New Jack City: Hot Summer Box Office—The Race Is On!

When it comes to insecurity, Hollywood usually takes the cake…
 
Huge production and marketing costs have the studios relying ever more on so-called "tracking services" that forecast what films might open to in terms of ticket sales on specific debut weekends, as well as attempting to predict their "all in" boxoffice take.
 
With millions of dollars at stake and ongoing ad-pub repositioning right up to the film’s release date, Hollywood has spawned a sizeable sideline industry that delivers sophisticated statistical advance information that once was the domain of fortune tellers.
 
The 18 week long summer movie period beginning nowadays with the first weekend of May and running through Labor Day can easily make or break a studio’s fortunes.

Advance tracking of a film’s awareness and boxoffice potential also acts as an insurance policy for tinseltown’s movers and shakers. And if nothing else, may just save their butts from second guessing corporate brass.
 
Here’s how just one of the industry’s more reliable prognosticators projects this summer’s top achievers at north American boxoffices—by ticket $ales, of course.

The cream of the crop, summer blockbusters expected to produce opening weekend grosses of $50 million or more:
 
# 1—THE DARK KNIGHT RISES—Christian Bale/Joseph Gordon-Levitt opens July 20th. Projected opening weekend gross: $175 million.
 
# 2—MARVEL’s THE AVENGERS—Robert Downey, Jr./Chris Evans opens May 4. Projected opening weekend gross: $165 million.
 
# 3—THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN—Andrew Garfield/Emma Stone opens July 3. Projected opening weekend gross: $110 million.
 
# 4—MEN IN BLACK 3—Will Smith/Tommy Lee Jones opens May 25. Projected opening weekend gross: $80 million.
 
# 5–-BATTLESHIP—Liam Neeson/Taylor Kitsch opens May 18. Projected opening weekend gross: $75 million.
 
# 6—BRAVE—Pixar’s latest opens June 27. Projected opening weekend gross: $67 million.
 
# 7—SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN—Kristen Stewart/Chris Hemsworth opens June 1. Projected opening weekend gross: $65 million.
 
# 8—G.I. JOE RETALIATION—Channing Tatum/Dwayne Johnson opens June 29. Projected opening weekend gross: $55 million.
 
# 9—NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH—Ben Stiller/Vince Vaughn/ Jonah Hill opens July 27. Projected opening weekend gross: $52 million.
 
# 10 (tie)—MADAGASCAR 3: EUROPE’s MOST WANTED—Ben Stiller/Chris Rock opens June 8. Projected opening weekend gross: $50 million.
 
# 10 (tie)—THE BOURNE LEGACY-–Jeremy Renner/Rachel Weisz (…but no Matt Damon) opens August 3. Projected opening weekend gross: $50 million.
 
Also hit bound are the summer movies projected for opening weekends of between $30 to $49 million:
 
# 11 (tie)—ICE AGE: CONTINENTAL DRIFT—Ray Romano/Denis Leary opens July 13. Projected opening weekend gross: $45 million.
 
# 11 (tie)—THE EXPENDABLES 2-–Sly Stallone/Liam Hemsworth opens August 17. Projected opening weekend gross: $45 million.
HH
# 12—DARK SHADOWS—Johnny Depp/Michelle Pfeiffer opens May 11. Projected opening weekend gross: $40 million.
 
# 13 (tie)—PROMETHEUS—Michael Fassbender/Charlize Theron opens June 9. Projected opening weekend gross: $38 million.
 
# 13 (tie)—ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER—Benjamin Walker/Dominic Cooper opens June 22. Projected opening weekend gross: $38 million.
 
# 14—TOTAL RECALL—Colin Farrell/Kate Beckinsale opens August 3. Projected opening weekend gross: $34 million.
 
How close will these projected opening boxoffice numbers come to actual ticket sales? No one knows–YET!

But we’ll all be a heck of a lot smarter come Labor Day.

Posted in Jack_Poessiger | Tagged | 11 Comments

Glazer: They Could. Go All. The Way. This Year’s Royals Are the Real Deal!

Royals fans. FINALLY. No more waiting…

This is a post season team RIGHT NOW. The Royals have a ferocious hitting attack,maybe the best in baseball. They will win closer to 90 games than 80. Eric Hosmer is an MVP candidate. He could well hit plus 40 homers. A first for any KC baseball player, including the former A’s in KC.

Look for a .320 average plus 120 RBI’s and 42 home runs from baseball’s NEW KING OF SWAT ERIC HOSMER.

More good news: The Royals have at least 5, count them 5, guys who can all hit more than 20 dingers this year. Hosmer, Alex Gordon,Mike Moustakas, Billy Butler and Jeff Francoeur.  Oh yeah. The new guy Lorenzo Cain ain’t no punk…18 homers for him as well. This is a tough, tough batting lineup.

Allow me to be the first to say it; THE BEST OFFENSE THE ROYALS HAVE EVER HAD.

Worried about starting pitching? Who isn’t? Shocker! It’s just fine. Luke Hochevar will become a star right now. Danny Duffy, the new kid, might break through this year. Bruce Chen is decent and with the great defense and heavy hitters, might win 14 games. Jonathan Sanchez will be just fine. The bullpen is one of baseball’s best already. It’s stacked with outstanding arms, including Aaron Crow and Greg Holland.

Wow. Look out American League.

I’d like to say the Royals win the division, it will be tough with Detroit in our way. They may win 100 and the Royals finish second with 90 plus, but in the playoffs. The Royals offense is just too strong to overlook.

Hosmer will continue to raise all ships, just like George Brett did in the 70’s and 80’s. He’s off to a great start with the team going 2 out of 3 against a strong Angels ball club. By the way they have the old King of Swing, Albert Pujols. Make way for the new KING…Eric Hosmer.

Hey, I pissed on these guys for years. Rightfully so, but thank you Dayton Moore.

You did it Dayton, our first winner in nearly 30 years. Thank you, sir. This is going to be a fun summer. Royals tickets will not be so easy to get come July. I know some of these guys will be leaving in four or five years, but that’s time enough to go to a WORLD SERIES. Hey maybe, just maybe, we can keep a couple of them. Give Eric his 250 million dollar contract next season. Keep the best player in the game right here in Kansas City while he is still willing to stay.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 17 Comments

Hearne: Where’s the Easter Bunny When You Need Him? Mayor’s Son & The Westport Killing

News coverage can get a little dicey – even high profile murders in Westport – when they go down on Easter Sunday…

So it was that lots of local news organizations had a puzzle piece here, a puzzle piece there concerning the late night shooting of Kendrick L. Williams early Sunday morning. It appears Williams was a 22 year-old rapper who had performed that night at Ink Magazine‘s Middle Of The Map music fest in Westport.

Ink is owned by the Kansas City Star – which used its weekly Preview entertainment insert to plug the fest to Geritol-sipping readers.

And kudos to the Star for doing damage control up front by owning up to the fact that its fest appeared to be at the center of the confusion. As well as for tracking down KC Mayor Sly James’s double talking spokesdude about a rampant rumor that the mayor’s trouble magnet son Kyle James might have been in play at the scene of the crime.

Here’s what the Star reported:

"Police said they found the man after being called to investigate a disturbance at Ink’s Middle of the Map Fest music festival near 40th and Mill streets…

"Responding to reports that Mayor Sly James’ son may have witnessed the shooting, the mayor’s spokesman, Danny Rotert, e-mailed, “whether or not the mayor’s son was near, the shooting adds to a pattern of senseless violence that has to stop.”

Way to dodge the question, bro. 

None of the other reporting I saw dealt with the mayor’s son yesterday.

