Attendance for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure was down this year after the organization decided to end funding for Planned Parenthood. Plus, after three weeks of giving a crap about gymnastics and beach volleyball, I just didn’t have the energy to go.
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It turns out the hot girl who was sitting on Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte‘s lap and shoving her cleavage in his face was actually his sister. It was like a Christmas play in Arkansas – gold and incest.
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The race card is raising its ugly head…
Can likely shoe in winner Barack Obama lose because he’s black? The answer: YES!
In fact, this is likely the only way Obama goes down because Republican challenger Mitt Romney on his own can’t win at this point. So the race issue is likely Romney’s only shot.
Of course Mitt won’t ever bring that up, but its there. Continue reading
It’s never okay to hit women.
It just isn’t.
It doesn’t matter if you catch her in bed with the cable TV installer, or if she tells you that she’s been banging a co-worker for the past several years, or if she laughs when you pull down your pants.
YOU CANNOT HIT HER.
She is a fragile creature, borne of inferior strength and muscle mass, and incapable of adequately defending herself against the stronger, more physically imposing sex.
And yes, there ARE exceptions to the latter pontifications, but IT DOESN’T MATTER.
You don’t hit a woman, period. Continue reading
Romney takes a mate!
Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan is the picl. Is this a game changer? Will Mitt Romney gain some energy from this point forward?
Ryan is a 42 year old seven term congressman who once worked for Kansan Gov. Sam Brownback in the Senate. He is a big idea guy who wants to cut taxes, downsize Medicare and other government health programs. He also wants social security reform.
The pros say the attack on President Barack Obama – that he’s not getting it done with the economy – is not working. Continue reading
Dexter McCluster, Greatest Wide Receiver Ever
Mark it down. I’m not mincing words. I AM the greatest football predictor in the history of predicting football, and here is my bold, completely thought-out and aggressively accurate assertion about this year’s Kansas City Chiefs: THEY WILL WIN THE SUPER BOWL.
Jamall Charles will rush for 3,000+ yards, Matt Castle will win the MVP and throw 82 touchdowns passes, and Dewayne Bowes will receive 218 passes and be elected as our nation’s first black president in this November’s upcoming election.
And so it shall be, as the Fake Scribe has spoken.
LOLZ! INTERNET JOKES, Y’ALL!!! Continue reading
The Kansas City Zoo just acquired a 25-year-old gorilla from Chicago. The gorilla says she hopes to do a season here, become a free agent and be traded to a better zoo in New York.
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TOUCHDOWN! KAN-ZA-CITY! bellows Chiefs announcer dude Mitch Holthus…
You can say its just Game One of the preseason, you can say it doesn’t count, but still it was nearly a perfect storm. The Kansas City Chiefs played their best preseason game in years. YEARS.
In the past we’ve usually lost pretty much every game. So what, you say. Well, usually then the team follows those ugly, boring preseason games with a crappy regular ones.
Most important, all the guys we care about looked sharp. Continue reading
This time last year owners of the urban dance club America’s Pub were up in arms…
They felt the club was about to get kicked out of its longtime home in Westport’s Manor Square because many in the neighborhood blamed it for attracting an African American crowds to the entertainment district, resulting in a spate of crime and violence that gave the midtown party zone a black eye.
America’s Pub’s jig was up by last January. Continue reading
The NFL’s first female referee made her debut Thursday night. Shannon Eastin has been a referee in college football for years.
Top 5 Penalties That Sound Funny Coming from a Female Ref:
#5. Player out of bounds at snap…
#4. Neutral zone infraction… Continue reading
It’s art yo.
Local freakout troup Quixotic is playing this Saturday night at Crossroads KC with west coast trip hop producer Emancipator.
Emancipator is playing much larger venues like Red Rocks starting in a few weeks so I’d say this is a prime opportunity catch him while you can at a smaller, more intimate show.
And of course I’m sure he’ll be mixing it up with Quixotic to bug out the attendees. I caught up with Quixotic drummer Pat Adams to talk about this weekend’s show.
Comedy director Jay Roach has a big rep to live up to…
He’s the kingpin behind such laffers like MEET THE FOCKERS and AUSTIN POWERS. Now Roach sets his sights on political satire, sparing no one in the process.
Everything and everyone is run up the flagpole.
