monae, billionaire T. Boone Pickens, weirdo comedian Reggie Watts, and oh yeah, Bill Nye the Science Guy, among others. 

Check here for a full listing, as well as info on how to attend if you so desire: http://conferences.ted.com/TED2012/program/speakers.php

On to my picks for this week… 

 

Friday, January 20th
 

Jack’s Mannequin at the Beaumont Club in KC

These guys hail from Orange County, California and play essentially adult alternative rock.  You may remember them best from their single, Dark Blue, which was all over the radio a few years ago.  Since then the band has released two more albums, including 2011’s People and Things.  Front man Andrew McMahon talked about the latest release with AbsolutePunk.net, saying:

“I consider ‘People and Things’ a relationship record. My goal with many of the songs was to strip away the flowery language and sentiment attached to newer love and replace it with starker, less blinded language about more binding love. In the time following the last Jack’s album the people in my world were moving in together, getting married, trying to find quote unquote ‘real jobs’ and reconciling new lives that looked a lot less like youth than some of us cared for. Marriage is a bit of a beast to tackle in a pop record but when I wrote ‘My Racing Thoughts,’ it became clear how powerful and loaded a subject this kind of love is and somewhere in that moment I began to lock into the broad concept for the writing sessions to come.”

This show will likely sell out, so if you’re set on going act now.  
 

Saturday, January 21st
 

Suzannah Johannes 300The Danny Pound Review featuring Matt Suggs, Suzannah Johannes, and Arthur Dodge at the Lawrence Art Center

The Lawrence Art Center has been putting on shows every now and again in their intimate little theater.  This night should be a good one, featuring all singer-songwriters with Lawrence roots. 

Arthur Dodge made his name touring with his band, the Horsefeathers, over the last decade.  He lays down gritty country rock, with a voice grizzled by whiskey and the road. 

Suzannah Johannes has a pure, sweet voice, perfect for lonely ballads.  Over the years, Suzannah has collaborated a bit with Mr. Dodge, so I would wager there will be a bit of that at this show. 

Matt Suggs has done a little bit of everything.  From his early days fronting the band Butterglory, to his solo stuff, to his current band, White Whale, which also features Rob Pope of the Get Up Kids, Suggs is always entertaining and rootsy. 

And of course, there’s Danny Pound, who’s been haunting Lawrence bars for quite some time now with his folk-pop, mellowed out tunes. 

The show is early, starting at 7:30, and advance tickets can be purchased at Love Garden for $10.  Also, there is a cash bar that features Free State beer, I believe. 

Sunday, January 22nd
 

AWOLNATION at the Beaumont Club in KC

First off, KCC photog Katie Grogan will be at this show.  So if you’ve been following along with her likes in music you should be able to kind of get a feel for what kind of show this will be. 

AWOLNATION is an electronic pop rock band from California that has been getting heavy airplay on radio stations like 96.5 the Buzz.  Indeed, this show is being promoted by the Buzz, which almost always does a good job selling tickets and hyping acts on their way through town.

The band is known for its energetic live shows and frat-ready party anthems.  Leading the way is front man and songwriter Aaron Bruno, who works the crowd with the best of them.  But I hear the real standout is drummer Hayden Scott, who pounds the crap out of his set.  And yes, he is backed by a bit of programming, but that’s just kind of this band’s deal.

Expect this show to be a sweaty party.  If you don’t like rubbing up against random strangers it might not be the one for you.  

 
 

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Hearne: The Somewhat Difficult Straits of Jazz in Kansas City

There’s good news and bad news concerning the state of jazz in Kansas City today….

Mostly bad, actually, but let’s start with what passes for the good. Asked on KCUR FM this week to characterize the state of "modern jazz" here, piano man Mark Lowrey was upbeat…if measured.

"It’s kind of like if a tree falls in a forest kind of deal," the former pizza delivery dude said. "There’s a lot of output but not a lot of support."

As evidenced by the recent closings of both Jardine’s and 1911 Main and the financial woes at the Mutual Musicians Foundation.

In Jardine’s case there’s obviously more to the story, but clearly times have been tough on local jazz. For example Jardine’s owner says she had instituted an across-the-board pay cut last fall for the musicians that performed there – with the lone exception of Stan Kessler‘s band the Sons of Brasil.

Ironically, Kesssler was the one who reportedly called the band boycott of Jardine’s after the owner called the police on his stepson.

Hey, at least things have been colorful.

Meanwhile, Theater League honcho Mark Edelman has been casting about, looking for a full time home for his two year-old syndicated jazz radio show, the 12th Street Jump.

The hour-long program started at the Mutual Musicians Foundation as the 12 O’Clock Jump until a falling out with management over the rent sparked a move to the Downtown Marriott. Hence the name change.

That ground to a halt early last fall owing to the hotel’s remodeling.

A deal fell through to move the live show (which airs Saturdays at midnight on KCUR) to Jardine’s, so Edelman struck a deal with 1911 Main downtown. However that ground to a halt when 1911 closed at year’s end.

Edelman’s show originates now in a studio until a new home can be found.

"We’re looking for another venue," he says. "But I don’t want to jump into something – it’s got to be something that will last.

"The show’s now on eight radio stations around the country and we continue to do it every week. But we’re focussed on the broadcast of it not the live show. That’s the most important thing. I mean, we love playing to a live audience, but the rooms we played hold 60 people, and on the radio we’re playing to a live audience of 2,500 to 3,000 people.

"We call it the 12th Street bump because when you look at the local ratings on KCUR there’s a bump. We think that 300 to 400 people are listening to it here."

In a perfect world, where would Edelman originate the show from?

"You know what would have been a great room is that room that closed at 15th and Walnut. I think it closed. I saw Howard Iceberg there and the Pitch did live concerts in there."

But back to the state of KC jazz…

Owing to Kessler’s band boycott, KC transplant Julia Othmer had to cancel her sold out shows at Jardine’s over the holidays. However Othmer’s about to make good late next month at Nica’s 320, at 320 Southwest Boulevard on Wednesday February 22 and Saturday February 25th.

Could Nica’s become the future home of the 12th Street Jump?

Stay tuned…

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Glazer: Watch Out Dudes, Women Today Large and in Charge

"Why can’t a woman be more like a man?" asked Rex Harrison in My Fair Lady...

Well, a century later they are!

Today woman make up 49% of the work force, according to the Bureau of Labor. Men are 20% sole supporters of families with women at just over 10% and climbing. Most job losses in the current depression went to men – 80% of jobs lost were on the man side – with 65% of those men getting other jobs at lower pay. Women were not hit as hard due to their roles in education and healthcare. So women suffered less layoffs, while men with construction and manufacturing jobs took big hits.

Women today want to be more like men, especially when it comes to sex.

