KC Confidential

We interrupt this Dick Clark and Royals wake to bring you a few distractions from….

The national media circus that continues to surround ousted Arkansas head football coach Bobby Petrino. You know, the dude who was slated to become the poster child for Missouri‘s new SEC football rivalry with the neighboring state that will replace Kansas?

Unfortunately, the 51 year-old Petrino had the romantic misfortune of banging bodies with a 20-something volleyball hottie who was engaged to another Arkansas coach. All of which fell asunder after Petrino dumped his motorcycle recently, babe aboard, and all heck broke out in the biggest college sports sex scandal since Penn State.

Or was it Syracuse?

In any case, it appears the Star kinda skipped this story for its print readers – you know, the paying customers – but there’s been plenty of fun stuff written elsewhere, so why not share?

Take the "6 Awesome Things About Bobby Petrino’s Resume" Houston Press writer Sean Pendergast set forth earlier today.

"The Bobby Petrino Saga. It won’t go away. And that’s good because I can’t look away," Pendergast begins.

That in reference to the Freedom of Information Act unearthing more than 100 pages of documents related to the scandal. But while almost everybody else was zeroed in on the s-e-x, Pendergast’s poolside reading focused on the Petrino’s resume.

"If you’re like me — a self-respecting American who’s had to apply for a job before — you’ll appreciate just how ridiculous this document is," Pendergast begins. "How much do I love this resume? Let me count the ways."

"It’s entitled ‘Resume’ at the top of the page," Pendergast continues. "Usually when someone is sending you their resume, it’s kind of understood that that’s what it is, but maybe the good people in Arkansas need to be reminded exactly what ‘that there dockyment that has all that feller’s old jobs listed’ is called. Either that or maybe Bobby Petrino feels the need to entitle all of his personal documents, and if that’s the case did he put ‘PUNK ASS EXIT LETTER’ at the top of the note he left for his Falcon players when he skulked out of Atlanta in the middle of the night?"

Which brings us to the accent mark Petrino added to resume – as in resumé. Except Petrino wrote, resume’

"First of all, I don’t know of a single English speaking person who feels compelled to place an accent on the long e at the end of the word ‘resume,’ but whatever," Penderast says. "Bonus points for Petrino for trying to be worldly, I guess. Very European, Bobbo…However, if you’re going to ‘accent up’ the word ‘resume,’ then you need to…use an actual accent mark. An apostrophe is not an accent mark. Using an apostrophe as an accent aigu is the punctuation equivalent of farting in the bath tub and calling it a jacuzzi."

Then there’s that Petrino calls himself "Bobby" on the resume.

"This is funny on two levels," Pendergast writes. "First, the general rule of thumb with resumes is to use your full given name, and unless Petrino’s parents named him ‘Bobby,’ then the appropriate protocol is to use his full name of ‘Robert.’ Second, and more importantly, you have a grown man referring to himself as ‘Bobby.’ Isn’t there an age where you cease being ‘Bobby’ and you become ‘Bob’? Like, 12 years old?"

In addition Petrino included zero contact information on his resume.

The kicker being that Petrino misspelled the name of his alma mater on the resume as Carol College instead of Carroll College.

"I don’t have official confirmation on this fact, but I believe this makes Petrino the first and only person to ever spell the name of his alma mater incorrectly on his resume and still get selected for a job paying nearly $3 million per year," Pendergast says.

More to the point of the document discovery, "The hot stuff started when Bobby Petrino and Jessica Dorrell were sitting in a car having lunch together and she asked him, ‘Are you going to kiss me?’ " writes San Francisco Chronicle writer Scott Ostler. "Petrino revealed that tender moment while he was being probed by Arkansas athletic director Jeff Long, whose notes were obtained by the Associated Press under what is now known as the Freedom of Too Much Information Act.

