Jack Goes Confidential: Wise-Ass ‘TED’ Is Foul-Mouthed Hilarious

Posted on June 28, 2012 by admin

Family Guy’s Seth MacFarland finally gets his crack at the big screen and he doesn’t disappoint…

With TED MacFarland gets to push the envelope way beyond the TV limits and be totally politically incorrect.

TED tells of Mark Wahlberg as a kid and his magic Christmas wish that turned into a true miracle. His beloved teddy bear coming to life and becoming sort of a major child star sensation—even making an appearance with Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show. Wahlberg and Ted were going to be buddies for life.

Therein lies the problem.

Wahlberg’s now 35 years old and has Mila Kunis as his girlfriend. Making matters worse, Ted’s turned into quite a foul-mouthed party animal who’s into booze, bongs and hookers. And he’s NOT leaving.

So with Mila and Teddy now competing for Wahlberg’s affection she puts her foot down with an "it’s me or the bear" ultimatum.

While this may sound pretty pedestrian, remember it’s being played out through the fertile scripting by Seth MacFarland who also serves as the voice of Ted.

"I had cool moves. So have people with Parkinson’s" (Ouch)

Some of the film’s goofs are absolutely hilarious with dialogue to match—most of which I can’t quote here.
Add a generous helping of on screen surprises led by Sam (‘Flash Gordon’) Jones, Norah Jones and Ryan Reynolds among others and you’ve got about an hour and 46 minutes of pure rude and crude but very funny screen time.

Ted’s take on himself: "I look like Snuggle’s accountant."

And so it goes with some of the best material being oh so wrong.

Nothing’s sacred in or with the R-rated TED—flipping off 3-1/2 out of 5 fingers.

JACK GOES TO THE MOVIES Friday mornings at 6:40 a.m. on KMBZ Am & Fm / Also anytime on Time-Warner Cable’s K.C. ON DEMAND, Channel 411 / And throughout Nebraska on NEBRASKA ON DEMAND, Channel 411.

Posted in Jack_Poessiger | Tagged | 10 Comments

Hello world!

Posted on June 27, 2012 by admin

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!

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Donnelly: My Conversation With Fitz and the Tantrums’ Noelle Scaggs & Win Tickets to Their July 5th Show at Crossroads

Posted on June 27, 2012 by admin

 

If you don’t know who Noelle Scaggs is by her name alone, I guarantee you know her music.

Scaggs is the sexy co-lead singer of LA based indie soul outift Fitz and the Tantrums. You’ve no doubt heard their ridiculously infectious hit single, MoneyGrabber, that’s been all over radio and TV for the last year. Now the band’s finishing up its latest album with all-star studio man Tony Hoffer, who recently produced M83‘s blockbuster album, Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming.

Cross Midnight City with MoneyGrabber and you may have the catchiest damn song ever.

I had the chance to catch up with Noelle to talk about her band’s July 5th gig at Crossroads, about why retro ain’t all that fly, and about what gets her dripping with sweat.

I was also lucky enough to score several sets of tickets for Fitz’ show to give away to loyal KCC readers.

 

MD: How’s the new record coming, is it going to be different from your last release?
   
NS:  The first record was recorded at Fitz’s house and we did a lot of the pre-production stuff at Fitz’s place just getting all the writing done and all the production as far as the composition is concerned.  We’ve been recording this record at the Sound Factory with Tony Hoffer, who is amazing.  And it’s been a really cool experience to have that 3rd party person to break us outside of our box and our shell and bring ideas to the table. He’s a musician in his own right, so he’s really knowledgeable in how to bring all aspects of the production elements, which is what we were looking for.  It’s been a really cool experience having that person there to say how they would do it differently on this particular take, maybe we should try this, change this word.  It’s been a really cool kind of creative happening.

MD: Why did you choose Tony for this record?

NS: You look at Tony’s resume -and we’ve been a big fan of his work as a producer for years- he’s just a really cool person to be around.  We wanted to make sure the person we worked with would get along with everybody.  You hear all these horror stories of a producer not getting along well with certain aspects or not getting what the band is trying to do, or trying to change this or that.  And then you end up with a product that you’re not completely happy with.

So we wanted make sure that whoever we brought to the table would love what we do, know how to push us forward with the sound, know how to work with a band of musicians that know their stuff.  And we got a really great package out of Tony.

MD: Is the new album a departure from your last album?

NS: I wouldn’t call it a departure.  We’ve been able to expand our sound as we’ve developed our live show.  A lot of the songs, you’ll hear some elements from Pickin’ up the Pieces.  It’s definitely veering away from being this kind of retro thing which is what we didn’t want to get boxed into.  We didn’t want people to perceive us as just this retro-soul band.  We are a melting pot of this sound that we grew up with and we just modernized it.  So that’s what we’re doing with this record.  We have some familiar things- like from Pickin’ up the Pieces– and then you’ll hear more of the ’80s elements.  We’ve been messing around with adding some synth things into the tracks.  Definitely still pop oriented songwriting and we’re just really expanding on that.  Not everything’s all about love and heartbreak – you’re going to get a good story out of every single song.

MD: Some music critics have labeled the latest soul revival as some sort of ironic hipster inside joke.  What’s your take?

MS: Yeah, I mean it’s funny because someone asked me about this yesterday.  And when you start giving into critics, people who don’t necessarily make music themselves but review it and have their opinions on what’s gonna fly and what’s not, some of those bands are true.  Some of those bands are kinda come-and-go bands.  But it’s the ones like, say, Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings that basically have taken an inspiration of music and made it their own.  You know the Dap Kings sound the minute that you hear it.  Then there’s some other bands that do it so verbatim that they can’t get out of that box.  And there’s nothing wrong with that if you’re really good at it and you enjoy it.  And you have a fan base that’s behind you and you’re making music that you love and you’re building your career off it, the critics at the end of the day don’t matter.

With us we never wanted to be into that retro pocket.  It came along with Breakin’ the Chains of Love having that very, very Motown inspired sound with organs, and everything being really piano driven, and having these juxtaposed lyrics with this kind of like, happy music.  That’s still a very big part of us and we know where we’re rooted, but we didn’t want to do what everyone else is doing.  We really wanted to make it our own and create our own sound so that we have longevity in our careers.  At the end of the day it’s all about making really great songs and that’s the goal for us as a band. 