Ladies talk openly today about who they are gonna "do," guys body sizes, etc. Much like men did and still do today. Girls go to bars to get picked up and jumped, not to find Mister Right. They too, more than ever, want one night stands or couple nights stands.

Women know what men should know, that marriage doesn’t work – not for the long haul.

Today more than 50% of all marriages end in divorce. More than 35% of what’s left struggle on in miserable relationships with their partners. Fifty percent of those who stay married "do it for the kids." The Forest Institute of Professional Psycology says that 67% of second marriages fail and 74% of third. Damn!

And with movies like The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo promoting a bisexual lifestyle for women, no wonder according to the Gallup Poll over 20% of women are either gay or have checked it out. And 21% of men. Wowie.

If you see Rooney Mara‘s sex scene with the hottie that picks her up at a bar, you’d switch too. I was pulling for Daniel Craig to win her over though and he kinda did – for a minute anyway.

Women talk about football, men’s asses, money, politics and sex far more openly and often today.

They keep score of how many men they’ve had, how good they were, etc. like we did as single guys. They dress much more like men – in blue jeans and t-shirts – they work out and try and keep up with their bodies like many men today do.

With only a couple female movie stars over 40, they get it.

Their bodies age much faster than guy’s do. In film there are just a few hotties or even stars over 40. Demi Moore rarely works. Madonna will be at the Super Bowl. Cher is over 60 and Meryl Streep may not be a beauty, but she still works alot. There are a couple others, but not many.

With men it’s a truckload. There’s Tom Cruise, Bruce Willis, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, Leonardo Dicaprio. Hell, we even have an over 65 group lead by Harrison Ford, Robert De Niro and Al Pacino, to name a few. All are still stars with most of them well over 50.

So women can see this and now they want to compete.

Women cuss like sailors, drink like bikers and have sex longer than we ever could.

Yep, women have become more our equal but they still have a way to go.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 30 Comments

Jack Goes Confidential: Make that ‘Mother Knows Best’ in Tom Hanks ‘Extremely Loud’

Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock may have top billing, but it’s young Thomas Horn as Oskar who’s the real star in the movie,  EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE…

It features Hanks working in one of the World Trade Center‘s doomed towers on September 11th—desperately trying to reach his wife on their home’s answering machine.

Gut-wrenching stuff.

And ever since that horrific day their son Oskar is convinced that his father left him a final message of sorts hidden in the city, especially after going through his dad’s personal belongings and finding a key…..but to what?

His mission being to find whatever it is. Making for Oskar’s now relentless search through the seven boroughs of New York City.

It’s also an emotional journey of disconnect now with his mom. Or IS IT? As loss turns into a greater understanding of life and the world surrounding him.

Thomas Horn gives an exceptional performance alongside Hanks, Bullock, Max Von Sydow, Viola Davis and John Goodman in the extraordinarily uplifting EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE.

And yes, I experienced moisture in my eyes during portions of the film—opening to 4 out of 5 frantic fingers throughout the metroplex.
 

Catch JACK GOES TO THE MOVIES Friday morning’s at 6:40 a.m. on NewsRadio KMBZ Am & Fm /  Friday’s at 8:20 a.m. on 1660 RADIO BACH / and anytime on Time-Warner Cable’s K.C. ON DEMAND, Channel 411.

Posted in Jack_Poessiger | Tagged | 5 Comments

Donnelly: The Civil Wars @ Liberty Hall in Lawrence, January 17, 2012

“I don’t really know how this thing even works, we’re such polar opposites,” said Joy Williams midway through the band’s sold-out Liberty Hall performance.  

She was referring to band mate, guitarist and vocalist John Paul White, the other half of Grammy nominated, The Civil Wars.  White wore a sloppy tuxedo and resembled a less-gaunt Johnny Depp.

“Yeah, I’m an asshole,” White cooed sarcastically, thrumming his acoustic strings lightly. 

“Well, if the shoe fits…” Williams shot back at him with a smirk.

The crowd laughed for probably the 10th time at the give and take between the two musicians.  Along with their impeccable musicianship – which included intricate and hushed harmonies splashed over mostly finger style folk guitar – the stage presence and banter of this relatively young duo kept the audience focused and straining to catch each and every one liner dropped, every barb exchanged…. 

So gracefully and naturally did they inhabit the spotlight, if they weren’t doing what they now do, there’s no doubt Williams and White would be onstage in some other capacity, with spectators craning their necks to get a look.  It also doesn’t hurt that they’re both very attractive. 

And so it went all night, with each performer affectionately ribbing the other, and slinging lines of love and heartache in one another’s general direction. 

Over the course of the hour plus set, the duo played selections mostly off their critically acclaimed debut album, Barton Hollow. It’s made up of soft, slow ballads, along with a few covers that have been part of their set for a while. 

The Civil Wars’ musical bread and butter is in their attention to detail. 

Let’s face it, at first glance the songs they play are simple, four chord, down-tempo numbers with an acoustic guitar and two singers.  But White and Williams dress the tunes up nicely with almost perfect harmonies that are prominently and constantly featured.  

Most noticeable vocally was the mirror image enunciation that the two singers possess.  The precision of every attack and the crispness of every release transformed the two voices into one indistinguishable swell.   While it’s one thing to pull off such a stunt on a studio album, it’s a whole different trick to match it at a live performance.

The duo started strong and kept the momentum going with standouts such as To Whom It May Concern, Poison & Wine, and Forget Me Not, before launching into perhaps the best received song of the night, the more up tempo and rollicking Barton Hollow.  The song harkens back to White’s days growing up in Alabama, and feels like a southern porch song played through a Nashville speaker.

It was one of the two best songs of the night for me. 

As is the norm at shows that feature quiet performers, sprinkled throughout the crowd were the usual jerks that can’t resist loudly talking through the intimate moments.  They were cast nasty looks and angrily hissed at, but the band didn’t seem too concerned.  They repeatedly thanked the packed house and professed their love for Lawrence.

The other highlight was the sad and sentimental, I’ve Got This Friend, a tale of isolation and lost time, that finishes as many of their songs do, with a heartfelt harmony chorus.  After the final note sounded, one guy shouted out, “Anybody else cry?”

A few audience members chuckled knowingly.   

But it wasn’t all witty banter and dabbing eyes.  There were a few unsuccessful moments, particularly the covers of The Smashing Pumpkins’ Disarm, and the Michael Jackson classic, Billie Jean.  Billie Jean actually drew some laughter from the crowd in its first few bars, before the band made clear that this was not a tongue-in-cheek pick.  And Disarm was barely identifiable as a Pumpkin’s song to anyone but the most devoted Corgan-lovers. 

Both selections just felt a little forced, as if they were chosen by the performers to say, “See how diverse our tastes are?”