Now here’s what I was able to track down from a Westporter working the streets there at the time:

"I didn’t hear anything even though I was outside working about two blocks away," the source says. "And none of us there heard anything."

As for the victim Williams, "He was in the grocery store parking lot is what I heard from one of the Westport Security guys," the source says. "Not in Westport proper. That’s where a lot of the black kids hang out late at night, and I heard that Kyle James was there and had some verbal dialogue with the people in the car when it happened."

Speaking of which, KSHB TV reported witnesses told police they saw a burgandy-colored SUV speed away after the shooting.

Fox 4 News lead the news pack by getting quotes from Williams’ mother and two friends.

She told Fox 4 her "only child loved music and he was a rapper who was killed after performing in Westport on Saturday night."

So much for the local blogger who, aside from providing a few links to local news stories, stated incorrectly – according to the victim’s mother and Westport sources – that hip-hop couldn’t be blamed for the killing because the music fest was attended by a crowd that "was almost COMPLETELY white and without a single relevant rap music or hip-hop act."

Hold it right there…

According to Westport sources and the victim’s mom, the shooting took place outside but near the Middle of the Map fest, after the apparently musically irrelevant Williams had finished his gig.

So we’ll see what unfolds Monday and if the mayor’s son can dodge yet another PR bullet to go with the pair he ducked last year.

The first for allegedly refusing to pay his tab at Power & Light District eatery Fran’s, then threatening the arresting, off-duty KCPD cop. Naturally, Fran’s declined to press charges. Who wants to get on the bad side of a new mayor with four years left in office?

Kyle was later accused of punching a woman in the face at midtown bar The Point, but assault charges were dropped after the woman accuser failed to show for the trial. As Glazer might say, "Hmmmmmmm"

As it happens, the mayor’s son has been doing some rapping of his own. Kyle appeared on the album of another local rap artist (who contributed some work to the mayor’s election campaign) last year.

With, choice lines in Kyle’s rap like, "I remember when nobody said that I would be on the front page news. Even my moma told me I should get a real job or go back to school. But I don’t care, I won’t lose."

You can’t make this kinda stuff up, ladies and gentlemen.

Now here’s what Kyle told the Star last year after allegedly popping that chick in the kisser:

This is not the first time I have apologized for what I have done and quite possibly it won’t be the last. I am trying to find myself as a person an individual separate from the circumstances that draw attention to this situation.”

Look, nobody’s saying the mayor’s son was involved in the shooting. But what does he know and will he squeal like a pig? Let’s see how this all shakes out Monday. And if hizzonor stonewalls his son’s curious involvements once again.

Read more here: http://voices.kansascity.com/entries/kyle-james-dilemma/#storylink=cpy
Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2012/04/08/3542821/man-shot-killed-in-kansas-city.html#storylink=cpy
Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 32 Comments

Donnelly: Standing Room Crowd Watches Sporting Dismantle Donovan’s LA Galaxy

The sun finally poked through the clouds right before kickoff of the standing-room-only Sporting KC-LA Galaxy game which, to the dismay of many females in attendance, did not feature David Beckham.

In fact, Beckham didn’t even make the trip to KC as he is currently sidelined with an injury.

Straight away KC was looking to get forward, creating a half chance in the first minute.  It became apparent quickly that LA, just like Chivas and Dallas, have taken notice of physical KC striker CJ Sapong and decided to do the only thing they can to slow him down. 

Namely, grab him, hold him, and generally foul the shit out of him early and often. 

After the initial burst of energy to start the game, both teams settled in.  Sporting looked especially patient and calculated, knocking the ball around the back and keeping possession before picking the right times to attack. 

At the 25 minute mark, Chance Myers almost scored his first ever MLS goal (yet again) after Roger Espinoza sneakily crossed his defender over on the end line.  Chance got the garbage ball that popped out and forced LA keeper Josh Saunders into a nice diving save. 

Moments later, KC wildman Aurelien Coillin showed his fearlessness and flew into a tackle at the top of KC’s penalty area, saving a clear chance from a rushing Galaxy winger.

And so it went, back and forth, for most of the first half with KC holding a distinct advantage in possession and chances. 

In the 41st minute, after possessing and building methodically for several minutes, Sporting finally found the back of the net off one of the prettiest setups in recent memory. 

Bobby Convey earned his first points in Sporting Blue by delivering the assist, a perfect left footed bender that found Kei Kamara wide open at the back post.  Kei met the bender and directed a sweet header into the opposite side netting, leaving no chance for Saunders, and putting KC up 1-0. 

Five minutes later, when the ref signaled halftime, LA already looked tired, unable to get the numbers advantage going forward.  Probably due in part to KC’s possession advantage, which stood at 62% to LA’s 38% heading into the locker rooms. 

The second half was more of the same, with KC dominating in pretty much every aspect of the game.  They knocked the ball around effortlessly and beautifully while LA struggled mightily just to piece together any semblance of cohesion. 

Zusi and Espinoza might as well have been four men out there as they patrolled the midfield, scrapping and winning everything that came their way.  And they’ve gotten so comfortable and compatible with each other that it doesn’t even matter that Bobby Convey disappears at times in the run of play.  To do what they’re doing, their fitness levels are simply world class.

Even KC boss Peter Vermes took notice, saying afterwards, “Those guys were solid, I have to say. Those guys were very, very solid, especially on the second balls today. I thought there was no doubt, over the course of 90 minutes, we dominated the second balls in the midfield.”

That’s about the highest praise that Vermes is capable of, so take that for what it’s worth. 

Though LA did put together a bit better possession toward the end of the second half they never even attempted a shot on goal.  For the entire game. 

Think about that. 

LA is the defending MLS champ and many pundits favor them to repeat.  They feature one of the most potent one-two scoring duos in the league in Landon Donovan and Robbie Keane.  Not to mention Edson Buddle and Juninho.  And they couldn’t get a shot on target for over 90 minutes.

Even White Puma Jimmy Nielsen took the opportunity to recognize how well the defense is playing.  “Shots on target: Zero, in the whole game, again,” said Nielsen.  “That’s pretty impressive. The guys in front of me are making my job very easy.”

Even more impressive, this is the second game in a row KC’s foe has failed to put even a single shot on target.

Do you think Matt Besler was right when he told me during preseason that "It’s huge" having the same back line returning for 2012?  Umm, yeah.  Huge might be an understatement.  

LA’s frustrations grew and grew as the final minutes ticked by, with Donovan cheap-shotting Kei to earn a yellow card as the sturdy KC winger shielded the ball in the corner. 

All in all, a very impressive performance by Sporting Kansas City.  Though they only scored the one goal, their flow was probably the best I’ve ever seen it, other than the last 10 so minutes that saw KC content to just boom the ball out of their defensive end.  It was a little curious to see them do so after holding the ball so nicely for 90% of the game, especially when they only led by one goal. 

The win puts the boys in blue at 5-0, a feat that has only been accomplished two other times in MLS history. 

When the final whistle blew, the chiseled Sapong and Collin ripped off their jerseys and sprinted for the Cauldron, tossing the sweat-soaked souvenirs to a frenzied fan base that might still be singing and dancing as you are reading this.

 

Posted in Sporting_Kansas_City | Tagged | 5 Comments

Glazer: Scribe Does Vegas, Lives to Tell the Story

Two weeks ago I visited one of my favorite haunts, Las Vegas...

Naturally, I took Black Barbie (Monique) with me and we stayed at the Bellagio. The good news is Vegas was packed – I mean wall to wall. It was Final Four weekend, actually, the Elite Eight. More important it was Spring Break and Arizona State, University of Arizona, UCLA and tons of other school’s hipsters were all over the place.

