Leftridge: A Nextdoor Tour

Let me ask you something…

Well, a couple of somethings. 1) Have you ever been on nextdoor.com? And 2) Why? 

Started in 2011 ostensibly as a place for you to connect with neighbors, Nextdoor is now available in 11 countries and had revenue exceeding $200m in 2022. It is also the internet’s preeminent site for posting pictures of your lost cat, posting pictures of a cat you’ve found, asking what all the cops were doing around ______, reporting that “suspicious” vehicle you noticed on your block (always a painter or handyman), or, if you’re an old white person, reporting someone walking around that you don’t recognize (hint: it’s never another old white person). 

It’s also a great online space for digital people watching. My Northland neighborhood is never without its share of drama, triumph, and missives that sometimes make you wonder if the poster is having some sort of medical emergency. 

Let’s take a look.
Along with missing pets and frightened old people, complete and utter confusion is another popular post. Often times, people are frightened because a
post they made is “missing.” This usually happens because a post gets deleted, more often than not because the poster threatened a neighbor with violence, and/or espoused something casually racist.

Restaurants, as you might imagine, are also a hot topic. While the most common discourse is along the lines of “don Go to the Wedndy’s on Chatham they gave Me worst diarea Sick from food poison!” sometimes, it’s someone lamenting the high cost or poor service at an old favorite. In this case, Jeff doesn’t think Smokehouse BBQ gets the respect it deserves while Jorge, on the other hand, will buy and smoke his own goddamn pork, thank you very much. 

I’m not sure what kind of party Ben is looking for, but holy hell, the balloons will be terrifying. 

This sounds like a poem. A poem about a barefoot woman walking down the street. (To be fair, the poster got mostly roasted on this one. Because, you know… a barefoot woman isn’t necessarily newsworthy.)

Oh, Joyce. Look, the gift card thing isn’t real. But how fortunate I came across your post— it’s me, your grandson, and I’m stuck in jail in Mexico because of a mixup. They’re saying they’ll let me go if you can wire some money, though…

This is great news! I mean, presumably… but also, I don’t actually know who Molly is. What is she’s a demonic swamp-witch who haunts Alta’s land? Why did 11 people love this??

Again, almost no context here. I mean, I guess I’m happy for Teri? 27 other people are, anyway. I DO kinda want to know why she lost it in there first place, though. 

This post has it all. It starts off with the standard “what were all the cops doing…” And then: 1) It has Walmart. 2) It has a tired “cop/donut” joke. And 3) it has Brenda sliding in and going ham on a totally different topic. This is peak Nextdoor. 

This is also a classic. Someone who is free with the details describes a problem they’re facing. Someone makes a suggestion, and then a subsequent comment immediately refutes the suggestion. Bickering ensues. “I didn’t say it, I typed it.” Hilariously junior-high burn there, Jer. 

Until next time, stay off Nextdoor, everybody!