Category Archives: Tony_Botello

Because I’m a person who at least pretends to embrace multiculturalism I try not to get annoyed by the fact that so many non-Catholics celebrate Mardi Gras as yet another drinking holiday.

Meanwhile, I’ve always hoped that Fat Tuesday interlopers would take on some of this guilt that the Catholic Church has instilled in its patrons if they’re going to enjoy the good times as well. Nevertheless, tomorrow there will still be clueless people wondering why so many Kansas City folks are walking around with ashes on their head.

But, ritualistic superstitions aside, I’m here to help and I want to put a quick guide together for tonight’s Fat Tuesday festivities so that I can fully enjoy the video game and snack cake frenzy I’ll be treating myself to tonight.

So, forget all the typical places where Kansas City might hangout tonight. Here’s a list of Fat Tuesday Activities that some folks might not have thought of: Continue reading →

It’s just a fun fact that on most weekday nights Downtown Kansas City is just as dead as it has ever been.

Sure, there’s an event at the Sprint Center that provides the illusion of density or a productive development but for the most part inside the loop is still a wasteland after 5 in the PM.

Proof: I was just walking downtown and noticed more homeless people than the desired demographic from Johnson County. And let’s face it, with every year that goes by the P&L District is much further away from paying back that multimillion dollar subsidy from KC Proper that some politicos have described as toxic.

As always there are very real reasons behind this failure that nobody wants to take the blame for. Let’s look at just a few:
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Today Jason Whitlock joins the chorus of people piling on Joe-College t-shirt maker Larry Sinks regarding his Frank Martin insult tee.

Funny, I notice that Whitlock even uses the catchphrase right out of the mass e-mail sent out to hype the story. “Not remotely funny. Martin, Kansas State Continue reading →

Here’s the thing about gambling: One slot machine is just as good as the next, the only thing customers really contemplate is the always elusive payout.

Therefore, a new casino across the State Line in Kansas City, Kansas probably spells doom for at least one local gambling den. Up till now, local gambling addicts have been a captive audience and casino offerings have been tragically similar. The buffets are all mediocre, the cocktail waitresses look as if they’re recovering from a fight and the overall vibe seems like what Vegas might have been during the early 80’s S&L Scandal inspired recession.

I hate to say it but at least the plans for the new KCK “Hollywood” Casino look slightly more upscale than what KCMO has to offer.

So, one by one lets look at local casinos and see if they have what it takes to withstand competition: Continue reading →

Last night’s soft opening/preview at Blanc Burgers + Bottles was a great opportunity to garner a few details about the place that have yet to be reported.

While my usual hang out is the takeout line in local Chinese places I have to admit day dreaming about the place after I left. If I had any cash to spare this Plaza location seems like the perfect place to pick up chicks while maybe grabbing some gourmet burgers. In my daydreams I also don’t make ultimatums to ladies I’m interested in within the first few moments of conversation. But I digress.

Kansas City PR dude extraordinaire Will Gregory was at the event last night and he introduced me to Ernesto Peralta who has enjoyed a meteoric Kansas City success story that’s noteworthy.
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It has been almost two months that a surprising amount of Kansas City News has been hosting more than a few consistent details regarding the fate of former Kansas City University of Medicine and Biosciences CEO Karen Pletz after she … Continue reading →

I’m in the wrong business.

Recently, I witnessed Corporate Comedian Ken Block perform a local gig and until that moment I didn’t realize that somebody could be paid for pretending to be funny.

I want to recall the act, I would like to provide accurate details but reliving the thing might be too painful. I’ll do my best here but if I miss describing any aspect of the performance, rest assured that readers won’t be missing much. First off, it’s important to note that Mr. Block is first and foremost an impressionist. His repertoire includes Elvis Presley, Cary Grant, Groucho Marx and all the Presidents from Kennedy till now. The unfortunate part of all this is that I don’t really like any of those people and that, in a nutshell, is the biggest fault with Mr. Block’s routine.

Believe me it gets worse.
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Kansas and the FDA have moved swiftly against K2. What looks like potpourri is now under attack by Sunflower State authorities with a vengeance. This is somewhat strange because a recent study suggests that it’s easier for teens to buy marijuana than beer so obviously prohibition still doesn’t work except when it comes to grabbing headlines.

Nevertheless, I still didn’t get a chance to sample the drug while it was legal and now it will forever remain a mystery. Kansas was seemingly forced to play babysitter after so many media reports sparked the curiosity of just about everybody with a TV in the four state area. And the price of all this publicity is that K2 purveyor Jonathan Sloan of Lawrence was charged with multiple felonies. Meanwhile, Natalie McAnulla who owns Lawrence store where the fake weed was sold has yet to be charged with anything.

