Guess who’s coming to dinner, for the first time in two years?
You got it…moi!
I’ll be driving my tricked-out 2020 Honda Civic Si there in a couple days. So save a little snow and ice for me, will ya?
As I plot my return – and contemplate partying with Ivan Foley of the Platte County Landmark – I’ve decided to take a more formal approach to my pretend vacation. As in, what folks are supposed to do in order to have an excellent time in the Cowtown.
Besides the perfunctory barbecue visits, hanging with twin daughters Liza and Savannah Christopher, and seeing what’s left of losers like Larry Sells of the Uptown and Angry Westport wild man Bill Nigro, what’s left?
Well, I won’t be able to check in with Mike Fannin and few others that still matter remain at the KC Star. Plus, I’m half afraid to look in on my buddy, Pitch Editor Brock Wilbur…but I’ll try.
However, being a student-of-life, I found Getaway’s Top Things to Do In Kansas City.
Check it out…
Numero Uno: Swope Park
Yeah, like that’s going to happen. No way I’m going there in search of a good time.
No. 2: Power & Light District
This halfway makes sense, so maybe I’ll do drinks after work, but a tourism destination…really?
No.3 The River Market
Excuse me while I fight off a yawn, but is the Steamboat Arabia still there? It is, but don’t expect to see me down there.
No. 4 American Royal Livestock & Horse Show
I outgrew this event longer ago than I care to remember. Last time I actually went was to interview Queer Eye’s Carson Kressley and later, Ike Turner with Tina’s replacement. Neither entailed horses or livestock.
No. 5 Kansas Speedway
Is it just me, or are you guys starting to wonder what Kansas City actually has worth checking out…on a vacation? Cuz right now, I’m batting .000
No. 6 Barbecue
Finally, something halfway real. I’m no food tourist, but at least this doesn’t totally suck.
No. 7 Breweries & Beer Bars
Of course, hip beer bars beat small town mainstays like Applebees, but I’m coming to KC for what again?
No. 8 Toys & Nostalgic Treasures
I’m not a collector, but at least this sounds kinda interesting. Kansas City’s National Museum of Toys and Miniatures is reportedly huge, so if I stumble onto it, I may look in.
No. 9 Liberty Memorial & World War I Museum
Finally, something I’ve been wanting to do forever. Count me in.
No. 10 Kansas City Jazz
Talk about no brainers… I wonder who is running Jardine’s these days. Or better yet, The Phoenix, the downtown jazz club with a super small stage musicians hate.
OK, enough…
Look, I’m not going to cancel my trip, but after these lame suggestions, I probably should.
But as Joe Biden likes to say, here’s the deal…
Remember that line about Kansas City being a great place to live, but not to visit?
Why then am I vacationing there and what to do aside from sorting out personal affairs?
Thought you’d never ask…
*** For one, I’ll be visiting the original Peanut at 49th and Main for a Triple BLT. So yes, I’ll be choking down the World’s Best BLT at least once.
*** I’ll also stop by Gates for a short end and prolly kidnap my daughters to Garozzo’s for Spedini. I’m curious about the former Savoy Grill downtown to see if any of its signature dishes and sides remain, but…
Uh oh…
Scratch that, not even its signature Main Lobster ison the menu. Plus, I know I won’t bumping into Lamar Hunt there, after a big Chiefs game.
There is a Chiefs game, but I’m bracing for the worst via Patrick Mahomes ankle.
There are a few places and people in Lawrence I’ll be checking out, but nothing particularly vacation-worthy. I’ll try and find the new Kansas City Star headquarters just to see if it actually exists, and peer briefly into its wildly uncertain future.
I may try and track down the alcoholic moving van dude who ripped off my wife Janet and I by disappearing with a truck’s worth of our antiques, furniture and other collectibles. Our lawyer friend was unable to locate and serve him, so we’ll see.
I also plan to float around like Casper the Friendly Ghost, soaking up flashbacks of the good, bad and ugly years I spent combing through people and things that seemed so oddly interesting…not that long ago.
I wanna see if Ollie Gates is still alive and well; doubt I’ll run into Clay Chastain and there’ll be no Kate Spade or Art Brisbane moments. Truth be known, a lot of the crowd that used to pass for bad guys or town heroes are son far out to pasture they don’t matter much.
I am dying to drive around Dear Old Brookside and see if the Black Lives Matter signs and those other goofy “We Believe” yard signs are still in place.. Who knows? Maybe the upscale neighborhood has maybe come to its post COVID senses.
Know what?
I will find some stories and chances are you’ll be seeing them righ here, so stay tuned…
Things to do in KC.
1. Drop by Glazer’s grave site in Raytown, veerrrry close to GEHA.
2. Drop by Fannin’s watering hole(prob more than one) and tie his shoelaces together while his head is on the bar.
3. Screw it, go out a legend and TP Fannin’s. house. Be damned the consequences.
Finally, a tricked out 2020 Si? Do tell.
Well, for starters it’s thievery last of the previous generation – which is far sexier than the 2022 and 2023 models.
Next, I order custom blacked out bedding except for the red “Si” badges
At which point I blacked out the chromes trim up top, quality, deep tinted the windows, put on one inch lowering springs, a killer AWE exhaust system, a slick shift know, K&Nfilters all around and Infinity speakers and sound insulation.
Very nice mods, especially the exhaust and sound insulation. I sold my 17 Si last August, 4 years of great driving. I was on a budget so never replaced the stock all seasons, which were just o.k.