"When Dorrell asked Petrino about the kiss, sirens should have gone off for the married 51-year-old (then) coach," Ostler continues. "We all know what ‘Are you going to kiss me?’ leads to. It leads to, ‘Are you going to take me to the prom?’ "

In addition to coughing up a 20 grand Christmas present that Dorrell hid under her mattress and later used to buy a black Acura, Petrino showered her in – would you believe? – Hot Tamales. You know, the candy.

"Petrino was fired, so we’ll never get to experience the fan reaction whenever his Razorbacks played on the road," Ostler says. "(But) fans would have (probably) pelted Bobby with Hot Tamales…"

The discovery also included fun facts like Arkansas athletic director Jeff Long writing down notes like, "Kissed on lunch outing" and "Why would she say she expected the relationship to continue if the motorcrash didn’t occur."

Then there’s the poor slob Dorrell was engaged to, who naively told Long that, "Football gave her a bonus to get the car" because "football has a car guy."

Worse yet, Dorrell apparently used a portion of Petrino’s $20,000 gift to help pay for her upcoming, but presumably now-cancelled wedding.

Which brings us to what is supposed to be Dorrell’s final payoff from the Petrino affair.

"Dorrell resigned from her position in the football department Tuesday and received a $14,000 settlement to not attempt to sell or profit from her affiliation with the athletic department," the Arkansas News Bureau reports.

Fat chance.

Call me a skeptic, but no way she’s going to pass on a book, movie, magazine or Playboy shoot on this deal.

Would you?

Sometimes the smartest guy in the room isn’t a guy at all…

Which is usually the case when MSNBC host Rachel Maddow happens to be one of the guys in said room. And the room she’s gonna be in today on Earth Day is the big one at the Uptown Theater.

Consider this a reminder.

Rainy Day Books honcho Vivien Jennings will do the honors, interviewing Maddow about her new book Drift: The Unmooring of American Military Power.

In it Maddow "argues that we’ve drifted away from America’s original ideals and become a nation weirdly at peace with perpetual war, with all the financial and human costs that entails," Amazon says. "Sensible yet provocative, dead serious yet seri­ously funny, Drift will reinvigorate a "loud and jangly" political debate about how, when, and where to apply America’s strength and power–and who gets to make those decisions."

Maddow will sign copies of her book for attendees.

The deal goes down at 2 p.m. today at the Uptown.

What to expect from Maddow’s book? Expect the unexpected, says New York Times reviewer Scott Shane.

"Some readers will come to Rachel Maddow’s first book expecting an entertaining left-wing screed against the military. They may be surprised to discover instead a lively but serious argument about American history," Shane writes. "Fox News fans will be taken aback to find a blurb from none other than Roger Ailes, that conservative channel’s creator, declaring that ‘Drift’ offers ‘valid arguments’ and is ‘a book worth reading.’ Meanwhile, devotees of Maddow’s liberal MSNBC show may raise their eyebrows at her declaration that ‘my generation of veterans’ is ‘a huge part of why I’m bullish on America’s capacity to adapt, lead and succeed in the 21st century.’"

Even Fox New types may want to check out Maddow and her new book:

"If the book lures readers briefly from their political silos, it will be because Maddow’s thesis crosses ideological lines," Shane continues. "Like the Tea Partiers, she believes that the United States must return to the lost principles of the nation’s founders — in this case a suspicion of standing armies and a deep reluctance to go to war. ‘America’s structural disinclination toward war is not a sign that something’s gone wrong,’ she declares. ‘It’s the way the founders set us up.’ ”

But here’s the real reason pretty you should go check out Maddow today at the Uptown or at the very least start watching her weekday show on MSNBC:

Nobody gets to the bottom of more significant news stories and issues better than Maddow.

She’s that good.

Guys like Bill O’Reilly and Chris Matthews get the ratings and the plaudits, but it’s Maddow who brings home the bacon with stories like Friday’s expose on oil spills and the pathetic, dated techniques of cleaning up oil spills still employed by BP and others after more than 30 years.

"The BP oil spill started two years ago today," Maddow told viewers. "And one of the shocking things about that disaster, is that it made us all realize  that over the course of 30 years cleanup technology, what is available to us to respond when there’s a big, horrible oil spill hadn’t really progressed at all…Like we’re still stuck in 1979."