MD: What can people expect at your Crossraods show on July 5th?

Very energetic, we’re definitely one of these bands that is all about putting out as much energy as we’re getting from the crowd, making the crowd part of the show.  We’re all about crowd participation and people kind of losing themselves.  We just have a lot of fun on stage.  Every single night we all leave the stage just dripping with sweat.  It doesn’t matter where we play, it could be a festival, small club, a bar – it doesn’t matter. 

*******

So here’s the deal, folks.  Leave a comment below and tell me why you deserve the tickets, simple as that.  Or, hit me on Twitter @MattyKCC and I’ll pick the most deserving using my sophisticated mathematical formula and let you know by Sunday-ish. 

Game on.

Posted in Entertainment | Tagged | 19 Comments

Today: Roger the Plumber, Others Hanging onto What’s Left of Nextel for Dear Life

Posted on June 27, 2012 by admin

Keep it local…

That’s Roger the Plumber’s philosophy on buying local whenever he possible. Starting with the fading fast, push-to-talk Nextel phones he got from Kansas City-based Sprint.

That said, Sprint’s announcement that Nextel’s walkie-talkie like phone system will go away next year isn’t exactly helping Roger to keep the faith.

“They’re on the countdown, they’re starting to limit the service," he says. "Until now it’s always been impeccable.”

Making the transition to no Nextel very difficult.

“On May the 30th they eliminated five Nextel towers within five miles of my office in Overland Park,” Roger says. “So now I have to get up from my desk and walk over to my window to talk on the phone.”

Fortunately for Sprint, Roger’s looked over the competition and decided to hang with the hometown phone firm’s new “Direct Connect” push to talk system.

“We’ve ordered their new phones with GPS in them,” Roger says. “Sprint’s new push to talk will work the same way as Nextel’s. We’ll be able to talk, text, use pagers or direct connect to whoever we want to talk to without dialing them.”

Why that matters:

“It’s a great way to talk to workers out in the field without waiting for the phone to dial them and for them to answer. So with the new phones it won’t be a loss for me, except for going through what we’re going through now with the limited coverage until we get our new Sprint phones.

“It’s kind of a nuisance because for years I’ve heard about people having dropped calls and it never happened to me until now. But there’s been a big improvement in the Nextel technology, so all they had to do is upgrade the Sprint system technology and we’ll get far superior coverage.”

What about Verizon’s push to talk phones?

“Yeah, they’ve got it and I’ve tested it but it was very slow,” Roger says. “I mean, sometimes it took three or four or five seconds to connect where the Nextel was so quick. So it was annoying that you had this delay…I mean, you’d say something and you’d let off the button and then you had to wait for the response back.

“And the point of Nextel was always that it makes a sound and you know they got the message. Now with the new Sprint, there’s a slight delay, but it’s not that bad. But we’ve got to use it because it’s all we’ve got.

“Plus I’m a big believer in doing things with the hometown business. I don’t eat at chain restaurants and I think it’s a shame what’s happened on the Plaza. I can remember when practically every shop down there was local. And now it’s practically all chains.”

Another benefit to Roger’s switch from Nextel: he gets to ditch his crappy Blackberry and hop on the smart phone bandwagon. But unfortunately, not via an iPhone.

“They only have it on an Android, so I’ll be connecting on that, whatever it is,” Roger quips.

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 13 Comments

Glazer: Scribe Conjures Batman in Weighing Prospects for College Football Playoffs

Posted on June 27, 2012 by admin

This reminds me of "Batman Begins"…

In 2014 a four team College Football Championship Series begins. As many of you know, the College Bowl groups and many college presidents and conference commissioners didn’t want this to happen. It makes college football much more like pro football. The Super Bowl, college style.

Hey, I like it.

A committee will decide on the four teams, based on the usual criteria – who they played, their records and pretty much the way it’s done now, save the BCS scoring system. The playing sites will be picked based on neutral locations, attendance and which cities want to pay to play.

For years the public’s been bitching that some teams in the No. 3 or even No. 4 spot are overlooked for a national title run. Why? Because they supposedly don’t have the playing credentials of the big boys.

Tradition favors the Alabama‘s over the BYU‘s.

Not anymore.

With four teams in, No. 1 playing No. 4 and No. 2 playing No. 3, it would appear far more fair with this new system.

And as we’ve seen in the NFL, a wild card team can get into the Super Bowl and even win it.

So now a No. 4  ranked team will have a chance in the new system.

Although, I suppose now the arguments will begin on which team deserves to be ranked No. 4 

It never really ends, does it?

The NFL doesn’t care who you played, it’s strictly a numbers game.

College will still look at who you are to a great extent. Still, this is a much better system.

And oh, the excitement, oh, the money.  A $5 billion price tag has been tossed about for the rights to the 12 year CHAMPIONSHIP SERIES on TV.

So what does this mean to the bowl games?

That’s still in the works, but yes, they will continue. However those not in on the big party might take bigger hits.

I feel people still love the Bowl Post Season. So much so that, for the most part, viewers and attendance will remain about the same for the lesser bowls teams like MU and K-State go to. All million of them.

Hey, it’s something to watch on the tube on a cold Monday night – it’s football – and you might win a buck or two.

What clearly remains unfair is the fact that college players are broke and don’t get paid.

That’s what causes so many of the NCAA‘s ssues with cheating.  Like players selling their autographs or signing things to get a buck. The same group that decided on these playoffs, should look into a way of helping the players out moneywise.

With billions being made, why not take care of the college athletes?

I know that opens the door to paying college basketball players also, but maybe it should. Those are the two college sports that attract the most eyeballs and TV dollars, so the players should get something to make their two to four years on the court or the field matter because very few go to the pros.

Well, we all wanted this, now it’s here, so enjoy.

A COLLEGE SUPER BOWL, I love it!

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 7 Comments

Whinery: Obama’s Truth Squad Whack-A-Moles Website

Posted on June 27, 2012 by admin

In one of the more chilling incidents perpetrated by our “Dear Leader,” an obscure website- homelandsecurityus.com – was given 48 to relocate from GoDaddy.com, the popular web hosting site.

Why?        

