Hearne: Mancow Sizes Up the (Fat) Women & (Skinny) Dudes of Kansas City

Posted on May 29, 2012 by admin

The Cow is, well, wow…

It’s no secret that Kansas City refugee and syndicated shock jock Erich "Mancow" Muller is agast at the fattening of America, specifically Kansas City. Confirming our "rankings" in all of those "fattest city" magazine "surveys." And further, that’s been hammered home to him during his frequent homecomings of late to his all-time favorite concert venue, Knuckleheads Saloon.

Let’s flesh it out a bit.

 "The women at Knuckleheads were shockingly fat," Mancow says. "Here’s what it is; I mean, I’ve had every expert imaginable on my radio show and I know why we’re fat. because our food is great and it’s cheap, that’s why. Everybody’s fat because they’re eating fat, cheap food."

As to why so many local skinny dudes are coupled with fat women, "I really don’t know the exact answer," Mancow says. "Are they ‘chubby chasers’ or did the girls start out skinny? But let me tell you about that – if they started out skinny and then got fat, that’s a bait and switch.

"My wife and I have a rule; she’s not allowed to wear sweats, because when a woman wears sweats that means she’s given up. And here’s the deal. Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg got rich because everybody wants to see how fat their ex girlfriends look."

As for the "science" behind obesity, "Look, the animal hormones are one thing," Mancow says. "I’ve often wondered if what we’re ingesting in meat is what’s causing this. And people used to say, ‘Well, she’s big-boned.’ But you know, I’ve yet to see a fat skeleton."

Mancow’s attractive wife Sandy is 5’2" and weighs a slim 98 pounds after giving birth to twin daughters.

How Mancow would react is she, uh, blossomed to say, a buck-fifty?

"I would have a conversation with her – and we’re together no matter what – nothing will seperate us until our kids are out of the house," Mancow stresses. "But if she got really fat I’d have to have a girl on the side. So you know, there may be another family in my future, but my wife keeps herself in shape."

The bottom line:

"Look, I can have friends that are heavy girls – and I like some curves – but I like a ‘S’ shape not an ‘O’ shape. And some of these women are completely round, and I don’t want to make love to Humpty Dumpty. Fat girls are fine as friends, but you want to make love to someone who’s in shape."

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 28 Comments

Glazer: Scribe Dodges Murder Rap During Puerto Rican Sexcation

Posted on May 28, 2012 by admin

"He’s going to murder me and throw me in the ocean!"

That’s what my ex-girlfriend Jessie was yelling when the cops came and got me, on our last last day in Puerto Rico last week.

WTF? How did that happen?

I had known Jess, the girl I took with me on that my one-week, tropical dream vacation for more than a decade. She’s worked at Stanford’s in Westport in the early 2000’s as a cocktail girl. She was maybe 18 then. We dated – or rather saw each other – often those first couple years. She was a very pretty girl with a great body.

Everyone wanted to "date" her, but I was her main guy.

However, she was a little out there even then. Very wild and very high strung. Years later she vanished. We never spent more than a night or two together after that. Then she showed back up around two years ago, this time out as a body building type with an even better body. She was pushing 30 but  was still a smoking hot beauty.

Who wouldn’t want her? Well in time, lots of people.

She seems to have some emotional issues that explode at odd times. That said, I figured, hey I can deal with her, I have before. Wrong! On the trip we were going to be around each other for seven days and nights straight. And on two long flights to and from an Island some 3,500 miles away.

"I’m only going to eat salads and drink ice tea and water, almost nothing more, no weed, no booze," she told me before we left. "I’m going to stay in great shape, work out at 7 AM, beach at 9, and go to bed at a decent hour."

We got a camera to make some fun videos, bought some extra sex toys, the usual beach gear and I bought her a brazilian swim suit – meaning almost a no suit. She’s a rock star looking girl. 

Then the trouble started…

A pilot on one of our outbound flights came over to talk to us, a nice guy, who clearly thought she was very hot. I showed him a photo of Jess with longer hair, and then it began.

"Don’t show strangers my picture," she screamed. The guy was shocked and left. "It was only a nice photo of you by my car," I said. "What’s the big deal?

But she went on about it all the way to the hotel, the Waldorf. So I couldn’t enjoy the hotel or the atmosphere for her nonstop bitching.

"You are an egomaniac," she said and went on and on. I couldn’t shut her up. She even called my brother and my Puerto Rico pal to tell him about the eff-ing photo. They didn’t get it, but at least they calmed her down.

As for Jess’s diet, well on Night One she ordered a salad alright…plus a medium rare filet, some lobster, a couple sides, a bottle of wine and, oh yeah, special breads.

WTF happened to the diet?

She sent the steak back twice and dressed down the waiter for it being too well done. Jess thought this Island was like Vegas, I guess, the only place she’d ever really been.

"Where are the strip bars, the casinos, the rows of bars and nightclubs?" she asked. "Oh, we’re just gonna get tan, swim, snorkel, scubba, jet ski, do drinks by the pool and listen to Island music?" 

Oh boy...

She pissed off almost everyone she met. Oh, they all looked at her, but what a little brat.

It all came to a head that last Saturday. Jess wanted to go to San Juan, a more upbeat, electric city. Our hotel was five star but it was a couples retreat which is fantastic if you want to relax. Sure, it had a dance club and casino, but the people were all kinda New York hip types and laid back. Not the least bit Vegas, Thank God.

The San Juan cab ride would cost around $200 round trip, the strippers she wanted to hire to party with us – if we nabbed one – would probably be another $200. Plus the room, gambling, booze – in the end a grand or so.

Brother, but OK.

So there we were at the pool that Saturday and I’m throwing the football with some kids in the water. And she’s sun burned (she’d said she could take the sun but wouldn’t go in the after four hours the first day – she was burnt and bitching) and hanging out under a cabana. I’m dark-skinned so I was fine.

Our sex nights had been good, but other than her being a good athlete she was driving me nuts.

Then when I came back to the pool she was going through my cell phone.

"OMG you have been screwing all these girls!" she screamed. "I’m gonna catch something (yeah right). You probably send these naked photos to other people, to strangers, to porn sites, to Penthouse – to God knows who."

I said, that’s my phone, some of those photos are old and I don’t send them to anyone. You’re a CRAZY NUT.

But she went on and on with the entire pool crowd watching.

So I sat down by her, quietly snarling, and said, "Look you little crazy brat, you’re ruining this trip. I paid for it, not you. You’ve pissed off all my friends. Now just shut up before someone throws your ass in the ocean."

That did it…

She jumped up yelled, "He’s going to murder me and throw me in the ocean…murder me and throw me in the ocean." Now she’s running up the stairs to where the cops are, screaming this. My heart sank and I thought, "This bitch is going to get me arrested for nothing in a foreign land…great!"

Next the head security cop came to me. "Mister Glazer, she’s saying you want to murder her and throw her into the ocean. What are we to make of this?"

I thought for a minute, looked out at the ocean and said, "That’d be a hell of a throw."

He laughed and she looked up from her little chair surrounded by cops with a blank stare.

Then he said, "Yeah my guys checked you out and the hotel says you have been a good guy, nice to everyone. And people at the pool said she was, well, a little witch and so did the hotel staff. So we’re gonna give her – or you in a sense – three choices. We can put her off of the property. She can calm down and go back to your room. Or we can have you pay for another room and move her into that one, change her flights and you won’t see her again. Your call." 

I thought, lets see. That trip tonight to San Juan is about a grand. She’s a little witch. That hotel room sounds pretty good – at least it’s away from me. Then he said, "Done. This isn’t the US and we don’t buy into that, ‘if the woman says you did it’ crap. Here it has to be for real and in this case it’s not. Enjoy your last couple days Mister Glazer." 

And I said, "Oh I will. I will." 

Those last two days were the best. I loved that hotel and that Island and I’ll go back some day…just not with Jess.

The sad thing is she was a great parttime lover and by my moving her up into the main girlfriend slot I ruined a good thing. Lesson learned.

Of course, then again, maybe it’s me. Nah.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 62 Comments

Donnelly: Sporting Dominate 1st Half, Hold on for 2-1 Win Over San Jose

Posted on May 28, 2012 by admin

 

 

Sunday afternoon’s game against visiting MLS leader San Jose was one that Sporting Kansas City absolutely needed.  

After starting the season red hot, the boys in blue had not won a game in over a month.  Their offense had been flagging and their defense was becoming more and more prone to suffering breakdowns at the worst possible moments. 

On Sunday in front of a sold out LIVESTRONG Sporting Park, KC flashed back to their early season form- at least for the first half- and pulled out an important 2-1 win.

