Category Archives: Tony_Botello

Because Kansas City only produces second rate jokesters nowadays when it comes to mainstream success, this town’s independent moviemaking community continues to thrive.

Unfortunately, the blizzard over the weekend might have led a great many people (including me) to miss an important local event. The Death of Hollywood premiered this weekend while Kansas City was busy digging out of a historic snowstorm.

The details of the Kansas City production and premiere also point to the troubled state of the movie business.
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Now the odds are that Larry Johnson’s first encounter against the Chiefs as a Bengal will be nothing more than a letdown. LJ has already said he’s not holding a grudge. More importantly, the Bengals had a solid running game without him so there’s no reason to turn an otherwise depressing end of season game into a grudge match.

However, taking revenge of Kansas City is something of a local tradition in a way that’s much more interesting than just a run-of-the-mill beatdown.

The cruelest affront to Kansas City that so many former hometown greats have perpetrated on this town is a complete disregard for the city.

Allow me to offer a little bit of explanation:
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Most of the time, my holiday season is spent avoiding people and hitting up loved ones for money. This is the first time I’ve been privy to a well-known Kansas City fact, Hearne Christopher knows how to throw a helluva party. Last night was the 1st Annual KC Confidential Holiday Bash and I have to admit there was a hell of a guest list. It’s probably bad form to name drop all of the people in attendance so I thought I should perform the honor given that I was seriously impressed with all the Kansas City big names that came to Rock the Bells with the staff of a blog.

Mayor Funkhouser and family showed up at Jardine’s to celebrate the holidays with Hearne and company. Gloria Squitiro didn’t make the scene but I can only assume that’s because Kansas City’s home for Jazz is a classy place and requires shoes. Accompanying Mayor Funky were his daughter Tara, his son Andrew and the Black dude they had heretofore kept hidden in the attic who I believe still dates Tara. Let’s overlook that he lived with the Mayor for around a year while his lady was in grad school out of town – A situation that’s every bit as weird as all of the other details we’ve heard regarding Funky family life.

But the Funkhouser fam weren’t the only big names in attendance. Check it:
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A wise man once told me that the term “Burlesque” was a French word for stretchmarks. I didn’t know he was serious until last weekend.

There was a hefty price tag of $25 for a single ticket to The Burlesque Downtown Underground’s “Black Tie Cabaret With A Splash Of Holiday.” And without a doubt it’s a show I’ll most likely never forget.

The performance started with an important announcement in the form of a quickly thrown together skit: The BDU will be bringing back Burlesque to the Folly Theater starting July 11th next year. Apparently, this is a big deal because it has been almost a half century since the Folly stage has seen a burlesque act. This bit of self-promotion was a bit annoying coming before the ladies in the show had offered any proof that their act was worthy of such an honor. But, early in the evening, I was willing to forgive these women who obviously had an appetite for fame among other things.

After that point, I was soon to learn why this local burlesque group was such a big deal.
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Kansas City has the distinct honor of hosting the worst game in the NFL this weekend. They’re calling it “The Toilet Bowl.” It’s a shame that all of the clueless sports people are looking at this strictly from a football perspective. What this Chiefs Blackout really represents is one of the biggest taxpayer swindles in history given that Jackson County is collecting close to a billion dollars over the long term for a Stadium hosting games residents of the County can’t even watch. Also, $22 parking should be illegal.

Nevertheless, there has to be a silver-lining to this black cloud and I think the following list looks on the bright side and may provide ways to consider the historic blackout and horrible game as a benefit. Continue reading →

A lady friend of mine hates “Lauren Wants to Know.”

I think she’s kinda hot. Because I watch a lot of late night TV I know that Lauren McCarthy of the McCarthy Auto Group is the pretty face behind the Kansas City late night TV infomercial-web-promotional strategy.

For Kansas City web geeks, I think she might be attempting to claim the throne of the Watson’s Girl now that poor Jennifer Foley has lost her figure.

