Glazer: Scribe Recalls Chiefs Glory Days, Wonders Where Things Went Horribly Wrong

Not counting my dad, I was blessed as a kid…

Every fall weekend all I could think about was, “Will the Chiefs win another one?”  It was the late 1960s. The Chiefs and Oakland Raiders were by far the two best teams in the AFL. As luck would have it, my Uncle Mort owned Glazer Chemical, so several Chiefs worked for him during the off season. That’s right, back then most football players made less than $35,000 a year, some far less. Today that might be a small bonus on a wild card play-off game…for the losers.

Yep, I would ride with my Dad or Uncle Mort after school, sometimes with All Pro Jerrel Wilson (the Chiefs great punter) or maybe Jim Tyrer (all pro lineman). Over the next few years Mort would have about six or seven players working for him selling his product. I even got to know players who you probably never heard of, like Super Bowl back-up guard Dennis Biodrowski. I liked him, pulled for him, but he never got to start. He did give me and my brothers an autographed football of the entire Chiefs team in Super Bowl One. That was cool.

I tried for a couple years to get a player to come to my school, Meadowbrook Jr. High, to give a talk, but no such luck.

However, my dad, Stan, befriended most of the name players and they would take turns having dinner at our house. Len Dawson, Bobby Bell and Fred Arbanas. Man, was Bell ever a gladiator, at 6′ 4″ and 230 pounds. That was huge for a linebacker in late 60’s.

I asked Bobby at my dad’s 80th birthday party recently, if they kept track of sacks in the 60’s, what would have been your best year? And he said, “Oh man, I think I had like 20 or more a couple times, but we didn’t count them back then.”

Yeah, Bobby Bell, in my opinion was the all-time best linebacker in the NFL/AFL. He was named to the all AFL team and had nine Pro Bowls and went into the Hall of Fame in 1980. Great guy. Today he is a speaker for the Chiefs and the League.

As the years rolled on I made tighter connections with a team mostly two decades or more older than myself.

Fred Williamson and I became pals in LA, where Fred continues his film work to this day. I did a Royals charity game with Fred “the Hammer” Williamson. Len Dawson and I bumped into each other for years in airports when he worked for NBC as a TV announcer and later for HBO and of course Channel 9 and the Chiefs. He helped me organize Red Fridays and was my neighbor at the Sulgrave.

Both of us tried in vain to get Otis Taylor elected to the Hall of Fame – that he isn’t in the Hall is a tragedy.

Yes, those 1965-1972 Chiefs were special.

They truly belonged to Kansas City. Bell even was one of the first black men to move into a nice home in Overland Park. They were loved, still are by most of us that saw them play and got to know them.

Another odd thing, most of them lived here. Today almost no current Chiefs live here or stay here during the off season. One more important thing about those teams; we all knew our Kansas City Chiefs were more than elite. Some say the 1969 Chiefs had the best defense in NFL history. I believe that.

Many of my childhood heroes have passed away Jerry Mays (whose construction company built Stanford and Sons in Westport), Buck Buchanan, Aaron Brown, to name a few.

Maybe one day we’ll have a special group like that again.

THE SUPER BOWL TEAMS OF 1966/67 and 1969/70. They made us all so very proud to be from Kansas City. It was an honor for me to meet them and get to know them.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 14 Comments

Leftridge: How to Throw a Super Bowl Party Everyone Loves

To some, there’s nothing more important than the game itself. It stands alone in the pantheon of sports importance, a crowning achievement borne from months of blood, sweat and tears. One participant will be crowned victorious, their name forever etched upon the hallowed high cliffs of greatness; the other will be a footnote, their epic campaign all but forgotten, trampled under the sweaty sole of failure.

Will it be Tom Brady and his New England Patriots?

The new dark-lord of the modern football era.

The Yankees in shoulder pads.

Led into battle by two distinct forces: one, a handsome, unparalleled story of triumph, the other, a dour, stone-faced super-genius cloaked in both mystery AND a loose fitting hooded sweatshirt.  

Or perhaps it will be Brother Eli, eager to crawl from beneath the giant shadow of his more esteemed sibling. Eager to prove, perhaps, that his legacy should be built around more than a miraculous helmet-catch.

Or maybe, none of this matters. It’s just a fucking football game. What REALLY matters is what kind of party you throw. That’s right: you can make or break the Super Bowl by what kind of shindig you manage to perpetuate. I know, I know… that’s a ton of pressure. But look, Sunny Jim—if you follow my advice, you’ll be fine. So let’s begin.

First, it doesn’t get much more important than the guest list. A guest list says a lot about you as the host, and what you think about those around you. Does anyone REALLY want to be responsible for bringing the guy with the Hep C to the gangbang? Is that how you feel about the rest of your friends? That you’re cool with subjecting them to dickrot? That’s why it’s important to screen all potential attendees. Not for sexually transmitted maladies, necessarily, but for general suitability. There are a few simple rules to remember when it comes to building your list. 

DO invite celebrities, no matter how trivial their significance. Does your sister-in-law’s hairdresser know former Fresh Prince of Bel-Air star Alfonso Ribeiro? E-VITE. Does your daughter attend salsa-dancing classes with Channel 9’s Kris Ketz? TEXT HIM. Look, we live in a culture of celebrity where, no matter the relevance, fame (and infamy) trumps all. People NEED to hang out with those who they perceive to be more important than they are, whether it’s an actuality or not. We’re psychologically fragile creatures sucking from the teet of Entertainment Weekly and TMZ, and goddamnit, if you can get the drummer from Hootie and the Blowfish to hang out and have a few drinks while watching the game, YOU FUCKING DO IT. Your party will be an instant hit.

Do NOT
invite your wife’s coworkers. Look, the ladies themselves may be fine; they’re more apt to drink wine coolers and chuckle at the tired commercials than they are to kill your good time, but their HUSBANDS, on the other hand, their HUSBANDS are sure to fuck the fun right out of the proceedings. See, your wife’s colleagues’ husbands all work boring jobs (claims adjuster, crossing guard, pharmacist, etc.), and they want to tell you ALLLLL about it. They want to regale you with tales of misfiled paperwork, the horror story about that time they forgot to go in because they thought it was Saturday (OMG!!!! LOLZ), and how this one time—oh man, this is great, I hope you’re sitting down for it—Abe Parnuss in receiving forgot to stamp the transaction summary before sending it to corporate for approval! Holy monkey-penis, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?!?!

Oh, and when they’re not telling you about their mind-blowingly awful jobs, they’ll be pretending like they know about football. They don’t. Your cocker spaniel knows more than they do. “Gracious!” they’ll exclaim. “I really thought Jenkins was going to receive that pass for a touchdown score! It’s a crying shame that the fella’ marked ‘Anderson’ was able to put his own hand on the football first!

Idiots.

DO invite friends, but don’t invite the friends who are liable to get wasted on energy-drink beer, blackout and piss on your furniture. Your wife will never forgive you.

Do NOT invite people from church. Just in case YOU get wasted on energy-drink beer, blackout and piss on your furniture. That just looks bad, and will probably cost you an extra 10 Hail Mary’s or lashes, or whatever it is that your God dishes out as punishment.

DO invite: the mailman, that guy who works where you buy your beer, the 1993 Boston Bruins, Hearne Christopher Jr., Tom Waits, that guy who works at the OTHER place you buy your beer, a bunch of people on Facebook (by accident), and a bunch of strippers.

Do NOT invite: your parents, your grandparents, any of your grandparents’ friends, Harley, Horatio Sanz, homeless people (or anyone else, for that matter, who may defecate in your laundry hamper out of pure spite) or any of your neighbors. Unless they’re cool. And then? It’s up to you.

It’s THAT SIMPLE, folks. So now you’ve built this action-packed guest list for the party of the millennium, and all you have to do is keep everyone full of food, boozed-up and overwhelmingly entertained. The last part should be handled by the Pats and the Giants—unless shit gets stupid early, and the Patriots put up 40 in the 1st quarter—but the libations, my friend, are entirely up to you. If you screw it up, you fail. No pressure.