The website’s owner, Douglas Hagmann, the CEO of Hagmann Investigative Services whose clients include Fortune 500 companies, was flabbergasted when given the news. An investigator with the “GoDaddy Abuse Division" told him that his site contained “morally objectionable” material and had to go. Which is a pretty laughable when you think of all the filthy pornography that pervades the Internet.        

Mr. Hagmann used his investigative prowess to find out what was really going on, and what he found out was stunning.

First he was able to get GoDaddy to confirm that it was not “any official government agency” but the order had come from a group with ties to Obama’s campaign. Then his many contacts in government confirmed it was “Obama’s Truth Team”- which is the campaign’s rapid response team in charge of political spin- that had given the order to have his site shut down.

Let’s think about this for a moment…

The President’s re-election campaign decides it does not like the content of a website critical of its policies, calls GoDaddy’s corporate headquarters and has them issue an edict giving them two days to find a new place to host their site or its entire content will be deleted.

Nixon was a piker compared to Obama.

What Nixon did at Watergate would be “legal” under the PATRIOT Act if perpetrated today.

So how did homelandsecurityus.com get the dubious distinct of getting in the President’s crosshairs?          

A quick perusal of the site shows that Mr. Hagmann has been on the cutting edge of exposing the “Fast and Furious” scandal.

“For those of you in Rio Linda” as Rush would say- It’s a drug and gunrunning scandal involving the US Department Of Justice, ATF, DEA and Mexican Drug Lords. One where thousands of firearms were sold to weapons traffickers in hopes of tracing them to “bad guys” and making arrests. Instead the guns have been linked to numerous deaths on both sides of the border- including Brian Terry, as US Border Patrol Agent.

There are a plethora of other conspiracies concerning the scandal which I will sift through later…          

The President recently claimed “Executive Privilege” on behalf of his Attorney General, Eric Holder, to prevent any more documents from being turned over to a special investigative committee in the US House Of Representatives headed by Darrell Issa (R. CA). 

The President will regret this…        

By using the doctrine of “Executive Privilege” the President has now tacitly admitted that he has personal knowledge of the “Fast and Furious” scandal- something that he insists he was left “out of the loop” on. Privilege can only be invoked on matters involving the White House. So the next question that’s coming is, “What did the President know and when did he know about it?”

And as for homelandsecurityus.com… Its up and running having found a new web host.

And it’s well worth your time to check out!

Posted in News_and_Views | Tagged | 112 Comments

Leftridge: TV Time: Louie, Louie, Louie, Louieeee (C.K.)

Posted on June 27, 2012 by admin

Who’s the best comedian working today?

If you said Katt Williams, you probably own at least one pair of purple shoes, consider hushpuppies a vegetable and pronounce cognac with a hard “g”.

If you said Dane Cook,  you’re an idiot.

If you said Steven Wright, you’re incorrect, but I like the cut of your jib. (Also: what’s a jib?)

If you said “_____” (fill in the blank with whoever will be at Stanford’s over the next few weeks), then you’re Craig Glazer.

The correct answer is Louis C.K., born Louis Szekely, native of Mexico, prolific joke-writer and all-around King of Comedy.

Fact: Louis C.K. was born in Washington DC, but lived in Mexico until he was 7. His first language was Spanish and his parents—an economist and a software engineer—divorced when he was 10. This fracture undoubtedly led C.K. to a life of sorrowful outlooks, which have likely (indisputably) influenced his comedy.

Evidence: In Season Two’s “Bummer/Bluberries.” Louie is heading to a “non-date” with a woman. Unexpectedly—and really, would anyone expect this?—Louie sidesteps a charging, lunatic transient who then caterwauls into traffic. He is hit by a truck and killed, and his decapitated head lands very near a startled Louie.

Evidence: Louie enjoys a fantasy scenario wherein an attractive neighbor begs him to fuck her with a “bag of dicks” while on an elevator ride. Once inside his comfortable Manhattan apartment, Louis sits in a chair and pleasures himself to said fantasy.

Both of these vignettes—which, along with the intersperse of stand-up sets make up his brilliant FX sitcom—are fleeting moments of absurd humor and delayed juvenile angst sandwiched between flashes of comedic brilliance that routinely leave the viewer LOL’ing one moment, and pondering their own mortality the next.

Louie, unlike the majora of modern American sitcoms, dwells somewhere within the disgusting psyche of everyone, making the viewer both uncomfortable and alternately supremely self-actualized.

We like this show because we want to fuck someone with a bag of dicks; we fear death and the unknown and all that is uncertain in the world. We cringe when elderly relatives use the word nigger, we question the validity of celebrity and we fall in love with other single parents during PTA meetings.

Louis C.K.—who is a devilishly inseparable from his onscreen character (hint: they’re the same person)—is the quintessential everyman, only he’s way goddamned funnier and a whole hell of a lot richer than your mechanic.

Fact: Speaking of, after Louis first bombed on a stage in Boston in 1984—first time out—he spent a few years as an auto-mechanic before giving it a shot again.

And thank God he did.

After honing his craft in front of calloused Massachusetts racists, he went on to write for Letterman, Conan and the Chris Rock Show. He received an Emmy nomination for his writing on the latter, a feat that he would later duplicate for his acting work on Louie.

But before that, there was Pootie Tang, Down to Earth and I Think I Love My Wife, all screenplays that he co-authored with Rock, and all things I bet he wishes he could erase from the resume, or at the very least, do over.

Same with Lucky Louie, the 13 episode HBO sitcom—with a live studio audience!—that began to scratch the surface, but left an insatiable hole where success wanted to live. There wasn’t anything wrong with Lucky Louie, per se. It was a multi-cam sitcom with some adult situations that told the tale of a wry, part-time auto-mechanic and his familial misfortunes. Despite the show receiving mixed reviews from critics, and viewership that rivaled some of the stations more acclaimed programming, HBO pulled the effort after one year.

From the ashes of his failed sitcom rose a glorious standup Phoenix, a beautiful, gluttonous bird who devoured accolades, delivered championed hour-long specials and eventually discovered the majesty of self-management: his 2011 special Live at the Beacon Theater cost $5 on his website. He made over $1 million off of the engagement.

Fact: Louis changes his standup act once a year. Entirely new material, once a year. Though I’m no expert, I don’t believe there’s another comedian doing this right now.

