Author Archives: Brandon Leftridge
Leftridge: Chiefs Crush Cardinals; Fake Scribe Predicts KC Super Bowl Win
Mark it down. I’m not mincing words. I AM the greatest football predictor in the history of predicting football, and here is my bold, completely thought-out and aggressively accurate assertion about this year’s Kansas City Chiefs: THEY WILL WIN THE … Continue reading
Leftridge: How to Win Friends & Influence People (by Joining a Street Gang)
So you’ve decided to join a gang. Look, the decision is never an easy one. Perhaps you’ve been the victim of a love, unrequited. Maybe you were made fun of as a student, your science-fair entry smashed upon the ground … Continue reading
Leftridge: Fun Fact Friday!
When Hearne came to me a few weeks ago and said, “yo, Lefty… look, man. I’ve got some stuff I need to uh, take care of in Mexico. Some, um… some things that need to be buried in the desert—rotting … Continue reading
Leftridge: Mr. Brightside Presents a Royals’ July Recap
Someone needs to head down to the Safeway, because we’re running out of Turd Polish. It’s getting bad out there—like, regular Royals bad. Gone are the days of “fun team to watch!” and, “lookit the little roses bloom!” Everything has … Continue reading
Leftridge: Trade Deadline Comes, Goes; Broxton Wonders if Chili Has to Stop at 5-Ways
General Manager Dayton Moore just finished making hypothetical trade-deadline love to me, Joe Royalsfan, and apparently I’ve got all the elasticity of “Octomom” Nadya Suleman, because I didn’t feel a thing. Wait… was that it? Did you… Are you FINISHED? … Continue reading
Leftridge: Crap for Sale on Craigslist
Craigslist is great. Craigslist is terrifying. Like it says in Corinthians, Craigslist is all things to all men. It is a shot-to-shit 1983 Nissan Sentra with blown shocks, blood stains on the cloth interior and a cool 298K on the … Continue reading
Leftridge: The One in Which I Complain About the Olympics
I love this country. We invented Cool Ranch Doritos, the jackhammer, the skyscraper, the corn dog, the iron lung, the electric guitar, the internet, the ATM (1939!) chicken nuggets, baseball and the first commercially practical incandescent light (though not the … Continue reading
Leftridge: Drunken eBay Purchases: “Classic” Issues of Pro Wrestling Illustrated
When I was little, professional wrestling was tits. All I needed to make my life was a bag of Keebler’s Pizzaria’s Pizza Chips, my mish-mash collection of Ninja Turtles action figures, and a few fat hours of AWA Saturday morning … Continue reading
Posted in Entertainment, Sports, Uncategorized
Tagged Brandon Leftridge, Drunken eBay Purchases, Pro Wrestling, Sexy Arn Anderson
28 Comments
Leftridge: Chiefs’ Training Camp Not as Interesting as Ernest Goes to Camp, Still Intriguing
If you’ve ever been to St. Joseph, you know that there isn’t a whole hell of a lot going on. There’s the Glore Psychiatric Museum (which is really kind of neat), a bunch of chain restaurants, a downtown that had … Continue reading
Posted in Sports, Uncategorized
Tagged Brandon Leftridge, Chiefs, Fruity Pebbles, St. Joseph, Training Camp
8 Comments
Leftridge: Magnolia’s Dishes Southern Fare, Realistic Swampy Atmosphere
The internet does not lie. Everything you have ever read on the Internet is completely and infallibly true. Oprah Winfrey, Johnny Depp and Eminem all died in (separate) horrific car crashes. Deep within the recesses of Richard Gere’s anus lives … Continue reading
Posted in Food_and_Fashion
Tagged Brandon Leftridge, dripping sweat, Magnolia's, restaurant reviews, southern cooking
12 Comments
Leftridge: Politics and Chicken Make Strange Bedfellows
It started like this: “Well, guilty as charged. We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. … Continue reading
Leftridge: Trade Deadline Approaches; Is it Curtains for Broxton, Betancourt and Francoeur?
With a little more than a week left in July and the non-waiver trade deadline fast approaching, Royals’ General Manager Dayton Moore is undoubtedly locked in his office, deep within the cavernous confines of a hidden spot well within the … Continue reading
Posted in Sports, Uncategorized
Tagged Brandon Leftridge, Broxton, Francoeur, Hudler, Man-Mountain, Trade Talk
8 Comments
Leftridge: Will Royals’ Cain be Able to Make a Difference?
On Friday night, in front of an impressive, boisterous crowd at Kaufmann Stadium, center fielder Lorenzo Cain made his re-debut with the Kansas City Royals. After missing more than three months with what was initially a groin-strain, and later, a much more serious hip-flexor tear, Cain, 26, went 3 for 6, walked once, and scored 3 runs while driving in one of his own.
Impressive.
He also looked good in the field, chasing down fly balls that a lesser athlete may not have caught. Oh sure, regular (by virtue of Cain’s absence) CF Jarrod Dyson would have made it to these balls too—and even caught them—but he would have had to rely more on his speed, looking less comfortable in doing so than Cain.
Cain, who currently has the coolest, blackest black-guy name in the Royals organization (a title he took from Clint Robinson, who is, in fact, not black), has the natural grace and agility of the Royals’ LAST good center fielder, Carlos Beltran.