DO have the following: chicken wings (and none of that boneless, parmesan-garlic crap—we’re talking REAL buffalo chicken wings), chili, chili accoutrements (crackers, cheese, sour cream, green onions, chicken wings), pizza, chips and dips (both of assorted varieties), peanuts (just kidding—only old people like nuts as a snack food), a build-your-own Banh Mi station, tiny meatballs, ‘lil smokies in BBQ sauce, brownies, a cake decorated with tiny goal-posts, and finally, beef wellington.

Take this list as a declaration of REQUIRED items. This list can be added to, but it’s not necessary. This list is perfect in every way, like the Beatles’ “Abbey Road,” or a Number Two nacho from Claycomo’s jewel of Mexican-like food, El Sombrero.

What’s that, you say? Nothing for vegetarians? Too bad. If you’re friends with vegetarians, you probably don’t like football to begin with and you’re surely not throwing a kick-ass football party. Screw tofu, and screw these other things that have no business being served at your bash:

Do NOT have the following: Pasta (too sloppy), loose-meat sandwiches (see: pasta), yogurt, veggie tray (nobody ACTUALLY likes the veggie tray with ashen carrots and warm, wilted celery; they eat it because it’s there), horse-meat, goat-meat, goblin or ghost meat (sorry—I was momentarily raped by the spirit of Dr. Seuss), omelet station, Chinese food (too many choices leads to confusion), fish-sticks (not really food) and McNuggets (actually food, but you’re not allowed in the McDonald’s anymore– drive-thru OR lobby– you crazy bastard, you).

Finally, you’re left with only the drinks. And really, this is way easy: do not pass go, do not collect any bottles of Riesling or martini-making-materials… just buy beer. From the saltiest grandfather to the most heroically pimpled teen, we’re all crazy about alcohol.

For years, my wife thought she didn’t like beer. She’d turn her nose up at it, throw her head back and prissily tiptoe toward whatever taste-bud-assaulting lemon flavored fizz she could get. Eventually, she learned. Oh yes, under my wise tutelage (and with the knowledge that it’s much less acceptable to guzzle Smirnoff Ice when you’re no longer a sorority girl), she learned to drink beer. And though it’s not her favorite—when we go out, she’s still partial to a Cape Cod—she CAN drink it, when necessary. Point being, no excuses.

Only buy beer. Everyone will enjoy it, even Carlton Banks.

So there you have it. A quick, painless guide to throwing the rip-roaringest Super Bowl bash ever.

(Oh, and you may want to invest in some handcuffs, industrial strength trash bags, several rolls of duct tape, and a whole mess of that shit they use to clean up vomit in schools and at amusement parks. You’ll thank me later!)

The Super Bowl airs on NBC, Sunday, beginning at 5:29 CT (?).
 

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Donnelly: The Granada Wants You to Come & Play; Win Season Pass for Two

Like free stuff? 

If not, stop reading this right now.

OK, here’s the deal, people of the night:

What if I told you that you could take a friend (or enemy, or anyone really, so long as they’re legal) to every upcoming show at The Granada in Lawrence… FOR FREE!!?

What if I told you that you’d be seeing William Elliott Whitmore, Railroad Earth, Stephen Malkmus, Blind Pilot, The Head and the Heart, Rachael Yamagata, M83, and Robert Earl Keen just to name a few. And there’s like 30 more.

Well, first off, if you only recognize, maybe, two of those names, punish yourself right now. Go ahead, I’ll wait.  You need to get with the program because you’ve been missing out on some seriously good music.

Here’s how to get the free stuff, but you only have until Monday to cash in…

The Granada is running a contest to see who can tweet the most creative picture that involves the poster featured in this article that has all the bands listed (the poster is also in the University Daily Kansan for those without printing access). 

A couple things you have to do to enter:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. "Like" The Granada on Facebook

2. Follow The Granada on Twitter (@thegranada)

3. Tweet a creative picture that involves the poster and tag @thegranada. 

I’ve been told that special props might go to anyone who can get a pic with the poster inside Allen Field House.  Maybe with the poster stuck to the backboard, or pinned like a "kick me" sign on Bill Self’s back. 

Or, just tweak the poster using some crazy app or something.  Either way, they’re looking for something CREATIVE. 

If you win you get two tix to every show from now thru May. 

Second place is two tickets per month thru May. 

And third gets a big ol’ slap in the tits. Just kidding. Third gets one pair of tickets for the show of your choice. 

There you have it KCC Nation.  See you at the Granada. 

P.S. I’ll be there tonight for Dr. Dog, can’t wait.  Come buy me a beer. 

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Hearne: Frosty Who? KC Faces First Ever Snowman-less Winter, Lezak Says

Fetch the sunglasses and the cocoa butter, it’s Ground Hog Day

Not just any Ground Hog Day, mind you, this one’s likely to go into the record books in the most benign winter in KC ever.

So says KSHB weather wonk Gary Lezak.

"Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, so that means he goes back inside and we have six more weeks of winter," Lezak says. "So what we’ve been doing already for six more weeks."

What "we’ve been doing already" is scampering about in sweaters and light jackets and celebrating astonishingly low heating bills. What we’ve not been doing is buying driveway melt, winter coats, snowblowers and so forth.

And while that could change, don’t hold your breath, Lezak says.

"It might snow Saturday night or Sunday morning," he says. "But then after Saturday night and Sunday morning, there’s nothing.

"It’s going to rain all day tomorrow a whole bunch – we’ll probably set a record for rainfall tomorrow – with one to two inches and a chance of three inches of rain."

As for our all-time low snowfall of 4.5 inches, think of it as a record about to be broken.

"It is now the record least amount of snow between December 1st and now," Lezak says. "There’s never been a season with less snow than we’ve had so far in 130 years of record keeping.

"This is ridiculous. But I’m not bummed, I’m baffled. This is absolutely baffling, when we had two of the five snowiest winters last year and the year before, followed by the least snowiest winter ever. And it’s not just in Kansas City, it’s everywhere all across the United States with a couple of exceptions – Denver and Boulder, Soutwest Texas and Seattle. Other than those the rest of the nation is way below average on snowfall."

The unthinkable, awful truth:

"If it continues," Lezak says, "it will be the first winter in Kansas City that you couldn’t make a snowman."

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 5 Comments

Glazer: Against All the Odds, Scribe Goes with Brady & New England in Super Bowl

Man oh man, this is as tough a call as it gets…

This year’s Super Bowl, with the Patriots fielding all-time best quarterback in Tom Brady and the New York Giants with the better team.That’s right, without argument the Giants are better everywhere, except tight end and maybe at quarterback. The Giants defense is better, its running game is better, its receivers are faster, younger and better.

At quarterback, it’s maybe a tie.

Eli Manning is 31 Brady is 34. Eli is much more mobile. Remember when the Chiefs broke Brady’s leg? It’s never been quite the same since.

Yet the New England Patriots, who lost to New York earlier this year at New England, are a 3 point favorite.

WHY?

Oh yeah, and the Giants beat Green Bay on the road at Green Bay, 37-20. Green Bay, who everyone including me picked to win it all! So why on earth are the Pats the favorites? Why?

Still as of today – and this could change – I’m picking New England.

Remember when a younger, less experienced Giants team beat the undefeated Patriots in the 2007 Super Bowl?

So why again are the Pats the favorite?

My answer is we love Tom Brady. He’s handsome, he’s a winner, he’s our boy. Even though his year was saved by one receiver, Rob Gronkowski. But Rob has a messed up ankle, which is not good. The Pats’ Wes Welker and Deon Branch are not as fast or deadly as the Giants young guys, Victor Cruz and Hakeem Nicks. And the Giants have a new kid named Mario Manningham that’s on fire as well.

So it doesn’t look good for Brady.

Sure the astro turf will speed up Branch and Welker, but it puts the fire under the Giants young guys as well.

No, it looks uphill for the New England Patriots. Most of us don’t want Brady to leave the game and join Peyton Manning with a 3-2 Super Bowl record. If you’re like me, we think this maybe is the last Super Bowl for Brady. The Pats are aging and so is Tom.

It all points to the Giants.

Yet why oh why do I still see a New England Win? Help me out here guys, what do you think?

