This just in…
Hold on to whatever you wish, I’m heading home.
So get ready.
After three years in Tucson (Oro Valley), I’ve had enough. I shoulda known better when I packed up my stakes, sold my house in Lawrence and moved to KC in preparation for a return to the Arizona desert.
Some of you may recall I graduated from an all-boys school in Sabino Canyon and went to the University of Arizona. Then I got a super low draft lottery number and joined the U.S. Navy as a Seabee.
Afterwards, I retuned to the Kansas City Board of Trade and my family firm, and spent a year in Mayfield, Kentucky (the infamous tornado town) learning how to grade grain, run a grain elevator, party with farmers, drink moonshine and eat country ham
But when COVID hit, I returned to Tucson.
I’d always loved Tucson and wondered if I’d missed my chance in life to embark on an Arizona adventure. Instead I followed in my father’s footsteps, before veering off on my own, running a local record rag called The Pitch, then stepping into a larger limelight and writing a highly read column at the Kansas City Star.
I had a ton of fun, put the grabs on a six-figure salary with expenses and worked hours of my choosing, where I could pick topics that were edgy, newsy or just plain dumb.
It was a dream job and I will forever be in debt to former Star publisher Jim Hale and fledgling editor Art Brisbane.
Anyway, three years ago the time seemed right, so I came back to Tucson, just in time to catch what my wife swears could have been a fatal bout of COVID, a few days before Christmas 2020.
Other than being a bad flu – I was in bed for seven or eight days, and out of it – I had none of the widely reported fatal COVID symptoms…although I did pass out when it first hit.
In January 2021 we had a nice garage fire in a brand new home that resulted in us living at the nearby Conquistador resort for a couple months. Later, when I got around to looking into car selling jobs here with Honda, VW, you-name-it, I found out the hard way; that even as a halfway young-looking oldster, I could not get a job.
They don’t want people dropping dead in 115 degree heat on a hot parking lot.
Because between May and late September, chances are you’ll be out sitting under a tiny umbrellas in high 100-plus heat, and dealers prefer to hire younger dudes, like Brandon Leftridge. That despite that I had a heckuva sales track record at BMW, VW and Honda as usually the top or No. 2 salesman.
Long story short, that hurt…
I didn’t move here to retire, I came to work, and I really like cars and car sales.
There’s more…
Remember a year ago when I went to an upscale church meeting and not a single soul had even heard of George Orwell, let alone his book 1984?
I was shocked, and not just in some snobby way.
Tucson’s a small town – just under a million losers – and a extremely liberal town. And remember, I voted for Obama twice.
The bottom line: the culture here is thin and uninteresting in ways political correctness prevents me from describing.
Dare I say, lame?
The restaurants suck – especially by comparison to Kansas City and even Lawrence. Chains aside, Topeka is arghuably better.
So outside of my marriage and watching Chiefs games, I’ve been kinda bored and uninspired…to put it mildly.
Did I mention, I miss you guys in and around Kansas City?
Like a ton.
And not just friends, but losers of all sorts. Kansas City, Lawrence and even T Town are far more interesting and engaging in every way I can think, of than the desert southwest.
So I’m heading back, soon as I can get a handful of matters resolved (including hernia surgery July 3rd).
I’ll need to find a place to stay, as I fashion my reentry. So I’m open to suggestions, including Platte Couty Landmark publisher Ivan Foley adopting me as his foster son, and allowing me to mow his grass, help him build snow men.
The other thing I should mention is, that coming out here every summer with my twin girls (now 26) was incredibly fun. But a week or two in July – staying at a really cool resort called the Hacienda Del Sol – and flipping around my old haunts, partying and shopping in Mexico was great fun.
However, 10 days or two weeks is a far cry from five months of 100 to 120 degree temps, often daily. So it’s kind of a too much of a good thing, be careful what you wish for deal.
In any case, homeward bound I am and I can’t wait to party with you guys in real life again and leave this soulless desert in my rear view mirror.
FYI, my email is hossjr444@gmail.com
Getting older isn’t the so called golden years we all are lead to believe they are to be.
When you announced you were moving to Tucson my first thoughts were why and my second thoughts were Herne has lost his freaking mind. Yes, anywhere in the lower half of Arizona is a cool place to visit in January and February for a few days or a week or two before hauling ass back to where you came from like I use to do after visiting with the grandparents.