But before we get into that, let’s just get something out of the way right now: the officiating was miserable.  Total nightmare.  At one point in the second half the ref called a drop ball after Zusi was taken down near the edge of the box.  No idea why.  And that was after he walked around for five minutes and talked to his assistant, had a chat with nearly every player on the field, and, I’m guessing, consulted a magic eight ball.

Back to the game. 

San Jose wasn’t quite to full strength, missing their goal scoring machine Chris Wondolowski to US Men’s Team duties.  KC was without winger Bobby Convey, who was injured in practice on Friday.  He’s been somewhat ineffective this season despite starting every game, so this injury allowed KC manager Peter Vermes to sit the veteran without having to impose a demotion that could sap more of his confidence.  Plus it was great to see the super-athletic trio of CJ Sapong, Kei Kamara, and Teal Bunbury teaming up together in the attack, something that has been rare thua far this season.

"I just think pressing-wise, the three guys up top are very good with Espinoza and Zusi behind them," Vermes said after the game.  "I thought we put them under a lot of pressure and created a lot of chances."

From the opening whistle, KC looked like the confident team they had been for the first month and a half of the season.  Their body language was better and they pressed with energy, putting San Jose’s back line under fire numerous times in the first 10 minutes of the game.  Kei seemed to get his mojo back and was especially active after a lethargic last couple games. 

And the pressure paid off in the 5th minute when CJ Sapong scored one for the ages, a one-timer left footed volley off a bending cross from Kei Kamara.  Zusi started the play when he worked to win back a ball that he had carelessly lost, then charged through the midfield before feeding Kei on the flank. 

From that point on San Jose struggled to hold the ball and put very little into going forward. 

In an unfortunate twist, about 15 minutes later an already one-handed Seth Sinovic had an awkward run-in with the signage behind San Jose’s goal.  He pushed a ball a bit too far in front of him and it crossed the end line, but his momentum smashed him into the board, cartwheeling the fullback partially over the wall.  He emerged with a badly cut hand that ended up needing 20 stitches, had to leave the game and was replaced by Michael Harrington.

While Harrington was a bit of a downgrade compared to Sinovic, he assisted on Sporting’s second goal by sending a nice ball into a wide open Kei who put away the header.    

Sporting’s chances continued to come fast and furious, with at least three or four real legitimate scoring chances as they outshot San Jose 11-2 in the first half.  I think it’s fair to say that their lead should have been at least 3-0 at halftime, maybe 4-0. 

Despite their dominance in the first half though, KC again couldn’t keep the same mentality in the second half.  Vermes’ boys packed it in and abandoned their aggressive first half style, a tactic that has paid them little to no dividends in the last few years.  But apparently Vermes thinks differently because KC consistently does this, sometimes with disastrous results.  (Remember Colorado?)

Like clockwork San Jose began driving the game, imposing their will on KC.  After controlling possession for the first 25 minutes of the second half, San Jose finally tallied a goal in the 71st minute to make the score 2-1 and set up a frantic final 20 minutes.

But Sporting held on, denying many good chances for San Jose, other than a long blast that saw KC keeper Jimmy Nielsen make a diving save to his right.

"I felt that, if you look at both halves, Kansas City outplayed us the first half," said San Jose coach Frank Yallop.  "We felt lucky to be at 2-0 [at half]. What I told the players at halftime was that the game could go one of two ways. Either it will end up 4-0 or we could make a game of it. To be honest, I think we made a good game of it."

It’s true, San Jose did make a good game out of it but it never should have been that close. 

Nevertheless KC is happy to get back to their old selves and pick up a huge three points.

"Everybody knew where we were at and our past four games haven’t been that good," said Kei.  "I thought everyone came into the game with great focus.  The crowd really pushed us and that was the energy we took into the game that gave us the three points today."

Posted in Sporting_Kansas_City | Tagged | 2 Comments

Leftridge: Haus Adds to Sausagefest in Martini Corner

Posted on May 28, 2012 by admin

While living in Chicago, I was a 20-minute bus ride away from the holy Mecca of encased meats, Hot Doug’s. Perhaps you’ve seen it on the Food Network, or caught Tony Bourdain extolling the virtues of the world’s greatest sausage superstore on the Travel Channel. Maybe you’ve been there yourself and stood in line before their morning opening. The line is long—it wraps around the building and down the adjacent sidewalk—but it moves fast, OK Joe’s style, and before you know it, you’re in front of Doug himself, calmly trying to spit out your order, but stuttering with unavoidable, anticipatory glee.  So many choices, so little stomach.

Do you want the Foie Gras and Sauternes Duck Sausage with Truffle Aioli, Foie Gras Mousse and Fleur de Sel? Perhaps. It’s pretty rich, though. Maybe you want the Three Cheese and Beer Chicken Sausage with Pesto Mayonnaise, Roma Tomatoes and Smoked Mozzarella Cheese? Well, yeah… that sounds good, too. Don’t forget to save room for the French fries, improbably and deliciously cooked in duck-fat on Fridays and Saturdays.

Jesus. I’m getting a food-boner just thinking about this.

So anyway, after being spoiled for so long—after cramming your gullet with so much delicious ridiculousness—you begin to experience withdrawals when taken away from your precious ground, tubular animal. Let’s call them the “sausage shakes.” What’s a Kansas Citian to do?

Well, it’s not fair to compare the freshly minted Haus at 31st and Gillham to Hot Doug’s; the former is but a newborn, and the latter is in an unparalleled, unmatchable league of its own. 

So here’s what you can expect when you’re expecting (to dine on German food at Haus):

Haus has a bit of an identity crisis. Call it a “hipster-Hitler” syndrome, if you will. The well-designed interior features long, beautifully crafted communal style tables (there’s ABSOLUTELY a chance you’ll be sharing your mustard with a group of strangers, so, you know… head’s up), just like in the real motherland! It’s a post-modern take on a classic German beer-hall, and the designers pulled it off well. And then someone said, “you know what goes well with sausage and Belgian beer? HIP HOP AND KATY PERRY.” That’s right, if you like a little Kanye with your Kraut, you’re in luck. Oh wait, what’s that? NOBODY likes that? Well, shit.

Being that it’s in such a precarious position—if you’re not an Ed Hardy clad douchebag or an untamed JoCo cougar, Martini Corner might not be your haunt—it draws a diverse mix of people. On our visit, there was a table full of rowdy gay guys, a couple of dreadlocked, earthy couples scattered about, and a slow stream of confused looking elderly folks, awkwardly attempting to recapture the eats of their youth—again, while Justin Bieber croons delicately over the shaky sound system.

Ambiance aside, what people TRULY care about is the food, right? With that in mind, here’s this:

The sausages and buns are terrific, the fries are okay, and the toppings are disappointingly forgettable.

First, the sausages. The star of the show. The meaty wind beneath your wings. The reason you’re here. The sausages do not disappoint. And how could they? They’re ground fresh by noted chef Alexander Pope’s The Local Pig, a hip charcuterie located near Knuckleheads in the East Bottoms. The links, my friend, are Fine. With a capital F.

We tried three—the standard brat (because if you can’t do that, fuck off), the Chicken, Jalapeno and Pineapple and the Lamb, Cumin and Oregano.

The brat was good. A nice, even ground. No gristle, no chunks of unpleasantness. Pretty standard. The lamb sausage was tasty as well. Though slight hints of cumin and oregano were detectable, they didn’t overpower the flavor of the spectacular lamb. The chicken was the least exciting of the bunch. It tasted like, well, chicken. Straight. Up. Fowl. This is a safe pick for children or diners with delicate palates.

All sausages are served on pretzel buns from Farm to Market Bread Co. This is a particularly smart move, as Farm to Market could probably bake a boot and somehow make it delicious. The bread is soft, hot and delicious, and makes a delightful, unobtrusive bed for the meat.

Where Haus loses it, however, is with the toppings. See, the way it works is that you pick your sausage—Brats and Italians are $5.99, seven gourmet sausages (including the lamb, the chicken, the duck, etc.) are $6.99 and the “exotics”—buffalo, elk and boar are $7.99—and you pick two toppings to go on said sausage.

Here’s the deal with the toppings: they’re simply not very good. They add nothing to the proceedings. The sauerkraut—presumably made in-house—tastes like shredded cabbage splashed with pickle juice. The caramelized onions are fat, slimy and fairly devoid of taste. The jalapenos—well, I’m pretty sure those bad-boys come straight out of the can.