You had to wait in line for almost everything, even in the coffee shops.

Sure the event weekend upped the crowd sizes, but the trusty cab drivers all told me, "Things are on the upswing…big time."  I was told weekdays had even picked up quite a bit. All the major hotels were sold out. The shows were sold out. Hey, I stayed through Monday and even Sunday day and night was packed.

Last time I was there was in Chiefs season on a Sunday, and even with the NFL it was very slow.

Is this a good sign for the U.S. economy? I think it is.

Another reason I went at this time was to see a couple of my pals. Comedy now totally dominates the big Vegas showrooms and Carlos Mencia was at Treasure Island, Kevin Hart was at Mandalay Bay and my good friend, Frank Caliendo had the Venetian. All Stanford’s guys from the 90’s and early 2000’s.

Monique wanted to see Kevin Hart, but I’m closer with Frank, so we did his show on Saturday night. Frank had us back stage to the green room before the show. He took great care of us and even had us sit by his parents in the audience. When we walked into his dressing room area he had his crew with him, and started doing Craig Glazer stories in my voice (Frank’s a voice impressionist as you know).

He was doing me as we walked in: "So Frank, I know you told me not to promote the fact you just got hired to be on Mad TV this fall, but I had to make sure we sold out…So I gotta tell ya, I put your picture on a big billboard in Westport and under the photo of you it says, MAD TV. Are you pissed?" 

Funny stuff.

Caliendo is pretty G-rated and he had that type of Jeff Foxworthy crowd watching his show, so it was fun. He did my voice for a minute on stage and made me look good. Sadly I didn’t get to see Mencia, that was his last night at Treasure Island. Mencia had performed at Stanford’s earlier this past year. Great guy. Monique didn’t know who Frank was until we pulled up to the Venetian and she saw his large posters and billboards and then said, "Oh, the John Madden guy."

Yes sir, the money was flowing. It didn’t look like we were in an economic crisis anymore.

Even the nightclubs had waits to get in – not like last time when they were giving away free passes. I know it was a special weekend, but staffers told me it had been like this for a few months. Damn. Even the pools had waits on chairs and it was about 80 degrees all three days.

Security was at an all time high though.

Every elevator had guards wanting to see your room key 24 hours. This is not new, but usually it slows or stops in the daytime. Not now.

I noticed far less hookers at the main hotels. The bartenders said they were doing a big crack down – new Sheriff in town.

And they’d been busting the bigger hotels for press. Undercover cops were all over the place. Yes, there were still hookers to be found, but nothing like the usual.

How busy was Vegas?

Here’s my snapshot. My flight got in at midnight, and the wait for a cab had a line AROUND THE AIRPORT that had to be over a mile long. For real. I had to rent a limo for 80 bucks to get the hell out of there before our vacation was over. Damn. And the ride from the airport is only about four miles.

Sadly a few of the nice hotels had taken a beating as of late. Even the Venetian, one of my favorites, was a bit worn in the casino area and in need of an update. The Bellagio had already been redone in most of its rooms and the casino area. The newer Encore was jammed as well.

I have to admit I was glad to see Vegas on such a big upswing because lots of KC folks go out there and often.

Monique and I were walking down the big runway at Venetian when a group yelled out, "Hey isn’t that Craig Glazer?"  That made me feel and look good. And a few moments later another group yelled, "Hey man that’s Craig Glazer, what an asshole!"

Oh, well…

Must have been some knucklehead KC Confidential readers from the comments section, huh?

By the way, yes, I won a bit and I took a new stance. I Played black jack and craps for short periods. Then when I got up two or three hundred I quit and cashed in my chips. I normally play Texas Hold ’em, but with a date, that’s kinda tough because they get bored waiting three hours on your game.

So I won just over a grand, which didn’t come close to paying for the trip but was better than losing.

I bet a decent amount on KU, they covered on North Carolina. Did a decent wager on the Royals and the over – their magic number is 78 1/2 and I like them to do better.

They had a fun bet on Eric Hosmer – his magic number on home runs is 25 1/2.

But I didn’t go nuts like I did last season on the Chiefs on the under. This year the Chief’s magic number is 9, and I and think that’s about where they will be, so its not a safe bet either way. That’s why I didn’t bet that one.

It was kinda weird to come back home and go to the Hollywood Casino at Legends.

Was there this past weekend and it was busy too. Not nearly the same vibe as Vegas though. Ran into my radio pal, Johnny Dare and he and his crew were playing the 1 cent slots. Very conservative. I joked about how boring the slots are and went and played black jack and lost two hundred bucks. Then I went back to see what Dare was up too, and can you believe it? He won over a hundred bucks on that damn slot machine.

Guess he is smarter than I am.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 38 Comments

Leftridge: 10 Enlightening Observations From Opening Day

Ah, Opening Day. For baseball fans, it’s like Christmas in April. Well… Christmas Part Two: Santa’s Revenge. I mean honestly, do you know a lot of Muslim baseball fans? I can only count like, six or seven, certainly no more than eight, so it goes without saying that most baseball fans also celebrate Christmas. But I digress.

It signals the end of a long, harsh winter (well, except for this freakishly warm previous one), a time to cast aside prior failure and set shoot for the stars (unless you’re in the AL Central, and then it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion that the Detroit Tigers will be taking it all, and with frightful ease).

Alright, alright… so for most Kansas City baseball fans, it’s “same shit, different day.” But it’s all about watching the team grow and flourish in incremental, yet important ways. Starters going a bit deeper under the tutelage of new pitching coach Dave Eiland. The maturation of principal parties like Eric Hosmer, Mike Moustakas, Alcides Escobar and Lorenzo Cain. The solidification of last year’s mostly-impressive bullpen.

And while nothing too significant can be taken from one single loss—it’s a marathon, not a sprint, nobody wins them all, blah blah blah—most sportswriters worth their weight in advertisers gift-certificates know that it’s crucial to make broad leaps and unjust predictions based off of a mere 1/162nd of a season.

So what did I learn from tonight’s game that will affect everything that happens between now and late September?
 

Yost’s in game decisions will cost the Royals some games:

Royals starter Bruce Chen was pulled way too early. I get it—it’s early in the season—SUPER early, in fact. But Bruce Chen is 58 years old. He has pitched on every major league team in the league, including some teams no longer in existence (the 1934 Cleveland Spiders, the 1953 Montana Potatoes). He had thrown 75 pitches and was ABSOLUTELY CRUISING. They’re not trying to preserve his arm for a title defense in 2016. They’re trying to win games now. Taking him out made no sense. You ride this little Panamanian pony until his arm flies off and strikes a befuddled fan in the first row.

Yost also either pulled relief pitcher Aaron Crow too late, or pulled him too early. I think you either let him work through his bases-loaded shit-storm, or you don’t put him in that position to begin with. You bring Greg Holland out to start the 8th.

These two decisions compounded into a loss that falls squarely on the lap of the Skip. It’s too early to call for his head—OR IS IT?!? (yes, it is)—but it IS something worth keeping an eye on.
 

Speaking of Chensanity:

I love the guy. He’s a fantastic presence in the clubhouse, a great mentor for all of the young pitchers and a hero to all of those of either Panamanian and/or Chinese descent. If you’re depending on Chen as your opening day starter, however, you’re far, far away from serious contention. Sorry, but it’s true. He makes a fine 5th—MAYBE 4th—starter on a contender, but he wouldn’t sniff opening day for any real baseball team. Until “little things” like this get fixed, the Royals will continue to be a joke.
 