It was a nice ride but yeah, needed sound insulation, better speakers/subwoofer, and desperately a mini-amp for the weak head unit. Sold that baby to an old gambler in Lake Las Vegas and hightailed it out of the U.S.
Now riding a Honda ADV 160, ton’s of fun in the sun.
Thanks for the weigh in, F Man…
Know what? Had a 2016 GTI 6-speed and was also tricked out (but quieter) that I really enjoyed, but when this Si fell into my lap at the complete last minute, I mindlessly snapped it up.
The only true advantage the GTI had was that massive hatch area.
All of that said, my custom AWE triple rear exit exhaust IS a bit louder than I expected. So when I get back next week, I’m planning on putting a ton of sound insulation in the trunk and I may need to add something underneath the car.
Other than that, it’s such a reliable and fun car to drive and I got high 30 MPG on the highway driving out here.
You sold it to an “old gambler,” eh?
Then “hightailed” it out of the US…funny.
Good luck on your current Honda
You’re right about it being reliable. I drove my Si from Florida to Vegas..and then a year later from Vegas to Houston and back during Covid. No problems at all. Going to Houston I got over 40mpg because I didn’t dare drive over 70, + the wind was at my back..3 days later going back I didn’t fare so well, ended up sleeping in the car for a few hours at a truck stop at Grand Canyon exit. It was May but freezing at 3am.
Those GTI’s are nice, I hear they’re a little muted nowadays but I’ve never owned one. Never know I might come back to the U.S. someday, I only drive a stick so a GTI might jump in my lap..to be totally honest I’m having a blast riding this ADV 160, no strict rules over here in Asia and light on the wallet.
Later CH, hope you get a chance to go to the Super Bowl since it’s right down the road!
You’re right about it being reliable. I drove my Si from Florida to Vegas..and then a year later from Vegas to Houston and back during Covid. No problems at all. Going to Houston I got over 40mpg because I didn’t dare drive over 70, + the wind was at my back..3 days later going back I didn’t fare so well, ended up sleeping in the car for a few hours at a truck stop at Grand Canyon exit. It was May but freezing at 3am.
Those GTI’s are nice, I hear they’re a little muted nowadays but I’ve never owned one. Never know I might come back to the U.S. someday, I only drive a stick so a GTI might jump in my lap..to be totally honest I’m having a blast riding this ADV 160, no strict rules over here in Asia and light on the wallet.
Later CH, hope you get a chance to go to the Super Bowl since it’s right down the road from ya!
Jardine’s is closed, Come on Hearne keep up with things.
Now Super, you didn’t notice I was funning ya?
Of course it’s closed but the space still exists and frankly IO have no idea what may or now be in that space.
Great size for a tiny jazz club though
I remember your visit to Jardine’s to see Julia Othmer. Lots of folks there including Tony Botello. You had a few before your drive home to PV!!
And a fond memory that is
I’m at my beach house till the 3rd. But since I didn’t make the agenda cut, anyway….
YES…HE’S BACK…HARLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
See pauly is still breathing…do us a favor…stay at the pomme de terre “house” as long as possible. Nobodys missing you! How old are you now…90?
Hearne…stay in arizona…I’m at the game and we had to take a break from partying or we’d wouldn’t make the game sunday. We will be at the concert downtown tonight so come on down….if you can walk that far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How many of your readers are still alive. I’m sure the ditch digger is still filling holes on wornall…southy is still figuring out how to cut his family out of the will…and you look as bad as a dried up yucca plant in the desert!
Hell its been so long since I was on here that I forgot you still are living in the last century…waiting for disco to return.
Well hope everyone is well….kc has done well since you left for good with all the new happenings. So hearne…stay away. You’ll jinx the entire town. Nobody missed ya…nobody cared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ll stick with my mercedes while you old guys drive school buses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahhahahaha! go chiefs…chiefs 31 sparrows 10
Flatterer…
Well, of course you – Harley – are the most important human being still alive and kicking and – again, of course – everybody else is yesterday’s news and of little matter.
I do believe it’s actually you – certainly not Craig or any other loser I can think of.
thanks good to know I am still adored/worshipped/ and loved in kc.
Well i was right….obama…(then the thief/liar/scumbag trump for 4 years)…then
back to my man biden!!!!!! Record employment…the economy booming…manufacturing moving back to america (I-phones/chips/battery plants all over including DeSoto)..no recession like southy and ditch digger predicted….AMERICA IS BACK AND GROWING….TOO BAD YOU OLD BOYS WON’T GET TO BE AROUND WHEN WE REACH THE GOLDEN CITY ON THE HILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hope everyone is feeling good…but take your vaccines because if not you are in trouble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
come see me ….my backyard in az is camelback and I handle the real estate downtown so if in phoenix look e up.
good to see box man is still breathing….figured of all your crew he’d be with the glazes. Speaking of the glazes…they are missed….ran into Nikki Glasser in vegas and we talked about craig and how she hit the big time! Happy St. Pats to everyone…and southy don’t worry…the repubs are on the way out just like I predicted. Too many black/hispanic/asian/moslem/ new voters in key battleground states voting for dems. So you old dudes fade away just as I said…Harley…STILL THE ONE…STILL HAVING FUN…AND I’M STILL #1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Modesty will get you, where exactly?
Talked to Dwight, H Man and I gotta tell you, I don’t think he’s totally over you…but hey, I could be wrong!