The fries—because what’s meat, sans potatoes?—are all right, but they’re hardly Belgian by definition. Per www.belgianfries.com— I swear to fucking God it’s a real website—there are 6 standards for Belgian fries:

1. freshly cut, irregularly shaped
2. cooked (fried) twice
3. fluffy on the inside, crispy on the outside
4. a distinct potato taste
5. at least 10 mm thick
6. preferably served in a paper cone

Haus failed miserably on nos. two and three. While quite tasty, our fries were FAR from crispy on the outside. They were flaccid and limp, the starchy equivalent of John Travolta confronted with a naked Kelly Preston. I still liked them, though—they were fresh, hot and salty—and the small ($2.50) was a very filling portion. I’d recommend trying them with the housemade Sriracha aioli, even if the server bizarrely tries to push the cucumber yogurt sauce on you.

This place can get expensive, fast. The sausages are reasonable—really, truly, they are. You don’t need more than one, so with one link and one order of FRENCH fries, you’re out $10, tops. Where they get you, however, where they really start goose-stepping on your billfold, is with the beer. Because this is, after all, a proclaimed destination for all biers German and Belgian. And they don’t disappoint, but boy, it don’t come cheap. Aside from the PBR—which can be had for $2 a pint during Happy Hour—and the Boulevard Wheat for $5—there’s nothing on the beer menu cheaper than $6. Many of the drafts run upwards of $9, as do the bottles.

I had the Radeberger Pils, the Hofbrau Hefe Weizen and the Wittekerke, my wife had two different kinds of cider, and I promptly pissed out $32 in liquid when I got home. Really great selection, really heavy prices.

Because of our gluttony, we left $100 lighter, all told. No leftovers, a mild buzz and a severe case of sluggishness from the meat.

Of note: many of the complaints I’ve read online, from internet food-review bandits and anonymous keyboard critics, cite two things as major deterrents: the light that comes in the western windows and bounces off of the tables in the early evening (true, but give me a fucking break) and the service.

While the service DID leave something to be desired—beers were emptied before replacements arrived—it wasn’t awful. It’s never fun to see a gaggle of good-looking 20-somethings standing around in a huddle, all checking their phones while you wait on something mind-bendingly complicated like "mustard," but for the most part, our server was attentive and dedicated. Oh, AND she was cute, wore egregiously short-shorts and punctuated all of your answers to her questions with “sweet!” It was kind of funny and endearing.

All in all, Haus has a way to go. I don’t know that I’d go out of my way to visit, necessarily, but if someone suggested it, I wouldn’t shit my pants in defiance or anything. I think if you keep it simple—dog in bun, period (maybe a dash of mustard)—you’ll be just fine.

(Or if you’re on a budget, you could get quite a bit more bang for your buck by picking up the sausages from the Local Pig, grilling them yourself, and drinking whatever kind of beer you damn well please from the comfort of your own home… but isn’t that the case just about anywhere?)
 

Posted in Food_and_Fashion | Tagged | 5 Comments

Lowe: Time Out for the True Meaning of Memorial Day

Posted on May 27, 2012 by admin

I asked Hearne if I could pen this tribute to my Grandfather and Father, and to your families Military Veterans living and dead on this Memorial Day.
 
This is their story.
 
  Ninety-ive years ago on May 26th, 1917, my Grandfather Charles, a Marine disembarked in France to win the war "over there".  Some 20 days later, he found himself in a charnel house known as Belleau Woods.  Sustaining machine gun wounds in the stomache and mustard gassed, his full measure of devotion, was brief and bloody, although he survived his wounds until after the war.  Descriptions of the battle seem, to me, understated in view of the astonishing casualties.
 
"Overall, the woods were attacked by the Marines a total of six times before they could successfully expel the Germans. They fought off parts of five divisions of Germans, often reduced to using only their bayonets or fists in close combat."
 
"On his right, the Marines of Major Meyer’s 3/6 Battalion swept into the southern end of Belleau Wood and encountered heavy machine gun fire, sharpshooters and barbed wire. Marines and German infantrymen were soon engaged in heavy hand-to-hand fighting. The casualties sustained on this day were the highest in Marine Corps history to that time.   Some 31 officers and 1,056 men of the Marine brigade were casualties. However, the Marines now had a foothold in Belleau Wood."
 
At Belleau Woods U.S. forces suffered 9,777 casualties, included 1,811 killed.  Many are buried in the nearby Aisne-Marne American Cemetery.
 
  Seventy years ago, on May 26th 1940, my father Leonard was preparing on board the USS New Orleans for the Battle of Midway  (June 6th 1942.).  Previously, Leonard was being processed out of the Navy at Pearl Harbor’s Schofield Barracks on Dec. 7th 1941 and had one more week to serve.  After the Japanese attack, Uncle Sam decided that it just wouldn’t be party without Leo, and he was extended indefinitely. 

My entire family is lucky like that.
 
After surviving the Battles of Coral Sea, Midway and Eastern Solomons Leonard ran up against it at the Battle of Tassafaronga.  A Japanese torpedo took the bow off of the ship and with it, my dad’s best friend along with 200 others.  The New Orleans had to sail backwards at a speed of one knot into Sydney Austrailia for repairs through enemy waters.  No one slept. 

Check out the picture of my dad’s ship.
 
Finishing his service as a Chief Water tender (Snipe) Leonard was in 10 Naval engagements under fire and was mustered out at the end of the war.  He was proud of his service and actually shot down a Japanese Zero when all the guys on the starboard gun mount were killed.  I think he said it was a .50 Cal.
 
My dad didn’t make a big deal about Memorial Day, May 26th was also my brother’s birthday and pop was more interested in the future than the past.  So, we rarely talked about his War Time experience until late in his life.  When we did, he recounted his experiences with a clinical detatchment that seemed to me an effort to protect anyone hearing his story from the real horrors he had seen.  He was descriptive in general, but reserved in detail.
 
Those kids coming home today from Iraq and Afghanistan, processed through Walter Reed, or feet first in a box might feel the same way.
 
In our involvement in foreign wars over the last 100 years we have seen success and failure, but the one constant promised by Churchill still rings true – that it’s blood, tears, toil and sweat .  That crucible borne by those veterans of our freshly remembered past and those young men and women who risk their lives today, should be honored and revered, no matter our political differences and personal preferences.
 
I was hoping, that maybe the kcconfidential community, might take a minute away from the bar b que and parties to share some of their own familial experiences, personal or otherwise in honor of our fallen comrades in arms.
 
God Bless America, God Bless You and Your Families this Memorial Day.

Posted in News_and_Views | Tagged | 9 Comments

Edelman: Unicorn Gets The Rapture (& Fred Phelps)

Posted on May 27, 2012 by admin

The far-from-friendly Fred Phelps family usually finds itself outside the theater, ranting on the sidewalk about some wacky message from God.

Well, welcome inside the Unicorn Theatre, oh my Topeka brothers—it’s probably not the one your Scripture had in mind, but the EVERYDAY RAPTURE (now thru June 10) has arrived and you’re in it.

When I saw this smart, hilarious yet touching show on Broadway, I thought the Unicorn would be perfect for EVERYDAY RAPTURE. After all—how many cutting edge theaters can you find within 100 miles of the Kansas state capital? Well, praise the Lord and pass the intermission—Cynthia Levin and company procured the rights to the first-ever production of this little gem outside NYC. Now you can see it and have fun with the Phelps’ kin yourself.

The real-life story of Broadway star Sherrie Rene Scott—she who lit up the original productions of Disney’s AIDA, DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS, LAST FIVE YEARS and even THE LITTLE MERMAID—EVERYDAY RAPTURE follows Ms Scott from her Topeka roots to the Great White Way. Raised in a Mennonite home, she knew the Phelps kids growing up. Her poignant recherché du temps perdue about those days gone by is as hilarious as it is heartfelt.

In the arms and voice of Ms Scott, Jesus never had it so good.

Sherie and co-writer Richard (THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE) Scanlan have crafted a witty, ascerbic play around the actress’s rise to fame . Self-effacing to a fault, Ms Scott (well-played by Katie Gilchrist) is never completely comfortable in her celebrity skin. When she goes after an on-line stalker in Act 2, it’s downright touching—trying to help a young You Tube drama queen find himself. As the harsh reality of modern life dashes Scott’s altruism, we all feel her little pain.

Ms Gilchrist sings the hell out of this score; her rock and roll lead singer roots mesh nicely with her stage smarts to make this show work without the author herself onstage—no mean feat, I promise you. Back-up singers Chioma Anyanwu and Christina Burton have just the right sass for back-up singers with attitude. And, in the role of Broadwayislove09@earthlink.net (a URL on the cast page–another KC theater first), Bryan LaFave gets his awkward star turn.
 