Maybe these long-term struggles (the failed projects, the road life, the years of financial insecurity), coupled with his own divorce (and orgied with the divorce of his parents as a young child) led to the insufferable pain that begat Louie, our cantankerous, yet loveable hero.

We all know that great comedians are borne from tragedy. It’s basically a given.

Richard Pryor grew up in a whorehouse and was molested.

Lenny Bruce battled heroin and morphine addiction most of his life.

Mitch Hedberg: ditto.

What makes comedy great is that it takes the audience away from their own shortcomings and places the weight of failure squarely on the shoulders of the entertainer. We may be fat, but they’re fatter; we may hate our life, but we have to suffer through the indignities of airport security one-tenth as often as they do.

Our love-life may be a train-wreck, but seriously… did you hear that shit about him trying to pick up that tranny at the bar? Oops.

And therein lies the brilliance of Louie. It takes the mediocre things in our lives—PTA meetings, visits with elderly relatives, first dates—and twists them into our own worst nightmares. Comedy is all around us—the absurdity of life is often macabre in itself—and this seemingly innocuous program helps us recognize that fact.

That’s why if you’re not watching, you deserve to be fucked with a bag of dicks.

Louie, Season Three premiers Thursday on FX at 9pm CT.

Posted in Entertainment | Tagged | 9 Comments

Sounds Good: Buddy Guy & Jonny Lang@Uptown, Truckstop Honeymoon@Replay, Reverend Horton Heat@Crossroads

Posted on June 26, 2012 by admin

 

This weekend is the calm before the storm…

The storm being next week, a holiday week that has killer shows virtually every night.

By virtue of the 4th being on Wednesday it seems like everyone is treating the entire week as a holiday, in particular the Crossroads.  They have a bunch of shows including Yonder Mountain String Band, Fitz and the Tantrums, Dark Star Orchestra, and Death Cab for Cutie. 

But that’s not to say there are no quality shows to check out before then. 

For example….

Wednesday, June 27th

Buddy Guy & Johnny Lang at the Uptown in KC

This old and new combo pairs a legend with a youngster who really seems like a seasoned vet. Probably because, at just 31 years old, Jonny Lang has been in the spotlight for nearly two decades. He exploded out of the gate at age twelve, signed to A&M Records at 15, and had a multi-platinum album at 16. He’s one of the premier axe-men around today, obviously, or else why would Buddy Guy be towing him around?

And of course, what needs to be said about Buddy other than he is a national treasure, one of the top guitarists of the last 50 years, and considered as THE influence for the likes of Stevie Ray Vaughan, Clapton, and Jimi Hendrix. Do you really need more convincing?

Saturday, June 30th

3rd Annual Fish Fry at the Replay in Lawrence featuring Truckstop Honeymoon & Jason Eklund

Downtown Lawrence should be packed this weekend with the Tour of Lawrence bike race among other things. So if you’re out and about Saturday afternoon and in search of an ice cold beverage and a nice patio to relax on, look no further than the Replay, which boasts one of the best patios on Mass. Street. And probably the biggest one, too.

I’m told the fish will start frying around 3 and the bands will start around 6. Jason Eklund is a singer-songwriter type from Tennessee who has one of the worst websites I’ve ever seen. Check it: http://www.jasoneklund.com/ Maybe he’s going for that “I-don’t-care-about-promotion-let-the-music-speak-for-itself thing.”

And of course we’re all familiar with Truckstop, the husband-wife dirt duo with catchy songs about white trash livin’. But don’t let that fool you. Their songs are spit-polished to a shiny luster with spot-on harmonies and soulful yawps that have made these guys one of Lawrence’s best over the past few years. Best enjoyed with a cheap beer on ice with lemon or lime, right hipsters?

Reverend Horton Heat, Lucero, & Mountain Sprout at Crossroads KC

We all know the Reverend by now, right? He was in town this past February at the Bottleneck when I wrote this:

“How does one describe the good Reverend? It’s not as easy as you think. Well, let’s see, he kind of created the genre now known as psychobilly. What’s psychobilly you ask? Umm, it’s kind of a punk, country, swing, rockabilly, metal, big band type of deal. Got it?”

Needless to say the Reverend is truly an ORIGINAL, one that any real music fan needs to see live at least once. So there’s that. But I’m really looking forward to Lucero, a country tinged roots Americana band out of Memphis who released an album earlier this year called Women & Work. Now that is one grizzled album title.

Paste’s Kristen Blanton gave the album a 6.3 rating (do we really need the .3?) and had this to say:

“It’s been a long time since 1998, and with the growing years Lucero’s sound has evolved from their identifying restrained playing to a sonic layering comprised of vibrating guitars, joyous horns and quicktime keys… The six-piece has restrained its punk traditions on this 2012 album, bridging the transition between the shadow of the past and the prospects for the anti-pop future.”

Posted in Entertainment | Tagged | 4 Comments

Hearne: Alamo Announces Ticket Prices, Babies & Booze Policies

Posted on June 26, 2012 by admin

Reach for the sky…

If you think movie ticket prices have gone through the roof in recent years, get ready for more of the same. Because Alamo Drafthouse – operator-to-be of the now former AMC Mainstreet – has announced pricing plans for the ritzy downtown cinema.

Alamo will charge $15 a ticket at its three dine-in theaters after 6 p.m. on weekends and $12 before 6 p.m.

While that’s a 25 percent premium to what AMC charges at its Fork & Screens theaters, it matches AMC’s ticket prices at its adults-only, 21 and up Cinema Suites.

For Alamo’s yet-to-be converted to full food and bar service auditoriums, it will charge $12 for adult tickets on weekends after 6 p.m. and $9 before.

Weekday prices for the dine-ins are $12 after six and $9 before with self-serve theaters at $10 and $7.

The Alamo will continue AMC’s policy of nobody under 21 in the upscale auditoriums upstairs, presumeably to ensure higher food and liquor grosses from cocktail-buying adults.

It will however allow tweens and teens into the self-serve theaters downstairs except that "Children under 6 are typically not admitted," it’s Web site says.

"Typically?"

Unless it’s Baby Day!