What we end up with is a rude, crude and definitely below the belt congressional campaign between sleaze-bag incumbent Will Farrell (facing his first real opposition) and newby nerd Zach Galifianakis, a living, breathing buffoon.
The reason? Continue reading
You’re a stranger to the Bourne franchise?
Good luck keeping up with this latest chapter in the spy thriller series. You’d best at least view 2007’s BOURNE ULTIMATUM before venturing into THE BOURNE LEGACY this weekend. Because the backstory here will definitely make it easier to navigate the storyline as Jeremy Renner steps into Matt Damon‘s role.
Sort of. Continue reading
We all know you need an elite quarterback to win a Super Bowl…
The Chiefs have had two, maybe three. Len Dawson, who won one and lost one, Joe Montana, the greatest ever with four Championships but not in KC and the man who would have likely taken us to a title, Rich Gannon.
Not having a top five quarterback since has taken the Chiefs out of too many seasons that might have mattered. However the other dark note is we’ve had no long term head coach.
All the other consistent winners have a great coach for years. Continue reading
Thunderstorms didn’t stop the Cauldron from showing up in true form for the Lamar Hunt US Open Cup final at LIVESTRONG against the visiting Seattle Sounders, winners of the last three Cups.
The 45 minute delay meant just more drinking time and the Cauldron was as fired up as I’ve ever seen them. Even the wraparound mini-Cauldron was packed, and the standing area in front of the Members Club was shoulder to shoulder.
In the 2nd minute Teal Bunbury showed why he’s Teal, declining to make an easy pass to a wide open Kei Kamara near the penalty spot and instead keeping the ball and trying to beat several defenders before cutting back a harmless cross that Seattle easily corralled. Continue reading
In yet another nod to the Pitch, it was called to my attention that editor Scott Wilson was taking major heat for eviscerating my pal, Star features columnist Jeneé Osterheldt.
The expectation being, I guess, that I’d hop on the Spank Scott train and ride to Jeneé’s rescue.
Well, I won’t.
Not because Wilson didn’t just about totally lose it in burning Osterheldt at the journalistic stake. He did. And that’s something you’re better off not doing as a writer. It’s almost always better to count to 10.
That said, while the subject matter of many (if not most) of Jeneé’s columns tends to be on the light side, she’s hardly Kansas City’s “worst writer.”
Clearly Wilson has yet to edit a Craig Glazer column. Continue reading
The Evil Empire strikes back!
Anybody notice the full page Walmart newspaper ads in the Star and Lawrence Journal World that have been running?
The ones in which Walmart of Kansas City attacks hometown grocer Price Chopper.
Wow, I totally don’t remember Walmart going all out and doing a hit job on a local biz before, but that’s exactly what is happening here.
“See For Yourself Kansas City,” the headline boldy pronounces. “Same items , 17 percent less.”
Tons of travel and molten hot heat have resulted in lots of loose ends…
Let’s tie a few of ’em up, shall we? Starting with an item that caught my attention recently in the Pitch. Basically, the Pitch noticed in an outtake scene from Sarah Palin‘s daughter Bristol‘s reality show that she was wearing a Missouri sweatshirt.
Did somebody at the Pitch yell, Stop the presses when they saw that pic?
The Pitch just ran with an obscure, fuzzy pic and five sentences of light Bristol banter.
Why was Palin wearing a Mizzou sweatshirt? I wondered. Continue reading
Do you have REAL friends? Enjoy privacy?
Do you not feel compelled to share your life on the Internet via Facebook? Then you might be a psychopath!
According to recent media reports, an increasing number of employers and psychologists believe that Facebook has now become so prevalent in society, that people not on the social networking site should be viewed with “suspicion” Continue reading
Let’s start with the premise that human beings, animals and sex are not s good mix…
Can we agree on that? Now let’s take a look at one of Hollywood’s most un-hunky actor / heartthrob types, KCK refugee Eric Stonestreet of the hit sitcom Modern Family.
Whoever would have looked at Stonestreet and figured he’d be engaged in a high profile, romantic balancing act with not one, but two hotties? And a pooch.
I mean, look at the dude. Continue reading
A tongue in cheek primer on how to live well in a flyover state.
Why are rich people so miserable?
Maybe it’s because the skull of a jaywalking child dented the quarter panel on their Audi A8. Or perhaps because they spend too much of their money doing exactly what their neighbors are doing.
I’d like to set things straight. Continue reading