Jerry Jay Cranford supplies the crisp direction, adding clever touches I don’t remember from the Broadway gig. The tight band under the able direction of  Jeremy Watson handles a wide range of songs with aplomb (though I would have liked a little more rock in numbers like “The Weight” and the terrific closer “Up the Ladder to the Roof”). Tech credits are fine, though I don’t think Katie’s outfit was particularly flattering.

But those are small quibbles for a very hip evening (or matinee) at the theater. And there’s a point to the undertaking—I’ll let you figure it out yourself (go see the show),
but maybe that Rapture the Phelps’ and their evangelical buddies are holding over us isn’t as far off as they seem to think.

Posted in Entertainment | Tagged | Leave a comment

Glazer: My Pal Hearne Takes a Bride

Posted on May 27, 2012 by admin

Well, all of us who know Hearne Christopher, knew it was coming…

But he fooled us and got married in Mexico. The sneaky devil! I got the text late last night that one of my best friends Hearne had gotten married when he was south. I know his new wife Kimberly Christopher pretty well. Hearne met her while she was working on a corproate event during a visit to Stanford and Sons at Legends more than a year ago, nearly two in fact.

She is a wonderful young lady. Kimberly is very attractive, smart as a whip, has a great career and is a terrific mom. How did he land her? They will make a fantastic couple. I know Hearne is kinda private with his personal life unlike SOME PEOPLE we all know.

I know his pals wanted to be there for them. That surely includes me and Bill Nigro. Hearne, I could have come there instead of Puerto Rico. Well, then there was me bringing my kinda whacky girl with me, so maybe this was best for all. Bill hates leaving Westport, even for a couple days. The man is married to Westport. Lucky for them.

I will leave it to Hearne to fill us in on more details.

Let me just say this: More than anyone in this city, Hearne put me in the spotlight. No offense to Johnny Dare because he has pounded it as well, just a little differently – hah. Hearne and I teamed up in the early 90’s. I was still full time in LA. He covered the LA Earthquake and I was living in LA when it hit. That was our first of hundreds of stories. For nearly 20 years this man made me an almost weekly issue in his column.

Usually they were fun, outside of the box stories. He even covered my dad, Stan as best he could. We just hit it off. We went out to clubs back in the day, some concerts, and the big night was always the famous Super Bowl parties at his home. It was a who’s who of Kansas City.

I think I was the only guy there who really watched the game or cared about it much. He had the rich and famous of KC, the political giants from mayors, council people, movie stars, even senators and power brokers. If you were a name in this town, you got invited at least to one party and everyone showed up.

Hearne stood by me in my 2001 bogus indictment.

He was one of the few media people who knew it was all false. Why? He was around me too much to not know. His editor Mark Zeiman ordered him not to cover the case Or me for that matter. When it ended, they still wanted me dropped from his column, though it was made clear I was not guilty of really anything but being a weekend warrior, like others at the Star including my party pal Jeff Flanagan. Still he wrote about me often, at his own peril. It was probably one of the reasons he got jumped on and left the Star. So he’s a stand up guy.

Hearne has two daughters, twins, born on March 18th, my birthday as well. I have met Liza and Savannah several times and both are wonderful young ladies. Kimberly has children as well so i will be a FULL HOUSE.

I know they’ll be happy because it’s a great fit and I wish them the best.

Damn, now I have to buy a wedding gift. Hey how about two VIP seats to Carlos Mencia? No? Well, I’ll think of something. Love you both.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 28 Comments

Hearne: Dramatic Cutbacks in New Orleans Bad Sign for Newspapers

Posted on May 27, 2012 by admin

Just when devotees of newspapers thought it was safe to go outside…

It’s been an incredibly tough four-plus years for newspapers and magazines. And not just because of the dour economic landscape. The Kansas City Star has laid off hundreds – going from a staffing of more than 2,000 employees 10 years ago to around 700 today. The city’s second largest print player, the Johnson County Sun, is no longer even in business having been shuttered by its area owner that had invested millions in buying and running the suburban weekly. The Pitch was fire saled off to an out-of-town buyers a year ago after years of churning out red ink, its long term future yet in doubt.

And now comes news that the vaunted New Orleans Times-Picayune is poised to enact massive staff cuts and reduce its newspaper circulation from daily to just three days a week this fall. To which I now suggest that you read it here first.

How few times a week can a daily paper publish and remain viable, I asked former Star publisher Art Brisbane in February of 2009.

"Obviously there’s something known as a weekly out there, but I don’t know the answer to that," Brisbane – now the New York Times public editor said then. "They could have a daily printed product, but maybe look at doing it differently. Maybe print a free six-days-a-week paper but with only 40,000 copies a day and on Sunday you have a mega paper with 300,000 or greater circulation. That way you preserve the single most profitable part of the paper which is the Sunday paper – that is overwhelmingly the most profitable part of the paper. The problem though is, you reduce your visibility and the newspaper reading habit."

The understanding being that like New Orleans and a handful of other newspapers owned by its parent company, daily online publishing would continue.

However…

"There’s another dimension that makes it very difficult for newspapers and that’s that it’s not going to be easy to shift from print side revenues and profits to the online side," Brisbane added. "A lot of companies are trying to do that, to (convert) the loss of print revenues to Internet revenues and it makes a lot of sense to try to do that. But the reality is the profits from Internet revenue are a lot less. The problem is that newspapers had a virtual monopoly over print advertising, but on the Internet there is virtually no barrier to entry, so they cannot leverage their rates up because there’s so much competition. And because of that it’s hard to generate profits and what’s happening is the decline of the print side is so much greater than the rise on the Internet side."

For example, the Ann Arbor News  stopped printing its daily in 2009, but continued to deliver the goods online while publishing a print edition twice weekly. Several other Michigan papers followed suit earlier this year.

Poynter Institute business analyst Rick Edmonds‘ take:

“On the one hand, they liked it enough that they did it with the rest of the Michigan papers," Edmunds says. "On the other hand, I’ve never had the impression that it’s been a real financial success, and it has the typical difficulty of trying to generate meaningful online ad revenues.”

The publisher of the online-only Ann Arbor Chronical, Mary Morgan told Poynter the following:

"You can find isolated community voices who offer a positive take on some aspects of the publication. However, with respect to its overall journalistic success, it’s fair to say that the general sentiment in the community ranges from disgruntled resignation to outright loathing. …

"Having watched the debacle here as it continues to unfold, I find it incredible that (it owner) would impose this on another publication, particularly one as storied as The Times-Picayune. It’s truly baffling. Or maybe not: Owners who don’t live in a community — or in the same state or region —see these publications as commodities to be optimized."

Poynter notes that the Detroit Free Press and Detroit News still print papers but only deliver them three times a week, offering readers "slimmed-down" editions at newsstands.

And allow me to remind you, this is about the business model of print, not just the economy.

CNN reporter Gloria Borger tackled the topic Friday.

"And newpapers, well, they take another step in the way of the dinosaurs," Borger said. "How much longer can the business hang on?"

"New Orleans will now become the largest metro area in the nation now that doesn’t have a daily print newspaper," Borger continued. "We have seen this starting to happen at newspapers for years now. We know that the economy is going in the wrong direction as far as newspapers are concerned."

Borger then asked CNN media host/reporter Howard Kurtz, "Does this mean that all daily newspapers are going to of the way of the steam engine?"

"I certainly hope not," Kurtz began. "(But) newspapers need the revenues provided by the print advertisements because online ads produce a fraction of the money coming in."

Print ads accounting for about 86 percent of newspaper revenues, Borger added.

"Look, the trend is moving in this direction and it really pains me to say that," Kurtz added. "I don’t think print is going to disappear completely but it may in some communities."

"Here’s the problem," Kurtz continued. "When you shrink the revenue and you cut the staff, which is also happening in New Orleans, you are crippling the reporting that those communities rely on…You know, newspapers are already cutting back. For example, you go to any state capital in the United States and there are far fewer print reporters there than there used to be.  That means fewer people keeping an eye on the governor, on state legistlators, on contracting. Now, that’s important stuff if you live in that community and I don’t see local TV or Web sites stepping up to fill that breach."

Kurtz unfortunate bottom line:

"Newspapers can’t be everything to anyone anymore. Their economic model is not there any more. But they do some things very well…But also if you’re in New Orleans or Tampa or St. Louis or San Francisco, you rely  on that local paper to hold your public officials accountable. We’re oin to be seeing less of that."

Brisbane’s three year-old prediction for the future of newspapers still stands:

"I don’t want to make a prediction about The Star but in general a number of newspapers will probably close and some of the newspaper companies will go bankrupt. And when that happens – let’s say some newspaper that has become unprofitable – the question is will anybody step up and buy it and try to run it successfully. You would think they would but we haven’t had a situation that has tested that prospect yet."

