Think tale of two cities…
Here in the Cowtown, Chiefs fans are besides themselves (and the ghost of Craig Glazer is sure to make a return appearance this Halloween). Local football freaks are running around like somebody at Arrowhead went back in a time and brought back Joe Montana.
Meanwhile back in the little cowtown to the west, KU football’s twin wins (albeit against nobodies) has beleaguered Jayhawk pigskin paramours cautiously besides themselves.
Enter goofy Lawrence Journal World editor Chad Lawhorn:
“A two-game winning streak by the KU football team is producing a variety of reactions,” Lawhorn writes. “Meteorologists are checking for a cooling front in Hades, K-State boosters are ensuring their pigs still don’t fly, and Jayhawk fans are growing their empty aluminum can collections, if you know what I mean.”
Actually, I don’t.
But as obscure as that passage may be, there actually is a method to Lawhorn’s gladness.
“Plenty of businesses know exactly what I mean. Liquor is big business in Lawrence, and it becomes bigger if KU football is successful,” he continues. “That is why bar and restaurant owners probably cheer harder than most for KU football victories. The latest numbers from the state show that Lawrence liquor sales were a bit sluggish during the last fiscal year.”
Maybe it’s a stretch, but Lawhorn would have us believe more people in Douglas County will get hammered if KU football continues its winning ways.
And that’s a good thing because…why exactly?
Never mind.
As for the Chiefs…eh…Chiefs fans don’t need excuses to get you-know-what faced.
Kansas Jayhawks and New Mexico Lobos, ad nauseam, ad infinitum – the sorriest two teams you ever done did see (unless you’ve watched the local Clark’s… we’ll get to that shortly; no pun intended, Clark.)
KU wins 3 games in three years? NM matches. Jayhawks wins 6 in 4? Ditto Lobos. If they played each other 10 times, both were in their ‘prime’ as ’twere, pi π would have an new constant challenger, and tie a new definition.
Just how low can you go ‘Hawks and ‘Bo’s? E-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y LIMBO!
Nod ‘I got it, you take it!’ (i.e., can you top this): just this decade New Mexico lost 72-0 to Oregon – but Kansas went down in their 1942 season opener 61-0… that it was vs an school called Iowa Pre-Flight makes it more ‘special’. Still, not to be underdone, Lobos proved were ‘down’ to the task humiliation same, losing to Fresno State by 77 points in 1991, the final 94-17. 2018? Kansas and New Mexico has each won two games already, proving if ever there was an incestuous football relationship, be the children of futility Jayhawks and Lobos.
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swiss chiefs? 2-0 on their way the promised if ne’er realized land, can the Lombardi Trophy be far behind?
Last seen these parts in 1970. Cue Helen Forrest ‘it seems to me I’ve heard this song before, it’s from an old familiar score’: verse 49 part 2018 ‘this is our year!’… and we are SUPERBOWL BOUND (best Holthus drawl) BAY-BEE!
Stock up on the Alka-Seltzer Mitch, et al. Welcome to the longest running-Sunday and sometimes Thursday, Monday and even Saturday soap opera in Kansas City history, as once again we harken (hearken, if prefer) back those thrilling days of… take your pick.
2013 saw an 9-0 start. So did 2003. If you are partial golden oldies, Chiefs ‘best team ever’ in 1971: playing at home, post season, everything in their favor.
* poof *
Now 2018, the latest smoke & mirrors rendition theirs 2-0 this modern day watered-down age football too many teams, too little talent fill 32 them anything more ‘filler’. No depth – hell, no legit talent PERIOD. In a world routine change the rules, players, calendar, swiss chiefs never do… are the one constant can depend on, come up short again… and again… and again, and…
So get excited KC: aft having played two-injury riddled opponents Chargers (missing 4 starters) and Steelers (missing 4), the defenseless swiss (giving up 33 points per game, and 508 yards per, same), we got this! Never mind any of that stat junk, to include our ‘greatest QB ever’ overhype Mahomes who ranks 10th among NFL passers, or that ‘all world’ RB K Hunt ( ‘Silent H’, the H is silent) who comes in at 11.)
Good fortune, be it opponents who come in a game injured, lucky bounces the ball and special teams theirs that to date have provided the swiss slim margin of victory in each of the first two games )PITT unforced errors left 4 points a missed FG and extra point) on the field, will not sustain… they ever do.
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Pro football 2018? SF’s Matt Breida (who?) leads the league in rushing, far ahead KC’s K Hunt, in a dozen fewer rushes. A more familiar old (age 35) name, Ryan Fitzpatrick of (this year) TB (he puts the ‘journey’ in the word journeyman) is the #1 QB the game.
That he was found wanting by the NYJ, BUF, HOU, TEN, CIN and STL, eh, so what… he’s a superstar, obviously… must be, he’s playing better than everyone else to include Mahomes, the one that locals have already crowned ‘greatest ever’. Upshot: too much red kool-aid and bbq leads to early onset NPD, closely associated delusions of football grandeur according DSM.
No matter – plenty of seats left on the swiss and now KU bandwagons… ‘this is their year’! Thus follows, can a college football Championship Kansas vs New Mexico and Superbowl Kansas City vs (anyone, any team at all/doesn’t matter who) be far away?
Can, which is to say ‘has Mueller found any Trump/Russia collusion?’ Am certain he will, for two years he as two games swiss, we know what we know here Kansas City as Lawrence… our long local nightmares are over.
Sure.
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Your apparent hate for all things inebriation are not only tiring, but played out. If you don’t like booze, don’t drink it. Stop trying to turn everyone else into a Teetotaler. I’ve come back to this site in an attempt to find interesting thoughts now that Glazer is no more, but to no avail yet. Go back to local info and news. Leave the sermons to someone more equipped for stone throwing. Your glass house is showing.
Sorry Mon. Cranium:
I’m no tea totaler, just observing an unusual approach to rejoicing over KU football finally winning some games.
Oops, forgot to address the DUI question (as well driving while intoxicated DWI, open container law OCL, TGIF (thank goodness it’s Friday, football and fartin season again) and a local ordinance long-standing DCF (delusional chiefs fan syndrome, augmented today’s DJF (jayhawk fan), double jeopardy… an disaster waiting happen. As Kerouac does not imbibe the spirits (nor eat bbq, hunt, fish, camp, own a truck, gun, crossbow, smart phone nor inclination pass gas aka vote Dem/Lib same), can only offer this…’be safe out there people, will ya?’
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CAPTION THAT PIC #1
KU basketball fans get lost on the way to Allen Fieldhouse and end up in David Booth Memorial Stadium (practicing their standard ‘I only had one drink, Officer’ artifice)
CAPTION THAT PIC #2
A typical swiss chiefs fan in post season repose: 2017… 2016… 2015… 2013… 2010… 2006… 2003… 1997… 1995… 1994… 1993… 1992… 1991… 1990… 1986… 1971… [ TO SUFFER MORE YOU MUST BE A SUBSCRIBER. PLEASE SIGN IN OR REGISTER ]
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