Cross marketing isn’t a bad strategy but I wonder if her uncle, dad, grandpappy or whoever is indulging Lauren’s domination of the Kansas City late night TV market knows that this road is usually a dead end for other high profile career endeavors. Or maybe the web-angle could be a fresh take on the local sales girl schtick. Lauren actually does seem to have some nice interviewing skills and she doesn’t seem to be taking on the blonde “sales ho” role.
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I’m thinking about trying to be nicer next year.

It may involve far too much effort to make it worth my while but maybe nicer is the way to go. So far the “Kansas City nice guy act” has earned this town a multitude of local politicians who haven’t kept any of their promises. Also, nice guy tax break giveaways are responsible for massive Kansas City debt thanks to attractions like The P&L District with the populace mostly unconcerned and uninterested in the details and simply happy to smile at parties.

But I digress.

This is about being nice and marking time as The American Empire teeters on the brink of irrelevance.

So A Kickass Local Calendar Would Be The Perfect Way To Brighten The New Year!!!

Here’s a bit of background on the project put together by a cadre of extremely talented local artists. Check it.
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This holiday thing is bringing me down.

The radio stations started with the holiday music sometime around July and all of this forced X-mas cheer in the face of an endless Afghanistan war and the ongoing global recession isn’t creating much in the way of genuine cheer.

Even worse, thanks to Conservative Radio a bunch of dimwits are intoning every syllable of “MERRY CHRISTMAS” to make sure I know the most important part of the season of hope is that their values are spit in my face.

Turns out that the only bright side to faux holiday cheer is the fact that so many hot chicks wear skimpy Santa outfits in order to make the season bright. Here’s just one of my favorite examples:
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I don’t take money from advertisers for things I write. Nobody has ever paid for my opinion. To be forthright – It would probably be a bad investment because it changes so often. Still, at every turn a great many people suspect that I get cash for some of the stuff I blog in a favorable light because they’re superficial bastards. And they struggle to imagine the concept that personal expression on the Internet is far more important than profit.

Don’t get me wrong, I write nice things about the people I like and don’t feel the need to disclose any of my relationships online. The practice of confessing on the Internet is something best left to housewives and other unproductive people.

Nevertheless, because media is no longer constricted to a physical form and nobody wants to pay for content anymore . . . The future of anyone who wants to get seriously paid for what they write is to sell their soul for the privilege.
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The beautiful people in Kansas City are better than the rest of us.

Or at least that’s the premise of KC Magazine’s “Sexiest Singles” promotion. Continue reading →

It’s nearly impossible for me to find a decent gift for a lady friend during the holidays. Which might be the reason that I like to end all of my intimate relationships with women BEFORE Thanksgiving and not to resume until AFTER Valentine’s Day. It’s important to have a plan.

Dudes with less testicular fortitude might think it’s a badge of honor to die alone and want to explore better options. While I have neither the patience nor the will to endure years of mindless chatter that a long term relationship with a woman demands, I realize there are some timid souls out there who like to give women things in order to make them happy.
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People talk about the death of Journalism in the digital age but when the two biggest stories this time of year are snow and the supposed sexual antics of a GOP big timer, I don’t see the big loss.

To wit, mainstream media has done a fine job jumping all over the Rod Jetton S&M hot mess.

There are two ways of reporting the deal. Mainstream media who want to seem classy simply report the “assault” in the headline. More ambitious newsies who want ratings go full frontal with the hot details of the story. Like so: “Jetton accused of choking, hitting woman during sexual encounter“

Now there’s a mugshot out and there really isn’t much to do other than laugh at the misfortune of yet another GOP, Continue reading →

Let’s start with the good news since so many online d-bags seem sensitive to reality nowadays.

On the bright side, The Cigar Box in Downtown Kansas City proper is thriving and scores of younger people continue to enjoy classic crooner tunes from the Golden Age of The Rat Pack. Al Latta still works the room with a masterful skill that keeps people coming back every weekend en masse.

Now here’s the downside: Denizens of the popular downtown hangout might not realize that the odds of their untimely demise increases dramatically because the place reportedly gets crowded beyond capacity at peak party times.

Let’s explore the details together, shall we?
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The first time I looked at my bill at a Mexican restaurant on Southwest Boulevard and noticed there was an extra charge for additional tortilla chips, I almost killed someone.

