Leftridge: Crap for Sale on Craigslist, Memorial Day Edition

With Memorial Day on the horizon, you’re probably thinking of throwing a party…

And why shouldn’t you? When it comes to honoring people who’ve died, nothing says “I’ll remember you forever” like shooting a Roman Candle at your Cousin Jake’s testicles in the backyard of a house that is way too small to hold this many people. 

But because of inflation, things are unreasonably expensive these days.

A bag of Doritos is $6. A pack of hot dogs? $15.50! So you blow your whole wad on meat and chips, and that’s hardly a whole party. What can you do? That’s right— get the rest of what you need— (gently used) from Craigslist. 

Like…

Heavy duty grill. 20 inches wide x 14 inches deep. 4 height adjustments. Made of 1/8 steel plate. $50.00 Cash. Call or email for more information. I don’t respond to text messages.

There are several things to like here. 1) It’s only $50. 2) It’s heavy duty. 3) It was clearly stolen from a park. 4) who DOESN’T love cooking on those park grills, am I right? 5) this person doesn’t fuck with texts, so they seem like a totally reasonable person to deal with in this, the year of our lord, 2023. 

FLAG 48 Star’s AMERICAN U.S.A.. Vintage. Original 48 Star Flag. Antique. Very Very Old. LARGE FLAG. Size: 41″ X 68″. Cotton/Linen? Condition: Good. Some fraying. All Item’s Sold As Is. All Sale’s on Item’s Final. Price: $135.00 CASH ONLY Contact: Call or email us with your information. We will call you. Thank’s for looking!

What good is a Memorial Day party without a giant, slightly frayed, $135, outdated American flag? Celebrate our country while simultaneously giving the finger to Alaska and Hawaii, just like our forefathers would have wanted. 

Soup bones $2 per pound, Tongue $4 per pound, Heart $3 per pound, Liver $4 per pound. Kidneys $4 per pound. Beef fed with no hormones or antibiotics. Hamburger also available, 93 percent lean $5 per pound.GRASS FED BEEF. STEAKS, ROASTS AND STEW MEAT ALSO AVAILABLE.

Look, I don’t know if it’s legal to sell meat on Craigslist. But brother, with soup bone and heart-meat prices like that, I don’t even care. 

Two 20ft shipping containers. $3500each. Both are insulted with spray foam. Both have studs. Both have windows. One has walls. These were new when I purchased. See photos.

Are shipping container pools a thing? According to this fine seller they are! Honestly, feels a little tetanusy to me. Also worth noting— it says that they both have windows (cool feature for a swimming pool, I suppose), but the pictures don’t show them so I’m dubious. The seller also boasts that one has walls. I mean… isn’t a shipping container just like, a floor, walls, and a roof? What am I missing? 

Like new and sounds like a home stereo. Mostly used in the RV and camping. Comes with new D batterys and power cord. $100. 

So now you’ve got your old frayed flag, your stolen park grill, some cheap organ meat, and a shipping container pool. You’re getting close! You need some tunes, though. Enter the ONE HUNDRED DOLLAR cd player listed above. That’s right, for the low, low price of ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS, you could be listening to all of your favorite cds, tapes, am stations, and mp3s in no time. For only ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS. What a steal! 

Fire Extinguishers. Various sizes. All fully charged and operational. 5# $15 Each. 10# $25 Each

$10 off 6-n extinguisher purchased. Most with current tags. These came from entire buildings after new location opened Call or Email. No texts. Cash Transaction. No trades or financing. No delivery.

Story time! Decades ago, a friend of the family used to deliver big fireworks for local businesses that would do displays on the holidays. One 4th of July, he pilfered several pieces from a Worlds of Fun shipment he was transporting. Cut to Independence Day and a small backyard with— as I mentioned previously— too many people. There was drizzle that evening, and a handful of drunk uncles who had no business detonating fireworks of that magnitude. 

Not too long after things began, one ill-aimed pyrotechnic struck an overhead limb and exploded, raining sparks and cinders down upon us terrified onlookers. My grandpa, adorned in a plastic rain slicker, caught fire. Someone hollered “PUT DONNIE OUT!” and the person next to him knocked him to the grass and began rolling him in a forced “stop, drop, and roll” exercise. In the end, he was fine, though several of us children were emotionally scarred after watching our grandpa nearly get roasted alive. 

The point is, it’s probably not a bad idea to have some fire extinguishers on hand. 

Life size female adult doll. Used for staging Boudoir photos and onlyfans. It’s a full functioning doll and with 3 openings and so much more. Comes with a blonde wig. The doll can stand and weights about 100lbs. Her arms, head, legs, and feet can be adjusted. Had the doll custom made, cost $1500 brand new asking $800. Was only used for photo shoots and onlyfans content. 

I’m selling my exotic love doll. She’s about 5’4” 110lbs lifelike down to her painted toe nails and finger nails black. She comes with panties some dirty and clean, a nighty, comb, douche, stockings, her manual, a heating rod for desired pleasure, a bullet for vibrating pleasure. She has 3 deep holes, a removable forc easy cleaning sleeve for her cat. Ribbed a-hole, deep throat with a tounge, chest size D, soft skin, multiple positions, can stand up, perfect peach shaped bottom. I have xxx photo of her. I can ship in the usa, but shipping will cost additional, asking $800. she was custom made every detail and was $1500 new. The doll is about 6 months old. She’s a total knock out. I have photos, Venmo for payment method. The doll has never been ”used” but has been properly washed and disinfected.

Okay, I originally had this whole thing where I was gonna find a used wig, and I had some funny things to say about it, but when I searched Craigslist for “wig,” this came up. I just want to point out three things. 1) some of the panties it comes with are clean and some are dirty… 2) it has a “ribbed a-hole,” and 3) “easy cleaning sleeve for her cat.” 

That’s enough Internet for the day, I think. Happy Memorial Day!