Until that is, the Oracle of Omaha, Warren Buffett.

Stay tuned…

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 9 Comments

Glazer: The Premature Death of Royals ‘Superstar’ To Be Eric Hosmer

Posted on May 25, 2012 by admin

The Royals are beginning to turn away from their "future super star" Eric Hosmer…

Yep, todays Kansas City Star held more proof of the team’s lack of confidence that their guy will ever be much more than maybe the next Alex Gordon. Meaning a solid player – nothing much more than good – not great. Holy Molly!

So the Royals press dogs have now started pushing for Mike Moustakas, the Moose. He was front page news today – the team’s best third baseman since George Brett. The guy leads the team in homers at seven and is batting .300. They even compare him to all the other good third baseman in the league for range.

They‘re desperate we’re desperate.

Clearly with Hosmer out of the All-Star Game, it’s THE MOOSE, who the Royals want to take his place.

Unless it’s a pitcher or Billy Butler (the second coming of Mike Sweeney) it will likely be Moustakas. That is, unless his average slips to .250 and he doesn’t hit any more homers in June (like Hosmer didn’t in May).

Hosmer’s stuck on five home runs.

The directionless Royals even started a rookie against the Yankees a couple days back at Yankee Stadium. Good move, he got crushed. That was an easy money bet with the Yankees just a 2 to 1 favorite over KC. But good luck getting takers outside of online or Las Vegas. So yeah, we lost.

So the Royals, with the third worst record in baseball, now have the dud of the year in Eric Hosmer.

Most baseball insiders and Royals fans thought he was a sure thing this season. Eric would hit over .300, have at least 28 home runs and drive in over 100, no problem. Instead he’s been hitting around .180 with few homers and RBI’s.

Is he a bust? Probably not a complete bust.

It looks like he will join Butler and Gordon as guys who are good to have on your team, but no big deal. And that’s painful.

Oh, for those of you who will tell me the Royals have done much better than when we lost one million games in a row to start the season. Really? We were 6 1/2 games out of first at that time and now we are 8 1/2 games out with the second worst record in the American League.

I hope Eric gets going again, but it doesn’t look too good right now.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 17 Comments

Starbeams: Johnny Rowlands’ “Pornstache,” Kid Curfew, AMC Bails, French Connection

Posted on May 25, 2012 by admin

The Kansas City Youth Curfew starts this weekend. Children 18 and younger who are in public after 9:00 p.m. must be on a leash.

*******

AMC and Cordish have parted ways on the AMC Mainstreet Theater.  It has nothing to do with the Chinese buyout of AMC this week.  I’m hoping to get a deal on one of those vibrating leather chairs. Is this a public forum?

*******

KMBC Channel 9 was off the air Thursday evening after lightning struck its tower.  The station was able to go to backup power but major damage was done to Johnny Rowland‘s electric pornstache trimmer.

*******

Missouri highway officials just cut the ribbon on an $8.1 million diverging diamond interchange at I-435 and Front Street.  It was pioneered in France.  Basically, the interchange takes people to the left then right and turns them into socialists.

Kelly Urich hosts the morning show on The Point 99.7 FM

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | Leave a comment

Whinery: NY Goes After Blog Commenters, Greek Tragedy, Kool v. Van Halen

Posted on May 25, 2012 by admin

Ladies and Gentlemen. May I please have your attention?

I’ve just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story and I need all of you to stop what you’re doing and listen.

CANNONBALL!  Ron Burgundy!

The State of the World… I don’t even know where to begin this rant on how we are either hopelessly screwed or face a new beginning- either way- as Bob Dylan said,  “The times they are a changing!”

From the “Don’t They Have Something Else Better to Do” file comes this; Republicans in New York State think that the safety of their citizenry is being compromised by anonymous blog commenters. You know the types. And nearly half the Reps in New York’s legislature have signed onto an UNCONSTITUIONAL bill which would force web pages, social media sites and online newspapers to delete any anonymous comments under penalty of law.

All in the name of “CyberBullying.

I think the politicians just want to be able to find out where you live should you have the temerity to question their leadership. If passed- this will be another piece of legislation that the courts will have to save us from.

Like the Honorable Judge Katherine Forrest just did when she struck down the provisions of the “National Defense Authorization Act”, authorizing Americans to be held without bail, legal representation, or being able to confront their accusers if the Executive Branch of Government deemed they’re a “terrorist.”

I’m telling you- Judges are the only thing standing in the way of a Fascist Police State.

Look at Chicago during the NATO Summit if you don’t believe me.

That had a security presence similar to the old East Germany. Does it still feel like this Country is the World beacon of freedom or more like we’re turning totalitarian? The First Amendment guarantees freedom of assembly and I didn’t see the Government doing anything to preserve that right during the “Conference of Warlords”

Things are also getting interesting in the world of money.

The European Union is getting ready to implode and I can’t wait. The Greek elections coming up on June 17th may just put the final nail in the coffin of this silly experiment. When the socialist and anti-austerity party, Syriza, takes over- the NWO banksters in Europe will be on the run.  The great economist Milton Friedman gave the Euro 10-20 years before it collapses, and his prediction is right on schedule.

Meanwhile back here in the USA- I think KC Confidential needs to start a “Dead Pool” on which State goes bankrupt first. Unike the Federal Government, the States can’t run deficits and must balance their budgets. My money is on my home state of California which is running a $17 BILLION dollar deficit and is being driven into the ground by my favorite liberal- Edmund G. Brown, JR. He should know better than to think you can tax and spend your way into prosperity. Btw, Michigan and Illinois are running a close second.

And to any suckers who bought stock in Facebook, did you really think that investing in a CIA Data Mining operation was gonna put your kids through college? Sorry CIA- You know I love you- just spy on the rest of the World and not Americans and your agencies crest will always be on my refrigerator.

Concert Review Time: Kool & the Gang blew Van Halen off the stage- even without JT singing lead. Don’t get me wrong, Eddie Van Halen’s guitar solos are still a quasi-religious experience, but Diamond Dave’s voice is shot. Maybe 30 concerts really have been postponed on this tour because of fatigue and not the usual prima donna rock star internecine warfare.

Good Day and Have a Pleasant Tomorrow!

Posted in News_and_Views | Tagged | 8 Comments

Leftridge: Tales From the Tweet: NBA Playoffs, Wright’s Grand Gesture & Canseco vs. Sheik (Finally!)

Posted on May 25, 2012 by admin

When you’re a fan of Kansas City sports, the end of May and early June is a bleak time. The Royals are typically toast, the Chiefs are just starting OTA junk and collegiate athletics—the ones worth paying attention to, anyway—are stagnant. If you’re an NBA or NHL fan (LOLZ! at that last one!!!), this is an exciting time, though. Playoffs, baby.

In case you missed it—and let’s be honest, most of you probably did—the OKC Thunder ousted the Lakers, the Spurs steamrolled the Clippers, the Heat will probably dismiss the Pacers in short order (though it’s worth noting that the Pacers have made it a close series, at least) and the Celtics and the 76ers—wait, what? Are we sure it’s THOSE 76ers? It is? Well…okay, if you say so—are heading into a Game 7 showdown this Saturday.

So just who in the hell is watching this stuff? The Lakers Executive Vice Cougar, for one.

@‏JeanieBuss (EVP Lakers, Phil Jackson’s GF, Unbelievably sexy lady)
“Congrats to OK City #Thunder. 1st class organization starting at the top. OKC is OK with me – good luck through rest of #NBA playoffs.”

What a thoughtful, classy tweet from someone who is transparently passing along tidings of well-wishes and… whatever. I can’t do this. I didn’t even read whatever her tweet said. I just included her so I could post her picture. Where have I been? Where has SHE been all my life? How did I have no idea that the Executive Whatever in Charge of Holy Shit was so goddamned hot?! Wow. And she’s ridiculously wealthy? AND wears sexy business suits? I’m sold. And totally in trouble with my wife, now. Let’s move on.

@lilduval (standup comedian)
“U know how boring the nba finals would be if indiana and San antonio make it there?”

Um, yes, yes I do. The Spurs are archaic and would be boring against whoever they play (let’s go OKC!). The Pacers are… the Pacers. They haven’t been fun since Ron Artest was punching civilians in the stands. Thankfully, I don’t think the Pacers are a very real threat. Speaking of Artest—nee Metta World Peace—just how is he handling the Lakers dismissal?

‏@MettaWorldPeace (LA Lakers, notorious head-case)
“Which OKC fan got my jersey??? Tell her to tweet it do I can sign it for her…. Like 50fans were trying to get it but she had a fatty….”

He’s nothing if not honest, folks.