That’s right, every Tuesday for "regular" movies that begin before 2:05 pm. the Alamo opens its doors to parents with infant children. Alamo even let’s ’em in free, turns up the lights and turns down the sound.

And while it’s probably a safe bet that most tots don’t text, they have been known to talk.

Raising the question of whether misbehavior by miniature miscreants will be tolerated on Baby Day or if  the little bundles of joy will find their diaper-covered butts kicked to the curb for waking up or bothering other Munchkins.

Remember: "People who disrupt other patrons will be ejected from the theater without a refund," the Alamo’s screed warns. Just sayin’…

 

 

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 19 Comments

Hearne: Alamo Drafthouse Plans ‘Soft Opening’ for Mainstreet @ 7 PM Wednesday

Posted on June 26, 2012 by admin

Shhhhhhhhh…keep this under your hat, but here’s some news you can maybe use…

The Alamo Drafthouse Mainstreet is planning a "soft opening" tomorrow at 7 p.m. That according to the Alamo staffers from Austin I chatted with outside the downtown theater last night.

Doors open at 6 p.m., so if you want to be among the first to remember the Alamo here in KC, be there or be square.

The reopening comes one week to the day after AMC‘s final curtain call at its Kansas City, Missouri state-of-the-art, flagship movieplex.

What to expect?

Well, for starters only three movies will be screened, according to the staffers; The Avengers, Prometheus and Snow White. Until at least until the new movies hit this Friday, which include "Ted" with Mark Wahlberg and Mila Kunis and "Magic Mike" with Channing Tatum and  Matthew McConaughey‘s birthday suit.

Oh and one more thing…

The Alamo will debut its food and drink menu – or some parts thereof – as well. So while the Mainstreet awaits it "daunting" remodeling in September, moviegoers will be allowed to order food and beverages and carry them to their seats in the large downstairs theaters, a staffer says.

Uh, try not to spill.

Spoiler alert: Don’t forget to shut your pie holes and not text or you may find yourself among the first to get kicked out with no refund owing to the Alamo’s famously strict policies.

Consider yourselves warned…

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 4 Comments

Starbeams: Turtle Sex, Snakes on a Plain, Fat Cops in Mission & Getting ‘Faced’

Posted on June 26, 2012 by admin

Scientists found a fossil of two turtles having sex that’s 47 million years old. Completely related, I once made out in a Shell station.   

*******

Residents of Crimson Ridge development in western Shawnee were shocked to learn the park that backs up to their property will become home to imported snakes as part of a conservation area.  The good news; people jogging through the park will easily surpass their target pulse rate.

*******

The nation of Pakistan is cracking down on obese policemen.  Or as we call them here in Mission, policemen.

*******

Tropical Storm Debby is dumping several inches of rain on Florida.  Florida residents are happy because, hey,  you need something to drink after you’ve eaten some human face.

*******

A 73-year-old woman is climbing Mount Everest.  And to think, I can hardly get my 73-year-old neighbor to take out my trash.

*******

President Obama called Miami Heat coach Erik Spoelstra after his team’s victory in the NBA Finals.  So, I guess that pretty much ruins Obama’s chances of turning Oklahoma into a blue state.

Kelly Urich hosts the mormning show on The Point 99.7 FM.

Posted in Starbeams | Tagged | Leave a comment

New Jack City: Apple Store – Love It Or (Eventually) Leave It

Posted on June 25, 2012 by admin

"ARMY OF FANS FINDS WORKING IN APPLE STORES A LETDOWN" Sunday’s New York Times front page shouted.

Quite an intro to a 2-1/2 page cover story.

The crux of the paper’s findings:

About 30,000 of Apple’s 43,000 employees work in the company’s 327 glitzy global stores that gross more money per square foot than any other U.S. retailer.

Many of its associates are huge fans of the company’s superior products. Like Jordan Golson of the Salem, NH store who sold about $750,000 worth of computers and related accessories during a three month stretch last year.

You’d think Golson was rolling in commissions, right?

Wrong.

Golson was taking down a measly $11.25 an hour or about 25 grand a year.

But before you feel sorry for these service sector frontliners bear in mind Apple offers them excellent benefits including health care, 401(k) contributions, the chance to buy company stock, as well as Apple products at a discount.

But is that enough? 

According to the New York Times story, each Apple store employee brought in an annual average of $473,000 in sales. Yet no commission is offered to its typically college educated "specialists" that average six-year stints with the stores.

Ironically when the newspaper first began its inquiries for the story, "The company started to inform staff members that they would receive substantial raises," the Times reports. As much as 19.5%.

Imagine that.

So is there a tense, stressful and thankless environment at the Apple Stores?

It can be, according to the Times’ many interviews.

But in all fairness, working at Apple is a big plus on worker’s resumes.

The bottom line;  don’t feel sorry for these folks. According to a former Chicago Apple manager, "There was never a shortage of resumes. People will always want to work for Apple."

A slice of New Jack City: APPLE-Pie

Posted in Jack_Poessiger | Tagged | 4 Comments

Hearne: Rise & Fall of Daily Deals, Groupon, KC Star ‘Dealsaver’ & Muncharoo Bails

Posted on June 25, 2012 by admin

Not since Ponzi Schemes became epidemic in the early ’80s has a business fad risen and fallen so dramatically…

First allow me to say on behalf of Comments Section naysayers, "They told me so."

However when the force to be reckoned with known as Groupon took Kansas City and the nation by storm barely three years back, it was almost magical. As I recall, Groupon had maybe 50,000 people on its email list early on, then grew rapidly to 100,000, then 350,000. And last time I checked, Groupon was thought to have upwards of three-quarters of a million Kansas City subscibers.

In a city of two million, a fourth of whom supposedly do not have broadband, that’s a bunch.

There followed by an onslaught of Groupon wannabes ranging from Lucky Monkey to Muncharoo to the Kansas City Star‘s Dealsaver.

Speaking of Muncharoo – a locally-based Web wheeler dealer with possibly the worst name in the biz – a two week old rumor that it had been bought out by Florida-based CrowdSavings was confirmed last week. The deal reportedly put somewhere around $500,000 in the pocket of founder Eric Vianello who did not return a call on the matter.

And while half a mill may sound like peanuts in the world of high dollar e-deals, it’s a pretty penny when what it boils down to is buying an email list of 60,000 subscribers and change.

