Hearne: The Truth, Almost The Whole Truth, Then Some

Don’t spend much time boring you guys about my personal life, but…

As I think you know, I’m going through a divorce right now (what, again) in Arizona. It’s kinda been dragging on for nearly two years with – I’m happy to report – zero fireworks. Meaning, everything is filed and with luck will be o-v-e-r ASAP.

So what have I been up to of late?

Well, last summer I got a pair of new knees from Santa, that I’d been waiting on for three years. So now I can finally qualify for whatever passes for the senior olympics and prepare for my long wanted hang gliding lessons.

Largely healthy otherwise, for the most part. Unless, of course, you count what my wife describes as my near death experience with the  original COVID. I contracted it five days before Christmas 2020, a month before the first vaccine was released.

Actually, it was kinda colorful with a few fun accents. Like passing out on the sidewalk outside a rental car company after returning to Tucson from Kansas City. Not exactly sure how that went down, but one minute I was living large, anxious to get home and catch a few zzzzzzzzzzzs.

Next thing I knew, I was –  in a private hospital room, being kept pretty much away from anyone and everyone that was hoping not to die of whatever exactly I had. Not surprisingly, it was a pretty anxious time – and the name of the game for the nurses, was to get me the heck out of Dodge, so to speak.  The next morning they wheeled me to the exit door and my wife took me home where I was more than happy to climb onto a new seven grand mattress and try not to look I was going to my final resting place.

Then for eight, pretty much totally out of it days, I was in a daze.

Truth be told, I had no clue as to what was happening, how I ate; what I ate; how or what I drank; or how I, uh, relieved myself. I was long gone – or as President Trump might say, gone baby gone!

Daughter Liza – this past fall meets one of childhood faves, lead singer of England’s The Darkness

Hey, but I didn’t die…

But two or three days into it, my wife took a COVID bullet and entered into her own race against death. Unfortunately with pretty much no one there to help her survive. Wasn’t quite as bad as mine, but it was pretty darn awful.

Long story short, we came thru.

I caught one of the so-called mini COVIDs a year later, but that was a walk in the park. And for those of you who like to consider yourselves “free thinkers” – I’ve never partaken of those never-ending vaccine shots. Not a one. Yet I’m as healthy as a proverbial horse – arguably better-looking – and I’ve dodged more COVID bullets since than I can count.

Which brings us to, what have I been up to lately?

Funny, you should ask…

Consider this a confession and whatever you do, please don’t tell Landmark publisher Ivan Foley. This kinda stuff messes him up.

However some months back, I came to the realization that saving my marriage was not in the cards. Fortunately for me, she’s a lawyer, so piece of cake.

Anyhoo, I’ve been fumbling around for two years and I think I finally met somebody really important.

Please don’t tell Ivan.