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 14 Comments

Jack Goes Confidential: Harry Potter Grows Up, Goes Ghost Hunting

Is there life after Harry Potter for Daniel Radcliffe?

You’ll have an opportunity to judge for yourself as Radcliffe ventures beyond the mega franchise for the first time this weekend.

Ironically he chose a good old fashioned ghost story for the transition.

In THE WOMAN IN BLACK Radcliffe plays young, widowed-with-kid lawyer Arthur Kipp who travels to a remote village. His assignment, to do the legal follow-up on a recently deceased older woman’s property.

The job’s location: a creepy gothic ‘house on a hill’ type setting where at every turn something could—and does go bump in the night.

And what of the ghostly woman who now messes with Radcliffe’s mind all throughout his spooky visit?
Not to mention the less than hospitable local town folks who welcome him to their little burg with less than open arms.

Hint: ghost woman (a.k.a. The Woman In Back) is grieving for her lost child in the most dispicable ways.

So is this tale of ghostly revenge a gruesome and blood laden slasher-fest?

Not by a long shot!

Most of the film’s fright jolts are achieved through overmodulated audio bumps and dark creepy scenery – basically theater of the mind – and it definitely works. The people around me at the advance screening were jumping like frogs.

And for a minute I thought the lady sitting next to me was going to wet her panties.

Don’t take that the wrong way, by the way.

There’s a piece of advice offered to Radcliffe in the movie when he’s warned. "Don’t go chasing shadows, Arthur!" Well he does anyway, and pulls it off rather convincingly.

Noted in the introductory credits: ‘A Hammer Films Presentation.’
For lovers of that old British horror brand I’m confident you’ll be able to detect comparisons to this once proud studio’s output. The only thing missing here is Christopher Lee.

THE WOMAN IN BLACK, adapted from Susan Hill’s popular 1983 novel and co-starring Janet McTeer and Ciaran Hinds, is new this weekend everywhere.

I’m rising 2-1/2 out of 5 sinister fingers.

JACK GOES TO THE MOVIES on radio Friday mornings at 6:40 a.m. on NewsRadio KMBZ Am & Fm / at 8:20 a.m. on 1660 RADIO BACH / and anytime on Time-Warner Cable’s K.C. ON DEMAND, Channel 411.

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Donnelly: Is Sporting KC (& The Cauldron) Becoming the Hottest Ticket in Town?

Do you ever wish that things could be the way they used to be?

I do, but I also know that can’t happen. Yes, I realize it’s just my own selfishness that makes me long for simpler times. But I was there, man!

I was there before there were crowds of 18,000 plus at Wizards and SKC games.  Before the huge video boards.  Before the snappy new colors and cutting edge stadium.

Those were simpler times. 

You could sit anywhere for five to 10 bucks. The stands were so sparsely littered with fans you could heckle players with elaborate chants they were sure to hear.

Those days are gone, people.  With the home opener less than two months away, Sporting Kansas City is the hottest ticket in town…  

There are a bunch of reasons Sporting has exploded over the past year. There’s the stadium of course, which is the biggest factor.  There’s the winning, which will be the biggest factor going forward, once the “new stadium” thing wears off. 

But there’s also this grass-roots movement that involves several informal supporter groups, the largest of which calls themselves “The Cauldron.”  (Wizards… Cauldron… eh? Eh?).   

Years ago, when the Wiz were still toiling away at Arrowhead and the players on the field nearly outnumbered the fans in the stands, there was a guy – a fanatic really – who decided to throw his passion behind this rainbow-colored crew. His name is Sam Pierron and he founded The Cauldron. With little more than some beer, a couple dozen other crazies, and a drum, The Cauldron was born.

That was then.  Fast forward a decade plus later and…

Sam now works for Sporting in several capacities, one of which is as a ticketing guru.  He, along with the forward-thinking ownership group, understands the relationship between the team’s biggest supporter’s group and the long term economic success of professional soccer in Kansas City.

But hold it right there; the first rule of The Cauldron is that you do not talk about The Cauldron.

“There’s no such thing as Cauldron membership, which is by design,” says Pierron.  “But by any reasonable measure, affiliation has tripled [in the past 12 months], at the very minimum.”

Yes, business is booming at 1 Sporting Way.  Though he couldn’t give a specific number, Pierron says more season tickets have already been sold than at this point last year.  And last year, with about a month to go before the home opener they had sold over 11,000.  I think the final number for last season ended up north of 12,000 season tickets sold.

Pierron sees nothing but growth heading into 2012’s season opener on St. Patty’s Day. 

“I’m quite confident that, in the final analysis, our season ticket numbers will be improved from 2011,” he says confidently. 

So what’re we looking at then? Maybe 15,000 or 16,000 season tickets sold in 2012?  With a capacity of almost 19,000 at LIVESTRONG, you can see why Sporting tickets are a hot commodity, especially the home opener.   

And The Cauldron is a big part of that.

“The power of The Cauldron has been most strongly felt as a force multiplier for any and all of our efforts,” explains Pierron.  “Whether that’s working to create an authentic atmosphere inside the stadium, attendance at public events, spreading the word through social media, you name it.  Also, there are situations where it’s best for us to let them run with their ideas, independent of us, because that provides more flexibility.”

Part of harnessing that power comes from the accessibility Sporting brings to the table, which includes a high level of personal interaction with diehard fans.  Sporting main man Robb Heinemann regularly tweets about Cauldron events, discusses club matters with fans and local media, posts on soccer related blogs, and even throws down for a keg or three for tailgating on occasion. 

Think about that; you can tweet @RobbHeinemann and he will probably answer you.

All that said, everything falls apart if the team doesn’t win.  All the social media, all the bells and whistles of a new stadium and supporter’s club are mere accessories.

Last season saw Sporting win the East, and they are favorites heading into the 2012 season after adding some top players to replace Omar Bravo and provide depth at key spots.  Plus, their schedule doesn’t include a three month road trip to start off.

Single game tickets don’t go on sale until mid-February, so keep an eye out if you want to get in on the green beer-soaked party.

** Above photo credit to Thad Bell**

Posted in Sporting_Kansas_City | Tagged | 38 Comments

Hearne: What You Don’t See (On Television) is What You Get at Live WWE Matches

Now it can be told…

After years of dodging the pro wrestling bullet, I broke down Monday and bought tickets to the WWE Gangbang at Sprint. And I can now report, plenty has changed even since the not-too-distant days of the WWF, before to the name change from Federation to Entertainment.

Here’s what I saw and learned, starting with my suggestion that if you really like watching over-the-top, wrestling soaps and steroid-buffed out dudes, by all means have at it. However, save your ticket money and stick to the TV action – the live shows are way too long, with way too much between match silliness and way too little wrestling action.

It’s really that simple.

I was going to suggest arriving early because there was a massive line and bottleneck out front only 5 minutes prior to the 7:15 p.m. start. Worse yet, Getting in involves a double line deal. First you have to pass airport security check muster to enter the venue, then you have to stand in a second line to present your ticket and enter the seating area.

only to have to wade through 45 minutes of boring, non-televised matches before start of Monday Night Raw television program at 8 p.m. Thus my suggestion that if now, if you must go, arrive fashionably late. The two-hour show is plenty long enough.

For those of you who grew up watching local wrestling, the WWE setup is impressive. Lots of glitz, major fireworks and the biggest video screen you probably will ever see in a venue this small. Which by the way, with some curtaining, looked pretty close to being a sellout with 15,000 plus or minus.

My seats were excellent. Eye level about nine to 10 rows from the ring in the first raised section.

Meaning I could just about see everything up close and personal. So why was I constantly catching myself watching the action on TV instead? The answer is threefold.

First (and worst), the WWE encourages fans to bring giant signs to the matches and hold them up throughout. Which results in a large number of members of the as-seen-on-TV crowd being in a constant state of blocking other people’s views throughout most of the match.

Who are these sign people? It’s like a cult.

Second, pretty much anything that takes place outside the ring – which is a lot – is difficult to impossible to see except for the video screen.

Third, the WWE sets up its main camera bank on one side of the arena resulting in the majority of the mugging and action tilted that direction. In other words, facing away from the side I was on and from most people in the arena.