But even if The Civil Wars’ tastes are diverse, their performances are really not.  Don’t get me wrong, they do their thing very, very well.  But it’s kind of one note, and when they try to jam square songs into their round hole it leaves something to be desired.  They’d be better off mining more adaptable classics, like they’ve done with Leonard Cohen’s Dance Me to the End of Love.

Be that as it may, Williams and White know who they are musically, and their one thing is working tremendously for them at the moment.  Maybe on the next record they’ll incorporate some other elements to compliment the great pieces they already have in place. 

Or maybe they’ll cross over to death metal. 

“You guys can start moshing at any point,” cracked White at one point.  “You know, slam-dancing?”

He flicked his right hand across the sound hole, plucking individual strings in a minor chord. 

“Settle down, guys.”

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Hearne: Local Buyers Circle Plaza Jazz Club in Hopes of bringing Back Jardine’s

 

So many rumors, so few facts….

With Kansas City’s top jazz club stuck in limbo, it’s time again to saddle up and see where  – if anywhere – things have progressed. As the world turns.

For two long jazzless months Jardine’s has remained mostly closed, following a fallout between owner Beena Raja and a pair of senior staffers that snowballed into a musician boycott and local tabloid TV beatdown.

Net result;  Raja got trapped off base and the club’s been mostly dark since Thanksgiving.

From the get-go a number of suitors  emerged to buy the club. However the longer it remained closed, the tighter buyer’s wallets grew, and to date a final sale remains up in the air with three or more groups vying to make a deal.

First came the friends of Barclay Martin group. Followed by former Sprint bigwig Paul Wilson. Then a pair of gay dudes who convinced the Pitch and Fox 4 it was a done deal.

At this stage of the game though, anything could happen, and the players are still playing.

"You know, a lot of people are playing and I’m sitting tight," Raja says. "Everybody can play, it’s my club. You know, everybody is talking and I’m still waiting and I’m okay. I’m not a genius but everybody else seems to be, so let them."

For now, it looks like a horse race between the gay dudes and Wilson and three other central figures in the game.

The three being, former Jardine’s owner and founder Greg Halstead, landlord American Century and of course, Raja.

May the best men and/or women win!

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 18 Comments

Hearne: America’s Pub Takes a Bullet – Last Black Club in Westport is No More

It was bound to happen…

The track record’s clear; Westport does not look favorably on black nightclubs or large assemblages of black people.

Then again, what mainstream shopping and/or entertainment district in KC does?

Certainly not the Power & Light District, infamous for its exclusionary admittance policies. And not the Plaza, that made its intentions known long before KC mayor Sly James did a faceplant last summer to avoid whizzing bullets.

And now America’s Pub, the midtown entertainment district’s last black dance club, is no more.

"It’s not very mysterious, the landlord didn’t want America’s Pub as a tenant anymore and you cannot make someone lease space to you," says the club’s attorney Harris Wilder. "It’s that simple. It closed New Year’s weekend – the last night was New Year’s Eve."

It’s no secret many Westporters felt America’s Pub was an urban youth magnet and wanted it gone. Just like prior Westport clubs that catered to a black clientele, Club 504 and Karma.

Remember when a massively inebriated Brian Euston went down for the count outside America’s Pub two years back?

Not that America’s Pub went down without a fight.

"Well, since the liquor laws in Kansas City, Missouri are so byzantine – so difficult – we did investigate moving into the Chili’s space on the other side of the parking lot," Wilder says. "But even though it’s only 50 feet away, it would have required applying for a new liquor license. And the reality is unless you’re in the 20 square block area downtown, the exempt zone, you are subject to getting consents from neighboring landowners and the density requirement, which has to do with how many taverns are allowed to exist in that area. And there will never, ever be another 3 a.m. liquor license in Westport unless they change the law."

So why not move to another part of town?

"Well, first they had a very good, long run in Kansas City," Wilder says. "Remember they’ve been America’s Pub at that location for 18 years. And it’s no secret that the ownership group in St. Louis is very disappointed with how they were treated in Kansas City. And they’re in the process of regrouping and deciding what if anything they will do in the Kansas City market. They wanted to move (but) they wanted to stay in Westport."

Let’s put all of the cards on the table; did America’s Pub get the boot because of blatant racism?

"We were never given a reason," Wilder says. "There was no explanation – just, ‘We’re not renewing your lease.’ and ‘We’re not willing to pay for your liquor license.’ "

Aside from the issue of America’s Pub running a black club in a white entertainment district, there was a human toll, Wilder says.

"You’re talking about 30 people’s jobs," Wilder says. "This is not just, ‘Great, we got rid of the black club.’ And if you read the comments section there are people who think that’s the best thing in the world. But what about the people that are unemployed now? And that they (were) employed on the whim of the landlord. Where was the social message about those people’s employment?"

Which brings us back to the question of racism.

"As I said, it’s very hard to get inside other people’s heads," Wilder says. "Let’s put it this way. I think the facts speak for themselves. The negotiation process was the least professional I have ever seen from a landlord. And I would add that America’s Pub’s owners made numerous, repeated, sincere efforts to communicate with the landlord and all they got was a no."

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 36 Comments

New Jack City: ‘Deep Throat’ Judge Dies, Remakes of Porn Classic Coming Soon

It’s been 40 long years since the granddaddy of porn movies—the allegedly mafia controlled— DEEP THROAT launched the golden age of big screen porn in the 1970s.

The inexpensively produced DEEP THROAT became the first, bigtime porn film to have both a plot and feature actual character development.

It was promptly declared obscene and rapidly became the most profitable porn flick of all time.

After premiering in the Big Apple in 1972, Gerard Damiano‘s trendsetting hardcore adult film – which asked the question, ‘How far does a girl have to go to untangle her tingle?’ – fanned out to other markets most of which also declared it obscene.

Kansas City was one of those decadent cities that dared to show it.

Judge Joel J. Tyler who first ruled against the notorious film in New York City passed away last November. However his obituary was held until very recently by his daughters. Tyler had called the film "a nadir of decadence…a Sodom and Gomorrah gone wild before the fire."

Meaning it appealed to a prurient interest in sex, was patently offensive and as a whole lacked serious literary, artistic, scientific or political value.

That lack of serious scientific value of course could be disputed when one analyzes DEEP THROAT’s storyline of a woman whose quest for sexual satisfaction is frustrated until she discovers that her clitoris is located in her throat which she then satisfies by continously performing fellatio.

Huge crowds showed up when the film opened here in Kansas City, if memory serves correctly, at the old KIMO theater on Main.  From which it was promptly seized by the city’s vice squad.

Here’s where it gets even more hazy.

I seem to recall that the porn classic also played briefly at the old ASTRO theater inside Union Station which billed itself as the "Home of Heavenly Bodies."

But I can’t swear to it.

Not to stop the public’s great hunger for all those early porn firsts offered by DEEP THROAT, Dickinson Theatres honcho Glen Dickinson promptly moved it across the state line where it continued its play to huge crowds at the KIMO SOUTH in Overland Park of all places (today’s RIO).