Jared Weaver looks like he smells of old nacho cheese and Kool cigarettes:

GodDAMN that guy is greasy… really, really good, but SOOO gross looking. He looks like he’d play an extra in the big-screen adaptation of an unpublished SE Hinton novel. He was cosmically designed to be shooting pool in a smoky billiards hall in Tulsa, Oklahoma instead of being one of the preeminent pitchers in all of baseball. Obviously, I’m just jealous.
 

The Royals issued only one walk, and it was intentional:

If there’s one thing that has consistently killed the Royals year after year, it’s the free-fucking-pass. Good teams don’t walk batters; they make their opponents put it in play or take one off the noodle. Last night, the Royals pitchers attacked. And while the results obviously weren’t what the team had hoped for—a 5-0 loss—they made the Angels hitters earn it. Kudos.
 

The graphics department got some new tools, haven’t quite figured them out yet:

It feels like FSN upgrades their production software each year, but it doesn’t really make much of a difference. I like how the on-screen stat-board that shows the score, the runners, the inning and the pitch count no longer has three circles for “outs,” though. To me, that third circle was a wasted one. If both circles are filled, we can guess that the next out will be the third one. THiS IS PROGRESS, PEOPLE

Sincerely,
The Ghost of Andy Rooney

 

Speaking of the Broadcast (New Faces Dept.)

Rex Hudler made his debut as color commentator last night, as well as some early, indelible impressions.

 1) He talks a LOT. If Frank White was the embodiment of brevity, who took a “less is more” approach, then Hudler is the Old Country Buffet of verbal diarrhea. My wife said, “man, this guy acts like he knows a lot, huh?” Hopefully, this is new-job jitters and it’ll all be ironed out within a few weeks.

2) He also sounds like a Mexican guy selling me a car at a used car lot where I can buy there, pay there, my bad credit or no credit is no problem, and if I only speak Spanish, it’s not a problem because they do as well.

3) He sounds like commentary on a baseball video game (which makes sense, as he has apparently been featured on several versions of MLB: The Show for various incarnations of the Playstation).

4) He sounds like Chong (which makes sense because he was busted for weed possession at MCI in 2003).

5) Sometimes, he sounds Canadian (which makes sense because he had a brain aneurysm in 2001).

Welcome aboard, Rex. I’m kind of an asshole.

Looks can be deceiving:

At one point, I saw Danny Duffy in the dugout, thought it was Jimmy Gobble, and got really frightened. Oh, Heemy Hobble, why must you continue to haunt my dreams?!
 

This Offense Will be Streaky:

We know this. It’s no surprise. When you’ve got a bunch of young, inexperienced lads with loads of talent and minimal exposure, you’ll have days where you’d sacrifice an adorable kitten for a bloop hit.

Before Brayan Pena’s single in the third, I was pretty convinced that I might be witnessing an opening day no hitter. I could TOTALLY see it. I began worrying. I wondered, has that ever happened? It has. The Cleveland Indians’ Bob Feller no-hit the Chicago White Sox on opening day, 1940. Bruce Chen came out of the bullpen for the Sox and struck out two in the eighth. Will wonders never cease? Apparently not.
 

Lorenzo Cain covers a LOT of ground in CF:

And he wears Willie Wilson’s number. Sweet.

(I was going to make a cocaine joke here, but I figure that’s been done to death. It’s kind of like the Helen Keller jokes we all heard growing up. Seriously? We’re still picking on this deaf, dumb and blind chick 100 years removed? SHE DIED IN 1968, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. Can’t we just get on with our lives?!)
 

Advertisers breaking new ground (From the, “What Would Our Xenophobic Commenters Think?” Department):

I witnessed a commercial for "U-Pick-It" that was entirely broadcast in Spanish. My first thought was, “did we somehow pick up the Los Angeles feed? No? Oh, okay.

My second thought was, “wait… did this place rip off U-Wrench-It? Did U-Wrench-It change its name? I’ve been to U-Wrench-It. I’m no pussy, but that’s a scary fucking place.”

My third thought was, “WE ARE BEING TAKEN OVER. CONCEAL AND CARRY. REMEMBER TRAYVON. I HAVE A DREAM. SAVE ME, REX HUDLER, SAVE ME!

One down, 161 more of these columns to go.

Save me Rex Hudler, indeed.
 

Posted in Sports | Tagged | 2 Comments

Starbeams: NFL Axes Coaches for Answering Fans Prayers, Google as Foreplay, Katy Perry

Coaches from the New Orleans Saints have been suspended for encouraging players to injure players on other teams for money.  Basically, they got in trouble for saying what I’m yelling at my TV every Sunday!

********

Google has strung over 100 miles of cable in Kansas City and promises speeds 100 times faster than broadband and 1,000 times faster for uploads.  I’m going to miss the slow downloads for the sites I visit because I’ve always considered it to be foreplay.

*******

Blue Valley Southwest students felt their school lacked identity so they lip-dubbed a video of all the students singing Katy Perry‘s "Firework" on the school’s campus. Ironically, the lip-synching was more convincing than Katy Perry’s lip-synching at Sprint Center.

Kelly Urich hosts the morning show on The Point 99.7 FM

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Glazer: Drag Bar Missie B’s Taking Over America’s Pub Space in Westport

This just in, the rumors are TRUE…

Missie B’s will take over the big corner America’s Pub held for years until this past January on Westport Road…

This sends a clear message on two counts. One the iconic local gay bar and drag show deluxe club is ONLY coming to Westport because it has solved the hip-hop urban crowd issue with the departure of America’s Pub. The other reason is simple, Westport is busy again.

There’s still the question if Missie B’s will maintain its current location at 805 West 39th Street, where it’s been for decades. However in my opinion they will not keep it because the rent at America’s Pub is so high and it’s just too close to its soon new location in Westport.
 
I was doing radio this morning when I got the good news. Some on-air folks told me the Missie B’s tale and that they were already remodeling. Sure enough I spotted a couple people going in and out of the old America’s Pub building with paint brushes and ladders and they confirmed that they were with Missie B’s but could not talk about it.

So it sure seems they’re on the move.

And Missie B’s often draws over 500 people a night on weekends.

With as many as half the attendees being, you know, straight. – women there for bachelorette parties and people who find the cabaret, drag show lifestyle interesting and entertaining. Missie B’s crowds rarely cause any issues; they spend well and are considered upscale.

And just to lay it on the line, they’re mostly white.

It’s highly unlikely Missie B’s would come to Westport if they thought the "young black kid problem" was going to continue

More than any other group of late night night owls, this one is very frightened by "hood gangsta groups" or even people they suspect might be that. Like most folks, gay men and woman just want  to have their food, fun and firewater in peace.

So it looks like another great move forward for Westport.

In just a one year or less Westport will again be THE KING of entertainment districts in Kansas City, Missouri.  Give credit to Doug Krtek the landlord of Manor Square for making this very positive move.

I’ve not gotten official word from them it’s a done deal, but it sure looks that way.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 21 Comments

Hearne: Plaza Patron Weighs in on Urban Teen Problem Through Kid’s Eyes

At the risk of starting a comments section race riot and against my better judgement…

I’m going to share with you an interview I conducted on St. Patrick’s Day on the Country Club Plaza. A conversation with 39 year-old suburban mother of two, Ann Thompson. Thomson was there on a shopping spree at Urban Outfiters, H&M, Bananna Republic and Standard Style, if that tells you anything about her.

Thompson’s take on the scene outside Seville upon observing the behavior of dozens of black urban teens and the Plaza Security police in afternoon on a warm, sunny afternoon?

"The thing is, the kids that were there weren’t dressed like most white kids would, but they weren’t dressed poorly," Thompson says. ‘They looked like kids who took pride in how they dressed and got dressed up to go out.