Another odd gripe; the WWE does a lousy job of rigging the ring for sound to catch the grunts, groans and body slam sounds so huge on the televised show. Sounds that are nowhere to be found inside the arena.

It was almost like watching a silent movie in the matches that didn’t garner much crowd noise.

WWE women wrestlers are long on pulchritude and short on wrestling skills.

Their matches are also shorter than my attention span, which past editor’s at the Star will attest is quite short. They can – and frequently are – over in a matter of what seem like seconds. Frankly, the WWE chicks are just too hot to allow themselves to get banged up like the girl grapplers of old.

Take Maxim magazine covergirl Kelly Kelly. While it’s entirely possible she could become the next Mrs. George Clooney, even money says The Mermaid could kick her butt. The "girl wrestlers" of old I remember wouldn’t even have made it as Three Stooges groupies lookswise, but they knew their way around the ring. Betty Nicoli, Jean Antone.

Most of the WWE girl’s moves, punches etc. look really poorly faked when viewed live.

A couple three matches into the live WWE experience at Sprint I found myself jotting down stuff like, "OMG, it’s all acting and vamping for TV with no real beef." Come on, movies are fake, too, but at least they make ’em look real.

As for the crowd, hard for me to put my finger on it.

It’s not quite as lowbrow as the Memorial Hall days gone by, but by no means would one refer to it as upscale. Think Poor Man’s Chiefs Crowd (similar to Arena Football), but without the wall-to-wall drunkeness. I mean, where else do you see grown men in their 30s and 40s sporting oversize, fake wrestling belts?

And I’m talking about straight dudes.

It would be remiss of me not to note the dearth of anything approaching a hottie in the crowd.

Not even among the moms. Sheesh, they even had a handful of hotties in the Mongolian Stomper days. Must be some pretty slim pickings in today’s wrestling groupie ranks.

Another thing missing in the live WWE experience,  it’s kind of a dead zone much of the time. Very dead. In between the rare fireworks and odd superstar beatdowns, the crowd got so bored at one point it started a wave.

I will say that the music video action on the giant screen is fairly killer.

However, the WWE matches here were mostly very short with tons of boring between match banter.

All of which begs the question of whether a competing pro wrestling league might rise up one day and offer higher quality wrestling with fewer silly soaps. Less watered down Martin City Melodrama-quality storylines.

One that the WWE couldn’t merely buy up and eliminate the competition as it did with ECW

There’s just too much waiting around between commercials at the live event, which is not what I call riveting.

There’s also the beefcake factor in play for those with an appetite for that. Because most of the non-freakishly huge wrestlers these days are buff beyond belief. It’s like a mini male bodybuilding show with a buncha really corny, little kid stryle posturing and posing.

Hey, at least I learned something.

I learned John Cena has more Facebook followers than LeBron, Tebow and Kardashian. Well, duh.

Was I entertained? Sure, but it was a very long ride for a very small payoff in the way of actual wrestling.

So like I said, watch it at home on TV for free and don’t forget to DVR so you can skip the farcical filler.

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 10 Comments

Glazer: Stood Up by Joe Namath After Bimbo Schmooze

When they mention the best quarterbacks, you just don’t hear these names anymore, Len Dawson, John Hadl, Bob Griese and most shocking Joe Namath – Broadway Joe…

I saw Namath’s new HBO Special a few nights back and it was well done. Namath narrates the program and the guy still looks pretty sharp, even handsome for a 68 year old man with bad knees. There was a time when he ruled the sports world along with Muhammad Ali. Both are heroes of mine. You all know I did a couple movies with Ali and got to know him.

Joe Willie, well, that’s another story.

It was 1980, the year the Royals would make the World Series. One of my best pals was Phil Freeland, he would eventually be part owner of Woodside, back then he managed Brookridge Country Club in Overland Park. Phil’s dad and Don Tanner owned the club.

Years earlier I had lived in the apartments behind the golf course. We had just opened Stanford’s South on 95th and Metcalf and I was the area manager of both Stanford’s and the new Stanford’s East, near the Plaza. Brookridge had a "penthouse."  It was located facing the golf course, had a large living room, TV room, and a couple nice bedrooms. Tanner and his pals would stay there on occasion. Phil and I used it for party time.

One weekend Phil came to me and said, "Craig, you won’t believe it but one of the Chiefs has Joe Namath coming in town this week for a night or two and I told him you could hook them both up with two super hot waitresses or just hotties." 

Phil went on to say that if I did that we could hang out with Broadway Joe.

Phil was thinking of these two hot blondes – Jill and Julie  – who he’d met.  Both were 9’s and just over 20. I thought, ‘Gee, why does Joe need my help? He can score easily enough.’ And Phil explained that Joe wanted it kept quiet and just make it a simple have the girls show up and off we’d go.

It ended up being a weeknight, so as we know, our city is little sleepy on weeknights. I set it up. Boy, was I excited, Broadway Joe, damn.

Now this was a year before I moved to LA, so meeting someone like Namath was an even bigger deal to me then than it would be later. I even picked up the girls to make sure they didn’t screw things up.

I took them to the "penthouse" and I saw Joe Willie and the Chiefs player (a married, star running back) get out of their car and go inside but I hadn’t yet met Joe. The girls went inside without me and Phil said, "Let them all talk first and make sure everyone is happy." 

I was told they were going to party at Crown Center and w’d all meet up there. OK. Phil and I went out by ourselves, drank a bit, watched the clock and at around 10 PM we went to Crown Center as planned. Phil Called the room, no answer. We waited a couple hours but never reached Joe, the girls or anyone.

WE GOT STOOD UP!

I was pissed, but there was nothing I could do but just go home. My night out with Broadway Joe went up in smoke. I had done my end, man, what a rip off, huh?

The Chiefs player later said how sorry he was to me and that Joe just didn’t want anyone around that he didn’t know. Except the girls, of course. I was told how pleased Joe was at their being HOT. Great.

Years later, after I had done three Champions Forever films, I was set to produce: CHAMPIONS FOREVER THE QUARTERBACKS. With all the greats of the Boomer generation. I met with Ken Stabler and was set to meet Namath in LA.

The guy never showed. Figures.

The movie didn’t get made – not because of Namath – the coolest guy in football history.

Oh well, can’t win them all.
 

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 20 Comments

Starbeams: Starbucks Index, Aixois to Commerce Tower & Justin Bieber to SNL

American incomes rose 0.5 percent in December – the biggest jump in nine months – but it still wasn’t enough to keep up with the rate increases of Starbucks Coffee.

*******

Starbucks will open its first store in India later this year.  That means, the guy giving me tech support that I can’t understand will be talking even faster.

*******

People in Brookside are familiar with Aixois French Bistro.  The delicious restaurant will be opening a new location in the Commerce Tower downtown.  Aixois will now be able to offer quick financing for your dinner.

*******

The Chiefs hired Tom McMahon to direct special teams this year.  Last year McMahon was with the Rams.  The Chiefs are going all-out to create a dynasty, and nothing says dynasty quite like the Rams 2011 season.

*******

If KC Mayor James was truly Sly, he would find a way for Google to take over the school district.

*******

A new health care law has people debating the constitutionality of birth control mandates. The Obama plan would not exempt religious employers from providing birth control.  Planned Parenthood is for the law, the Catholic church is suing to stop it…and if men gave birth, birth control pills would be available in your lunchroom vending machine.

*******

Justin Bieber will host "Saturday Night Live" this season.  Bieber says he’s nervous because he’s never done comedy before.  That’s fine because SNL hasn’t done comedy since 1993.

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | 1 Comment

Sounds Good: Ryan Adams@Music Hall, Old 97’s@Bottleneck, CIB & Fourth of July@Jackpot, Dr. Dog@Granada, Broken Lizard@Stanford’s

Wednesday, February 1st

Ryan Adams at the Music Hall in KC

Some people hate him for his rock star antics. Some people love him for those same antics. Most everyone though, recognizes the talent that Ryan Adams has displayed over his 20 year career, spotty as it may be at times.

