Look, I don’t know if the Chiefs are going to beat the Patriots in New England on Saturday afternoon. If I knew, I guess I’d be psychic, and if I were psychic, I would have won the Powerball, and if that would have happened, I wouldn’t be here writing this while I was supposed to be rotating this lady’s tires. I would probably go out to breakfast, maybe someplace nice like Denny’s or Perkins, and when the server asked me if I wanted the bacon or the sausage, I’d say “how about you give me BOTH, babe” as I tipped her a wealthy-guy wink.
But I didn’t win the Powerball and I’m not psychic and I don’t know what will happen in the game. But I can make some guesses.
Jeremy Maclin won’t play.
A high-ankle sprain isn’t a torn ACL, but it’s also not a scraped knee. It’s pretty bad. And even though this one hasn’t been called “severe,” I’m willing to bet that it’s enough to keep him off the field. (And if it doesn’t, no way he’s any kind of actual factor. A decoy, maybe, but not a legitimate threat to do something good and footballish in nature.)
Alex Smith’s legs will probably be a factor.
Meaning, like, he’s going to use them. To scramble away from the Patriots. Several times, probably. It will probably help because, as the quarterback, the defense has to be open to the possibility that the quarterback might also throw the ball. It’s tricky, though, because Alex Smith could throw or run it—it’s anyone’s guess.
Chris Conley will not “step up” to make up for the loss of Maclin.
I hate this notion. Conley might be a pretty good receiver someday, and hey, he might even have a decent game on Saturday, but suggesting that he’ll “step up” imples that until now, he’s been kind of not trying his hardest, maybe. I understand how “number one” and “number two” receiver works, but if he wasn’t a number one before Maclin hurt his ankle, how will he magically become one now? Through MAGIC? Buddy, magic ain’t real.
NE’s dual tight end threat will give the Chiefs fits.
Rob “The Gronk” Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez are two of the best—if not THE best—tight ends in the league. Covering the pair will make life miserable for the vaunted Chiefs’ defense.
Damn, I hope Justin Houston’s knee isn’t still fucked up.
They said that he didn’t re-aggravate anything on Saturday against the Texans, but that he was having problems with the new knee brace instead. Man, I hope they’re right. Kansas City’s best chance at winning is sacking the hell out of ace QB Tom Brady, and their best chance of doing THAT is if Houston, Tamba Hali and Percy Snow are all healthy.
I’ll probably order some pizza during the game.
From where, I’m not sure. Marco’s isn’t bad for chain pizza, and it’s SO much cheaper than like, Minsky’s. Plus, the Minsky’s by me—the one on Tomahawk—really sucks. I’ve tried it on three different occasions (because Minsky’s is usually pretty great), and I’ve always been disappointed. I’ve had carryout take more than an hour twice, and I’ve always been disappointed in the pizza itself. It’s like they use 50% less toppings than other Minsky’s, and the ingredients don’t taste very fresh. Ugh.
I think the Chiefs will win.
I don’t know if I actually believe this or not. I don’t feel one way of the other, actually. So if that’s the case, I might as well just hope for the best.
Thanks for reading. Go Chiefs.
Can’t wait for all the comments telling you Hernandez is in jail and Snow no longer plays. Cue that in 3…2…
Well, as long as Harvey Williams doesn’t have any knee problems, I still think the Chiefs will be okay.
There are fewer factual mistakes in this article than the resident sports scribe makes in a single sentence.
Which begs the question…when is Carlos Carson going to become the impact player we need?
That’s the weirdest article I’ve ever read. So confused.
Agreed!
Hey! Lefty got the basic facts right:
There will be a game Saturday; the Chiefs and Patriots will play; no one has a clue as to the outcome; the Minsky’s pizza outlet near Lefty’s home sucks; the KC Star sucks; Tom Hardy will unexpectedly win an Oscar this year; the Queen mum will turn 90 in April then shortly afterward die in her sleep; the FBI will soon announce an investigation into both the Jackson County and Kansas City governing bodies.
What more do you want in such a brief article – guarantees?
This all checks out.
Sorry BL, not the best article ever.
No, not at all. And thank you.
Much better than the Greaser’s drivel.
I think glaze wrote this under lefty’s name.
No one could such a mess (except me) but hearne wouldn’t publish my inside story.
1. Don’t downplay conley….he broke records at the combine but had early
injuries. Writes his own movies…makes movies and videos….good family (according
to his agent) and he could get his chance this week. He will be a great receiver one day if he has a passer that can get the ball to him.
My heart is with the chiefs Saturday…….watch their actions before the game…
if they’re loose and confident…the could pull this off. Is there rain/snow in forecast?
Personally, I will never say the words Super Bowl and Chiefs in the same sentence until it happends. And I think no one over the age of 30 should either.
I’ve seen Lin Elliot miss three kicks and Steve Bono throw three interceptions against the Colts. I’ve seen Elvis Grbac not able to hear plays coming from his helmet speaker and running like a chicken with his head cut off. I’ve seen Manning and the Colts come to town and not punt once. I’ve seen Andrew Luck come from behind 10,000 points to win it at the end.
I hope they win. But until it happends, I’ll always take the other team in the playoffs.
But they beat the Texans, man.
So what? They beat a team with a QB who couldn’t start in the CFL. If you take the kickoff away KC scored six points at the half.
Yeah but Houston was hot and they’ve got an awesome J.J. Watt led defense. Yeah, that Houston QB was god awful but hey man, in the playoffs you better be ready or you’re going to get hammered. Coach O’Brien has to take most of the blame.
Are you fu*kin with us?
Percy Snow was drafted for the express reason of stopping Natrone Means about 1994. Jesus, Lefty you are smoking Sherm or something.
Damn, are you sure?
If I recall, he broke his ankle on a scooter and was never the same. He also, as you will, pulled a gun on some kids out in Lee’s Summit on a golf course.
That’s hilarious. I had no idea.
I think Percy ended up in Dusseldorf playing for the Rhein Fire. He lives now, only in our memories.
By the way, Aaron Hernandez is still making news, only with the “Bulls”. He got busted with a shank in his prison cell.
http://www.tmz.com/2015/12/04/aaron-hernandez-reportedly-had-shank-in-prison-cell/
(I hope everyone gets the “Bulls” reference.)
By the way, Drew Bledsoe is no longer the QB for the Patriots either.
:0
Here is Drew Bledsoe’s wife.
http://www.playerwives.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/drew-bledsoes-wife-maura-bledsoe-doubleback.jpg
She ain’t Gisele Bundchen, but who is?
This guy is no longer coaching the Royals.
http://topps.pixafy.netdna-cdn.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/2000x/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/ap/WhiteyHerzog_1978_TBB2_299_Black.jpg
I do, however, love a guy named “Whitey”.
🙂
Ok, I’m done.
🙂
Oh, darn!!
🙂
I am on IR, so you can count me out too.
This guy used to play for the Chiefs and has a neck just like mine.
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2794/4026849162_19eefaa0fc.jpg
I wasn’t aware this game was being played until I read about it here
I know, right?
With apologies to Isiah Robertson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WevB-vzM1rY
“Kerouac gots a feelin’, swiss ain’t goin’ to the Superbowl – it’s not the last time, the swiss ain’t never goin’ to the Superbowl”…
🙂