"But I felt bad about it because they were being ushered here or there – five to ten kids in a group," she continues. "I mean, that’s called loitering and if you had a group of white kids loitering, chances are they’d probably be indignant if the security did to them what they were doing to the black kids. You know like, ‘I have the right to be here. You can’t tell me where I can stand.’

"The sad thing is, you have this group of black kids with nowhere to go and they’re loitering. And when they’re asked to move it’s because it’s because they’re seen as loiterers and a threat. Where the white kids are just loiterers. No one’s uncomfortable or afraid of the white kids, they’re just a nuisance. The group of black kids are a nuisance and a threat."

There’s more…

"So when that kid said, ‘We be movin,’ before the security guys even reached him, it was an acknowledgement that they know that they’re perceived as a threat," Thompson says. "And the fact that they have that kind of self-awareness is what’s wrong. That’s what hurts our society because it is racism.

"These kids were on good behavior as far as I’m concerned – they were on good behavior. Yet they knew they were perceived as a threat and what a terrible weight to bear when you’re 13. That’s just wrong. I mean, that’s sad.

"They were cleancut looking; they were well-dressed and they were not acting up. But they were still being treated as though they were going to do something wrong. But I have to side with the Plaza, too. When you’re on the Plaza, you don’t just see big groups of people standing around. They’re constantly in motion and standing around and doing nothing is loitering."

Therein lies the conundrum – that even in a best case scenario- urban teens on the Plaza or at Ward Parkway‘s spruced up new AMC Theaters and Cinemark in Merriam have their work cut out finding their place in a world that largely mistrusts them.

Merely because of the color of their skin.

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 58 Comments

Jack Goes Confidential: ‘American Reunion, ‘Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda But Didn’t

AMERICAN REUNION– Scene # 1: Jason Biggs and Alyson Hannigan are now married with child and their union has turned stale…

He’s sitting on the bed rubbing one off into a tube sock while watching porn on his laptop.

Ooops, the young son walks in on him.

Scene # 2: Mom is taking a bath and giving her vag a workout with the handheld showerhead. You guessed it, the kid walks in on her as well.

So begins the 8th slice of American Pie which, at best, has become a bit stale since since its debut in 1999.

But credit AMERICAN PIE with jump starting the modern shock-humor romps which have flourished since with the likes of THE HANGOVER, BRIDESMAIDS and SUPERBAD.

Yeap, there’ve been seven lewd ‘pies’ to date – three theatricals and four that went direct to video.
 
Now as Universal resurrects what they hope will become an enduring mini-franchise, we find all of the original cast members back on the screen. Lifelong friends—and some not so—coming home to East Great Falls as harmonial adults reminicing and recharging their batteries.
 
Even widowed dad Eugene Levy ends up getting a little action!

But much of the material plays forced and tired. We’ve seen it all before. MANY TIMES BEFORE.

And a particularly gross-out scene that has Stifler taking a dump into an unsuspecting enemy’s food/drink cooler (with the expected results) really doesn’t add a helluva lot to the proceedings.

Thanks, but no thanks here to the film’s new production team which comes to the Pie series from the Harold and Kumar comedies.
 
But give credit where credit is due. Sean William Scott as Stifler is the glue that’s holding this rather limp flick together.
 
And speaking of Stifler—actually his mom who hooks up with Eugene Levy—in one of the funniest scenes goes down (literally) within the film’s end credits.

The two are having a movie date at the local theater. He’s enjoying a large box of popcorn. She starts moving south and—-well let’s just say the scene gives an all new meaning to the term "bottomless popcorn box."
 
Did I laugh? Occasionally.
 
But with a running time of just under two hours, the filmmakers could’ve easily trimmed the reunion by a good 20 minutes.
 
AMERICAN REUNION co-starring Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan, Chris Klein, Tara Reid, Seann William Scott, Mena Suvari, Jennifer Coolige and Eugene Levy takes a small bite out of the pie, barely raising 2-1/2 out of 5 limp fingers.

JACK GOES TO THE MOVIES Friday mornings at 6:40 a.m. on NewsRadio KMBZ Am & Fm and anytime on Time-Warner Cable’s K.C. ON DEMAND, Channel 411.

Posted in Jack_Poessiger | Tagged | 4 Comments

Glazer: The Important News Today is Just a Reality Show

Who can keep up?

We’re all just waiting for the next horrible murder, the next scandal in Washington, the next kidnapping of a small child in Kansas City, and of course, the next time Charlie Sheen or some other name celebrity gets arrested for D.U.I. And let’s not forget the sports scandals either.

But how many of you have already forgotten the U.S. credit ratings drop last year?

There’s always so much to take in but so little time to think much about anything.

The "important" news comes at us so fast and so frequently, it’s impossible to even get one issue sorted out before nine more whack us in the kisser.

In just the last couple weeks, in an episode of "Boys In The Hood," Trayvon Martin was shot and killed by George Zimmerman.

Hell, it must be a hate crime, Al Sharpton is sure of it.

Just ask all the bandwagon riders. It was just cause he was wearing a hoody, and oh yeah, he’s a black person, that he was murdered, right? Or was it a case of a Hispanic (according to Jessie Jackson, Zimmerman was more white) being fearful of black men late at night? 

So Zimmerman yelled something out, was hit after more words were exchanged, pulled out his gun and shot the person out of fear? We’ll never know what happened, will we?

We have the Afghanistan shootings by Marine Robert Bates. He doesn’t remember a thing. Not a thing. Is it battle fatigue, batshit crazy or both?

Kansas lost to Kentucky and that was page one in Kansas City. But on page two or three was the school shooting in Oakland by One Goh. He admitted to killing seven people, because he was upset.

Apparently school shootings happen too often to be as big a deal as they once were. Especially if it’s a vocational school in Oakland for Koreans. Right?

Overshadowing all of these real news stories are the sports scandals. "The Bounty Hunters" of New Orleans. Tim Tebow being dumped. Peyton Manning going to Denver. Drug dealing in the NFL – wait – they dropped that one. Sports D.U.I’s and "He hit me," said some player’s wife. Tiger Woods and his women, and now his sex tapes.

Life has become the Movie Network.

Remember, "I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!"  That’s what they all yelled out their window. With the economic woes of today and the last five years, who can blame anyone for feeling that way?

We just can’t keep up with the bad news. We can’t focus on fixing much of anything. There just isn’t time.

Plus we gotta answer all those e-mails and Facebook folks. Life has become one long run of "avoiding my own issues. Pal, I got troubles of my own –  who has time for anybody else?" 

Sadly, that’s now true.

We used to pay about 7 to 10 bills a month. Today it’s 20 to 30 bills, maybe more. Cable TV, cell phones, several insurance plans, two car payments, a landline phone bill, electric, water, common area care (WTF?), five retail credit cards, four Master and Visa cards and maybe if you’re lucky, an American Express, the club bill, the dentist (most not covered by insurance), the medical not covered by insurance,

Sound familiar? I could go on.

I saw a movie last night for the 20th time, SEVEN. After a horrible murder of Brad Pitt‘s young wife, he murders the killer. His police partner is left with only sorrow. Morgan Freeman, the partner, quotes Hemingway:

"The World is a great place and worth fighting for…..well, I believe the second part is true."

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 7 Comments

Hearne: Westport Invites Kansas City to Celebrate 420 Day on April 20th

Smoke ’em if you got ’em…

Don’t look now, but one of America’s most infamous holidays – 420 Day – is about to splash down in Westport. That’s right, local smoking rights champion Bill Nigro is spearheading an annual bash celebrating the fine art of smoking pot. Right here in River City.