His best album is still the first solo record he released, 2000’s Heartbreaker, which is a classic disc that has and will stand the test of time. He followed that with a bunch of hits and misses, forays into the hard rock genre, country records, and breezy pop. But his latest effort, Ashes & Fire, gets back to what he does best and most closely resembles the styling of Heartbreaker. While it’s not quite the revelation that his first release was, it contains some solid songs and showcases Adams’ fragile and emotional voice that continues to be his strongest suit.

He’s playing this tour solo, just him and an acoustic guitar, maybe a piano, probably a harmonica. If you’re lucky he might even tell some rambling, semi-coherent stories and try out a few jokes. But it likely won’t be a shit show like some of his concerts over the years. It’s harder to be a total mess when there’s no backing band to bail you out.

 

Old 97’s at the Bottleneck in Lawrence

On this night, I imagine some fans will be forced to choose between Ryan Adams and Old 97’s, whose paths have crossed numerous times over the years. Which brings us to the age old question: Who would win in a fight, Rhett Miller or Ryan Adams?

The Old 97’s are a Texas alt-country quartet that’s been in the KC area a bunch over the last year or so, playing at the ‘Neck as well as at Crossroads last year. Their LaLa show was a packed affair-I believe it sold out- and lead singer Miller sweated through his jeans, like usual.

This show will feature Miller playing a solo acoustic set before the whole band joins in on the fun. He has recently released an album of cover songs, The Interpreter: Live at Largo, that contains some of the singer’s favorite songs, including Paul Simon’s Homeward Bound, Tom Petty’s American Girl, Frank Black’s Wave of Mutilation, and Dylan’s You’re Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go. So I’d expect a fair number of those will make their way into that first set.

Thursday, February 2nd

Dr. Dog at the Granada in Lawrence

If it’s good enough for Jim James and Jeff Tweedy, it’s good enough for me.

These Philly-based psychedelic rockers have toured with the likes of Wilco and My Morning Jacket over the last few years, and they’ve also been mainstays on the summer festival circuit. The Granada is an ideal venue to see these up-and-comers who will take full advantage of the ample sound system and large room.

Their new album, Be The Void, is set to drop in a few days on February 7th, so I’d bet that they’ll be showcasing some of that material at this show. They’re set to go on Conan next week, so Team CoCo is streaming the new album all this week for free. Go here to take a listen: http://teamcoco.com/drdog

Cowboy Indian Bear, Fourth of July, & Soft Reeds at the Jackpot in Lawrence

If you haven’t seen these bands yet, that’s on you. They’re local, they’re pretty kick ass, and they are all really friendly and nice. If you were friendly and nice you’d come out and buy them a drink maybe. Or just listen. Either way.

Seriously, if you can get out on a Thursday night, this will be worth seeing. Check them out (for free!) if you don’t believe me.

CIB – www.myspace.com/cowboyindianbear
4th – http://fourthofjuly.bandcamp.com/
Soft – http://softreeds.bandcamp.com/

Thursday, February 2nd – Saturday, February 4th

Broken Lizard at Stanford & Sons at the Legends

You probably know these guys from their movies that get recycled every month or so on Comedy Central, like Super Troopers, Beerfest, and Club Dread. Of the three, Super Troopers has far and away been their biggest hit, with over five million copies sold on DVD.

But Broken Lizard actually was first formed as a live, improvisational comedy troop at Colgate University in the 90s. Two of its five members are taking the stage all weekend at Glazer’s place, Kevin Heffernan and Steve Lemme. Heffernan played Farva, the clueless douche cop from Troopers, Lemme played the crazy cop that led his fellow officers on a wild goose chase in the opening scene (“You boys like Mex-ee-cooo?!!!”).

I’m not really sure what to expect from this duo, but the Lizard boys are pretty big-time to be playing a room like Stanford’s. Word is all their shows will sell out, if they haven’t already, so snag your tickets now if you want in.

Posted in Entertainment | Tagged | 4 Comments

Glazer: The Annoying Hassle of Having to Become Rich a Third Time

Something all of us think about, even strive for is….BEING RICH…

What it would be like to not have to worry about all those weekly, monthly payments. To wake up instead to, "Now, what kind of fun will I enjoy today?"

If you’re like me, well, I just have never been that lucky. Like many of you, I’ve had my moments – those times in life when things were pretty darn good – it just never lasted.

FLASH CASH for me came only a couple of times; when I was 19 in Arizona and you could buy a loaded, almost-anything car for six or seven grand. I had a few months of what it felt like to be RICH. But not rich by today’s standards.

More importantly, I had a partner, Don Woodbeck, to hang out with and enjoy the moments. We lived in a huge house, traveled to warm places in the winter (hell we lived in Arizona – it was always kinda warm), had cool cars, cash, girls, almost the whole nine yards – even body guards. But by the end of my 20th year – poof – it was all gone. The government saw to that. I had to be my father’s son again and open a restaurant. I think my starting salary was about $14,000 a year.

I was average again. The pain.

When I was in Hollywood I knew lots of rich guys. Movie stars, business guys, a few women who simply were given the dough by daddy.  One thing almost all of them had in common though was they were very unhappy. WHY? I could never figure that out. Can you? 

Some were very accomplished in their fields, so it’s not like they never earned the money.

Sly Stallone may have summed it up best. "You never know if they are your friends, or paid hangers on. Sometime even your lady or wife. It can be quite lonely, even scary."

It’s true. I’ve found that the money keeps too many people around who don’t really care about you much. Most people only care about themselves. It’s human nature.

Most of us know the pitfalls of "having it all."  Yet we all keep striving to do just that. Odd isn’t it?  For those of us who’ve had it then lost it, we want to get it again. We worry about our old age and who will take care of us. Will we have enough dough for the HOME, medical so on.

With Stanford’s I had a second shot in the late 90’s and we were rolling. I remember looking out the window of my two bedroom swank pad at the Sulgrave one night. I was thinking, "Hey, I wanted Hollywood to work out better, but this is pretty damn good. DON’T BLOW IT."

But by 2004 I had to dump what was once Stanford’s, Johnny Dare’s and American Chrome. The bottom had fallen out of Westport and we got killed. Most of the money was gone so I had to start over for a third time. No fun. But you battle and sometimes hard work gets you through all of it….again.

Ah, to wake up being truly RICH. Yeah, it’s hard to find a couple good friends to hang with you as you hit the beach on some Island in February. Or cruise the Plaza on a summer’s evening in your new Lotus.

Too many of us are mad at the RICH GUY or GIRL though. We’re jealous and that’s also human. I know you always hear. "It’s better to be rich with good friends and family." And there’s a lot of truth in that. Untiil you open the mailbox and it’s the phone bill, the electric bill, the rent, doctor’s bills ,Blue Cross, car payment, MasterCard, Macy’s, Dillard’s.

That kinda takes the fun outta that family and friends deal, huh? Cuts both ways.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 22 Comments

Hearne: Fear & Loathing in Joplin, Missouri with Anderson Cooper / Tornado Map

Whole lotta shaking going on Joplin way as the tornado ravaged burg preps for the first anniversary of last May’s disaster…

Recent national news has centered on the demolition of the stricken Saint John’s Mercy hospital. And naturally, the Star has milked its fair share of tear jerker survivor tales from the tragedy.

But it’s the news that’s not been covered…

Staring with an ongoing controversy over a proposed tourism map of Joplin’s tornado damage. Something critcs label as tacky and disrespectful, and it’s generating a second wave of controvery over its creation by the Joplin Convention & Visitors Bureau.

"The director of the Joplin Convention and Visitors Bureau said he is committed to providing a map of the tornado zone with information about key points despite more public controversy generated by it, this time by reports on The Weather Channel," reads yesterday’s report in the Joplin Globe. "Mayor Mike Woolston said Monday that the city does not intend to make money off ‘disaster tourism,’ but that it will not turn away anyone who wants to see the recovery effort “and celebrate the success with us.”

Locals who lost friends or relatives in the twister say cashing in on storm damage for tourism is bogus.

Even Weather Channel personality Mike Bettes "scolded" the CVB for capitalizing on the tragedy to attract tourism.