Then again, why sell out in the first place if you’re making money hand over fist?

Exactly my point.

The lack of light at the end of the daily deal tunnel reared its ugly head in January on 60 Minutes.

That’s when the show noted that Groupon had yet to make a profit and, unlike other "high tech" companies, was saddled with extremely high overhead in the form of the staffers required to market its daily deals.

Oh and one more thing…

That Groupon, while at the forefront of the daily deal biz, was being besieged by competition from anyone and everyone – local TV and radio stations, newspapers like the Star, alternative weeklies like the Pitch and entreprenuers like Vianello.

Meanwhile, Groupon’s stock has fallen more than 50 percent from its initial public offering price. No wonder Vianello opted out.

One need look no further than the Star‘s Dealsaver for the answer. Locals appear to be growing weary of the daily bombardment of "bargains" for cheap haircuts, cheap eats, cheap this and cheap that.

When’s the last time you took a good, hard look at your ValPak mailing?

And check out some of the Star’s current Dealersaver action.

A Lee’s Summit carwash is at only 286 deals sold on a $12.50 to get $25 car wash coupon. A Liberty fireworks stand has sold 77 deals @ $10. The UPS Store in Oak Park Commons has 30 deals sold. The Jumping Jax play area in Joco has 58. Tina Marie’s Bakery in Shawnee 93.

Get the picture?

That’s not exactly what one would call "minting money."

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 9 Comments

Glazer: The Incredible Lightness of Eric Hosmer and The Kansas City Royals

Posted on June 25, 2012 by admin

This was to be Our Year, Our Time…

You know, with the Royals. Well, so far it’s somebody else’s year, not ours. The Royals as of today are still stuck at the bottom of their division. The team has the third worst record in the league. Everyone got a bit excited because we won a few games the last couple weeks, but then reality hit this weekend when the St. Louis Cards swept our butts in three games.

So it’s back to the "we suck" attitude for most fans.

The main reason the Royals have been so bad? No hitting. As of last week, the Royals had the fewest home runs in the American League. And to this point we have no real All-Star with the game here a couple weeks from now.

Maybe it’s time to send faded star Eric Hosmer down to Triple A for a tune up.

Hey, it helped Alex Gordon a few years back, remember? Hosmer is considered by many to be the reason the Royals are still a no-show.

Hosmer was supposed to be pounding the ball, hitting well over .300 with about 15-20 homers by now. Instead he’s batting just over .200 and is one of the league’s worst position players when it comes to batting average.

Yes, Hosmer is a solid first baseman, but it’s Billy Butler‘s bat the Royals want in the line up against the National League. Butler has hit with good power and is the only power hitter we seem to have today. Mike Moustakas is coming along as well, with two home runs yesterday in the loss.

But Hosmer is nowhere to be found…0 for 4, 1 for 5, over and over again.

Hosmer is the issue.

We all know our starting pitching is just not there and the bullpen will fade as the summer wears on and takes them down. Too many innings of relief pitching. So even with Hosmer hitting the team will likely not contend for the division, but it would be much more exciting. With the team at least hitting, fans could see some hope for the immediate future. Like NOW…

But something is wrong with Eric, somethng. 

It may be an off the field problem, who knows? The season is nearly half gone and let’s face it, with all the "sure thing" tags hanging on Eric, it’s just not happening. 

This is not a slump, it’s HALF THE SEASON.

The guy has been between .170 and .220 all year. He might just need that wake-up call. In the minors for a few weeks could get him hitting again. Couldn’t hurt. Maybe bring in an outside batting coach for the sure thing. 

The last two ‘sure things’ were Alex Gordon and Billy Butler and both players started slow.

Especially Gordon. Butler has become a nice .300 hitter with some power. Billy can play first base, but is slow and average in the field. Gordon is a great outfielder, but is a mid to high .200 hitter with just fair power. Neither have become outstanding. Both are good solid players…not sure things.

Eric Hosmer is starting to look like one of these two – good but not great.

And right now "good" would be a major improvement.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 2 Comments

Donnelly: Sporting KC Shocked in Philly, Concede Goal in First Minute

Posted on June 24, 2012 by admin

 

"It’s embarrassing, coming in here obviously the effort wasn’t good enough.   4-0 is a slap in the face and we 
obviously can’t dwell on it and move on tomorrow.”

That was Sporting fullback Chance Myers after KC got bullied into a 4-0 loss at Philly. 

It started almost immediately after the referee blew the whistle.  The Union’s Lionard Pajoy beat the KC defense to a ball heading over the end line just as his onrushing team mate, Jack McInerney rushed in to finish the point 
blank roofer.  

“I thought my first goal was good, it was my first goal of the season," said McInerney.  "I thought it was good for the team because we have been struggling to score goals. To get one in the second minute was a good feeling.”

McInerney picked up a second goal near the end of the first half cleaning up garbage from an in-swinging set piece that ricocheted in a crowd, then found his foot.  It was an easy finish for the Union man and Philly was feeling confident going into the locker room.

The beginning of the second half saw KC assert itself more, winning possession handily and keeping the home side on the back foot.  But unfortunately all of that didn’t materialize into much more than a bunch of crosses. 

And then in the 80th minute Aurelien Collin went all Aurelien Collin and dragged down the Union’s Antoine Hoppenot after the striker got a step on him. 

I don’t understand why Collin persists with this, now his third or fourth such incident this season.  I’d rather take my chances with Jimmy Nielsen and an inevitably poor shooting angle and have Collin try and cut down the angle as much as he can.

And just to really rub it in, the Union tallied again in the 87th minute when KC’s defense was beaten straight up the middle.  Jimmy Nielsen made a mess of the 1 v 1 chip that flew just past his left ear and saw Philly stretch its lead to 4-0. 

But no one really wanted to talk about Collin’s irresponsible foul or that play after the game.  Or much about the game at all for that matter.  No, the KC locker room was ready to move on and look forward to their very busy upcoming schedule. 

“There are no excuses," Myers reiterated.  "I know they have played games in short periods too.  Obviously wherever we fly, it doesn’t matter, a game is a game and it’s just embarrassing.”  

Next up is the quarterfinals of the Lamar Hunt US Open Cup against the Dayton Duthch Lions on Tuesday night at LIVESTRONG.