"Well, we’re not calling it 420 Day," Nigro hedges. "Our event’s called the Westport Smokeout and we’re going to do some fun things. Jerusalem Cafe’s going to have a Hookah bar and our feature band is going to be The Pornhuskers."

Never heard of the legendary Pornhuskers? Read on.

"Will rock for sex," reads a description of the band on Last FM. "America’s premiere Pornographic Punk Rock band! Coming soon to fuck your town silly! Bring them home after the show, let them sleep at your place, your girlfriends’ place, and her girlfriends’ too while you’re at it."

And for those of you who’ve been hiding out in the Unibomber‘s old digs or holed up in a remote location reading old Skip Sleyster ads in the Kansas City Staryou know who you are – 420 Day falls on April 20th (get it?) and stems from an Urban Legend that grew into the national day to celebrate and smoke marijuana.

But back to 420 Day, I mean, Westport Smokeout…

"We’re going to have a huge table full of raw tobacco and we’ll have a cigarette rolling contest with prizes," Nigro says.

Lemme guess, dinner for two at the Cigar Bar and a juice dessert afterwards nextdoor at Bazooka’s?

"No, I don’t think that’s the prize," Nigro says. "Although it sounds fun – I mean who doesn’t like the Cigar Bar."

And while there’ll be reps from NORML (National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws) to sign up  registered voters for a petition to legalize you-know-what in Missouri, there’ll be no drug paraphernalia on sale, Nigro says. "Then we’re also going to let people sign a petition to let bars have smoking rooms like they allow in other cities."

Maybe even an outdoor drive in movie of sorts with Cheech & Chong playing on the big screen.

It all goes down – quite naturally – in Westport at 4:20 pm, on 4/20 and ending at 11:45 p.m.

"I’m bringing my 20-foot long, giant cigarette that I saved from the Smoking Ban Fight a few years back,"  Nigro says.

Geez, what’s next, strippers?

"No, we’re just going to be having an informative party about what’s going on in America about smoking," Nigro says. "Because while one smoking substance is legal, it’s illegal to smoke it inside. And the other smoking substance is illegal, but everyone’s smoking it inside because it’s illegal."

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 13 Comments

Sounds Good: Sporting vs LA @ LIVESTRONG, Leo Kottke @ Uptown, Muder by Death @ Beaumont & Split Lip @ Bottleneck

A bunch of news that may be of interest to you awesome people who love soccer and music…
 
First, the soccer news. 

Tickets for the HUGE Sporting-LA Galaxy game this Saturday at LIVESTRONG are sold out. 

However, there are still a few standing room tickets you can buy in a package that includes a ticket to the Montreal game on May 5th.  And trust me, some of the standing room spots in LIVESTRONG are my favorite places to watch from, so the view will still be great.  Plus, as an added bonus – you’ll be closer to the beer concession.  

Think about it.

And Wakarusa pass prices are increasing this Saturday at 11:59 pm. 

Yep, tickets for Brett Mosiman’s annual Arkansas throw-down are going fast, so they’re cutting off the early bird discounts this weekend.  With the money you save buying now you can get that new hula hoop or patchwork corduroys you’ve been eyeing.     
 
Finally, the Middle of the Map Festival is invading KC this Thursday thru Saturday, with over 80 bands at 8 venues.  There are a bunch of different ticketing options, but from what I can tell a whole festival pass is going for $35 and one day passes are $20.  This hipster’s delight includes national acts like Mission of Burma, Neon Indian, Fun, White Denim, and, like I said, about 75 others.
 
On to the picks!…  

Friday, April 6th

Leo Kottke at Uptown Theater in KC

I first got to know Kottke in my post-Phish days when he started collaborating with weirdo Mike Gordon.  Together, they’ve released a couple albums that are pretty decent.  From there, I worked backwards into Kottke’s catalogue finding a wide range of jazz, folk, and even classical sounding pieces, mostly instrumental, and all highlighted by Kottke’s virtuosic guitar playing.  Like the Native Americans’ relation to the buffalo, Kottke uses every part of the 6 and 12 string guitar to his benefit, creating multiple layers of sounds that you wouldn’t think just one guy with an acoustic guitar could produce.  Every now and again he’ll even throw in a vocal, but his bread is buttered by his instrumental soundscapes.  This all sit-down affair should be a mellow way to kick off your weekend.  And it may make you go home and throw away your guitar.  

 

Murder by Death, Mates of State, Cowboy Indian Bear at the Beaumont Club in KC

This should be one of the cooler shows of the Middle of the Map Festival.  Headliners Murder by Death are an alt-country act from Indiana that many in these parts are familiar with due to their relentless touring schedule.  Count local music honk Jacki Becker among the group’s KC fan base.  She’s booked and seen these guys more than any other band in her many years in the biz, so take that for what it’s worth.  MBD’s most recent album, Good Morning Magpie, was written in Justin Vernon-like isolation.  But instead of a cabin in Wisconsin, singer and guitarist Adam Turla walked into the woods of Tennessee with his guitar and emerged some time later with bug bites and an album.

“There were days where I’d sit down and write for seven hours, make dinner, and then sit down and write late into the night with my little camp light going: just intense, nonstop sessions of pure writing,” said Turla.  “I didn’t speak to a single person the whole time.”

Also on the bill- and sure to draw out a bunch of their loyal local fans- is Cowboy Indian Bear, the ambient, indie dance-pop act led by the notorious Marty Hillard, also of Ebony Tusks fame.  CIB also features Katlyn Conroy, whose electronic side project, La Guerre, is performing at the fest as well.
 

This is just one of the venues and one of the nights of the Middle of the Map Festival.  Some of the others that I would keep an eye on include Neon Indian, Capybara, Thee Water Mocassins, and Stik Figa.  But I don’t have the time or the space to blurb about all my favs, so check out their website at www.middleofthemapfest.com for a full schedule.  

Saturday, April 7th

Split Lip Rayfield, Bright Light Social Hour, Red Eye Gravy at the Bottleneck in Lawrence
If you live in KC, like live music, and have never seen Split Lip, then you don’t really like live music.  You’re living a lie.

These guys are an important part of the Midwest music scene, having peddled their whiskey-soaked wares for a long, long time.  They still bring it live harder than ever.  Of course, the death of guitarist Kirk Rundstrom several years ago was a huge blow, but Split Lip re-emerged from that catastrophe and have forged ahead just like Kirk likely would’ve wanted them to.

“Well the whiskey is gone/ But the pain’s still there…”

With Lawrence’s recent bluegrass revival in full swing, this show will likely sell out so get your tickets early.

Posted in Entertainment | Tagged | 2 Comments

Whinery: Questionable Media Coverage and Trayvon’s Death

“But the most brilliant propagandist technique will yield no success unless one fundamental principle is borne in mind constantly and with unflagging attention. It must confine itself to a few points and repeat them over and over.”

Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf

In a smear campaign normally reserved for Republican candidates for President, George Zimmerman, the “alleged murderer” of Trayvon Martin, appears to have been thoroughly vilified by a vindictive media.

The “official” story goes as follows: racist white guy, without provocation and with malice aforethought, shoots and kills a defenseless black child… And for all I know- that may very well be the case.

But there are some distortions I would like to point out.

The New York Times, arguably the standard bearer of the mainstream media, refers to Mr. Zimmerman as a “White Hispanic.” Hispanics are classified as Caucasians, but I don’t think that’s the point the Times is trying to convey…

Take the “Selective Editing” of the 911 call from Mr. Zimmerman by NBC’s “Today” show. Today’s edit, being, “This guy looks like he’s up to no good… he looks black.”