There are some things that should not only be free but also completely unencumbered: Tortilla chips at Mexican restaurants, lap dances from stripper girlfriends and free flowing beer on a brewery tour to name a few. They represent more than just the price of goods and services and are really a sign of hospitality in this cold, digital era.

So, word that Boulevard Brewing Company is now starting to scale back the beer it offers to visitors with a token/chip system is rather depressing.

I think that even a causal observer might conclude that the token/chip program at KC’s favorite beer producer’s place just might signal the end of freebies as we know them during the upcoming global capitalism free fall . . .

Here are just a few details:

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Not so long ago the Kansas City Star was the area’s first and foremost source of important political, cultural and local news.

That was before the Internet.

That’s not to suggest that there isn’t hope for Kansas City’s biggest producer of birdcage liner featuring two day old news printed on it. The Star’s sports section contains some of the most widely read content produced by the “paper of record” and it’s supported by throngs of people online as well.

Too bad that Kansas City sports enthusiasts are some of the biggest dolts in town who require an endless stream of tax money to support their self-indulgent hobby. Don’t worry, I have examples which prove that sports is the last refuge of the bygone era of dead tree journalism. We’ll start with the current interracial adultery scandal and end with minor celebrities towering over more experienced local reporters. Check it:
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I don’t really care if you d-bags believe it but a long time ago I took the LSAT and earned a nearly perfect score. Yes, there was a bit of scholarship money as well but nothing so significant as to have changed my college diet from a nightly serving of Ramen noodles. Given my circumstances, I decided to join the rat race (e-bay and other money making schemes) so I could live the good life and enjoy Chinese food every few days.

Also, friends and colleagues consistently warned me that being a lawyer in Kansas City isn’t as glamorous as any of the prime time episodic TV legal dramas. In fact, I’ve heard that practicing law in this cowtown is pretty much a dead end career.

Let’s talk a little more about this legal eagle truism and the desperate circumstances of so many law school grads.
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These are interesting times in Kansas City. President Obama plans on sending more troops into the Afghanistan sausage grinder, local infrastructure continues to fall apart and we have a lame duck mayor caught in a downward spiral. In the midst of all of this, The Kansas City Star is dedicating a significant portion of their coverage to AMC’s outside food policy.

I wish I was making this up.

But no, The Star dedicated no less than a half a dozen people on their payroll to a story about AMC banning outside food brought in by cheapskates that the KC Business Journal broke first.

Here’s the damage:
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Desperate retailers were hoping for some kind of boost today. Even a “dead cat bounce” would’ve sufficed. What happened instead was yet another indication that the end of the American Empire isn’t as far off as we might have hoped.

Black Friday typically starts the holiday shopping season and marks one of the most profitable days of the year for the many desperate souls struggling to make a living off of consumers. Unfortunately, even the most optimistic reports note that “few consumers wanted to buy anything that was not deeply discounted.”

For this cowtown, things look even worse.
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Everybody is being way too nice to each other around this dump of a cowtown and I don’t really understand it.

Because I’ve hooked up with Hearne’s blog and made a few inroads of my own, I was lucky enough to receive quite a few Happy Thanksgiving calls today. As always, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and wondering if I was just being distracted while immigration officials moved into place.

I was wrong. It turns out people in Kansas City politics really can be nice.

Kansas City political expert Patrick Tuohey explains the phenomenon.
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All over Kansas City people with very little cash to spare are putting up holiday lights in order to at least attempt to attain some semblance of holiday cheer.

Contrastingly, heading toward downtown and looking up at One Park Place it’s kind of depressing to see that the building has pretty much gone dark.

Of course, whenever reps from the this project are questioned about their lack of tenants they offer up phony, misleading and overly optimistic answers about the place. But just a tiny bit of personal observation will lead any observer to the conclusion that there’s just NOBODY living there judging by a quick look at the lights glowing after dark (or lack thereof) in the building.

The lack of success isn’t just a testament to the crappy economy, it’s also a great look at the hopes and dreams of developers gone dark in this cowtown.
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