And while the CVB says they’re not looking for tornado tourism, "(CVB head Patrick Tuttle) said the map, which shows the entire tornado zone and marks the sites of St. John’s, Joplin High School, the ‘Extreme Makeover: Home Edition’ houses and others, was made because travelers were asking for directions to them," the Globe reports. "Visitors also were asking questions about the storm and its effects, he said. Details about the tornado and its impact are listed on the back of the map. Tuttle said the city wants to get out correct details so that volunteers and travelers are not misinformed."

How ugly are things? Very.

“Our Facebook is a tourism piece,” Tuttle told the Globe. “It’s not designed to be a hate page."

The map would be handed out by motels, restaurants and tourism centers to travelers who inquire about the storm and driections to the damage, Tuttle said.

Another pending controversy centers around the possible return of CNN anchor Anderson Cooper.

Seems some of the City Fathers are hoping Cooper won’t make the return trip for the anniversary later this year.

"They don’t want him back," says a source close to the situation. "For the first 24 or 36 hours he was down there after the storm he was great, they say. Then he did a 360 on the Joplin Morgue. He said they were doing some things atthe morgue that they shouldn’t have been doing."

The video of Cooper’s controversial report in question is headlined, "Joplin Morgue Slow to Identify Bodies."

After long and painful interviews with a teary father who’s son had died and another unhappy tornado victim, Cooper said: "What’s frustrating however to other families is that both found out about their kids unofficially and informally by back channels. Other families have said to us, if those kids were able to be identified, why can’t their families have someone visit the morgue and check for their loved ones…Some of the explanations for the delays and the red tape and the rules haven’t made much sense to people that are searching for their loved ones. And as we said, some people in Joplin continue to be very frustrated."

The heat rained down on Cooper from the get go with comments on CNN’s Web site ranging from, Clara Lauer‘s, "I saw your Morgue reporting last night, and was so angry I had to turn off your show. I watch your show almost every night because I think it is mostly unbiased and complete. However, in every natural disaster I find that you look for sensationalism angles and this episode last night was the worst so far. As a person with a medical background, although not in Pathology/Medical Examiner area, I can think of several reasons why there is such a delay" to somebody named Kim‘s," How exactly do you expect the morgue to let family members know? They don’t know who they are. This report sounds like it’s pointing some sort of blame on the morgue, and I think that’s unfair. I’m sure they’re a bit overwhelmed right now."

"Please, do not agitate this very grave and heartbreaking event," added J.A. Finch.

"I am curious to know if you expect the civilian authorities to allow hundreds of grief stricken relatives to wander through a room of unidentified body parts in order to calm every loved ones understandable desire to have an immediate answer when one is just not possible," said Richard Curl. "PLEASE stop the drama and just report the d*** news."

Eight months later the vitriol toward Cooper hasn’t gone away, sources say.

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 5 Comments

Glazer: Peyton Manning, the End of an Era the Chiefs Won’t Miss

If you love the NFL or even merely glance at it, the time has come to say goodbye to Peyton Manning.

Many will say he was the best that ever played quarterback in the National Football League. Some will say he fell just short, but nobody will deny his greatness.

This Friday is the date set for his release from the Colts. There is a chance he will accept a smaller paycheck and stay on as a teacher to Andrew Luck, the Colts new quarterback and No. 1 draft pick. That’s the only shot Manning has to stay on with the team. Taking say $10 million instead of $28 million and helping guide young Andrew – even if Manning never sees the field in uniform. Maybe they should name him Assistant General Manager and follow Denver’s move with John Elway.

Then everyone’s happy, the fans, the team, the media – and maybe, just maybe – Peyton. Well, a warrior is never happy to leave the field, but it’s often his best option. With three spinal operations Manning would be a fool to step back out there and end up in a wheel chair for life.

The man is 36 years old.

Peyton Manning has so many records, you could write a book on just those. A four time MVP in the NFL and two time Super Bowl quarterback, plus 11 Pro Bowls are testaments to the fact that he’s one of the all-time best.

Many, me included, rank him in the top three that ever played, with Tom Brady and John Elway.

They all had nice long careers, but when you hit age 35 or 36 you have to start thinking about life after football…unless your name is Brett Favre.

The hereos of today’s game are nearing the end of the line.

Tom Brady is 34, Drew Brees is 33, Eli Manning is 31 and even Big Ben at 29 may not play many more years with all his injuries piling up. Soon we will have a new set of heroes. Hard to imagine they will match those guys. These last 10 years have been the decade of great quarterbacks and Peyton Manning is surely near the top of that list.

Manning will always be looked at as falling short, due to only one Super Bowl win.

Many will argue the team around him just wasn’t good enough and it wasn’t his fault, but he will wear the one win, one loss in the big dance forever. Yes, it bothers him, but man, it’s hard to feel sorry for this elite group. All of them have millions, are still relatively young and have most of their middle age ahead of them – great lives if they choose to accept the fact that football is nearly over for them.

At least on the field of play. I will miss Peyton Manning, I know the Chiefs won’t.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 5 Comments

New Jack City: ‘Mercedes Murder’ a Shot at German Americans?

It’s still a little tough for a German to get a fair shake in this country…

Subtle shades of bigotry and discrimination are very much alive today. The latest example being the recent homicide in Detroit where socialite / marketing exec Jane Bashara was found murdered in her car, with husband Bob Bashar‘s now a person of interest in case.

Yeap, they found her in her car, but just not in any car, mind you. It was a German-made Mercedes-Benz. Hence some national and local news media calling it, the MERCEDES MURDER.  Stereotyping by association or plutocratic, teutonic racism?

What if the victim had been found in her KIA—would there have been a slight against Koreans?

Would it have been called the Kia Killing?

Or if it had been a Detroit built FORD? Or God forbid, she’d have been found jammed into a trendy little FIAT.

Would the news media have even taken notice?

But no, it had to be in a MERCEDES with a nod to us beaten down Germans and immigrants.

Can you imagine if it had been reported that the lady had been of African-American descent and was found alongside a bucket of half consumed Church’s Fried Chicken?

They would have called it a hate crime and lynched the news hounds.

Ok, so maybe I’m reading too much into the reporting of the MERCEDES MURDER, but as a German I’m tired of putting up with the Sgt. Schultz radio voiceovers during Oktoberfest. Can you blame me?

Just asking.

Posted in Jack_Poessiger | Tagged | 12 Comments

Donnelly: The Lemonheads @ The Granada in Lawrence, January 27, 2012

"It’s just that kind of night, I guess," explained Evan Dando after cutting a song off at the ten second mark and deciding to try something else. 

It wouldn’t be the only time Dando cut a tune short during the Lemonheads’ quarter full show Friday night at the Granada.  So I guess he was right about the night. 

Sometimes the notoriously fickle front man feels it and sometimes he doesn’t.  The thing is, despite Dando’s perceived moodiness and aloofness towards the crowd, he still has the voice and ability to carry a show. 

This much was obvious at times on Friday night…

Dando started the night onstage with just an acoustic guitar and a knod toward the crowd made up mostly of what seemed to be hardcore Lemonheads fans in their mid-thirties and early forties.

First up was Bein’ Around, a sweet song about a girl.  He wasted absolutely no time before strumming into Outdoor Type next, a funny song about a guy who lies about his camping abilities to get a girl. 

Dando’s voice sounds just like it did 20 years ago, and so does his guitar playing, which was never really his strong suit.  His hair’s the same too.  A few more with just Dando and a guitar and it was ready to bring out the band, which consisted of hired guns Chuck Treece of the Bad Brains on drums and former Taking Back Sunday bassist Fred Mascherino

For this tour Dando and his band is playing the whole album, It’s a Shame About Ray, at every stop. 

So he switched over to his trademark Gibson SG and tore into the famous and fast opening riff from Rock’n Stroll.  The sound was initially sloppy and muddy with the added musicians and Dando’s loose guitar playing, but that improved pretty quickly, and there’s nothing else he had to play the rest of the night as fast as that first riff. 

By the second song, Confetti, all was right with the levels.  The band replicated pretty well the 20 year old tunes from Ray, minus Juliana Hatfield‘s pixie vocals, of course. 

The band blazed through another couple without so much as a glance at the audience. 

