Hearne: Trapped in a Time Warp (Almost)

newspaper--621x414I spend almost more time online than I do sleeping…

Maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but you get the idea. I drive a 2016 Volkswagen GTI, listen to mostly alternative rock and engage in the ridiculous pastime of online dating.

In other words, I’m not exactly trapped in the past.

Then again, when I take my Airedale pup Charlie out every morning I travel back in time to an altogether different era when I pick up something called a “newspaper” in my driveway.

That makes me an anachronism.

There are any number of reasons for me not to engage in this outdated activity. For starters, I don’t need to and it’s bad for the earth.

I’m online all day anyway, so why deforest all those majestic mountains and waste all that energy delivering dated information to me when there’s no need to?

Ah, old habits can die hard.

3139c43And it is somewhat easier to boil everything down to its essence in a single rag – you know, local news wise – especially in a town the size of Lawrence with as little of  much major consequence going down. It’s an easy out.

For example today I “learned” that a local commercial photographer is employing a Civil War era camera and technique to make portraits of locals. Quaint, right? And that a local couple’s request to be married on Halloween night in a city cemetery has been denied.

Only in Lawrence.

I mean, I guess that’s news, isn’t it?

IMG_5507I also “learned” that I can buy five six packs of Pepsi for 10 bucks at HyVee. Where am I supposed to find out about those kinda deals online?

All of that said, do I feel guilty and out of it, engaging in the dated practice of subscribing to a newspaper?

Yeah, kinda.

But for now I’ll just shake my head and continue on. After all, it’s no worse than listening to lame deejays like – what’s that dude on The BuzzLazlo? – to get my alternative music fix. Or watching news lightweights on local television or listening to smarmy morning radio “news” on KMBZ AM or FM .

And you know, dodging two out of three bullets ain’t so bad.

http://www.mb-kc.com/
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11 Responses to Hearne: Trapped in a Time Warp (Almost)

  1. elf says:

    Life as seen through the eyes of a Topeka car salesman.

    • the dude says:

      Cars for sale,
      Appetising young cars for sale.
      Cars that’s fresh and mostly unspoiled,
      Cars that’s only slightly soiled,
      Cars for sale.

  2. Glasshouse says:

    Tossing around some labels like “lame” in reference to DJ’s and radio shows. From the website that has features Glazer. A guy that can’t even get past the station lobby these days.

  3. Voice of Reason says:

    And the great voices like Southerland, Wilson, Whinery are gone.
    Please come back.

  4. EJ and Ellen says:

    Beats reading a smarmy dick with nothing to say on a topic no one cares about.

  5. Kerouac says:

    “I’m not exactly trapped in the past.”

    – true; otherwise this
    http://www.2040-cars.com/_content/cars/images/65/500365/002.jpg

    would never have given way this http://cnet2.cbsistatic.com/hub/i/r/2015/09/09/03355bad-3745-43af-a07e-299874986f16/thumbnail/770×433/a9590ae797402a130f6a8c2ef959f7e4/db2015au01307.jpg

    I am on the other, ‘trapped’, and to borrow Curtis-Mathes 1960’s tv set advertising, find it to be “darn well worth it.” It’s always 1969 at Kerouac’s house: fade to yellow, the color of memories Chiefs glory KC Star/Times clippings (names such as the late greats McGuff, Mackey and an still kickin’ Richardson), mags (periodicals) & moving pictures (that’s video, whippersnappers), a Royal typewriter (with real ribbon if not bells and whistles), a rotary telephone (party-line included) & a late to the show but soon over-taker all challengers, unleashed September 1969, America’s ‘only’ all-new car for 1970: Dodge Challenger https://c1.staticflickr.com/7/6165/6260623340_df594f54de_b.jpg

    A car so iconic, one that came in so many different colors & power options, were forced to stop production aft but 5 years, only to start up again 33 years later, and, according some, once again dominates the highway and crevices the mind) http://www.seancars.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/2016-Dodge-Challenger-Hellcat.jpg

    Alas, they even found a way destroy that original masterpiece: the ‘modern’ Challenger current incarnation no longer holds up in styling compared its forefather… to drive one (even the 700+ HP Hellcat) also does not make my heart go pitter-patter, as did 1970.

    Hold on your devotion(s) Hearne; they call it ‘progress’, but is in fact so little keepsake being born today’s morass, no future mementos will be a now throwaway society…

    ______

    (PS) Here’s a guy you may have worked with at the Star once upon a time, a blog his 2013 re: the sports department there in the dusty region the past

    http://jimmycsays.com/2013/02/14/the-kansas-city-star-sports-section-a-proud-tradition-a-commitment-to-excellence/

  6. Mysterious J says:

    Hearne, you got your drunk driving mug shot on your dating profile? That pic is a classic!

    http://www.pitch.com/FastPitch/archives/2009/11/24/hearne-christopher-jr-charged-with-dui

    Still can’t get over the fact that the Pitch write up totally ignores your glorious history with that publication!

    • chuck says:

      Sounds like you have that entire page, framed, covered in glass and posted on your wall. Callouses, no doubt, from flogging your Dolphin to it, mislead those many friends you have, into believing you’re a brick layer.

      You wear your sanctimony like you wear your cheap suits.

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