Urban legend has it DEEP THROAT to this day remains banned in Kansas City and that one lonely 35 mm print still sits somewhere in the confines of an undisclosed city holding location. Can I prove it? No, but I’ve heard that for years and it makes for a great story.

Fast forward 40 years to 2012 where Hollywood currently has not one but two legit, competing films in production on the subject. Both focusing on DEEP THROAT’s star Linda Lovelace.

The first is INFERNO: A LINDA LOVELACE STORY and was to star Lindsay Lohan. But with all of Ms. Lohan’s distractions of late the producers instead handed the leading role to Swedish meatball Marlin Akerman whose only real exposure so far has been in WATCHMEN. Matt Dillon will co-star as her husband Chuck Traynor.

The second film on the subject is simply called LOVELACE with Amanda Seyfried in the lead and Peter Sarsgaard as her domineering husband.

The bottom line: What goes around—comes around. And to think, it all began with a girl who simply wanted to untangle her tingle.

Posted in Jack_Poessiger | Tagged | 9 Comments

Starbeams: Costa Concordia to Union Station, Hoffa Found @ KCI & Beyonce’s Butt

Officials at Union Station are already making plans for 2112, 100th anniversary exhibit of the Costa Concordia.

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After 36 years of searching, authorities have finally found Jimmy Hoffa‘s body…at a cellphone waiting lot at KCI.

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I can remember when taking shots at Independence Center meant taking an easy date to the bar at Applebee’s.

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Scientists have named  newly discovered horsefly in Australia that has a shapely rear-end Beyoncé.  Researchers in Saudi Arabia are hoping to name a new species of camel after Jay-Z.

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Now that the Sheraton hotel has brought the Skies spinning, rooftop restaurant to a complete stop, I’ve found another great way to have a spinning dinner.  It’s called tequila.

 

Kelly Urich is the morning show host on The Point 99.7 FM.

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | 1 Comment

Glazer: Kansas & Bill Self’s ‘Cinderella’ Season Continues to Amaze

Bill Self must be having a ball…

His KU Jayhawks were supposed to be having a down year. They weren’t even picked to win the Big 12 for like the 99Th year in a row. Self and Kansas had accepted playing five top programs early in the season, including Duke, Kentucky and Ohio State – all strong contenders for the Final Four. KU was not taking on the Shawnee Mission Easts of the college world to build a fake record, as most top programs do each season.

In spite of all that, it worked!

Kansas played well against all three monsters, beating Ohio State, then the No. 2 team in the nation. And Kansas had to do it all with really just Thomas Robinson (a sure top five NBA pick at season’s end), the undependable Tyshawn Taylor at guard and some defense from Jeff Withey.

That was it.

Plus a bench with no real backups that could help much. They looked like a KU team that would finish maybe 3rd in the Big 12 and barely make the NCAA March Madness scene, mostly on their rep.

Not so! KU destroyed No. 3 and undefeated Baylor last night at home by a score of 92-74. My gosh, a win yes, but to bury an undefeated Baylor who had just killed OU by 50 – damn.

Big 12 player of the week and likely All Big 12 guard Taylor scored 28 and Robinson 27. Withey is now a double, double guy and had 10 points. And as the surprise player of the year, Travis Releford contributed 11.

So KU has FOUR big guns now – more than enough to wear the Big 12 crown again, and maybe, just maybe, be ranked in the top three or four to be a One Seed come March. It’s a team that could see KU’s first Final Four since 2008’s Championship season.

Again the area’s top sports program is clearly the Kansas basketball franchise.

And this just might be the year that KU, the Royals and yes, even the Chiefs make the post-season.

A fun time in KC for 2012…..we hope. With Kansas leading the way…..again.

P.S. KU is now in first place in the Big 12 with a 15-3 record, with likely only a challenge from turncoats MU for the title.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 7 Comments

Leftridge: TV Time: Justified Returns Tonight, Women Everywhere Swoon

Since I’m such a fantastic predictor of sport’s happenings (especially when it comes to the NFC, apparently [Go Saints! Go Pack!]), please allow me to explain—through inarguable telepathy skills, as it were—what will happen on this Tuesday night’s third season premier of FX’s original series, Justified.

– US Marshal Raylan Givens might could shoot somebody. 

Boyd Crowder will have spiky hair, and be endlessly fascinating, like a spider who’s read a lot of deeply influential books on psychology.

– There will be mud, and drugs.

All right, so it’s pretty obvious—yet again, if you’ve been following along—that I’m not too good at this whole “betting” thing. It’s either an indictment of my stupidity, or my inability to reason; the future makes no sense to me, and therefore, I’m blind when it comes to an accurate vision of possibility. This is either a blessing, or a curse. On one hand, I invent my own future… on the other, I lost my house recently to a crafty Indonesian with a slick tongue and deceit held deep within his solitary golden tooth.

Sorry, honey.

But thank God I’ve still got my TV—somehow, miraculously—and Tuesday night, I’ll be watching the proceedings as they unfold deep from within Harlan County, Kentucky.
 
In case you’ve missed it—and shame on you—Justified is entering its third season of programming. Based off of a short story by Elmore Leonard (Get Shorty, Jackie Brown), Justified is primarily the tale of Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant), a handsome-ass lawman with a penchant for shooting people. He’s cooler than Clint, as dreamy as Clooney, and equipped with enough one-liners to make Rickles blush. And though these zingers could be the downfall of an otherwise blemish-free character, in the hands of lesser writers—nobody’s THAT clever, after all—Olyphant manages to pull it off, even garnering a fist-pump from the viewer now and again.

But he’s only half of the story.

The better actor—and more compelling character, really—is Boyd Crowder (Walton Goggins)—a childhood friend of Raylan’s who:

-Became a white supremacist

– Denounced his Nazi-tastic beliefs (or did he?!?!)

– Found the path of the Lord (or did he?!!)

– Blew up a coal-mine where he formerly worked as part of a robbery (indisputable fact)

– Found comfort in the arms of Raylan’s former lady/his late brother’s ex-wife (this too is indisputable… and understandable—Ava Crowder—subtly portrayed by Joelle Carter—is jaw-dropping)

The most important thing to remember about Boyd is that he’s a rattlesnake, and sometimes, you can hack at a rattler with a hoe, and all you’re liable to get is the tip of a tail.

So really, if you’re unfamiliar, all you need to know is that, despite their deep history, Boyd and Raylan ain’t besties. Oh sure, they’ve teamed up in the past to defeat various shared enemies—crazy, fat hill-women who ran the Kentucky weed trade (Mags Bennet, brilliantly played by Emmy Award winner Margo Martindale) and for that matter, the whole Bennett clan (Dickie—deceased—was a particularly awesome character), but it’s not likely that they’ll be catching a ball game together anytime soon.

