Hearne: KU Cure for Valentine’s Day Blues

I’m old enough to remember when not having a date on Valentine’s Day was…

You know, akin to going to bed at 10 pm on New Year’s Eve.

In other words, unthinkable.

I’m also old enough to recite that shopworn line homebodies like to utter about New Year’s Eve being for amateurs.

C’mon, like they expect us to believe were it not for all the DXUI patrols, they’d be out closing down bars and cavorting at parties ’till the break of dawn.

But speaking of me being old enough, I’m also old enough to wonder a bit how college kids handle mundane thing like not having a “date” on Valentine’s Day.

Enter the University Daily Kansan student newspaper of the University of Kansas.

And lo-and-behold, the UDK has served up just what I was looking for.

“Valentine’s Day: It’s either your most romantic night of the year or your worst nightmare. With all the cynicism surrounding V-day, it’s easy to forget this Friday is simply a day devoted to the oldest human feeling: love. Even if you’re single, you can still enjoy your day by doing it your way because there are plenty of ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day.”

Hmmm, some things never change.

If you’re home alone on the Day of Love, you’re up  Shit Creek, and in sore need of advice.

“If you are bored and don’t want to go out, consider taking your other single friend on a Target run. Buy out all of the half-priced confections and test out your bad pickup lines on the cute cashier because, hey, it’s Target.”

Perfect!

Sarah Grindstaff, UDK opinion editor

Find a fellow loser and go dumpster diving at Target.

“You don’t even want to leave the house? Well, you can still enjoy your evening. Put on the Notebook –(now available on Netflix – call up one of your friends and let her vent about that excuse-for-a-man Chad who didn’t take her out. Letting your friends vent out about their bad relationships will help them out on this day, as well as help you remember why you’re lucky to be at home right now.”

Sounds like the old “misery loves company” solution. 

“:Single and want to leave the house, but don’t want to spend any money? Dress up in your cutest dress, pack up a white tablecloth and your finest cutlery, then head on over to the Studio on Daisy Hill. For the small price of whatever dining plan your parents bought you, you can pretend that the barely-a-meal Chicken Cheddar Wrap resting on your from-home plate is fine dining. All it takes is a little creativity and imagination.”?

Now at this point, I have to say, if your online handle happ[ends to be Chuck, Bob Z, Paul Wilson Bill Nigro or the Guy Who Says What Others Think take this dining out option with a huge grain of salt.

Just go the you-know-what to bed and don’t give it a second thought.

Oh yeah, one last option – but again – best leave this to one of your kids:

“If all else fails, there’s always the Hawk. Have a great Valentine’s Day, everyone.”

Hat’s off to UDK columnist Sarah Grindstaff – a sophomore from St. Louis studying political science for this riveting bit of advice.