Was it just me, or was Dando kind of sad? 

I mean, the sidemen are just doing their jobs, they aren’t the Lemonheads.  Whatever Dando says goes.  But at times the show felt like Dando was playing just to keep a promise or something.  Like, "I told them I’d do Shame About Ray, so I’m going to do it.  As quickly as possible."

One song rolled into another with no space in between.  Willie Nelson does that, but that’s his thing, you know?  And Willie seems to enjoy it. 

When the band got to the seventh song off Ray, Bit Part, the vibe just got weird.  On the recording the song starts out with Juliana Hatfield screaming, "I just want a bit part in your life!  I JUST WANT A BIT PART IN YOUR LIFE!!"

But instead, Dando did the lines like a newscaster reading a teleprompter, spoken flat as can be. 

The next song though, Alison’s Starting to Happen, kicked some serious ass.  Probably the best song of the show.  Same with the next couple, Hannah & Gabbi and Kitchen, really energetic and solid musically.

And so it went all night – Evan and his band flying through tunes with little to no banter, and a kind of odd disconnected feeling floating around the venue. 

I walked away just as much of a Lemonheads fan as before, but wishing I had seen them live about 15 years ago.
  

Posted in Entertainment | Tagged | 1 Comment

Leftridge: Here Comes the Pro Bowl; Shoot Me Now, Please

Here’s what’s wrong with the Pro Bowl: nobody gives a shit. The players don’t care, a stadium-full of confused Hawaiians don’t care, and unquestionably, television viewers back in the States don’t care.

Do you remember who won the Pro Bowl last year? Of course you don’t. NOBODY DOES. Even the Washington Redskins’ DeAngelo Hall doesn’t remember, and HE WAS THE MVP (oh and by the way, the NFC beat the AFC, 55-41). The year before, the AFC won 41-34, and the two years prior, the NFC won by a combined score of 72-51. Seriously, the over-under for the past 10 years is close to something like, 215 points. And why is this?

Well, if you know more about the Pro Bowl than I do—and trust me, you probably do—you know that the game is played with a whole ‘nother set of rules.

What in the shit is that?

I think it’s completely stupid to require that defenses play a 4-3, ban blitzing and refrain from penalizing intentional grounding. It’s ridiculous. I get that the NFL—who’d love an 18 game season, by the way!—is so compassionate about player safety. So concerned, in fact, that motion and shifting by the offense isn’t allowed, a tight-end has to be present on every play and that the offense can’t have more than three receivers on a side. Talk about the No Fun League.

This is a glorified game of touch football played by a bunch of dudes who were too lousy to make it into the Super Bowl. So why even play it?

Great question, Brandon.

Well, the players—those who bother to show up—get some extra spending cash. The victor walks home $45,000 richer and the loser makes a mere $22,500. I’d probably stab my mother in the thigh with a fork for $22,500, but for most of these folks, that’s chump change. The point is, the players could care less.

Is it big money from a television revenue standpoint? Probably not. Last year’s Pro Bowl reportedly drew 13.4 million viewers, which, while still the highest draw since 1997, barely beat-out last year’s MLB All Star Game (11 million) and NBA All Star Game (9.1 million). For a sport that routinely butt-rapes its competitors in every other facet of popularity, this isn’t saying much.

The Pro Bowl, however, is like that creepy homeless guy who lived in the incinerator room of your building. No matter how many times you stabbed him with that steak-knife, he refused to die. He got the message, finally—MERCIFULLY—and moved out of your building and into the alley behind that Chinese restaurant.

So what can we do with the Pro Bowl? Do we unsuccessfully try to stab it to death? Beg it to leave us alone and just go away? Or do we anoint the sores of that beggar’s feet and try to heal it, Jesus-style? Well, since it’s apparently not going anywhere (some version of an “All-Star Contest” has forced itself upon the sport since 1939), it seems like improving it is the only option. And nothing is more important than relevancy, right?

How to Make it Relevant:

Well, that’s all I’ve got. I think that we SHOULD make it relevant, but I have no fucking idea how. I’m open to suggestions (as I’m sure the league would be, as well). Major League Baseball had this problem after 2002’s boner of a game ended in a tie. The next year—amid the din of thousands and thousands of nerdy MLB fans—Commissioner Bud Selig said, “hear ye! hear ye! I hereby declare that all future contests between the American League baseball competitors and the National League baseball be determinant of who shall host home field advantage throughout the Series of the World!” And so it came to pass.

But we can’t do that in football. Home field advantage is A) a bigger deal in football, and B) ludicrously unfair to the visitor since it’s a one-and-done situation.

Moving on…

Pay These Fools, Fool:

As previously stated, the LOSER of this game currently gets over $22,000. Dude… I almost make $22,000 a year. What do these guys care? Lawrence Taylor has spent more on cocaine and unwilling, runaway teenage prostitutes in ONE NIGHT than these guys make for their entire 60 minutes of grueling, smash-mouth efforts. So what would it take to make these guys try? After some thorough (made-up) statistical analysis, I’d have to say $1 million for the winners, $500,000 for the losers. $500,000 can buy a lot of gaudy jewelry worth murdering someone over, and $1 million can buy you that SAME jewelry PLUS some crazy Italian sports car that makes women ovulate by sight alone.   
 

Family Matters:

Look, though this one is admittedly farfetched, it’s a really, really strong one. We could TOTALLY make this game interesting by killing one randomly chosen player’s child from the losing team. For some—I’m looking at you, Antonio Cromartie—the fact that you have 14 children will increase the chance that you lose an offspring. Imagine how hard he’d play! For others—like Matt Cassel, who made it last year (!)—this isn’t a deterrent. He HAS no children. In this case, and in effort to keep this even-stevens, we murder a beloved house pet. Or a spouse/significant other. I’m still working the details out on this one.
 

Loser Leaves Town:

Back in the olden days of professional rasslin’, they’d always have these fake-ass matches where the loser would have to retire. This banishment—never permanent, of course—added an extra level of excitement to what might be an otherwise less-than-spectacular contest. So why can’t we apply it to the Pro Bowl? In this twist, 5 randomly selected participants from the inferior squad would be forced into an early retirement, their contract automatically voided. Wouldn’t this make people try just a wee bit harder? As a bonus, Brutus “the Barber” Beefcake could cut the hair of the loser, too. Remember Brutus Beefcake? Of COURSE you do. Or Jake “the Snake” Roberts could sodomize one of the losers with his python. On national television.

Alright. Perhaps that’s going top far.

My point is, the Pro Bowl is awful. Nobody cares. That’s why that god-awful Napoleon Dynamite cartoon is probably going to rake in better ratings tomorrow night. Have you SEEN that shit? Ugh.

Get it together, NFL. Keep us satiated in that now-terrible week between the Championship Games and the Super Bowl. Don’t make me spend a Sunday evening talking to my wife, PLEASE.

(just kidding… love you, honey!)

[Hearne: edit that last part out. And don’t tell my wife I said it.]

 

Posted in Sports | Tagged | 8 Comments

Hearne: The State of WWE Wrestling & Monday’s Matches @ Sprint

Was a time being a seven-time World Heavy Wrestling Champion like Handsome Harley Race was a big deal…

Less so these days since the WWE wiped out the NWA and other regional wrestling circuits around the country. For example, the current WWE world champ is a 210 pound dude named Daniel Bryan who rather unceremoniously won the belt minutes after Wichita refugee Big Show took it from fellow behemoth Mark Henry.

These days, wrestling is about two things; ridiculously improbable storylines and high risk acrobatics.

"Actually the belts aren’t that important today," says retired promoter Jon Lunkwicz. "If you look at one of the most important wrestlers today, it’s John Cena, and he hasn’t been a champion for awhile."

Cena wrestles "The Big Red Monster" Kane in one of two headline matches Monday at the Sprint Center.

"The scripts have become as important as the matches," Lunkwicz says.

Thanks for that to WWE honcho Vince McMahon – the son of legendary World Wide Wrestling Federation promoter Vincent McMahon. The younger McMahon is credited with stealing Hulk Hogan from another circuit and playing all sorts of silly, in-ring charicatures of himself that continue to this day.