Bottom line, if Raylan or Boyd wants you dead, your days are numbered.

When last we left them—SPOILER ALERT!—Mags was downing a Mason-jar of her patented apple-pie moonshine, poisoned, of course, by her own hand. Her boys were all dead or dying, the young girl who she’d kidnapped to raise as her own kin (after killing the girl’s daddy with that very same ‘shine) was all set to kill her, and so she saw it fit to die her own, lonesome death. Offed herself. Dang.

Raylan sat by as this internal self-immolation happened, helpless. We were left to wonder if he was concerned at all. On one hand, the matriarchal head of the Kentucky weed mafia, a neverending source of bloodshed and trouble was gone; on the other, he grew up getting candy at Mag’s general store.

Mixed emotions, and whatever.

So now, Mags and her boys are dead, Boyd is getting crazier by the Biblical passage, Ava (left) got shot, Raylan is deeply in love with his pregnant ex-wife Winona (the also-gorgeous Natalie Zea), and he’s promising that eventually, he’ll live a life far removed from this mess and be the husband she’s always deserved.

And I get it, it’s a soap opera of the most primetime’d, ridiculous order, and if you haven’t seen it before Tuesday, you’re likely lost and couldn’t care less.

But if somehow, you’ve got a little extra DVD cash (or a way to download things on the internet), and you can take Tuesday off as a personal day, then by all means get caught up. If you like gritty crime dramas with a twinge of Deliverance, then please find a way to check out the first two seasons and brace yourself for the third.  

Somebody pointed out in my “Hell on Wheels” piece that it’s bound to lose some steam, sooner rather than later (they didn’t actually say, ‘lose some steam.’ That’s pretty fucking clever—but they made their point). Along those lines, it’s pretty reasonable to assume that something like “Justified” is limited. You can’t watch Raylan kill people forever and keep it interesting.

However I do think there’s AT LEAST a season left, if not a few more. So come on, writers, do your thing-thing, girlfriend. Let’s keep the magic moving in Season 3.
 

Justified, Tuesday 9PM, FX

Posted in Entertainment | Tagged | 4 Comments

Hearne: Penn State Paterno Interview by Washington Post Belies Good Journalism

This is what’s lame about print journalism today….

By most measures Washington Post reporter Sally Jenkins’ exclusive interview with disgraced Penn State football coach Joe Paterno was a grand slam homerun. It’s what newsroom editors like to call, a "great get." Which is that’s understandable, except for one thing.

Jenkins sacrificed her journalistic soul by writing a sugar-coated, Joe Posnanski-like schmooze piece rather than playing it straight down the middle, asking the tough questions and convincing readers that her mission was not to spare the rod.

Posnanski, I’m sure you recall, was notorius for being brilliantly effusive but traveling ultra light when it came to doling out hardnosed criticism.

Remember however, this was supposed to be a hard news interview.

However, it’s clear from reading Jenkins’ story hat she telegraphed her mission to Paterno. It’s pretty obvious from her writing that Paterno understood in advance that it would be a sympathetic work with but a handful of lightly-asked questions to which he would be able to respond with grandfatherly-like, naive answers that would largely go unchallenged.

Sally Jenkins is no Bob Costas.

In Costas’ interview with alleged child molester Jerry Sandusky – Paterno’s former coach who is accused of multiple indecencies with children during his time at Penn State – Costas set the standard for being just polite enough to keep the inquisition going, but tough enough to drill down past the bullshit.

Jenkins did not.

Instead she immersed herself in what too many sportswriters and journalists today mete out in abundance; flowery, cookie-cutter language and treatment that passes for great writing but poor reporting.

Take the story’s lead sentence:

"Joe Paterno sat in a wheelchair at the family kitchen table where he has eaten, prayed and argued for more than a half-century. All around him family members were shouting at each other, yet he was whispering. His voice sounded like wind blowing across a field of winter stalks, rattling the husks."

What is this, a Charles Dickens novel? Now check out the lead on CNN‘s report on Jenkins’ masterpiece.

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2012/01/14/3371155/joe-paterno-in-hindsight-i-wish.html#storylink=cpy"Legendary football coach Joe Paterno, who was ousted from Penn State University over an alleged child sex abuse scandal, told the Washington Post he felt inadequate to deal with the initial allegation of abuse."

"Legendary football coach Joe Paterno, who was ousted from Penn State University over an alleged child sex abuse scandal, told the Washington Post he felt inadequate to deal with the initial allegation of abuse."

Notice the lack of artifice compared to Jenkin’s flowery intro?

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2012/01/14/3371155/joe-paterno-in-hindsight-i-wish.html#storylink=c

It’s like this, many, if not most of the people I’ve met in the newspaper biz are really writers not reporters.

Oh sure, they may go by the title reporter – it comes with the job – but there’s a huge difference between somebody who loves to write about stuff and somebody who loves to dig deep into a story to try and get to the bottom of things. Someone unafraid to ask tough questions and deal with the fallout.

It’s not easy and it goes against most writer / reporter’s wanting to be a nice guy grain.

Remember former Star staffer Dan Margolies? Former Pitch main man David Martin?

Those dudes could write, but their principle aim was to break news and let the chips fall where they may. They didn’t attain their reps by pussyfooting around and bending every which way but loose to ensure the subjects of their reporting would be pleased with their approach. Let alone the finished product.

Who really cares, for example, that the Post reporter had dinner with the Paterno family and watched as they passed the mashed potatoes?

“You know, he didn’t want to get specific,” Paterno told jenkins. “And to be frank with you I don’t know that it would have done any good, because I never heard of, of, rape and a man. So I just did what I thought was best. I talked to people that I thought would be, if there was a problem, that would be following up on it.”

Never heard of "rape and a man," Please.

Where were the Bob Costas-like followup questions painting Paterno into the obvious corner for more specifics as to why he didn’t take further steps to bring things to a head with Sandusky rather than blithely passing the information on to somebody higher up the ladder at Penn State?

Especially when Sandusky continued to hang at the school with young kids in tow.

Instead, Jenkins pretty much let Paterno off the hook with a nonchalant treatment of his statement that, to this day he’s unwilling to judge Sandusky, saying, “I think we got to wait and see what happens."

After more than a decade, the waiting is over.

On and on the interview continued with Paterno’s son weighing in that his dad is not the victim, wife Sue saying that she’d have gathered a bunch of guys and punched Sandusky in the nose, and a ton of unrelated hooey about how underpaid Paterno’s been over the years and how many Academic All Americans he’s had.

It’s one thing to be embroiled in writing Paterno’s biography like former Star sports columnist Joe Posnanski. However Posnanski’s getting paid a reported $750,000 to kiss up to Paterno and ensure that the book gets down. If he comes down too hard on Paterno before the book’s done and the Sandusky scandal is fully vetted, who’s gonna buy the book? The answer being practically nobody.