Oh but it’s a dry heat the locals will tell you. I’m sorry when it’s 100 plus freaking degrees outside for weeks on end, it’s miserable. My grandparents would hibernate when it got hot. They had food delivered and other essentials 6 months out of the year to avoid the heat. Please someone explain how that’s living to avoid a little snow in Kansas?
There’s a saying, “There’s no place like home.” In all my travels I have found that to really be true. Max Floyd left Kansas City once and soon realized what a mistake he had made and hurried back here and here is where he is today. By the way Max asked me to teach him something here a few weeks ago and I need to hurry up with that before it gets too hot for us oldies to be outside too long.
Long story short, welcome back Hearne. Here is where you should have stayed and lots and I mean lots of things that you can never ever get tired of writing about in this town.
Well, thanks Super Dave…
Well……..there goes the neighborhood.
Funny guy!
Yeah, that part of Arizona is tough to get used to. I lived in Vegas for about 6 years, none of my friends ever considered moving to Phoenix or Tucson. Just too damn hot, Vegas is only bad June-Aug.
Congrats on moving back to the KC area. You’ll definitely liven the place back up!!
That would be my hope; although I’m clearly disappointed things didn’t work out as hoped
Glad you will be coming back! Just not the same without you. I did pull a Craig Glazer on 10/27/20 in comment section of piece you announced you were leaving – called you would be moving back within 5 years, in Clay Chastain like fashion. I’m sure CG would have been impressed w my prognostication abilities. Looking forward to more articles and commentary from you.
file:///var/mobile/Library/SMS/Attachments/85/05/DF3C65BB-766B-41E8-AFE9-B2E241D2280B/IMG_3767.PNG
WQell, you got me!
Looking back, I shoulda known better.
My wife and I originally planned to go to Prescott, Arizona. Far smaller town and better weather.
For example, it’s 101 this afternoon in Tucson and only 87 in Prescott. And 89 in KC, plus more humid.
Live and learn, I guess…
No gotcha’s here. Just life. Some things work, some don’t. Hoping for a fun and exciting renaissance in KC area for you and the Mrs.
Grazie mille
I’ve always hated suggesting vocations to people, but I think you could drive heavy listener traffic on a podcast.
Uh, thanks…
For the immediate time I’m focusing on getting out of Dodge before I melt in the coming months of 100-degree plus tempos. Finding a place to stay in KC, Lawrence or TR Town, selling a ton of cars and living to tell the story!
If you need a little income you can always do what my friend suggested I do. Dog sitting for people who go out of town for work, vacations.. via Rover app.
Know what?
My first response was top choke out some knee jerk flip remark.
But after letting inset in, who knows?
Maybe I should consider a late term janitorial career, too. What the heck, who am I to cast aspersions.
But for now, let’s leave that I’ll take your suggestion under advice!~
I can understand your situation..looking to return to cow town after a John Wagner Sky Spy “escape from KC” experience — By the way he was a hilarious human being, he came over to our house on Xmas Eve 1979 and was exactly how you would picture him.
But yeah, getting back to work. I hate talking about myself but I hated my job, my “career sso much I retired early..so that means I’m living cheap in Thailand lol.
For you Hearne, I hope you can find something you like, I know you want to sell cars but man it’s going to be tough getting hired, unless you have a champion. Maybe sell cars on your own, you wouldn’t have to sit in that office, worrying about monthly quota’s. You’d make some money but more importantly you’d be your own boss. It’s what you love, do it until you’re a hundred. GL!
Thanks to this latest blog post from Hearne, I’m absolutely certain that the Oro Valley or Saddlebrooke area is perfect for the wife and I to move to. I can golf year round, no ice, no snow, no sub zero temperatures. The nearest beach in Mexico is only about a 3 hour drive. (Puerto Penasco). We hit Vegas at least a couple times during the year, usually in July and August. And not for just a day or two. We’re there for a week or more at a time. We LOVE the heat. 110 degrees? No problem. The best part? I don’t have to quit my six figure salary job. I can work from home. I won’t have to worry on whether or not a local car dealership will hire an old man.
Be careful what you wish for, dawg…
I spend four years here and a week or 10 days every July and for some reason it never occurred to me that it ever get old…
My advice: rent something for at least a full year to make sure and don’t buy a dark colored car.
They don’t even have a term for the word, “shade” here.
Careful what you wish for!
https://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2023/08/president_trump_is_the_new_tiananmen_tank_man.html
I am not banned everywhere.
Must be nice!