The’s Actual Zimmerman transcript: “This guy looks like he’s up to no good. Or he’s on drugs or something. It’s raining and he’s just walking around, looking about.”

911 Officer: “OK, and this guy, is he black, white or Hispanic?”

Zimmerman: “He looks black.”

NBC has had to apologize to their viewers – though curiously not Mr. Zimmerman – for this egregious act of journalistic malpractice. Portraying him as a racial profiler.

And for example, take the pictures of Mr. Martin and Mr. Zimmerman used by the Media. Trayvon’s picture is from when he was 12 years old and a little boy and not the six-foot tall, fully grown man he was at the time of his unfortunate death. While Mr. Zimmerman’s is an old mugshot from a charge that was dismissed in 2005 when he was 70 pounds heavier than he is today.

Here’s an interesting article that, if true, portrays Mr. Zimmerman as anything but a racist, but rather a man who was justice for a black homeless man who was allegedly beaten by a police officer’s son. Maybe this is who he really is…and not a trigger happy white guy out to kill a black man.

And to the Mainstream Media, what happened to unbiased reporting? Please stop trying to start a race war and report all the sides of a story… that is if you still remember how.

Posted in News_and_Views | Tagged | 14 Comments

Starbeams: Who Needs Sea Life KC When We Already Have Mighty Mo?

 

Over 30,000 tickets were pre-sold for Sea Life Kansas City when it opens this Friday Large crowds will filter through Crown Center to view the thousands of fish, sharks and other marine life.

Sea Life and Legoland Discovery Center Kansas City are part of a push to make Crown Center a weekend destination for visitors and stay-cationers. The thinking being, once school gets out, it will be packed everyday. I take my kids to the really cheap fish tank downtown – it’s called Missouri River.

Kelly Urich is the morning show host at The Point, 99.7 FM.

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | Leave a comment

Hearne: The Bugs May Be Exterminated but E-Tickets Continue to Confuse

It’s been a slippery, seven-month slope since Kansas City went paperless…

You know, with e-tickets. so unless your an aging biker who likes to park illegally in front of LatteLand on the Plaza, chances are, you’re gonna get one of these one of these days – maybe just for parking somewhere in KC, so listen up.

Or you may end up like Stanford & SonsCraig Glazer did three weeks back.

E-tickets are not your grandfather’s friendly, yellow, or beige, carbon copy tickets. Not even close.

They’re two-feet-long and four and a half inches wide to begin with.

Which is a lot to love, especially given what’s missing on them, namely the fine amount and where to mail it in. Suffice it to say, Glazer was verklempt, perplexed and confused.

He called the phone number on the ticket and landed in Kansas City’s 3-1-1 Action Center which proceeded to spit out prereorded, confusing water bill options before offering a municipal court, city services or a live body option.

Glazer rolled the dice on human life form and soon found himself trapped in Hold Line Heck. Frustrated he gave the ticket to his office manager to pay before he left town, but she too missed the online pay option. 

Remember, these tickets are two feet long and printed on both sides

"I didn’t have time to wait," Glazer says. "So I assume they’ll mail me something."

Three weeks later – after he’d lost the ticket he tried to mail before he left – Glazer got a mailing advising him it was $43.50 and that he could pay by mail, over the phone or online.

Therein lies a portion of the problem.

There are lots of people in KC’s e-ticket conga line who don’t know all the dance steps yet.

It took me several days and multiple calls and emails to Kansas City Police, the 3-1-1 Action Center, the 16th Judicial Circuit Court and probably a half dozen more places I won’t bore you with to get even close to unraveling the mystery of e-tickets. And I still don’t have it all straight.

But I’m close enough to spill what I do have and let the e-chips fall where they may.

One police spokeswoman told me early on she didn’t know the amount of the fines were being left off of the e-tickets and where to send them in. She suggested maybe Glazer’s ticket had been issued by Plaza Security or something.

Nope, not us, Plaza Security told me – they don’t write tickets. Plaza Security suggested I try Lanier Parking who’s in charge of the Plaza’s private parking areas and field a fleet of cute little golf cart-like runnabouts. Not us, Lanier said.

Ditto added Highwoods honcho Brad Drees. "We don’t write tickets," he said.

Let alone e-tickets.

"I run the Plaza," Drees said. "I don’t know anything about that."

Here’s the deal, e-tickets save the court and Kansas City a ton of dough over the old paper tickets. They allow the cops to make a bust and get back to fighting crime faster. And meter maids and parking police to more quickly capture illegally-parked cars. So in a perfect world, there are fewer mixups and mistakes.

Just don’t tell that to the 3-1-1 Action Center gang.

"They’re still working out the bugs, because there’s still some issues…" 3-1-1 call taker Rodney told me. "They’re working out the kinks. The police have to do their thing and then the court processes it."

"There’s no place on the e-ticket that tells you how much is owed," added 3-1-1 staffer Marcia, confirming that there was confusion from a lot of callers who couldn’t find the ticket price and where to mail it in. "But that’s not up to me. That was not my decision," she added.

Enter 3-1-1 Action Center supervisor Tracy Rue

Because of operator error, the city took the dollar fine amounts off of the tickets, Rue said.

"Because the code (the police) wrote was (sometimes) wrong and we billed the wrong amount and we had to honor their mistakes – we have to honor what we wrote," Rue says. "So now the municipality has to take a hit, so we took (the fine amounts) off of there."

Got all that? Good.

Because according 16th Circuit Court e-ticket Godfather Kevin Dey, little of the above is true.

"I’m sure there are many stories out there," Dey says. "The truth of the matter is everybody writing tickets for Kansas City has moved on to an e-ticket process and the old paper ticket is an unacceptable document to the court."

Lots of people besides police could write paper tickets before e-tickets came along, Dey says.

"For example, we have animal control folks and the housing code inspectors," he explains. "And there are a group of ticket writers that work for the city in the Parking Services Division, and they write parking tickets for the downtown area and they are not Kansas City police either and if UMKC wanted to purchase the e-ticket equipment they could write tickets."

See, KC Police had earlier told me non-police personnel couldn’t get e-ticket devices because there’s too much sensitive information privy to police-only on them. That only cops and "autherized law enforcement agencies" are allowed to view that information.

Au contraire, Dey says.

There are e-ticket devices that give only the basic information needed for the wrist slapping and leave out the confidential stuff only cops can see.

For example, Glazer – I think they have the abridged version of King of Sting on the police e-ticket devices.

In fact, a number of local organizations that include UMKC, the Veteran’s Administration Hospital and area Metropolitan Community Colleges had been writing paper tickets up until last August 28th. No mas.

"They can’t write them anymore," Dey says.

And none of them have anted up yet for an e-ticket machine.

"Not currently, no," Dey says. "But if they wish to purchase them, they could. It’s a little handheld device called a CN50."

Which reportedly sells for around $1,200 a copy.

As for the slightly bumpy shakedown cruise the 3-1-1 gang refers to, "You know, it’s taken a while to get e-ticketing off the ground," Dey says. "But let me tell you, Hearne; there is nothing about that (3-1-1) story that is even close to real.

"First of all, we don’t put the dollar amount on the face of the ticket anymore because every single ticket gets an assigned court date. What happens sometimes is the e-ticket gets kicked out of the e-ticket system and they have to be manually corrected. So that happens every so often."

And don’t forget kiddies, you can always pay online. "That’s on the back of the ticket," Dey says.

In the interest in sticking up for the coppers who joked with me about the new e-tickets being two-feet long, I need to do an ever-so-slight bust on Mr. Dey.

Dey gave me the exact measurements of the e-ticket as 101/2 inches long and 41/2 wide, compared to paper tickets which were 81/2 inches long and 31/4 wide. That is until 20 minutes later as we were about to hang up and one of his staffers printed out an actual e-ticket and brought it in for Dey to stoke on.

