Hearne: Star Offers to Rehire Me

No need to rub your eyes, it’s true…

Ten years after I fumbled a layoffs deal that would have continued my column in the FYI section of the Kansas City Star – and after dozens of online columns questioning and/or criticizing different individuals and aspects of our local newspaper of record, the waters have parted and they’ve offered to rehire me.

That’s right, what’s left of the newspaper wants me back.

Not a big surprise, considering that for the better part of 16 years I had the highest read column there. On top of which, for some strange reason they don’t have anybody writing a column, column anymore – nobody.

Outside of a new collection of editorial opinion writers whose job it is to tell folks how to differentiate right from wrong.

And hey, what grown adult doesn’t want or need a daily dose of micromanaging?

Anyway, here’s the actual deal…

“We need you,” reads the subject line on the email I received earlier today. “Want to earn some extra cash?”

Say no more – I’m in – .just not in the sports or editorial sections.

But wait…

They want me to do what? Deliver newspapers to people’s driveways?

Yep, it’s come to that.

But tell me more.

As I recall having a Star delivery route used to be quite lucrative. Kinda like having a New York City taxi medallion. But didn’t they screw all those folks over early on in all this layoff and cutback mess?

Now days delivering the newspaper is right up there with polishing people’s car windshields at traffic stops and panhandling outside Barnes & Nobel on the Plaza.

Anyway, what’s it entail?

“As a newspaper carrier, you will work early morning hours, seven days a week, and can earn up to $1000 monthly (depending on route and area),” the email explains.

How that stacks up in the grand scheme of things?

“Nationwide, the annual salary for a garbage truck driver is $40,000, according to the Labor Department. Across all professions, high school dropouts earn about $24,000, while high school graduates make $30,000 annually, according to the U.S. Education Department.”

So seven days a week, crack of dawn hours, supply my own car and gas and I’ll be taking down less than half what high school dropouts make?

Not that that’s not tempting, mind you.

But I was in six figure land with a month’s paid vacation and a weekly expense account when I worked there before. My math may be a little fuzzy, but I think I can do better staying home blogging and cashing my Star pension checks.

Which is kinda scary and why for the first time ever I’m going to give my Star delivery carrier a little  Christmas cash in response to his kind card.

All of that said, it’s nice to feel wanted again!