In other words even with all the push to drill more oil wells, little to nothing’s been done to protect against the incredibly harmful spills we’ve seen in the past.

In another story Maddow updated the so-called Republican War on Women with a report on regulations  targeting medical (nonsurgical) abortions in Wisconsin.

"A new state law which establishes criminal penalties, including prison time, for doctors. The new law signed by Republican governor Scott Walker earlier this month sets up requirments for exactly how a doctor needs to talk to a patient before any abortion. It also includes requirements for specific exams and specific doctors visits both before and after the medication is prescribed for a nonsurgical abortion."

At the same time, Walker greenlighted a bill "removing contraception from the state’s sex ed curriculim," Maddow reported, adding, "That’ll help."

Oh yeah, check out the Uptown’s Earth Day garage sale across the street to the north while you’re there.

Let’s’s talk a little sports business and KU, shall we?

With Missourian-turned-Kansan John Kiefer of Kiefs Audio Video fame in Lawrence. Kiefer’s been a Lawrence business and real estate fixture for more than half a century even though he was born and raised in good, old KCMO, so he brings a balanced perspective to the area Big 12 basketball, football and culture wars.

For starters, why does Manhattan, Kansas suck so bad?

"You have to go back to 1959," Kiefer says. "In 1959 Aggieville should have been called Downtown Manhattan."

Kinda like downtown Lawrence is called Downtown Lawrence.

"When you have half your population as students like Lawrence and Manhattan, they decide where they want to hang out," Kiefer says. "But they decided to call it Aggieville and the problem was, all they had there then was a bunch of shit kicker bars and country music. So while KU was lsitening to blues, soul and jazz back then, K-State was listening to country music. And they called K-State Silo Tech back then. What does that tell you? And KU used to be known as Berkley on the Kaw. It’s not as prominent now, but it’s still Silo Tech."

In other words, K-State hasn’t quite caught up to KU in hipness and worldiness yet?

"No, not at all," Kiefer says. "I mean, it’s a fine school…"

A school still trying to live down its rep as a hick haven, courtesy of the Aggieville tag.

How about Missouri?

"I’m a Missouri kid and Columbia’s a Missouri town and that’s where I met Sam Walton," Kiefer says. "But it’s kind of a wide spot on I-70"

Translation: Slightly better but about the same as K-State.

Going forward, will MU be better off in the SEC or not?

"That’s an interesting question," Kiefer says. "And my honest opinion is, no. I think Missouri made a poor decision leaving the conference. I mean, it may have been good financially.

"But the worst thing that happened was when Missouri started playing KU in Kansas City in 2006. They lost the school spirit and that damage was done. Think about it, who in the hell in Florida wants to fly into Columbia to watch football? It doesn’t make sense.

"And think about why would Kansas want to play Missouri now after they left us? Fuck ’em. I wouldn’t walk across the street to watch Missouri play and everybody I know in Lawrence says the same thing."

How about playing again, down the roadm after the hurt feelings subside and fans forget?

"People don’t forget certain things," Kiefer says. "If the money’s there, yes – follow the money – but if they do, you will see a big uprising against it."

Any sympathy in LA for the KU ticket embezzlers, one of whom is trying to weasil out of his sentence?

"I think they got everything they deserved – they cheated," Kiefer says. "They cheated the people of Lawrence who couldn’t get a seat to the basketball games. And it’s hard for me to imagine that somebody could steal that many tickets ($2 million) and the athletic director didn’t know what happened. Give me a break!"

Speaking of which, how do folks feel about gone and almost forgotten KU athletics director Lew Perkins?

"As an athletic director he brought our stadiums and facilities up to the highest level," Kiefer says. "Other than that, I don’t know what he did. He didn’t hire Bill Self, he hired Turner Gill, but everybody I’ve ever heard talk about him says he collected a ton of money from the alumnae."