Oops!

They are two-feet long, he marveled!

As for people like Glazer, and maybe even older folks getting confused by the new e-tix, "I don’t know what to say about that," Dey quips. "It’s like when you send out a memo and nobody reads it, I guess. But there’s a lot of information on those tickets – more than on the paper tickets.They also reduce the chance of errors, because there’s no one interpreting the officer’s handwriting."

Seven no ones, to be exact.

Courtesy of e-tickets, the Data Interpretation Department went away, Dey says. "Roughly seven of those people were deployed. There’s no doubt one of the advantages of e-tickets is a budgeting and fiscal advantage."

Dey also takes exception to 3-1-1’s assertion that coding mistakes were costing the court money.

The shakedown voyage is over, he adds.

"We are 71/2 months into e-ticketing and it’s running quite smoothly right now," he says. "It’s just a matter of people getting accustomed to it. You know, if people get an e-ticket on their windshield and they want to know the price of it, all they have to do is go on the Internet, pull it up right there and they can pay for it on their smartphone. The positive thing is the sytem’s working and it’s working beautifully."

The bottom line being…

"When you look at the volume of tickets we’re writing every year, it’s pretty breathtaking," Dey says. "It’s 350,000 tickets a year, and if you’ve gotten one, thank-you for shopping Municpal Court."

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 33 Comments

Hearne: Law Breaking Bikers Get Pass from Police, Plaza, Who Opt Instead to Hassle Urban Teens

A funny thing happened on the way to the Plaza Saturday afternoon…

Those beefy biker dudes who commandeer the 15 Minute and No Parking spaces at 318 West 47th outside LatteLand – were nowhere to be found.

Had the Plaza finally forced Occupy LatteLand to find a new, legal home away from home? Had Police and Plaza Security finally teamed to enforce local traffic and parking laws – the ones that govern cars but for years have been ignored where hordes of illegally parked motorcyclists gather every weekend on the Plaza?

Naturally, this called for further investigation.

Turns out the bikers sometimes migrate to the curb outside Kona Grill overlooking Brush Creek, the Konans say. However Occupy LatteLand has been a Friday through Sunday mainstay for years.

And since last time out, LatteLand had closed before I could get their take on what it’s like having all of their 15 Minute parking spots and outdoor patio overrun by mostly non-paying bikers who park illegally forcing regular LatteLand customers to park blocks away and have to sit on outdoor, concrete ashtrays to sip their cappuccinos.

That’s right, ashtrays…

While interviewing a LatteLand staffer Sunday, a handsomely-attired, older woman asked me to grab a copy of the New York Times as I held the door for her to carry her drink to one of LatteLand’s two outside patios. I then further assisted by helping move a giant, cigarette sand-filled ashtray which she then covered with "all the news that’s fit to print" and seated herself.

Why you ask?

Because more than a half dozen elderly biker gentlemen had swiped the two chairs from LatteLand’s small patio and crammed them into its jam packed larger patio the bikersl had hunkered down in for the afternoon. None of whom rose to offer her a chair or move their bikes from the 15 Minute and No Parking zones. Zones filled with motorcycles for the hour I was there as well as before and after.

Other bikers crowded the sidewalks, straddled the newspaper and magazine racks or reclined on their bikes along the curb.

"You know, they’re all these regulars and they just sit on thier bikes, our patios and the newspaper racks," said one LatteLand staffer. "And I can understand their wanting to be out on their bikes on a beautiful day, but why aren’t they out riding them? You know, get a life."

Next stop; the nearby Walking Company store to check in with the young ladies who’d wondered aloud a week earlier why police and the Plaza allowed the bikers to park illegally for hours on end and clog the sidewalks.

Any biker problems now that the hanging out on the Plaza season is beginning to unfold?

"Well, they do stare at us," staffer Nikki complained. "They like check us out."

Rather dirty-old-man indiscreetly, Nikki and 19 year-old fellow staffer Jessica agreed.

"Like I went to LatteLand the other day and they all stood up and just looked at me," Jessica says "Like a full-on checkout. But you know, if they think they have the right to check us out like that, that’s just creepy."

Which stands in stark contrast to the obvious differences in how mostly polite young black kids are constantly being rousted by Plaza Security while the largely white, law breaking bikers are given a complete pass.

And if the urban kids so much as pause for even a few minutes on the sidewalks Plaza Security or police are all over them, advising them to "just keep moving."

The bikers are allowed to illegally hog the 15 Minute parking spots outside LatteLand – spots specifically designated for the businesses dash in / dash out coffee crowd.

It doesn’t make sense.

Why would Plaza Security and police who are so quick to ticket illegally parked cars allow the bikers to park illegally for three days each weekend hampering the businesses along 47th Street?

Surely they’re not afraid of the geriatric pocket rocketeers?

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 122 Comments

New Jack City: Holy Choked Chicken, 007 Dumps Shaken Martinis For Cold Suds

Is nothing sacred in Hollywood?

Apparently not.
 
James Bond is giving up his traditional shaken martinis for beer. And not just any beer, mind you. And thank God it’s not going to be for one of those sissy, light beers.
 
According to Advertising Age, Daniel Craig will be downing Heinekens in the next 007 action-adventure – SKYFALL – scheduled to  open on November 9th. The film is directed by Sam Mendes and co-stars Javier Bardem.
 
In other words, brewed, not stirred.

Craig as Bond will also be seen in Heineken advertising promoting the Holland brewed beer that’s the second best selling import after Mexico’s Corona.
 
Heineken USA also markets Newcastle Brown Ale, Amstel Lite and a new Mexican brand called Indigo.
 
But Bond’s sticking with Heineken’s flagship brewski
 
In a related item, Heineken USA announced it will be redesigning its familiar green short neck bottles in favor of long necks. Heineken long necks are already being sold worldwide and are slated to make their American debut next year.
 
In the words of a wise man – strike that – make that according to Jack, a beer without a good head is like Stroud’s without choked chickens.

Posted in Jack_Poessiger | Tagged | 8 Comments

Starbeams: Forget the So-Called Border War, Bring on the Moonshine Wars

From coast to coast most folks think Kansas and Kentucky are running red-neck and neck.

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The Kentucky Derby is the oldest continuously run horse race in the country.  Last night in Lawrence I saw a guy wearing a crimson derby with blue flowers.

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My cousin graduated from the University of Kentucky Medical School and thinks a Volvo is a female body part.

 

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Kentucky license plates read; "Unbridled Spirit." Kansas plates say, "Worst State for Skiing."

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Kentucky is the Bluegrass State.  Lawrence is the Legalize Grass capitol of the nation.

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In the War of 1812 more than half of all Americans killed in action were Kentuckians.  I once got in a brawl at Free State Brewing Company.

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | 1 Comment

Starbeams: THE TOP 5 STADIUM NAMES THAT WOULD MAKE CHIEFS FANS PROUD

The Chiefs are reportedly looking to sell the naming rights to Arrowhead Stadium in an attempt to raise even more money for the team.  As if $27 parking isn’t enough.

THE TOP 5 STADIUM NAMES THAT WOULD MAKE CHIEFS FANS PROUD:

#5.  Amos Family Funeral Home Stadium.

#4.  Midwest Hemorrhoid Treatment Center Stadium.

#3.  After paying $27 for parking you get to name it after your first-born.

#2.  Kelly’s Dangling Doppler Park.

#1.  Continental Siding Stadium.…CALL NOW!!
 

Kelly Urich hosts the morning show on The Point 99.7 FM

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | 3 Comments