And Dayton’s no slouch, believe that. 

Let’s hope KC solves its problems quickly (calling Matt Besler) because there’s no break anytime soon for Sporting as they play 4 more games between now and July 7th.  The Union gave them their most complete beating of the season thus far.   

"The best thing to do is get out and play," said Michael Thomas, who got his second start in a row. 

Well, that’s the first step anyway.

Posted in Sporting_Kansas_City | Tagged | 5 Comments

Today: Win Free Tickets to See the Scissor Sisters Monday @ Crossroads KC!!!

Posted on June 24, 2012 by admin

The heat is on, but…

By the time the Scissor Sisters take the stage Monday it will all seem like a bad dream. Nobody died for lack of air conditioning, nobody’s car overheated, nobody passed out at the pre Fourth of July family kegger and Craig went an entire day without a "typo."

Nonetheless, KC Confidential to the rescue with five pair of free tickets for the Scissor Sisters show, a mix of glam rock, pop with electroclash and nu disco – that’s right, nu-disco.

Trust me, you don’t want to miss this one. The Scissor Sisters all but burned down the Uptown a few years back and the band’s new CD "Magic Hour" is going strong and "dedicated to get you out and keep you out on the dance floor all night long."

And where better for that to go down than at The Crossroads?

Here’s the deal…

All you have to do is email me at hearne@kcconfidential.com the name you want left at the box office for your two tickets and they’ll be awaiting you at Will Call.

Uh, just one catch…

Tell me why you want to see the Scissors Sisters, a give me Scissor Sisters anecdote OR explain to me how the band got it’s name. I’ll give you a hint; the word is "tribadism"

Have fun at the show!

Posted in Entertainment | Tagged | 11 Comments

New Jack City: ‘BRAVE’-You Can’t Keep A Good Pixar Adventure Down

Posted on June 24, 2012 by admin

The movie industry kept a close watch on Pixar this weekend…

Would the animation studio continue its flawless streak or would its 13th production be the first to not only fail to open in first place at the boxoffice but bomb altogether?

Well, the results are in and Pixar’s winning streak remains unbroken!

BRAVE’s estimated opening weekend domestic ticket sales are $66.7 million and its audience’s CinemaScore was a great "A" rating. The film’s demos were 57% female and 43% male.

That makes BRAVE the 2nd largest animated June opening after its previous success, TOY STORY 3.

So how did our vampire hunting past president fare by comparison this weekend?

Not so good. ABRAHAM LINCOLN: VAMPIRE HUNTER underperformed by grossing a mere $16.5 million for its three day opening weekend. Making matters worse the picture’s exit score was barely a "C ."

Maybe it’s time for Tim Burton to look more cautiously at future endeavors.

Posted in Jack_Poessiger | Tagged | 7 Comments

Hearne: Alamo Drafthouse Splashes Down @ AMC Mainstreet

Posted on June 24, 2012 by admin

With very little fanfare, Alamo Drafthouse got the keys to AMC’s Mainstreet movie kingdom Thursday…

And to those who may have been anticipating a seamless transition, think again. Rather than rocking it right out of the gate, the Alamo opted to quietly shut things down for a spell. No press releases, no ads in the newspaper, just a brief statement on its new Facebook page:

"Phase one is complete. Old logos are down and the keys are in our hands! We’ll be closed for a few days, but not long at all."

Add to that a blog entry from an Alamoan grousing about the 12 hour drive to KC from Austin for a first-ever visit and plan for staffers to reside here two to three months while taking on the "crazy and daunting task" of converting the Mainstreet and implementing a new food and drink menu.

Remember what I told you about Alamo having to retrofit 80 percent of the Mainstreet’s downstairs (431 seats) to food and beverage service readiness? Apparently that’s the "daunting" part, the Alamo blogger notes.

And it won’t happen anytime soon, not before September anyway.

"Adding full food service to all screens – there’s food and beverage service in three of the six theaters already – is going to require some renovations, and we’d hate to shut down for that right when one of the greatest films of the year almost certainly (The Dark Knight Rises), is about to hit movie screens."

The $64 million question: How much will it cost and how many seats will be lost adding tables and service aisles?

"When you have an outlay of $30 million, there’s just no way AMC or anybody can make money with only 500 seats, even if you sell a shitload of booze," says KCC movie guy Jack Poessiger.

Can Alamo strike black ink with so few seats with its cache and fierce no talking / no texting policies?

"I don’t think it can," Poessiger says.

That said, AMC’s recent redo of its Ward Parkway has sent ticket sales soaring, Poessiger says.

"They lost half of their seats when AMC converted it recently to nicer seats and more legroom and they still don’t have tables and room for serving food in the theater," he says. "But their grosses have been going up since they did that. So they have less seats and are doing more business."

The jury’s out on how many seats the Mainstreet will lose but, "I just can’t imagine them giving up more than 100 seats to do all that," Poessiger says. "Because that would dig them in even deeper in terms of the theater’s financial situation."

The bottom line on the Alamo retrofit:

"They’ll have to find a way to do it to keep the most seats, because they’re already down below the minimum seating for a typical sixplex," Poessiger says. "It’s just not economically feasible. They must know something we don’t know, but it won’t be easy if they take anymore seats out of that complex. But they’ve done so well in their other locations, they must know something. They must know the secret to success."

Posted in Hearne_Christopher | Tagged | 9 Comments

Glazer: St Louis Sparks Nightlife Wilding that Engulfs Westport, Legends, P&L

Posted on June 24, 2012 by admin

Maybe it was the fact the Kansas City Royals played host to the St. Louis Cards…

That likely brought 15,000 out of town folks in for the weekend and that’s a lot of bodies. Maybe it was the cooler weather Friday and Saturday and people were tired of not getting out on the town.

Whatever it was, man this town rocked these past two nights.

There  was  good news almost everywhere. Legends looked to have its best weekend of the summer. Even the fireworks drew thousands of smiling faces to the shopping area. I left Legends and headed to Westport to visit my pal Bill Nigro.

And yes, I’ll admit it, I took Black Barbie with me. Maybe she helped light things up.

And people, Westport was just unreal.

It looked like 1979!