You know who ISN’T watching the NBA playoffs (aside from you and everyone you know)? This guy:

‏@GrantWahl (Senior writer, Sports Illustrated)
“Buddy of mine tried to watch NBA playoffs in NYC bar with NBA exec Sat. Got shut down since every place was showing Champions League final.”

And rightfully so. The Champions League Final between Chelsea and Bayern Munich came down to a thrilling shootout after Chelsea’s Didier Drogba tied the match up late in the second half, thereby eliminating my Tottenham Hotspurs from contention in next year’s Champions League competition, thanks a lot for that, YOU COCKSUCKING BASTARDS. (this just in—UEFA’s executive committee will be reviewing Tottenham’s bid, so all may not be lost… I’m sure you were delirious with concern).

Although you’re likely spent after all of this engrossing, deeply thrilling NBA and soccer talk, we must press on. There’s baseball to be had, and despite only minimal signs of encouragement on the major league front:

‏@Buster_ESPN (Buster Olney)
“Alcides Escobar has taken his OPS up to .340 this year. Steady progress.”

our critically acclaimed minor league talent continues to astound and amaze.

@MinorLeagueBlog
“Wil Myers hit his 2nd Home Run in as many nights at Omaha. Hitting .417 in AAA. He’s got 15 Home Runs on the season.”

Simply put, Ol’ One L is DOMINATING. One cannot stop him, one might only hope to contain him. Will he immediately step into Kaufmann and begin humming dingers? (that sounded strange—my apologies) No, he will not. Would he provide an instant upgrade in the outfield? Quite possibly, but where? He’s playing centerfield right now, but doesn’t project as a major leaguer at the position. Jeff Francoeur isn’t a centerfielder either, nor is Alex Gordon. In a perfect world, Francoeur would pull himself out of his early season mire—lest his skillset be reverting, as seemed the case before signing with Kansas City last year—up his average while exhibiting some power, and be traded to make room. I like Frenchy—he’s great to the fans and seems to be an exemplary clubhouse guy—but he’s not a long term solution in the grand scheme of things.

New starting pitcher Will Smith could be, however, despite his first disastrous start at Yankee Stadium on Wednesday night. Though the game wasn’t pretty, his was a name that spawned a thousand jokes.

‏@NotESPNsTito (Not Terry Francona—parody account)
“Kansas City Royals recall pitcher Will Smith from AAA Bel Air.”

Can the “gettin’ jiggy” jokes, because that was about as good as it gets. Sam agrees:

‏@mellinger (Sam Mellinger, KC Star sports writer)
“Feel bad for the #Royals Will Smith. How many times has he had to fake laugh at the same bad joke?”

Well, OUR Will Smith is 22—the rapper/actor/gay-slapper was a household name by ’89 or ’90. You’ve gotta figure the pitcher was 5 before he really understood the significance of his name, he probably gets it AT LEAST a few times a week, so 3 times a week, 52 weeks a year, that’s 156 times a year, multiplied by 17 years—that’s 2,652 times that someone has made a Fresh Prince/Big Willie Style/Men in Black reference. If I were Pitcher Will Smith, I’d probably murder my parents. To death. With a fastball.

But fear not, Royals fans, comedian/actor/reformed asshole Jay Mohr has a plan:

‏@jaymohr37
“By the time I get to Kansas City July 7th at The Midland Theater, I will have a plan in place to fix the K.C. Royals.”

This is cool. I have no idea what it means—I’m sure there’s joking afoot!—but it’s always fun when actual celebrities mention the Royals. It fills me with some bizarre, false happiness. It’s depressing, actually.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in KC sports news, the “GREATEST BROADCASTER OF ALL TIME, EVER” (- Craig Glazer) moved on to dirtier, dustier, and more violent pastures. “LOCAL RADIO LEGEND” (- Craig Glazer) Nick Wright, who formerly filled the 610 am afternoons with his “fresh” take on sports, accepted a job with… 610 am. But in Houston. 610 producer Jared Carter put forth a plea—a really, really lame plea:

‏@JaredLCarter
“#NickWright is a 27-yr-old man and he’s leaving KC for a bigger market. His only wish is to trend on Twitter. RT so his name will live on.”

Yeah, so I don’t think this happened. And really, who gives a shit? People pleading for retweets or attempting to get something “trending” are only (slightly) above people who tweet at their favorite athletes—“YO LADAMELIAN TOMKINSON ITS MY BIRTHDAY HOW BOUT A RETWEET PLEEZE???”—in the hierarchy of online worthlessness.

But I digress—this moment is about Nick, and I won’t ruin it. Someone asked former 610 personality and noted drug and gun-nut Bill Maas if this meant a return to the air:

@BillMaas (Former Kansas City Chief, vice enthusiast)
“I think not. but I really enjoyed working with Nick. We had good synergy. The best I’ve worked with.”

So that was nice. And sweet. Speaking of nice and sweet, Wright himself did something that I couldn’t make fun of if I tried.

‏@getnickwright
“Just bought the 200 #Royals tickets to the game on June 1st. Giving 100 away to Twitter folk. If you want one, email me whatswright at gmail”

Very, very cool. Once I move on to bigger and better things—I’ve got my eye set on you, Gladstone Sun Tribune—I’m taking you all out for whores and red velvet cupcakes. Not good ones, mind you, but whores cupcakes, nonetheless. YOU’RE WELCOME.

But seriously, Nick’s a big fan of mine, and I know he reads this website daily, so I just wanted to say, “good luck.” Whether you liked him or not, he was the only real competition Kietzman had… you know, until I can parlay my gig with the Sun Tribune into my own radio show.

Speaking of local radio, what DID Kevin Kietzman have to say about his rival’s departure?

‏@kkwhb (810 am)
“Honeycrisp apples are the best I’ve ever had.”

Oh, Kietzman… you lovable, delusional old man, you.

And Steven St. John? Any thoughts?

‏@SSJ_WHB
“Is there any way Bruce Chen could intentionally walk Rex Hudler? #Royals”

Dear God, I agree, I agree, I AGREE. Look, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I thought it might take time. I thought that I’d get used to his laid-back, low-key, cool-guy, surf-speak. But I haven’t. Listening to Rex Hudler is like sticking a crocheting needle deep into the recesses of my brain while slamming the door of a 1978 Buick Skylark repeatedly on my nutsack. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. For real.

Finally, we’ll close out this edition with some Classic Canseco. Jose’s been popping up everywhere, lately, for some strange reason. The sports-gossip website Deadspin began a recurring feature, “Jose Canseco Tweets as Motivational Posters,” Bill Simmons’ love-labor Grantland.com ran an interview with the former star, and he was recently on the front page of Yahoo! in a piece regarding his poor debut with an independent baseball team in New Jersey. All along the way, it’s been repeatedly questioned whether or not he actually tweets, or whether he has a ghost-writer. Allow us to put that notion to rest with the following blitzkrieg of unabashed insanity.

First, he got into it with another of our favorites, the Iron Sheik:

@the_ironsheik (Unbalanced former WWF star)
“@JoseCanseco you piece of shit”

@JoseCanseco
“@the_ironsheik be careful old man I won’t take it easy on you like I have averyone else”

I would pay almost everything in my savings to see these two fight. Like, actual for real fight. Despite Iron Sheik’s considerable age disadvantage (he’s 69 [!] to Jose’s 47), he WAS an Olympic caliber wrestler in his younger days. The thing is, both of these guys are so bat-shit crazy, I think someone wins it in a bizarre manner—Canseco chokes Sheik to death with a stray cat, or Sheik bites out Canseco’s throat or something.

This needs to happen.

When our busy boy wasn’t trying to fistfight living legends, he was shilling. Hard. And uncomfortably so.

“Wow Facebook 28 year old CEO worth 20 billion good for him maybe he will invest in my anti aging product I complete you”

“Zuckerberg congrats email me let’s buy a baseball team together Jc7264@yahoo.com”

Hey Jose—Mark Zuckerberg didn’t see this. Sorry, bro. Any other marketing ideas, though?

“Any Investors wanting to get richer please email my agent. Joemelendez@msn.com. We r full of ideas that will make a wise investment.”

Oh, I don’t doubt that AT ALL. Plus, don’t all of the best agents use msn email addresses? I mean, mine uses Hotmail, but he’s a little behind the times, I’ll admit. Any final words?

“I understand your pain haters I would trade pain with you to help you out but mine would kill you instantly cause its much greater.”

Wow, Glazer Jose, that was heavy.

“Goodnight I am going to sleep now is when the real horror begins its called nightmares”

And goodnight to you as well, sweet prince. Perhaps in our dreams, we will perchance to meet.
 