So Posnanski has to walk on his tiptoes.

That’s a far cry from being in the position Costas was with Sandusky and Jenkins was with Paterno.

Whole whole different kettle of fish.

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2012/01/14/3371155/joe-paterno-in-hindsight-i-wish.html#storylink=misearch#storylink=cpy
Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2012/01/14/3371155/joe-paterno-in-hindsight-i-wish.html#storylink=cpy
Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 8 Comments

Glazer: Scribe Forecasts Super Bowl Combatants & Ponders Next Year’s Chiefs

All but one big dog has fallen…

Only the New England Patriots and Tom Brady remain of the teams with elite quarterbacks. Moreover, only Brady and his Pats are truly viewed as a "new style, high scoring team of the 2000’s." In other words, tons of points combined with a poor or average defense will take you all the way in today’s NFL.

Not so fast.

Green Bay was almost everyone’s favorite, including mine. But last year they also had a strong defense by season’s end and this year they couldn’t find one. Quarterback Aaron Rodgers has been tabbed as the NEW top gun, ahead of Brady, Drew Brees and Payton Manning. But other than Brady, all are now GONE from the post season, including Rodgers who got jacked by the New York Giants last night.

Turnovers by the high scoring Packers and Saints led to their deaths. Good defense and solid offense took the Giants, San Fran and Baltimore to the AFC and NFC title games. Only Brady remains as the high scoring warrior.

Of course, his team is not the favorite to win it all.

The Chiefs once had a high octane offense in the early 2000’s with Trent Green and a huge offensive line.

And they went nowhere in post season – never won a single playoff game. They had the league’s worst defense. Now they’re moving back to Marty Ball, more ground game and a tough defense. Maybe, just maybe this is the way to go for the long haul. Make no mistake, you need to score. Eli Manning is proving to be a pretty darn good quarterback who can light it up as well.

The Chiefs clearly are going the way of Baltimore and the 49er’s, a good defense, an O.K. quarterback and a good running game. If Jamaal Charles comes back like he was before, it might just work. The Chiefs could win 10 or 11 games and get in the post season. Then we’ll see what happens.

Hey, the Giants were just over .500 and may win it all. Who knows?

So with four teams left, who do I like? I am a big Tom Brady fan, so I’m taking New England in the AFC. And boy, the NFC is so hard, two very equal teams, so I’ll go with the home team, San Francisco to edge out the Giants. As of today, anyway. We’ll see by Sunday. Could be a wild finish with no real favorite.

At this point, any of these teams can win it all.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 15 Comments

Donnelly: The ACBs@ the Jackpot Saloon, Lawrence, Kansas, January 14, 2012

The first thing I thought as I watched the ACBs get ready to play their set at the Jackpot Saloon on Saturday night was, "Holy crap, how tall is that drummer?" 

Turns out he’s about 6’9", and it’s a good thing he plays the kit so he can sit down, because he couldn’t stand up straight on the stage. 

His name’s Kyle Rausch and he joined the band in 2010 after a couple of the original members split.  I’m pretty sure he was a power forward at some point before.

After fiddling around with their instruments for a bit and running through a quick sound check, the ACBs nonchalantly started their set. 

They looked fairly underwhelmed with the small crowd that was out.

But that wasn’t going to stop them. 

"We’re all drunk and having fun, so this is fun," explained lead singer Konnor Ervin. 

So you’re saying that, if not for the booze, it would’ve just been another shitty show for the band?  Yeah, probably. 

But that’s kind of beside the point, because there WAS booze.  And anyway, Kansas City’s best pop stylists laid down a solid yet quick set that ended up stealing the show from headliners The Kinetiks (on their cd release show no less). 

Note to other KC area pop bands: do not have the ACBs open for you. 

They started out the night with a new song I think, that sounded a little Shins-ish and featured Ervin’s high warble, then went into an almost reggae-disco-back-beat sort of thing.

The band’s musicianship was solid all-around, with all the band’s members providing vocals, and a tasteful tone that only comes from the experience of playing in many different sized and shaped rooms.  Lead guitarist Andrew Conner’s tiny amp buzzed out choppy riffs that left plenty of space for the rambling bass to fill.     

At times throughout the night the band reminded me a little of Foster the People, and maybe a dash of Vampire Weekend thrown in there from time to time (but not the really weird HIPster stuff).  Ervin does sing ridiculously high at times, but unlike a band like Foster the People, he also can convincingly switch to lower octaves without losing any of his punch. 

And though some of the songs are complex, the ACBs don’t try to do anything just for the sake of musical gimmickry.  You really get the feeling that they are crafting their songs without a hint of pop irony, and the authenticity comes through in their live show. 

About midway through, the tone shifted to a washed out surf rocker that I don’t fully remember, but this is what I wrote in my notebook: "disco backbeat indie crud rock douche o matic." 

View 2012-01-14 23.51.03.jpg in slide showSo it must’ve been cool.  The band was getting a little restless, and I heard "tough crowd" tossed around on stage a few times. 

Just then, they blazed into probably the catchiest song off 2011’s Stona Rosa, My Face.  It features the highest of the high falsetto backed by the powerful dual backing vocals that create a chorus round of "my face"s. 

It was pretty damn sweet. 

They ended the night with the dreamy, floating, Neon Light, the last track off Stona that features some of the strongest melody writing out of all the ACBs songs.  The chorus is so starkly simple that it’s almost nothing, but it’s powerful just how it is.

"Oh really, really?  Oh Oh Oh…" 

And that’s kind of what makes the ACBs so good.

Posted in Entertainment | Tagged | 1 Comment

Glazer: God Hates Denver and Tim Tebow, Loves Tom Brady and New England

The Lord pissed all over Tim Tebow yesterday…

He let New England and the best quarterback of all-time, Tom Brady, destroy Denver and Tebow. It was ugly and it was fast. Brady had New England in the end zone in two minutes. By the first quarter’s end it was over.

New England had 21 points – game, set match.

Tim did manage to fumble once to set up a New England score early on. Good one. Yep, God surely hates Tim Tebow and his legion of fans. He let them die, in public, on national TV, for all the world to see.

Crucified.

First off, as nearly half of the educated world will attest to, there is no God.

There also is no boogy man, Santa or Easter Bunny. Unless you include the ones at the toy store. You can even buy a baby Jesus picture or a plastic cross ensemble for your dash board. They’re at most CVS’s and K-MARTS and they’re cheap – there you go Tim.

I like Tim Tebow, he’s a good, young, rookie quarterback.

He’ll be back next year and will lead his team into battle hard for the division title.

And he’ll get better. Tebow had a great year and according to polls, is the most popular athlete in America.