Packed, a good-looking crowd – no hip hoppers for the most part – and a boatload of hotties. By far it’s the best I’ve seen Westport look in years. I mean years. Around midnight there were lines to get into most of the clubs. Wall-to-wall everywhere, from Kellys to Guesto.

Impressive is an understatement.

You have to hand it to the leaders of Westport, from the Kellys to James Westphal. Damn.

What an amazing turn around in just one year. And sans the barricades, thank God. Well done.

It gets better.

Power and Light was packed as well. They did have a large number of urban youth around the outside of the entertainment district. And when Monique and I got inside there lines everywhere. Even in the courtyard there were thousands of people dancing.

It was a more mixed crowd than Westport.

Can you believe Westport had the cleaner cut crowd?

Likely this is because of the dance clubs in the P & L being more hip hop and rap oriented. Westport is almost total Tech, a grunge atmosphere for 20 somethings.

Both areas boasted mostly 20-30 year olds – young, hip – and a ton of talent if you know what I mean.

It’s the new Facebook Generation. I was practically the lone Boomer.

Westport had strong security as did the P & L. I did witness one incident outside Power and Light. About 10 cop cars, and five officers on foot tackling a young black guy. He was running down the street doing who knows what but they seemed to have it under control.

It was that all too rare example of a happening Kansas City.

Bring in some out of towners that want to party, offer up some well run entertainment districts and boom! Totally busy. It was the perfect storm. I thought, why can’t it be this way more often? Too bad our city leaders don’t go out and LEARN what is right and wrong with this city, its economy, its lack of almost any tourism that matters.

A footnote: KCMO wants to give Cordish Company the money to turn a condo downtown into apartments. Aren’t these the same folks who built the P & L then told the city to fuck off when it came to payments, tax evaluations and concern about its failure? 

Understand this though; Cordish is correct. This is the right move. The only way to get ANYONE to move downtown is apartments.

The condos concept has failed. Nobody bought them.

Today less than nobody is buying downtown. The apartment style is the way to go, maybe citywide. We need more people living here.

Kansas City is a truly nice town. I’ve always said we have so much to offer, but few people come here except to see grandma or for a ball game or two. It will take the kind of marketing and leadership KCMO does not have. They have almost none. Haven’t for 50 years.

Before that KC was on the map in a big way. Hey, maybe there’s hope after all.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 9 Comments

Glazer: Scribe Says Living Hell Awaits Sandusky in Prison

Posted on June 23, 2012 by admin

Say it ain’t so, Jerry….

Well you did it. How’s it working out for you now, Sandusky?

Guilty on 45 of 48 counts of sexual abuse over a 15 year period. What does that mean? Life in prison and trust me, Sandusky will get the max. Look, at age 68 anything over 15 years is basically LIFE. Thats a given.

So he’s a monster. No doubt.

Now the worst is yet to come for Jerry Sandusky. Seeing him come out of the courthouse in cuffs, with that nice, light brown jacket and tie on, his family weeping, the look on his face – yeah, I can see where there’s a twinge of feel sorry for him in some people.

Is it wrong to feel that way about a man who ruined so many young people’s lives? Not really.

The man is clearly INSANE. He really thought he didn’t do anything wrong. All those young men were lying somehow. His own adopted son was going to testify that Jerry molested him.

According to Sandusky’s attorney, Joe Amendola, "Jerry was prepared for this."

WTF? Are you thinking what I’m thinking? WHY DIDN’T HE RUN OR TAKE HIS OWN LIFE!

A few reasons, I suppose.

For one thing, his family. Sandusky seems to be close to them, especially his stepson. Then there’s where to run? He’s a well recognized person, older and not a professional criminal with connections to get to a halfway safe place like South America.

Just to let you know, United States law enforcement tends to find anyone they really want to find. Ask Obama. It just takes time. They also will extradite your ass from about anywhere in the world if they find you. So this would have been tough for old Jerry. And money could have been a factor as well; running costs big bucks and Sandusky may not have wanted to leave his family with no money. He would have needed a ton to survive somewhere else in the world with his profile.

Suicide made the most sense to me. In the garage, car exhaust. Nighty night. Best way out.

Of course, Sandusky figured he was innocent.

So what will happen to old Jerry next?

He’ll be in lockdown, a single one man cell. On suicide watch. No towels, razors, anything sharp, plastic spoons. It’ll be tough to kill himself where he is now. They’ll walk by his cell several times an hour to make sure.

Next, Judge John Cleland will sentence him within 90 days. That will be some form of life sentence. Due to the fact he’s a child molester Jerry will likely go to a high level prison, a state prison. Not good for Jerry. At first he will be forced to NOT BE IN THE POPULATION.

That’s because inmates hate child molesters more than rats. They might kill him on the yard or in the shower.

Old Jerry will be in solitary confinement in a segregated building in lockdown; no cellmate, 23 hours a day. Brother, its enough to drive you nuts, but he may already be there, nuts I mean.

Much of what Jerry will now see happens to most high level beginning inmates. It happened to me.

Save the long term lockdown. All incoming prisoners at high level prisons are placed in the shoe for breakdown and awaiting sentencing. Then they transfer you to your new home somewhere in the state. This is the hardest time you have in prison.

My being a former undercover agent/cop and a guy who stung/robbed drug groups was not good. Especially with all the publicity. But that was nothing compared to what Jerry Sandusky will experience until the day he dies.

Jerry may get lucky and get shanked – stabbed – and die early.

That’s only if he gets into some form of the prison population. Which could be years before that’s ever possible. But one day he’ll be with others in some form. Because at some point he’ll demand to go into the yard population. That’s where he could be killed. And once he’s in long enough and they kinda forget about him, he can make a weapon out of some blades off a shaver melted into a toothbrush and cut his wrists.

But more than likely none of that will happen.

Jerry will simply die of illness or old age in some Pennsylvania prison.

The odds are on his side to do just that. It will be a long slow process, a real nightmare. Understand this is a sick man, a guy who had much good in him but his sexual appetite for young boys destroyed him along with the many young men he molested.

Guess he should have been born a couple thousand years ago in Rome. He could have schooled athletes and been with young boys, it was legal then, but not now.

Today he’s a monster and monsters get killed or locked up.

Posted in Craig_Glazer | Tagged | 7 Comments