Posted in Sports | Tagged | 6 Comments

Hearne: Mancow Falls for Knuckleheads, Makes Up with Rainmakers, Disses KC Crowd

Posted on May 25, 2012 by admin

It was the best of times and the worst of times…remember that one?

This time out however we’re talking about Saturday’s Rainmakers show at Knuckleheads in the East Bottoms, not the French Revolution. And while it was clearly the age of foolishness, it was hardly the age of wisdom.

Not according to the Kansas City-bred, Chicago shock jock Erich "Mancow" Muller.

"It was fantastic," Mancow says of the show. "I tell you, Bob Walkenhorst‘s hair was gray – which is startling – but they’re still a great band. They’re as good as they were in 1986."

When the Rainmakers took the stage Saturday, Mancow was Johnny on the Spot.

"And the first thing Bob did when he walked out was reach down and shake my hand," Mancow says. "I was front-and-center with my belly against the stage and quite honestly, I was surprised he recognized me."

The story behind the story being that Mancow wrote a column here before the concert discussing issues he’d had with Walkenhorst over the years and speculating that the Rainmakers lead singer’s surley disposition may have cost them the fame and fortune they so richly deserved.

There’s more…

"Towards the end of the show the band played a song Bob wrote about somebody he hates called ‘Like Dogs’ and then he came over afterwards and said, ‘It’s not about you, Mancow.’

"I think we’re going to let bygones be bygones. I mean, we’ve had a contentious relationship."

As for Knuckleheads, it’s now become Mancow’s favorite music venue.

"There’s just something great about that place," Mancow says. "It’s just a powerful venue and a perfect place to see the Rainmakers. As U2 is to Red Rocks, the Rainmakers are to Knuckleheads. I mean, they unbuckled the Bible Belt and let it all hang out.

"The fact is that Knuckleheads is a treat, however the crowd there is not a treat. I’ve traveled the world and when it comes to America, the East Coast has people that are ugly but brilliant. The West Coast has people that are beautiful but stupid. And the crowd at Knuckleheads around midnight is a combination of both – ugly and stupid – at least they’re fat.

"Buddy, it was a great show and I met some really great people. But the majority of people there are just fat dummies – drunk and stupid and dancing and spilling drinks on themselves. The high-fiving motherfuckers that wore their hats backwards in college and are now trying to relive their glory days at Knuckleheads but those days have passed. They’re the same kind of guys who used to put Rohypnol in drinks and rape fat sorority girls while they listened to Jimmy Buffet. That’s the Knuckleheads crowd."

Which brings us to opening act, the Russian-American Red Elvises.

"They may be the single worst band I’ve ever seen in my life and I see two to three bands a week," Mancow says. "But I absolutely love Knuckleheads and I’m flying back for Southern Culture on the Skids (tonight). I saw David Allan Coe there and I’m going to fly back in again for Merle Haggard."

As for the prospect of Knuckleheads attracting a younger crowd, don’t hold your breath, Mancow says.

"Look, I don’t know the owners of Knuckleheads, but their logo is the Three Stooges on Harleys and you’re not going to attract young people with the Three Stooges on Harleys."

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 10 Comments

Sounds Good: Jon Eric@Barnyard, Weir, Robinson, & Greene@Crossroads, Best Coast@Granada

Posted on May 24, 2012 by admin

Some cool shows this weekend…
 
I’ll be taking it a little easy, resting up for the big trip to Mulberry Mountain next weekend for the Wakarusa Festival.  I’m planning on talking with festival mastermind Brett Mosiman sometime soon to get the inside scoop on this year’s festivities, which I will, of course, relate to you loyal KCC readers.
 
And I’ll be reviewing the bands, venue, hula hoopers (or is it hoopists?), etc., live from the mountain top for those of you not brave enough to make the trek yourselves.
 
In the meantime, here’s where to go…
 
Friday, May 25th
 
Jon Eric @ the Barnyard in Lawrence
 
This one is a FREE show, so if you haven’t yet experienced the hoedown throw-down that is the Barnyard, this is your best chance yet.  Jon Eric is a bluegrass maestro by trade, who uses some loops and other cool tricks to create lush sound-scapes that makes you wonder how he is doing that with just a banjo.
 
Don’t believe me?  Check this video out.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Za9DUk8KIgg
 
Then come out to the Barnyard and sample some of Heath and Mike’s tasty brews.
 
Saturday, May 26th
 
Weir, Robinson, & Greene Acoustic Trio @ Crossroads KC
 
We all know Bob Weir was in the Grateful Dead, and Chris Robinson is the lead singer of the Black Crowes.  But who is this Greene guy?  Well, apparently he’s a badass guitar player who has played with the likes of BB King,  Phil & Friends, Huey Lewis, and Gov’t Mule.
 
The three are touring a bit this summer, including a headlining spot at Wakarusa next weekend, but they’re swinging through KC first.  The setlist is bound to include some of the three’s originals, plus a bunch of Dead tunes and other stuff the Dead used to cover.    
 
Sunday, May 27th
 
Best Coast @ the Granada in Lawrence
 
This California garage rock band has been getting a fair amount of indie buzz of late.  They just released a new album about a week ago entitled The Only Place that has met with mostly mixed reviews after their 2010 debut, Crazy For You, became an indie hit.  But this time around the duo got rid of the noisy fuzz and opted instead for a cleaner, shinier product, enlisting a producer that has worked with Kanye and Fiona Apple.
 
This show should be pretty well attended, so I’d get your tickets early, especially considering we can all drink our faces off on a Sunday night, which is always fun.

Posted in Entertainment | Tagged | 1 Comment

Jack Goes Confidential: Will Smith Rewrites History. Josh Brolin Nails a Young Tommy Lee Jones

Posted on May 24, 2012 by admin

It’s been a decade since MEN IN BLACK 2 hit the big screen in 2002…

To say it was underwhelming is putting it mildly. Gone was the fun, freshness and funny interplay between Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones that we all loved in the 1997 original.
 
So has director Barry Sonnenfeld learned his lesson from the first sequel?
 
The answer: Sort of.
 
M.I.B. 3 is definitely a better movie than its predecessor turned out to be but still lacks the spunk and fun of the original. Here Tommy Lee Jones seems to be just walking through the material.
 
In this latest version Agent J (Will Smith) has to time travel back to 1969 in order to halt an alien takeover and save the future—not to mention his partner played by Tommy Lee Jones.
 
Returning to the past, of course, calls for a much younger version of Agent K who’s played by Josh Brolin. And Brolin stepping into Jones’ character channels him perfectly.
 
Needless to say special effects have vastly improved. And the 3-D, which plays intriguing at times, is really not necessary for the enjoyment of this alien hunting adventure. (Save the up charge for popcorn.)
 
And it’s nice seeing the talented Bill Hader popping up as Andy Warhol in the film’s 60’s sequence.
 
It’s also a relief viewing a chapter in a franchise taking under 2 hours to unfold. For the record M.I.B. 3 clocks out at a reasonable 106 minutes.

Our (full house) screening audience seemed to enjoy the movie while some of the critics in attendance were grumbling on their way out of the theater.
 
For my money—make that, for my time—I’m raising 3-1/2 out of 5 fingers for this latest sci-fi odd-couple, buddy comedy.

JACK GOES TO THE MOVIES Friday mornings at 6:40 a.m. on NewsRadio KMBZ Am & Fm / and anytime on Time-Warner Cable’s K.C. ON DEMAND, Channel 411 / and NEBRASKA ON DEMAND, Channel 411 throughout the Cornhusker State.

Posted in Jack_Poessiger | Tagged | 3 Comments

Katie: Van Halen Storms Sprint Center

Posted on May 24, 2012 by admin

 

 

I shot for Van Halen last night at Sprint Center. The shooting was rough though. I could only be there for the first three songs and it was from the soundboard. I couldn’t see shit!

 

 

 

 

 

But seeing those three songs was freaking amazing.. I can’t really write much about the concert because I didn’t get to stay after that…boo! Still was a pretty neat experience.

Posted in Entertainment | Tagged | 4 Comments

Glazer: Scribes Puerto Rican Wilding Sparks ‘Greatest Hits’ Flashback

Posted on May 23, 2012 by admin

If you could capture and hold onto just one moment of your life, what would that be?

I know for most of us there are many not-so-great moments and it’s often hard to hold onto that truly wonderful snapshot. I was on the plane coming home yesterday from Puerto Rico – great place – and looking out the window thinking just that – what moment in time was the greatest, the best?

It’s summer now, so I think for so many of us this is that time of year when things seem a bit uplifting.