"Vince was evil, he was playing himself," Lunkwicz says. "He did a lot of bad things to wrestlers."

The other major difference in the WWE today has to do with the death-defying, high-flying stunts that have resulted in shorter career spans, Lunkwicz says.

Former longtime National Wrestling Alliance champ Lou Thesz, for example, wrestled from 1932 when he was 15 years-old until his retirement in December of 1990 at age 73!

That’s 58 years, for crying out loud. No way Thesz could have lasted that long flying upside down and sideways in and out of the ring onto the floor and into tables and chairs the way today’s WWE stars do.

"Well, they picked all that up from the Mexicans," Lunkwicz says. "Mexican wrestlers are called ‘luchadores’ and they did a lot of somersaults off the ropes and the American wrestlers picked that up."

The result being an endless parade of new faces and career-ending injuries.

"Take The Edge," Lunkwicz says. "He retired this year and he wasn’t that old – he was in his mid-30s. he had to have his neck fused. He was out of wrestling a year or so after he was injured and he came back, but he just couldn’t do it anymore.

"They (still) come back – like The Rock, he’s going to wrestle at Wrestlemania this year – but they don’t wrestle full time anymore. It’s a lot more dangerous and a lot more risky."

The Rock will turn 40 in May.

"He’s probably healthier now because when you think about it, he’s been out of wrestling for 10 years," Lunkwicz says. "But he doesn’t wrestle weekly anymore. Like Kane, you don’t really see him wrestle much anymore. You see him come out and threaten people. And his brother The Undertaker wrestles just a couple times a year, like at Wrestlemania. And he hasn’t been defeated yet at Wrestlemania – he has a stretch there of like 25-0."

By and larges – behemoths aside, the wrestlers of today are far more buff than the stars of yesteryear, like Race and deceased local star Rufus R, Jones pictured at right.

There’s a reason Kane, 45 – who wrestles Cena Monday at Sprint  – and The Undertaker, 47, are still in the game.

"They didn’t have to do the dangerous moves," Lunkwicz says. "They didn’t have to do the moves that could cause damage to their spine and neck. They didn’t have to do the high-flying stuff."

That’s because Kane wrestles at a billed weight of 323 and his brother The Undertaker at 299.

"The big thing was in the old days, you had the occasional big guy like Ernie "The Cat" Ladd and Andre the Giant and the matches were more actual wrestling and less acrobatic moves," Lunkwicz says. "We had a match even at the Beamont Club."

With the weekly television matches and pay-per-views like Sunday’s WWE Royal Rumble going for $44.99, do many of today’s stars retire rich before their shortened careers get the better of them?

"It’s kind of like everything," Lunkwicz says. "It’s the upper 5 to 10 percent. First of all, the majority of them don’t have long-term contracts. That’s why you see guys come and go."

Like former WWE star Chris Jericho who is slated to appear Monday at Sprint.

"He was one of the superstars and he dropped out over a conflict with Vince McMahon, over how much he should be paid" Lunkwicz says. "And he tried to make it in a rock band, but just never did anything."

The 41 year-old Jericho was lead singer in the heavy metal band Fozzy.

Also on hand Monday, in one of the main events, is a wrestler known as The Miz.

"The Miz is an obnoxious idiot who’s catch phrase is, ‘I’m awesome,’ " Lunkwicz says. "But there’s nothing very interesting about him. C.M. Punk is interesting because he’s pretty small and he acts like he’s on the outside, but if he was an outsider, he wouldn’t be in the WWE."

And so it goes, in the WWE six-days-a-week, high risk world of wrestling entertainment.

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 8 Comments

Glazer: The Price Paid & Damage Done From Being a ‘Lady’s Man’

I was watching the 1978 film, SAME TIME NEXT YEAR, with Alan Alda and Ellen Burstyn

It  was like 5 AM and I woke up early for radio and turned on the tube. It brought back memories of seeing the hit movie in the theater back in 1978. I watched as the story unfolded about a man and a woman who met at an out of way hotel one evening – both married – and began an affair that night. They continued to meet then for nearly 30 years, one weekend a year, until they were senior citizens. The night they met they were young and in love and it lasted a lifetime. Boy, what a tear jerker.

Remember the Johnny Mathis/Jane Oliver theme song, "HELLO I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME..BUT I’M HOPING ALL THE SAME THIS IS MORE THAN JUST A SIMPLE HELLO…"

Yep, all my memories of the important ladies in my life began to flash through my mind…..

There was Mary Nootz, the blondie life guard I met at the Georgetown apartments pool at age 14. I fell madly in love with her, her blue bathing suit, our romantic nights sneaking out, what her parents would never know. Even the smell of chlorine from the water. I thought I would die and go to heaven when she let me feel her breasts. I loved her – she left me at 15 and we got back together at 17 – but it was never the same….

At Arizona State, there was Karen Kirby, a Miss ASU. Nobody was more beautiful. The night she called and asked me out I was 10 feet tall. I was her first lover. Boy, was I happy and in love. "I’m gonna marry this girl," I thought. Then she left me for a restaurant owner named Bob Sikora of the Bobby McGees restaurant chain and married him instead. We got back together in 1989, but again, it just wasn’t the same.

Then there was Terri Gatewood, a waitress at Stanford’s in the early 1980’s. She loved me deeply. Terri was all for me going to Hollywood and she came with me. I was crazy in love with Terri, the love of my life. I was 27 and she was 24 – we’d last forever – it lasted two years in LA. and she married somebody else. She came to see me in KC around 2001, but it was never the same…

Then it happened again in 2002; I met the perfect girl, Connie Parker. Blonde, blue-eyed, midwestern morals, I fell in love and we would be married. We would last forever and we were married for five years. Today she lives with another man that she loves, not me.

I’ve been a ladies man since I was 15.

Too many women, too many lost loves. Yet when I see movies like SAME TIME NEXT YEAR and hear songs like that one – YES THE LAST TIME I FELT LIKE THIS I WAS FALLING IN LOVE, FALLING AND FALLING I NEVER FELT THIS WAY BEFORE – a tear rolls down my check.

I wipe it away and think "I’m alone. I loved all those women and ended up alone" 

The price one pays for being a lady’s man is quite high. And on some lonely nights, or a holiday, it’s quite hard on one’s emotions.

HELLO I JUST STOPPED TO SAY HELLO….and it would last the rest of our lives.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 20 Comments

Mermaid: Check Out Restaurant Week in Kansas City, Last Three Days

It’s Restaurant Week everyone and let me be the first to say this is a fantastic way to try out places you haven’t been to yet or maybe frequent a favorite spot. My date and I tried out Starker’s Restaurant last night and had a wonderful meal. Kudo’s to them for hanging in there after the tragic death of owner / chef John McClure last October.

They are doing great!

Here are the logistics- 

It’s $15 for lunch and $30 for dinner and all the restaurants have a prix fixe menu.

A portion of the money goes to Harvesters: The Community Food Network which provides meals to neighbors in need. Last year’s event generated more than $56,000. This year will be even better as it catches on. It’s for a great cause and it’s great for your wallet!

Over 100 restaurants are participating but there are only 3 days left and I recommend you make reservations. 

Here are my top ten picks for Restaurant Week:

1. Starker’s on the Plaza
    201 W 47 St
    816-753-3565

2. Bluestem
    900 Westport Rd.
    816-561-1101

3. Gram & Dun
    600 Ward Parkway
    816-389-2900

4. JJ’s Restaurant
    910 W 48 St
    816-561-7136

5. Michael Smith
    1900 Main St.
    816-842-2202

6. Room 39
    1719 W 39 St or 10561 Mission Rd.
     816-753-3939 913-648-7639

7. Seasons 52
    340 Ward Parkway
    816-516-5959

8. Sullivan’s Steakhouse
    4501 W 119 St
     913-345-0800

9. The American Restaurant
    200 E. 25 St
    816-545-8001

10. WestChase Grille
      11942 Roe Ave
      913-663-5400

Go, support Harvester’s and have a great meal too. The weather is great so get out and have FUN!

Posted in Food_and_Fashion | Tagged | 6 Comments