Author Archives: Kelly Urich

THIS JUST IN:  Chiefs coach Andy Reid has decided not to rest his Party Starters fork this weekend. ******* Bill Gates is helping develop a smart phone that will be powered by URINE.  I’m hoping for a car that can … Continue reading →

A Wentzville, Mo mother was arrested for posting topless photos of her daughter in a hot tub.  On the bright side, she has been offered the tour manager position for Miley Cyrus.    ******* The FDA is warning ADHD medication … Continue reading →

After watching Sunday’s Chiefs game vs. the Raiders I came to one conclusion.  Guys with erectile dysfunction must watch a lot of football. *******  M&M’s is introducing Mega M&M’s – three times bigger than the originals – and with three times … Continue reading →

It came down to double over-time and a penalty-kick shootout, but Sporting KC beat Real Salt Lake for the first National Championship to happen IN Kansas City in years.  The entire city went crazy, despite the fact most residents couldn’t … Continue reading →

Bob Dole is teaming with Sam Brownback to lobby the GOP for Kansas City to get the next Republican National Convention.  Nothing says, “Presidential Winner” quite like the team of Dole/Brownback. ******* Kansas City IS ranked #21 on the “Livability … Continue reading →

A giant Boeing 747 Dreamlifter Cargo Jet landed at the wrong airport in Wichita.  The small airport has no tower and is too short for the jet to leave with standard payload.  The world’s largest jet, world’s tallest waterslide…Kansas: Bigger … Continue reading →

Mitt Romney is helping Boston’s bid to host the 2024 Olympics.  He says he wants another shot at beating Kenya. ******* An Overland Park woman sold her wedding ring on Craigslist in exchange for Chiefs/Broncos tickets.  So take that, all … Continue reading →

Fewer than 27,000 people have signed up for Obamacare on healthcare.gov. To put this into perspective, you could put these people in the lower level of Arrowhead and still have 10,000 empty seats.  Even Todd Haley couldn’t screw up that … Continue reading →

Riverside police cited Chiefs wide receiver Dwayne Bowe for speeding and possession of a controlled substance.  Ironically, Bowe was cited for the two things he has trouble doing on the football field. Bowe says he is taking this Mile HIGH … Continue reading →

At the beginning of the season, Chiefs coach, Andy Reid, told players after every loss this season, he would conduct practice while wearing a Speedo. ******* Amtrak service to western Kansas could be cut because of a change in federal … Continue reading →

It’s the time of year when you see pumpkin heads turning up all over town.  And by that I mean, Cleveland Browns fans. ******* New research shows pumpkin pie is sexually arousing!?  OUCH!  Next time I’ll wait until it cools … Continue reading →

Obamacare is having so many web issues the administration is considering hiring Edward Snowden. *******  The Kansas City metro jobless rate has dropped to 7.2%.  If you factor in the number of people playing on Facebook, the percentage of Kansas Citians … Continue reading →

Locally based Shatto Milk is offering Candy Corn Milk for a limited time….or at least until they’re bought out be a Belgian milk company. ******* It has been a tough week for me emotionally.  Boulevard Brewery sold to a company … Continue reading →

Arrowhead Stadium set the Guinness World Record for most decibels at a stadium.  Raiders fans set the record for most makeup in a stadium not hosting a KISS concert. ******* Cerner will bring 15,000 jobs to the area as the … Continue reading →

Danica Patrick wrecked on lap one of the Hollywood 400 at Kansas Speedway.  She says she got distracted by the sale sign at the Saks Fifth Avenue outlet at The Legends. ******* The Chiefs are the first team in NFL … Continue reading →

Kirstie Alley will speak at the Greater Kansas City Chamber of Commerce annual meeting…only because Anthony Michael Hall was not available. ******* A woman tried to crash the barrier at the White House with a kid in her car and … Continue reading →

More than half the American population say they’d rather wake up to coffee than morning sex.  Either way, I like it hot, black and creamy! ******* Al Qaeda started a Twitter account. Terrorist Tweet of the Week: We were planning … Continue reading →

One of the terrorists who stormed the shopping mall in Kenya was reportedly from Kansas City… The Top 5 Signs You’re a Terrorist from Kansas City: #5.  You torture prisoners by making them watch Chiefs games from the 2012 season. … Continue reading →

Overland Park has delayed the launch of Google Fiber because of a technicality.  Apparently, Google’s vans aren’t expensive enough to be seen in Overland Park. ******* The Star says the Philadelphia Eagles will see a different side of new Chiefs … Continue reading →

Miss Kansas, Theresa Vail, says she will show her tattoos in the 2014 Miss America Pageant as a way to “empower women.” I’ll be the guy in the audience with the sign that reads: SHOW US YOUR TATS! ******* Cordish … Continue reading →