And so I thought about the good things. It’s hard to narrow it down to just one, but if I had to? I’ve never fathered a baby so that’s not an option. However seeing my nephews playing tennis and looking so happy, expecting to have a life not nearly as rocky as mine or their dads – that’s a pick.

I thought about when I got to interview my all time favorite hero, Muhammad Ali. I sure have that one tucked away in a special place. At the time I was in a packed hotel lobby in L.A. for the films premiere party, a roped off area, in my tux, mic in hand, and seated next to me was THE GREATEST. We had that one on one for maybe 20 minutes. That was such a fantastic snapshot in my life.

Another one for me had to be my wedding day.

With my beautiful wife-to-be Connie Parker coming down the aisle at the Fairmont in a gorgeous gown with her mom and dad. She looked like an angel. A happier moment for her may never come. Until maybe she has a baby. Sadly that won’t be with me because we divorced. But that was a nice life snapshot and I have the photo next to my bed to this day.

Or maybe it was opening the box and seeing my book, THE KING OF STING in print for the first time. Forever that book will be out there. That was a feel-great moment for me. Perhaps another was the phone call from my agent in 1982 saying,"Craig CBS just made us a nice offer on your life story, can you fly out here and make this deal?" 

Wow that got my juices flowing.

Another big one was again "lost love." 

I had been trying for a year to get my best girl, Terri Gatewood to come back to LA and live with me, marry me and live happily ever after. Finally she accepted.  It was 1983 and we went to the beach in Malibu. She walked off a ways and then began jogging towards me in her bathing suit. As if in slow motion. And I thought then, "Man, I am so damn lucky to have a lady like that."

Terri and Connie were the two most important women in my life and I failed them both.

And that’s something I will always regret.

I’m not trying to make this about me, I’m just just giving examples so you will think of your SNAPSHOT. The one moment you want to take with you forever.

We all have many, but THE ONE…it’s not easy to sort it out, but you will. Think about it for a time. I did.

In the end, my moment that both haunts me and lifts my spirit won’t be one any of you would have.

No, its not Hollywood but I hope there are more Hollywood moments left for me. Something like, "Craig, they greenlighted King of Sting." That could be the moment, but right now that hasn’t yet happened. Maybe it never will – I don’t know.

For now, it’s this bittersweet snapshot:

I’m leaving the weight pile at Lompoc prison, I take off my gloves – the ones I’ve worked out with for more than four years – and I place them over the ends of each dip bar. I turn and walk away…my last moment in prison. I walked out to freedom and would get to start my life over again. Freedom and hope for the future.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 60 Comments

Starbeams: KCPD Radar Love, Obama Does Joplin, Chinese Take Over AMC & Dilly

Posted on May 23, 2012 by admin

A 24 year-old Kansas City man has been arrested for allegedly pointing a laser at a KCPD helicopter. Apparently, he became upset when they wouldn’t tell him the location of the rebel base.

*******

President Obama spoke to graduating students in Joplin Monday night.  Several residents of Jasper county said it was the first time they had met someone from Kenya.

*******

The Supreme Court ruled that children conceived from a dead father’s frozen sperm are not entitled to certain social security benefits.  Especially if they refer to the old man as "Dilly Bar."

*******

What are the odds that Chinese-owned AMC Theaters would show the movie "Free Tibet?"

Kelly Urich is the morning show host on The Point 99.7 FM

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | 4 Comments

Whinery: PENN FRASER JILLETTE GOES OFF ON OBAMA

Posted on May 23, 2012 by admin

Author/illusionist/comedian/musician Penn Fraser Jillette is a man known for epic rants…

And he really let Obama have it about the president’s hypocrisy concerning drug laws. Pointing out how Obama in his 1995 book Dreams of My Father admits to “smoking weed” and “doing a little blow” and now he’s letting the Feds crack down on medical marijuana dispensaries in California and Colorado. This is but ANOTHER campaign promise broken by Mr. Obama.

Remember how in 2008 Obama said he would call off the war on medical marijuana?

Mr. Jillette does and he calls Obama out on where he would be now if he’d been busted under the same drug laws he supports now. Would Obama be President now? Hell, no! Though that wouldn’t bother me. Obama also probably would not have gone to elite schools, become a million selling author and would likely be just another Ex-Con working some menial job.

I may not like Obama much as President, but there is no denying the man has tremendous talent and it would have been a shame if it were to all have been wasted because of a drug conviction.

And let me tell you, the way the drug laws are written in this country- you can have a million bucks and resurrect Johnny Cochran and you are probably still going down for possession if an officer finds drugs in your pocket, home or car.

 I’ve represented a lot of kids facing the specter of losing their student loans, having to drop out of school and otherwise having their futures compromised, all for smoking weed.

Sometimes the busts are just too clean and the only option left is begging the Prosecutor for mercy-luckily they have hearts too and will offer a deal that doesn’t ruin the person’s life, However that is not always the case. Especially when “scoring a bag” for a friend makes you a dope dealer in the eyes of the law. Not to mention a convicted felon.

And in Kansas, the simple act of passing a joint around is technically considered distribution of marijuana, a level 3 drug felony with a presumptive prison sentence- VERY SCARY.

At some point, the War on Drugs need to stop and President Obama could do a lot to improve his reputation as an agent of “Hope and Change” by – at the very least- calling off the war on medical marijuana.

Mr. Jillette chides Obama for ignoring that this issue should be one of State’s Rights, like the President’s stance on gay marriage. And if the people of States have voted for medical marijuana then that State’s right should be respected.

The Federal Government has lot more pressing issues to tend to than whether people are smoking pot.

Posted in News_and_Views | Tagged | 7 Comments

Donnelly: Mayer Hawthorne at the Granada, May 21, 2012

Posted on May 22, 2012 by admin

Apparently, Mayer Hawthorne is taking this neo-soul thing seriously.

When he rolled through Larryville in late 2010 with just one record under his belt, you had to wonder whether this kid’s journey into Motown was real or if it was just a cheeky and ironic hipster wink. I mean, he had already carved out a pretty nice little niche for himself in LA as Haircut, a hip hop DJ, so it wouldn’t have been surprising to find out that Mr. Hawthorne donned the tight sport coat and hit the high notes just for something to do on the side.

Whatever it may have started out as, at this point there’s no doubt that Mayer Hawthorne is all in.

And he proved it to a 2/3 full house at the Granada Monday night – not bad considering school just got out.

Most noticeably, Hawthorne’s vocals were much stronger.  In the past- and in particular on his first record, A Strange Arrangement– the singer’s voice was criticized as “thin,” “reedy,” and “technically poor.”  It was kind of like, what’s this white kid trying to pull here?  You don’t sing soul unless you’ve got mad pipes, son!

Hawthorne took his critics to task on Monday night, showing off a much improved tone and strength in his voice, especially apparent on swooping high falsetto runs that confidently drifted and darted up above the staff.  His band seemed to be tighter, too, which consisted of drums, keys, bass, guitar, and a DJ on the side punching in some pre-recorded horns and beats.  And as always, Hawthorne brought his unabashed lady’s man vibe to the theater with polished stage banter to keep the crowd engaged.

Sometimes, it was almost too polished, as if every single gesture and word was mapped out in advance.  Probably because it was. 

“Hey, I like to write love songs, fuck it,” he explained about four songs into the set.  “But sometimes it’s not about love, you just want to have some disconnected sex.” 

The crowd agreed as Hawthorne and his band launched into No Strings, off his latest release How Do You Do, complete with synchronized dance moves from the band.      

And he hit plenty of crowd favorites while playing Arrangement almost in its entirety, including  Make Her Mine, Your Easy Lovin’ Ain’t Pleasin’ Nothin’, Shiny & New, I Wish it Would Rain,  Green Eyed Love, Just Ain’t Gonna Work Out, The Ills, and Maybe So Maybe No.

But the highlight of the night was probably the bouncy and super catchy Dreaming, which morphed easily into a cool cover of Hall & Oates’ You Make My Dreams Come True.

For the encore, Hawthorne emerged from backstage with a bottle of Hennessey and a bottle of ginger ale.  He mixed up four or five cups of the potion and handed several to audience members, saving one for himself, of course, as the band vamped on the intro to the final track off of How Do You Do, appropriately titled Henny & Gingerale.  The song prompted a sing-along that was incited by Hawthorne before each band member soloed.  The guitar player was allowed some room to really open up and delivered a ripping solo that raised a few eyebrows after he had been relegated to rhythm figures most of the night. 

The set was short and to the point, but not in a bad way.  That’s kind of just the style of Hawthorne’s catchy pop-soul – it lends itself to three minute love songs and doesn’t apologize for treading the line between being slyly cool and jumping on the retro bandwagon. 
 

Posted in Entertainment | Tagged | 6 Comments