Additionally, curious locals might be intrigued by the fact that a herb shop on Wesport and main still has limited supplies of K2. Pink, Blonde and Summit are still in limited quantities while supplies last but I still doubt I’ll leave my basement during the snow to sample especailly since they sell for the INSANE price of $30 for three grams. And since the shop in Lawrence supplies the Westport outlet, there’s probably not going to be a re-up.

Still, for me the real story here is the alleged quality of the now illicit drug.
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As AMC plans to add more snacks and eating options to their theaters I can’t help but fear that movie-going is going to become a lot more like Olathe’s ridiculous Fork & Screen. It’s a bit of a tragedy that simply offering better movies isn’t really a viable option for one of Kansas City’s most beloved corporate chains.

Sadly, focus on the “movie-going” experience is driving AMC to make sure that I go to the movies less and less. Little do they know that younger and tech savvy movie aficionados are forgoing these expensive options in favor of simply stealing a film by way of BitTorrent. Suckers with too much money seem to be the biggest demographic that local movie chains seem to be targeting. Desperately working to attract hipsters might explain why a horrible movie like Avatar is so popular. A hippie-earth-mother-loving movie devoid of any real redeeming moral lesson seems somewhat appropriate for a collection of people who have mistaken movies for dinner theater.
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My work on the Internet is mostly about public service. To wit, I want to advise any unlucky soul in a committed relationship that the opportunity to undertake a “righteous” break up before Valentine’s Day is slowly ending.

Sure, any d-bag can dump his significant other on the day before V-Day and earn a horrible reputation and possibly miss out on the opportunity to bang the friends of said significant other. But it takes real talent to end a romantic relationship and at least pretend to do it on good terms.
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Rather than just continuing to write a series of misinformed rants about a local art form I decided to take a moment to talk with a local artist at the epicenter of the Neo-Burlesque movement.

Susanna Lee describes herself as a “pin-up comedian” but that moniker really doesn’t to justice to the 34 year-old lady who has racked up more than 13 years in standup and now finds herself at the crossroads of a burgeoning career with a slew of national dates, yet still seemingly in search of a mentor or moral compass.

The best thing about Susanna’s act is that she can get intensely dirty and talking to her in person is pretty much the same experience. At a coffee meetup I was impressed with how easily we were able to swap stories about sex and pet peeves. Normally, I’m not interested in much women have to say but Susanna’s wit, charm, cleverness and absolutely filthy mouth kept me enthralled.

With every performer it’s a challenge to discern where the stage presence ends and the real person begins. I was exceptionally low key and late when meeting with Susanna because on stage she’s exactly the kind of curvy and overtly sexual lady to which the vast majority of my online writing is dedicated. In that same respect, my masterful misogynistic pose is probably the antithesis of her work that seems to be dedicated, at least in part, to the empowerment of women.

Long story short, talking with Susanna Lee I really had to focus on her story and not think of how I much I would enjoy banging her. Continue reading →

It looks like all of the resolutions from the beginning of this year have been forgotten and this cowtown is back in same old vicious cycle of in-fighting, bickering and tacit racism. A round-up of trends from throughout this week reveal that Kansas City continues to fight and make little real progress.

Fortunately, cowtown pettiness is something that keeps media outlets going so I’m not going to lament the return to a regular news cycle that features more than a fair share of nastiness, hatred and circular logic.

Let’s take a look at the top stories that powered the media and supplied a break in content between much more entertaining entertainment talk programs and reality shows.

Check it:
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I’m slowly beginning to realize that there are certain aspects of this Cowtown that I’m never going to be able to understand.

For instance:

1. During every election politicos attempt to “unite” Kansas City yet this town remains one of the most segregated metropolitan areas in the nation.

2. This Midwestern burg hasn’t been home to a championship pro-sports team in almost a generation yet people still keep buying tickets to witness – year after year Mediocrity.

3. Simply because a restaurant isn’t a chain and hires people with visible bad tattoos – Patrons are expected to pay top dollar and extol the virtues of a local establishment.

Succotash at its new-ish location is the perfect example of this phenomena.

Now, if I was a d-bag like Tim Finn I would just write a series of platitudes and top every third sentence off with the word “dandy” in lieu of a serious description of the cuisine. Continue reading →

Like it or not, life in Kansas City during The Great Recession has become an exercise in watching one longstanding institution after the next die a slow and painful death.

The Kansas City Star seems to be in a state of denial as their employees and advertisers disappear one by one and the most profitable method of delivery for their content (i.e. the dead tree newspaper) becomes more outdated everyday.

In much the same way Union Station is Continue reading →