Now here’s what Kiefer and Lawrence Journal World publisher Dolph Simons know that most KU fans don’t.

Because of Perkins heavy-handed extorting of big bucks from alums and local supporters for basketball and football tickets, a number of unassuming but rich-as-cream folks wrote KU out of their wills.

The kind of people who live unassuming lives but are sitting on millions and had planned to leave vast chunks of their wealth to KU.

Take the older woman Kiefer knows personally who had basketball tickets she was letting her grandson use and had planned on leaving KU a cool $12 million. However after Perkins bumped grandma out of her seats because she wouldn’t write a six-figure check to the athletics department for Perkins point system, she pulled the plug on the $12 million donation.

"It was already in the KU endowment and she pulled it out," Kiefer says. "But that endowment was not going to go to the athletic department, it was going to go to the university."

Kiefer’s bottom line on not-so-sweet Lou:

"I have yet to hear one single person say, ‘God, we lost Lew Perkins!’ There’s been no comment on Lew Perkins. If they don’t say something negative, they don’t say anything."

Nobody apologizes for St. Patrick’s, Thanksgiving or Earth Day...

However, that’s hardly the case with 420 Day, at least around these parts.

Take Westport sparkplug Bill Nigro, the organizer of Westport’s First Annual 420 Day Celebration.

"Everyone around here is kind of bashful about the whole 420 thing," Nigro confesses. "They don’t want us to be making too big a deal out of it – this is the Bible Belt, buddy."

It’s also the year 2012 Anno Domini.

And since 420 Day (April 20th) is the longstanding day of celebration for all things pot, Kansas City’s party central has elected to launch a festival recognizing the holiday.

They’re not alone. Take Vancouver’s annual 420 celebration.

"April 20th or ‘420’ as it is called is a considered a holiday for marijuana smokers in downtown Vancouver," says entertainment writer Dawnn Behrens. "Each year thousands of cannabis fans gather across the country on ‘420’ for ‘smoke ins’

"During the annual 420 celebration the Georgia Street lawn of the VAG comes alive with free concerts, artists and street performers. There are also vendors offering everything from pot brownies,cookies, to cannibis paraphernalia."

There’ll be none of the latter – wink, wink – in Westport, Nigro says.

"Just a peaceful crowd, a small peaceful crowd," he says. "It all starts today at 4:20 p.m. and it’s being put on by all the bars that surround the alley in Westport – Ernie Biggs, Buzzard Beach, Dark Horse Tavern, Harry’s Bar & Tables and (by special invitation) Gusto.

How about Kelly’s?  "Uh, no," Nigro says.

"And it’s not really just about getting high," Nigro says. "That’s why Jerusalem Cafe is gonna have a Hookah bar outside. And we’ll have free tobacco and cigarette rolling contests."

Not to mention a slate of bands outside Buzzard beach with ridiculously insane names starting around 4:20 pm.

"The Buttermilk Boys are the opening act," Nigro says. "Then we have the Fall Down Drunks and Whiskey Breath. And then the main acts are David Hasselhoff on Acid and the main act is The Porn Huskers at 9 p.m."

All of that said, Nigro can envision the day – not that far in the future – when 420 Day will take its rightful place alongside mainstream holidays like Cinco de Mayo and Mother’s Day.

"It’ll be like Oktoberfest," Nigro says. "States are realizing the tax money is too tempting. I realistically see Missouri only about three years away from legalizing marijuana."

In other words, there may come a day when Wild Bill can envision himself standing along Westport Road alongside a peace officer, relaxing and blowing a joint?

"Long as I got my medical card," Nigro quips.

Did somebody slip something in my coffee?

Maybe it’s Radio Week. In any case, here’s an update on legendary Kansas City broadcasting badboy Randy Miller.

The DJ who made a name for himself by getting fired – and dramatically so – from every on-air job he ever had, inlcuding by at least four stations in Kansas City, including Q104, ZZ99 and The Planet to name only three.

It’s been like nine years since Miller parted company with the latter, so what’s he been up to since?

