49ers QB on 2018 date with porn star Kiara Mia
Amazing what a newspaper can do with a penchant for creativity and decent size staff…
Take the newspaper-of-record for the San Francisco 49ers, the Chiefs Super Bowl opponent Sunday and its “Hater’s guide to loving the 49ers.”
“You probably hate football,” it begins. “We get it. Brain injuries and machismo and fans who act like their lives depend on the number of touchdowns their teams score. Yeah, it’s the downfall of western civilization and all that. But you probably also love parties. And there are going to be scores of them Sunday, Feb. 2, when the San Francisco 49ers battle the Kansas City Chiefs in the Super Bowl — so you can’t just show up at a Super Bowl party and pour haterade on the mood.”
Fair enough…
My personal fave: “The new Superstars”
“The 49ers have a history of unique personalities on the roster. Dwight Clark’s fashion sense. Steve Young’s hyper-intellectual ramblings. Deion Sanders’ unrivaled ego. Charles Haley’s, uh, bizarre proclivities.
“But this team, the one playing in Super Bowl LIV, the one that wasn’t supposed to be this good, this soon, has a fascinating bunch of players. Superstar tight end George Kittle got a tattoo of the Joker, the day before his wedding. GQ quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo was spotted on a date with a porn star, holding her hand like a gentleman. Nobody wanted Raheem Mostert before he became our star running back. Cornerback Richard Sherman talks like he’s three steps ahead of everyone, during every conversation. Pass rusher Nick Bosa might be a Trumper. And receiver Marquise Goodwin is an actual Olympian.”
The battle for the asterisk, this year’s Superbowl – officially known LIV 54* – should be a close game, but, as the old truism ‘on any given Sunday’, we shall see… que sera sera.
49ers have the best TE in the NFL in Kittle, likely the best DE too in rookie Bosa… as always, potential nerves ‘big stage’ fright as existing/in-game injuries may have a say.
Experience/lack thereof nigh on a wash: SF’s CB Sherman/KC’s DE Suggs among the few/the proud with any Superbowl experience.
Kerouac will go a final SF 34 KC 27 (tempted say 41-17 49ers, but nod a rule-addled / easy stat/offense enabled NFL scoring world 2020, it might well be 100-99, whoever last has ball wins. Defense? Don’t need no stinking defense… no $ to be made there.
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