Category Archives: Starbeams
Starbeams: Bee Gees Send Royals Wake Up Call, Kansas Speedway Makeover, K-Horse
Hey Royals! Robin Gibb was able to wake up from a coma!
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Immediately after the STP 400 NASCAR race Sunday, officials began prep work to repave Kansas Speedway. Unfortunately, it’s being repaved by MODOT.
Starbeams: The Heartbreak of Royals Baseball x Three & Boston Marathon
The Royals are finally becoming the team we’ve been hoping for. The team that breaks our hearts in April instead of teasing us through May.
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Tornado watches were issued 48 hours before radar detected powerful rotation all over our region. Now if the Royals could just get Dave Eiland to spot a powerful rotation…
Starbeams: The Top 5 Signs You’re a Royals Fan
THE TOP 5 SIGNS YOU’RE A ROYALS FAN:
#5. You’re legally blind but you can still read the scoreboard.
#4. Every time you pass a fountain you stop and look for the other team’s ball.
#3. You make fun of Cardinals fans for wearing camouflage while you’re wearing powder blue.
Starbeams: Santorum’s Titanic, Christie’s Belly Blast, KCPD’s Donuts & Royals Boulevard Bullpen
Rick Santorum drops his bid to become Republican nominee on the anniversary of the Titanic leaving Southampton. Coincidence?
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New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said the U.S. is full of people "sitting on the couch, waiting for their next government check."
Then his belt buckle exploded and injured a reporter on the front row….who went home and waited for a government check.
Starbeams: NFL Axes Coaches for Answering Fans Prayers, Google as Foreplay, Katy Perry
Coaches from the New Orleans Saints have been suspended for encouraging players to injure players on other teams for money. Basically, they got in trouble for saying what I’m yelling at my TV every Sunday!
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Google has strung over 100 miles of cable in Kansas City and promises speeds 100 times faster than broadband and 1,000 times faster for uploads. I’m going to miss the slow downloads for the sites I visit because I’ve always considered it to be foreplay.
Starbeams: Who Needs Sea Life KC When We Already Have Mighty Mo?
Over 30,000 tickets were pre-sold for Sea Life Kansas City when it opens this Friday Large crowds will filter through Crown Center to view the thousands of fish, sharks and other marine life.
Sea Life and Legoland Discovery Center Kansas City are part of a push to make Crown Center a weekend destination for visitors and stay-cationers. The thinking being, once school gets out, it will be packed everyday. I take my kids to the really cheap fish tank downtown – i’ts called Missouri River.
Starbeams: THE TOP 5 STADIUM NAMES THAT WOULD MAKE CHIEFS FANS PROUD
The Chiefs are reportedly looking to sell the naming rights to Arrowhead Stadium in an attempt to raise even more money for the team. As if $27 parking isn’t enough.
THE TOP 5 STADIUM NAMES THAT WOULD MAKE CHIEFS FANS PROUD:
#5. Amos Family Funeral Home Stadium.
#4. Midwest Hemorrhoid Treatment Center Stadium.
Starbeams: Forget the So-Called Border War, Bring on the Moonshine Wars
Kentucky license plates read; "Unbridled Spirit." Kansas plates say, "Worst State for Skiing."
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Kentucky is the Bluegrass State. Lawrence is the Legalize Grass capitol of the nation.
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In the War of 1812 more than half of all Americans killed in action were Kentuckians. I once got in a brawl at Free State Brewing Company.
Starbeams: P&L for Sale, Sprint’s Hesse vs Fox’s Colmes & Earth Day Abortion File Recycling
The historic Power & Light building downtown is for sale for $17.5 million dollars. However not many people are interested in buying it because it’s not in the Blue Valley School District.
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Sprint shares dropped 45 percent in 2011, yet CEO Dan Hesse‘s salary increased 31 percent to $11.9 million. Hesse says most of his compensation comes from being a stunt-double for Fox News host Alan Colmes.
Starbeams: Hunger Games, Cricket, Manning & John Carter
ATTENTION PEOPLE OF KANSAS CITY: The Hunger Games is NOT a movie about burnt ends.
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Chiefs G.M. Scott Pioli confirmed why Peyton Manning wouldn’t talk with the team – he refused to pay Arrowhead‘s outrageous parking prices.
