Allow me to explain…
It’s been kinda krazy since I escaped the gravitational pull of the Arizona desert and limped back home. It wasn’t easy, nor pretty – especially with the lion’s share of my cash tied up in a luxury home and pool in Oro Valley.
Thus I had to do everything imaginable – short of dealing drugs – to fund my not-so-great escape.
Throw in some lame bus and train trips, a complicated U-Haul misadventure, and awkward weeks spent packing up my life’s ongoing, traveling roadshow.
OK, what else…
Had a couple weird getaways to hangs like Mayfield, Kentucky. A year of playing musical cars at BMW, Volkswagen, Masarati and Alfa Romeo – in Topeka, Lawrence and Kansas City.
Then I finally got the green light to replace both of my knees – at the same time. That required three separate surgeries and left me borderline bedridden, followed by wobbly and now in therapy. A hoped for return to the automotive sales world is penciled in for this February/March.
On top of which, after moving back last year, some loser driving his girlfriend’s uninsured Ford Taurus crossed the center line in Topeka and totaled my beloved Honda. A couple of emergency room visits, were followed by me getting an even hipper steed, a 40th Anniversary Volkswagen GLI six-speed manual.
Of course, I’ve had to nursemaid what’s left of poor Dwight, after his tennis racket debacle with a gay, Mission Hills house sitter who literally ran him down near his house during COVID.
Any fun stuff, you ask? Not much…
But who doesn’t love a long distance divorce with a lawyer wife.
Besides me.
And frankly, while the crashing of cars and knee surgeries weren’t exactly a blessing, they made up n an odd way for what passes for my non existent romantic life…
Met a friend of my wife who was (and is) a totally lame conspiracy buff.
She gave me the phone number of a dude she knows that sells 8 ounce cans of water in drab military-looking cans for like ten bucks each…to dramatically hasten my recovery from the knee surgeries. She got up at the crack of dawn each day to listen to a weird a woman “prophet” from Texas, who says she’s on a first name basis with God. Who gives her the skinny on what the “mainstream media” is up to.
Conspiracy buff, right?
More recently, I’ve been texting a grrrl whose grandmother had a May / December relationship and marriage to Glen Wood Dickinson Sr. -the founder of the Dickinson Theaters movie chain. Like a million years ago.
She lives in a Missouri town so small I can’t believe it has a name, and gets by by driving Amish women to see midwives in out-of-the-way, middle-of-nowhere locations. It’s not what you’d call lucrative, but who doesn’t wanna make a buck a mile.
So here’s the deal; I’m planning on giving all this up and getting back into the car racket nest year.
BMW and Volkswagen? Count me in. Masarati and Alfa Romeo? Uh, pass. Honda, Nissan or whatever, hey, I really like cars and people and those could work.
And I’m making a vow to Platte County Landmark publisher Ivan Foley to choke out a column a week, come heck or high water.
Small step for mankind, right?
And like everybody else on our planet, I’m excited to watch Donald Trump drive people of a certain philosophy krazy. And lest losers like Harley wanna brand me, let me remind you: I’ve voted for Nixon, Ralph Nader, Obama as well as Mr. T – so I play the field.
Now let’s find out what’s gonna happen with Patrick Mahomes goofy, missing-in-action brother. And how long Travis Kelce can string Taylor Swift along before she figures out what a classy dude he is.
He’s in the chips now, but he’s dangerously close to leaving football and those celebrity cereal box deals could be harder to come by for a podcaster who drinks way too much, and acts the fool after Super Bowl wins.
Onward!
Wow you’ve been busy and not much of it having any fun while doing so. Max Floyd and I just last week were talking about you wondering what you were up to. I heard about the knees and having bad knees myself and minor surgery on one of them I can’t even bear thinking of the pain and pain of dealing with replacing both at the same time. BTW I have learned a non existent romantic life can really have it’s pluses. As you get older you want a partner but at the same time enjoy the hell out of your single time/life to do what ever when ever.
Best Wishes This Christmas & To A Speeding Recovery
Grazie mille
Wow, you sound in worse shape than me!
Maybe you should consider becoming a priest and forego the females for a while?
That’s more costly than taking your money to the casino. At least you have a small chance of winning, there.
Let me know where you land. I bought a Porsche Boxster at Mecum KC this month. Added to the stable.
Wow, you bought a Porsche?
Sounds like you are on the comeback trail big time…congrats!
My HEALTH sure isn’t on the comeback, but I’m still doing 4 vintage race cars/play toys, just to keep my mind off of it!
I’ll be on campus every day in January; we’ll have to catch up.
Count me in!~
I’m sure you still have my cell or Dwight will give it to you for a slight uncharge
Ahhhh, I’ve had it for over ten years! I’m supposed to be the one with the brain injury….
Hey Hearne – maybe you could ask Santa for a comb for Christmas?? Just say’n. Here’s to a better 2025.
Holy moley. Perhaps I should get ya’ll a pass on the OATS bus.
Kidding. Hope 2025 has some positive things in store for you, HC. Seems like 2024 owes you.
I officially have 3 working days before hanging up the pencil and T-Square for good. Rather surreal after 46 years.
Cheers!
Thanks…
And that’s right, you’re dialing it back.
I think Dwight and I owe to a coffee meet or lunch…yoiur call
Very kind offer, HC! I’ll consider it. ‘Ol Dwight probably hasn’t seen a flaming Lib like me take his coffee black.
Happy New Year, Hearne. Seriously, I hope it is your best year ever.
Back at ya!
Damn Hearne, getting both knees replaced and still driving a stick?
Yeah well…
Got em done in July and didn’t start driving until mid October, so there’s that.,
Had to have my daughter Liza ferry me and back and forth to KC for followups, etc.
Wish I’d done em in Lawrence, frankly