Brady plays next week in his 7th AFC title game, a record. He may go on to win his fourth Super Bowl eventually, tying Joe Montana and Terry Bradshaw. He is without any argument the best quarterback we will ever see.

And that includes, Aaron Rodgers, Drew Brees, Montana, Big Ben, Rodger the Dodger and all comers. At least for now. Tom has now been at the top for 12 years which is hard to do. It’s never been done at this level. Aaron may get there one day, but that’s a long shot.

Brady made Tim Tebow look like the rookie he is.  Yes, I know its his second year in the NFL, but his first as a starting quarterback.

Look out Aaron and Eli, here comes the judge, TOM BRADY.

Oh yeah, maybe God loves Tom, have you seen his wife? Have you seen Tom? I rest my case.

P.S. New England 45 Denver 10.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 18 Comments

Leftridge: NFL Playoffs, Take 2; An In-Depth Analysis of Murderers, Dragons & Chapped-Lips

Like the late, great Jerry Reed said, “when you’re hot, you’re hot.

Perhaps more importantly, he followed that up with, “when you’re not, you’re not.” And when it comes to picking playoff football, my friends, I am not. I’d feel bad about this if I prided myself on my ability to accurately predict the winners, but I don’t. I know I’m terrible at it. That’s why I don’t gamble. I don’t put my money where my mouth is, nor will I ever claim to. Instead, I put chicken wings where my mouth is. This weekend. While I watch what is certain to be some tantalizing NFL action.

I said last week that the Wildcard round was going to be bad, and it was. At least I didn’t—what’s the expression?—have intercourse with the dog in that regard. The only game that provided any high-drama was the Miracle at Mile High, when the ghost of Jesus—reincarnated as a gun-slinging, chapped-lipped quarterback—reigned redemption upon all of the naysayers and non-believers with an uncharacteristically accurate game-winning bomb in overtime.

“Get thee behi-yund me, Say-uh-tun!”

This weekend will probably be better. Maybe. Shit. I don’t know. Don’t listen to me.

The action gets underway Saturday with a game that will take at least 60 minutes. That much, I’m sure of.
 

New Orleans Saints @ San Francisco 49ers, 3:30PM Sat, FOX

You know the old paradox about the irresistible force and the unmovable object? Yeah, it’s that thing. And I’m betting (look out!) that I’m the ONLY “sports-blogger” who’s employed that tired, old cliché regarding this game. But I don’t care. Originality isn’t my thing—picking winners IS. Wait… DELETE! DELETE!

Anyway, Drew Brees and his super-crew of offensive wizards head to San Francisco to take on the league’s fourth best defense. That’s the headline that will be beaten to death over the next few days, and that’s to be expected. There will also be lots of side-stories about quarterback Alex Smith, the number one failure, and whether or not the Niners can win with him. I’m inclined to say no, but crazier things have happened.

No matter what happens, this will probably be worth watching. It seems unlikely that the Saints will stomp SF to death like other recent opponents, given the likes of Patrick Willis, Aldon Smith, etc., but the Saints offense is far and away more talented than anything else they’ve come across this season (with all due-respect to, um… Cleveland?).

One thing we DO know for sure: it has become apparent over the past few months that Saints coach Sean Payton is a complete ass, (if you’re a pussy who whines about teams "running up the score"), so if he’s given a chance, and things fall the Saints way, this game could end up being 86-10 in favor of New Orleans.
 

Denver Broncos @ New England Patriots, 7PM Sat, CBS

I wrote the Broncos off last week. Everyone did. The only difference is, mine is archived forever on the internet (or at least as long as Hearne keeps paying the bills) and a majority of everyone else is now countering with, “Aw, man… I could SMELL it coming. The Steelers were banged up, it was in Denver, blah blah blah, I’m a huge fucking liar, yada yada yada.” But come on… NOBODY saw Timbow pissing all over the Steelers’ staunch secondary like they were a bunch of bloodied Taliban corpses (take THAT, terrorists!) . NOBODY. And if you say you did, you’re a totally full of shit OR dangerously delusional.

So knowing what we know now—Tebow CAN throw a decent pass, should the *ahem* spirit move him—it won’t be at all shocking if he puts up 300 yards against the awful Patriots’ secondary. The Patriots’ defense is as bad as their offense is good. And that’s saying something.

And as respectable as the Broncos defense has been lately, the Patriots seem almost unstoppable, like a maple-syrup and LL Bean’d version of the Packers or the Saints. In order to hang with the Pats, it’s likely that the Tebows’ will have to put up 45 points, which they’ve done precisely never this season.

Good luck, fellas.

Houston Texans @ Baltimore Ravens, 12PM Sun, CBS

According to some, the Ravens are the sexy pick to win the Super Bowl. According to others, Houston RB Arian Foster’s “Texans” logo that he shaved into the side of his head is well-executed and completely awesome. Frankly, I don’t know that I believe either of these. What I DO know, is that the irresistible force meets the unmovable object (wait… what’s that? I already used that? Dang. Hearne—delete that, please, and come up with something really clever) when Foster and his 230 lbs of thoughtful, black muscle collide with the Ravens’ ageless, perennially terrific defense. Something’s gotta give! SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!

Look, like last week with the Broncos, I wrote the Texans off early. They’re missing key components on both sides of the ball, suffered from some late-season swooning and were suspect at best coming out of the punk-ass AFC South. But I was giving the Bengals too much credit last week, too. The Bengals, folks, were an utter fraud (this wasn’t exactly a revelation, but I expected a *bit* more fight from the Toothless Tigers). And much like their equine-counterpart, it would appear that the Texans are taking on a far superior team this Sunday.

The Ravens keep winning despite Joe Flacco’s mediocrity (although it’s worth noting that he’s the only QB in NFL history to reach the postseason in his first 4 yearsno thanks to him), a testament to great game-planning and that previously mentioned ageless defense. While Ray Lewis isn’t what he used to be—and not many senior citizens make great linebackers—and number’s wise, the teams are pretty even from a statistical defensive standpoint, Baltimore is full of those intangibles that analysts love, like “heart, passion, experience, determination,” and, “ability to murder without ramification.
 

New York Giants @ Green Bay Packers, 3:30PM Sun, FOX

According to others, the Giants are the other sexy pick to win the Super Bowl, Baltimore be damned.

I remain unconvinced that the Giants are anything other than a one-and-done team, and this has nothing to do with the fact that they’re playing the preseason favorite to win it all. I just… I just don’t believe in the Giants. I never have. You can’t convince me otherwise, so don’t bother trying. Maybe it’s Eli Manning’s “Cleveland Eye,” you know—one eye looking at you, the other one looking at Cleveland. (Is this why he throws so many picks, perhaps?) Maybe it’s the rushing attack of Jacobs and Bradshaw*, which, at times, seems as unstoppable as a perfectly un-slayable two-headed dragon breathing fire and shitting coal, and at others, like a wagon where the wheels never start rolling, leading to ineffective handoff after ineffective handoff.