Starbeams: Sticky Whitey Tighties, George Clooney & Exercise Orgasm
I saw a group of Latinos get into an argument with a group of Irish celebrating Saint Patrick’s Day in Westport. I wanted to get involved, but I never act until I consult with George Clooney.
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The Broncos may have cut and run on TIM TEBOW, but the Jockey underwear people are sticking with him. The company says, quote, "Jockey brought Tim Tebow on as a spokesperson before he took his first professional snap and even before he finalized his contract with an NFL team."
That’s the reason I don’t wear jockey anymore….they kept sticking with me.
Starbeams: TIPS Line Goes American Idol & Prez Salutes KC Afrikan Nerds
Jermaine Jones was kicked off American Idol for his criminal background. However, you can still vote for Jermaine by dialing 474-TIPS.
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De Soto High School Band students are in a Pittsburgh hospital recovering from a nasty illness. They were on a spring break trip to New York when several students became nauseous and started vomiting…just like every other kid on spring break.
Starbeams: Mitt’s Mop Makes Liberty. Model T Makes Liberty Memorial, Big Bang Theory
Mitt Romney will make a campaign stop at William Jewel in Liberty this afternoon. The city is preparing for his arrival by bringing in several truckloads of hair jell.
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A restored Model T ambulance was donate to the National WW I Memorial and went on display Monday. The Titanic exhibit is on display across the street at Union Station. Downtown has cornered the market on the 120 demo.
Starbeams: KCTV Big 12 Blackout, Big 12 Women @ Municipal & New Delay @ West Edge
A giant burst of solar energy from the sun is headed this way and could interrupt radio transmissions as early as this weekend. If you’re trying to watch the Big 12 Tournament, KCTV 5 says, "Don’t look at us!"
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The Big 12’s men’s tournament is sold out. It will be similar to watching an NBA game at Sprint Center, only with people in the seats.
Starbeams: Sleep Awareness Month Descends on Plaza & March Madness Paralyzes KC
This month is National Sleep Awareness Month. Or as Plaza Security calls it – March.
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A new survey shows half of women under 25 would rather have bigger boobs than a high IQ. Which is exactly why I prefer women under 25.
Starbeams: Occupy KC Monkee Business, New Do for KCMO & Dodging Kelly Bullets
Kansas City has a new logo intended to promote the area as a global tourism destination. It looks sleek and more up-to-date…..until you notice the ruby red slippers.
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Davy Jones from the Monkees passed away Wednesday at age 66. He died of an apparent heart attack. Little-known fact; David Bowie‘s real name is David Jones and he had to change his name because of the Monkees success. Same reason I changed my name from Kelly Eckerman.
Starbeams: The Top New Missouri Meth Tourism Slogans
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Missouri was the #1 state for METH BUSTS by far last year.
More than 2,000 busts, followed by Tennessee at 1,700.
Turns out a county near St. Louis is giving all of us a bad name, as Jefferson County had 253 busts which was more than Texas, Florida and California COMBINED.
THE TOP NEW MISSOURI TOURISM SLOGANS
MISSOURI…
Come be a part of our chemistry.
Put your mind in a whole new state.
Starbeams: THE TOP 5 WAYS TO KEEP A GORILLA CONTAINED @ KC ZOO
The Great Gorilla Escape from the Kansas City Zoo has been blamed on a failure to lock two cage doors.
THE TOP 5 WAYS TO KEEP A GORILLA CONTAINED:
#5. Inform him that a dangerous man is on the loose in Swope Park.
#4. Tell him you’re working a deal to get him on the roof for a Toyotathon.
#3. Ask him to explain why the apes on "Planet of the Apes" had English accents.
Starbeams: THE TOP 5 SIGNS YOU GOT A BAD BOTTLE OF CHOCOLATE ALE
TOP 5 SIGNS YOU GOT A BAD BOTTLE OF CHOCOLATE ALE:
#5. When you realize you’re too drunk to drive you call a Cadbury.
#4. In the heat of passion you scream, "Oh, Henry!"
#3. You ask girls at the bar if they would like to see your "Willy Wonka."
Starbeams: Whitney Joins Bin Laden & United States of China
Whitney Houston dead at 48. She was my first African-American crush…unless you count Tootie on Facts of Life.
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Remember when we learned that Osama Bin Laden loved Whitney Houston? How he owned several photos of Whitney, all of her albums and reportedly HATED Bobby Brown. Turns out that was his one redeeming quality.