For starters, he’s the brains behind local marketing firm Brainstorm Media, or BS Media, as he likes to call it.

"Brainstorm Media is headed by media veteran, Randy Miller. With more than 25 years of on-air experience, Randy understands how to use your message to attract attention!" reads the site’s home page. "Randy heads a tremendous team of graphic designers, copywriters, video experts, and IT professionals to produce original and dramatic results for our partners.

"Whether it’s traditional media, event marketing, or Internet integration, we’ve been there. Everything from product launch, to brand development. From fifteen second TV commercials, to one hour TV shows. From press releases to marketing consultation. We can do as little, or as much, as you need. If you have the question, we’ll provide the ANSWER."

Miller’s client list includes, Rob Sight Ford, Crowley Furniture, Factory Directory Appliance and the VFW.

"So I look at life from both sides now," Miller says.

All after parting ways with the Planet in 2003 and coming to terms with his future after, I realized there was not that kind of money in radio anymore," Miller says. "I mean, I was offered the morning show and assistant program director job on a station here two years ago. And when I asked how much it paid, they told me it was $75,000. And I said, is that for each job? And they said, no, it’s for both.

"And I started thinking that I had to stay all day and I thought, ‘Well, I made about ten times that much for working just four hours with a bonus – my base salary was $550,000.’ I mean, I know morning show guys that are making just $40,000. You know, and getting up at 4:30 a.m."

It could have been worse, like Siberia maybe…

But if many, you’ve been pining away for some halfway decent local talk radio and happen to be in either Omaha or North Dakota, be sure and pay your respects to former KC radio personality Tom Becka.

"I’m up here in Fargo now," Becka says. "I’m the program director of an AM/FM talk station, 101.9 Talk FM."

Becka in management? Wearing a suit to work? No way!

"I’m also doing the morning show here," he says. "And a week from Monday I’ll be doing afternoon drive in Omaha again on KKAR 1290 AM. So instead of playing golf, I’ll be doing talk radio."

The two towns are a five and a half hour drive apart but, "My home base is going to be Fargo right now," Becka says. "And Fargo is just booming. It has the lowest unemployment rate of any city in the country."

Hmmmmm….

So is it like, you know, the movie?

"It’s not like that at all," Becka backpedals. "They have a very good arts community here and the people here are incredible. It’s a great eperience. The only thing I am concerned about are the winters – the weather here can be brutal. There can easily be four or five feet of snow and temperatures have gotten down to 40 degrees below."

How about the accents- are they even like in the movie?

"There’s a bit of a Northern Minnesota accent, yes," Becka says.

And what do the locals think of Becka’s accent?

"They think the same as everybody else thinks, that I talk funny," Becka says. "The same as people in Kansas City think."

So how’s the love life up north, has Becka dated any strippers yet? "No, I have not," he says.

Why, too cold? "It’s never too cold for strippers," Becka quips.

As a Chiefs, Royals and Nebraska fan, who’s Becka rooting for these days?

"Right now, the North Dakota State Bisons," he says. "They were the National Champions last year in basketball. And they’re in the same league as UMKC, so we’ll be playing you guys."

Talk about throwing one’s voice…

Listeners to "NewsRadio" KMBZ are a little confused re the whereabouts of midday talk show host Chris Merrill.

"I think he’s still on the air in Kansas City, but he was supposed to go to San Diego," says one. "Is he out there phoning it in?"

In a word, yes.

However many – if not most – KMBZ listeners don’t have a clue.

That’s because Merrill does such a good job of researching local and area topics online and constantly bantering with his board op / producer as if they’re about to go out for lunch beers after the show.

The talk among insiders however is KMBZ would not let Merrill out of his contract until a replacement could be found.

So Merrill continues to phone it in, starting at 7 a.m. San Diego time and ending at 9 a.m. – that’s 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. in Kansas City.  Which leaves the former Lawrence-ite plenty of time to prep for his 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. show on KOGO AM & FM on the left coast.

As for where Merrill’s loyalties may lie, check out the shirt.