Hey, I’m no expert…
That said, I’ve been fumbling around off and on for seven, eight years, so you’d think I might know something. But I’m gonna tell you the truth; I totally don’t.
Except to say, try to avoid positioning yourself in such a manner that you either have to, think you know better, or can’t seem to stop yourself. That make any sense?
Didn’t think so.
In my case, I started my misadventure around 2017 when I found myself hanging out in Lawrence, Kansas and learning to sell hot cars – fun, not stolen hot cars. Specifically BMWs, Volkswagens and exotic European cars.
After a couple successful careers in the stock and commodities racket, advertising and marketing, then writing, I wanted to do something where I could make pretty good money, have fun meeting and working with a wide range of people and being a “car guy” it seemed to make sense.
A friend of mine, Marion Battaglia the head of Aristocrat Motors in Kansas City had been hinting for some time that he’d like me to join him, and when I found out he’d just taken over a small dealership in Topeka, Kansas – of all places – I was living maybe a half hour away in Lawrence, I called him and next thing you know I had a gig helping market his brand new place.
It actually was pretty cool…
Even though I had this marketing title, how much publicity and excitement can one churn up in a tiny town like T Town?
Uh, not that much, media wise.
So I joined forces with a handful of rookie fellow car salespeople and started filling my days washing cars for deliveries to customers, answering phones, greeting locals who walked in warily, expecting the worse (come on, who doesn’t love talking to car salesmen) and after two or so months of pretending to be “in marketing” I woke up one day and found that by selling a handful of cars, I was making double, triple or quadruple my marketing money.
Moreover, I didn’t have to lower myself to the stereotype of doing the sorts of stuff people often fear and expect from car salespeople. And since I lucked out and was working for a blue chip company like Aristocrat Motors, we had the finest assembly of new and pre-owned (as opposed to “used”) cars in the Topeka market.
Locals could buy stereotypical American and Asian-made cars, or they could take a walk on the wild side with me and get really good deals on European spec cars that were far more fun and distinctive than what everybody else in town was hawking.
And it fit right in with my column writing career…
I got to talk to a wide variety of people every day, have fun meeting and getting to know them and actually help them, rather than con them as many of them more than half expected.
Hey, it worked…
For upwards of five years I was top salesman or close, met tons of friends that doubled as customers and worked long, but really fun hours.
It was perfect!
As for my dating life, well, far less so. Not that I didn’t try.
I went home to nearby Lawrence every night and popped open my laptop and joined – off and on – maybe a half dozen dating sites. And for probably two to three hours a night, I played the proverbial dating game. Think of t as on the job training.
Some of the sites were lame, so you have to do your research. They all were somewhat costly, nothing extreme – and the learning curve was slow. It was a total numbers game.
First and foremost, if you’re a dude – you can expect for about 90 percent of the dating candidates to look like someone you wouldn’t go out with at gun point. On top of that, the ones who do appear arguably kind of attractive, often camouflage their actual looks by using older, more flattering photos that in no way resembles what you will find when and if you actually meet them for coffee, a drink or whatever.
Ah, but there’s a work around.
It ain’t perfect, but I’ll give you a few pointers. For the record, I’m kind of picky in a superficial way – I know, I know – not trying to be snobby, but we all have our tastes. In my case I like shorter women that tend to be on the slim or slender side.
So when you zoom in on a candidate with a really nice headshot, make sure there’s a full size shot in there somewhere instead of head shot closeups only. And watch out for the “wearing sunglasses only” pics. Makes it harder to see what they actually look like.
This tip is key: Given a selection of three to 10 photos, always zero in on the worst one. Because more often than not, the pics that are carefully cropped and or several years older, and may garnish the dating prospect might not represent her actual current looks.
Ah, but more often than not though, they’ll slip in at least one current pic, so if you can detect something fishy about it – well, where there’s smoke there’s often fire.
The way the game is played, is if you see someone who you find appealing, read their little “dating resumes” which often are so basic you really can’t tell much about them. Then you need to write a dating pitch, wherein you try to stand out from all the other fellow losers and get a response back.
It won’t likely be something like, “Great! Sounds fun, when would you like to meet?” Nope, that may happen from time to time to somebody who looks like Ryan Gosling, but more often, you really have to sing for your supper.
Women are rightly on the cautious side and you’ll likely have to message back and forth several times before you, uh, strike pay dirt. If you do at all. So in my book, finding something halfway fun and/or funny and arguably inviting is the best approach,. Try not to be too whatever – too pushy, too cocky or too lame, and you may get a response.
Be upbeat and examine what your “true love” says in her little faux bio, and play the ball where it lies.
The bottom line is that after scrutinizing her pics, studying her interests and getting a feel for her tone, if you play your cards right, you’ll get a response. I like to try and get the ball rolling with a phone call at that point, but good luck getting a phone number. Easier said than done. At this stage of the game, for all anyone knows you could be a serial killer, con artist or total loser disguising yourself as Brad Pitt.
When I first started and made it to the meet-in-real-life stage, I set up dinners at really nice restaurants like J. Gilberts in Overland Park.
Really bad idea.
Not only did one of my first online dates look borderline hideous, but there I was in an area where a good number of people might recognize me for whatever reason – and sure enough KSHB TV weather wonk Gary Lezak spotted me and came over the my table. Small minded as this undoubtedly sounds (and is) I was embarrassed that I was dropping some pretty good dough on a grrrrl I prolly wouldn’t go out with again for untold sums of money.
Most people try to limit meetings to coffee or tea, but a giant ritzy dinner? Bad idea.
And because I was new and we never spoke on the phone, I had no idea how lame the conversation would be. Almost made me wish I was gay and could pretend that Lezak and I were an “item.”
So look at the pics super closely. Read the bios and look for decent grammar and spelling; try and meet someplace nice, go someplace halfway affordable where you can break away, and not get trapped endlessly.
Hey, it’s a brave new world out there and I’m sure it’s equally difficult for women.
So guys, try not to post pics of you holding up strings of fish or something. Or really lame selfies when you are in an obvious, skanky bathroom. I mean, I know bathrooms are romantic and all, but try to dodge I that bullet.
Another way to try and play it safe, is to build in an excuse to leave early. Like you need to meet your daughters or have some kind of appointment./
I had one of my worst dating encounters last fall here in Lawrence at a local brewpub. I wanted out the second I laid eyes on my date, so I don’t think I ordered anything and said right away that I had to meet my daughter to go Christmas shopping.
Unbeknownst to me, the woman had ordered a pizza which was just arriving as I was fumbled my way out of there. She looked kinda awkward at my timing, but no way was I gonna hang out and watch that lady pound down an entire pizza. Hey, there was a Chiefs game on, it was a Sunday and I needed some quality time after looking at a lady who was ridiculously older than her pics, and likely was the widow of some biker dude, who wanted mostly to talk motorcycles.
Well, guess what?
Chances are you need to expect something exactly like this or worse. I’m not gonna guarantee it, but there may be a pretty good chance.