*great law firm, by the way

The Packers, on the other hand, are exactly as they’re cracked up to be. They have no defense—they really haven’t needed it, yet—but their offense more than compensates. Aaron Rodgers could complete passes underwater that Matt Cassel couldn’t make in the backyard throwing a Nerf ball to his nephew during a family barbecue. Plus, the receivers are like every blowjob you’ve ever received; even when it’s not that great, it’s still a blowjob.

So, yeah, on the unseasonably un-frozen tundra of Lambeau Field this Sunday, the Underwater Blowjobs battle the Googly-Eyed Dragons in a battle for supremacy.

At first glance, these games look much more entertaining than last week’s general thrashings (again, with the exclusion of the Broncos/Steelers). I’m probably wrong, though. Lord knows I generally am. But you know what? I’m gonna watch anyway, and if I know you (I don’t, I promise) you’ll probably do the same.
 

Posted in Sports | Tagged | 1 Comment

Donnelly: Sporting KC’s First Round Pick Talks About Barbecue, Some Other Stuff

All eyes were on KC Thursday morning…

Major League Soccer held its annual draft at the KC Convention Center, which was broadcast live on ESPN2

And as I predicted, Sporting KC chose a striker with their first pick in the draft, 16th overall.  They snagged Dom Dwyer, a quick, tenacious Englishman who spent last season at the University of South Florida, and the previous two years in Texas playing at Tyler Junior College.   

Will this pick live up to Peter Vermes’ growing reputation as a draft day wizard?  Certainly no one is expecting Dom to replicate CJ Sapong‘s rookie 2011 season in which the James Madison product separated himself from everyone else in his class and ripped the Rookie of the Year award by a mile.

We’ll be keeping a close eye on Dom as the season nears and reporting his progress here at KCC, but I expect him to come in and contribute on the field, probably as a backup, pretty much immediately. 

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.  What everyone really wants to know is how a talented Englishman ended up playing at a JuCo in Texas instead of coming up with a club in Europe.  And what the newest Sporting KC first rounder thinks of Kansas City.  And if he’s been out to the stadium yet.   

And, oh yeah, whether Dom likes barbecue, right?… 

Seriously, is it a requirement whenever a sports franchise in KC drafts someone, that the draftee MUST be asked about their barbecue consumption?  I think it might be.  And has an athlete ever said, "No, I don’t really care for barbecue"?  Because in KC, that’s the equivalent of punching someone’s grandma in the face. 

I had the chance to ask Dom about all these important issues.  Did he pass the test?  You be the judge.

How’d you end up in the states instead of Europe?

I was playing with a few clubs and I got to about 16 and it was the point where you either sign pro or try and come out to America and do something else.  And I couldn’t really decide what to do, so I though let’s try America.  And I went to a company called Soccer Icon in England and they send kids over to America.  And I went to a trial in London with two of my best friends and they said you have to take the SAT test right away, but there wasn’t really time.  We weren’t really sure but we said, let’s just go for it.  So we just went for it and we ended up winning two national championships at Tyler Junior College.  And then I got recruited at USF with one of my best friends, had a great season and then this came up. 

If you had time to take the SAT where would you have chosen to go?

I was kind of interested in UCLA in a way, it always intrigued me.  They didn’t know much about me, and after junior college I spoke with them a few times and they wanted me to visit but they wouldn’t offer me a full scholarship.  So that was obviously — I had a full offer from other schools, and so I chose South Florida.  And it was obviously a great decision. 

Before the draft had you ever been in KC before?

No, but I really enjoyed it.  A shame I wasn’t here longer, I didn’t get to see much of it yet but I guess I’ll get to see it all now.

Did you get to see LIVESTRONG Sporting Park?

I have, it was unbelievable.  Everyone kept telling me how good it was and everything and I was like this is gonna be cool, this is gonna be nice.  But when I saw it, it was not what I expected.  It was way, way more.  It was unbelievable.  Just from the outside it looked cool, all the office buildings.  And the pitch, too, I’m so happy it is grass.  I didn’t realize it was grass, which I love playing on so much better than turf.  The locker room, everything, the coach, I met for a short period of time, but I already feel welcome.  And all the boys have been sending me a few messages on Twitter and making me feel welcome already.  And I’m just really excited.

Did you celebrate a little bit after being selected?

I really didn’t because I flew straight back to Tampa.  I got on the plane about – my parents left and I got on the plane about 6 after the draft, after the stadium tour.  And then I just landed in Tampa about midnight and got picked up by a few friends.  We just went home and trained with USF this morning.  I didn’t really celebrate.  It was a personal goal I’ve achieved now, but now I want to strive for even better things.  So I wouldn’t say it’s a full celebration needed, not a big celebration, because I’m not close to where I want to be yet.

You signed with Generation adidas very late, the day before the combine.  Was that a tough decision?

It really was.  It was very last minute.  At the start of the summer I was told there’s a good chance you’ll get [a Generation adidas contract].  And I was running, staying fit, getting very fit for the combine.  And the offer never came and I was like, ok, maybe it’s not going to happen.  So I was resting myself a little, didn’t want to get injured, resting my body for the college season.  And as I was about to fly back to Tampa I got a phone call with an offer.  And it was a big decision but once you kind of look it over and see how the Generation adidas is, it was an offer that was too good to turn down.  I love Florida and everything but the opportunity came, and to be drafted by Kansas City, it was unbelievable and really unexpected.  I didn’t have my best combine so I wasn’t quite pleased with that.  But the way it worked out I was really, really pleased. 

It’s worked out for the better because I’ve been drafted by a top, top team in the league, which is exciting.  I didn’t want to drop to the 2nd round and I was happy that I went in the first round to KC.  And I look back about it now and don’t think there’s any better scenario I could’ve picked.  The home crowd — I already got to see them and as soon as you get drafted the fans are chanting your name.  It makes you want to work right away and gives you that extra spring when you’re feeling tired, you want to do it for them.

How do you think you’ll fit in with Peter Vermes’ high pressure playing style? 

I like the very, very high pressure.  I feel like I can fit in any of the three positions up top.  Of course, I’m willing to play anywhere the coach wants me. 

How many times since you were drafted yesterday have you been asked about whether you like barbecue?

(Laughs.)  Quite a few times.  And I’m not really sure of my answer yet, but I’ve heard that Kansas City’s is pretty special so that’ll be something that I’ll be trying when I get there. 

If you end up not liking it, I wouldn’t tell anyone.  Kansas Citians are kind of insane about their barbecue.

No, I’ll try it.  I’m sure I’ll like it.  I do like– I’m very much into barbecue sauce and all that stuff on almost everything, so I’m sure I’ll like the barbecue food.

Good answer, Dom, you’re going to fit in just fine around here.

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