Leftridge: We Can Finally Close the Book on Bill Cosby

In a stunning astonishing mind-blowing hollow, irrelevant move, the MU Faculty Council recently agreed to rescind the honorary degree of former cultural icon Bill Cosby…

“Cos,” as he will never again be affectionately called, was best known for portraying Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable on the culturally omnipotent 1980’s television program The Cosby Show. But while he was busy breaking cultural and societal boundaries with his innovative look at a successful black family, he was also (allegedly) raping lots and lots of women.

LOTS of them.

And now Mizzou is giving it to him good.

While some might advocate, oh, say, cutting off his terrible old-man dick and forcing Cosby to choke to death on it, the esteemed Faculty Council saw fit to rescind the honorary degree they bestowed upon him before everyone knew he was a garbage piece of elephant shit.

That’ll teach him.

I can just see him now, sitting comfortably in his enormous mansion, cataracts fogging his Satan-eyes, when the phone rings.

“Honey,” his delusional, horrible and enabling wife says, “it’s the University of Missouri. They’re going to take away your degree. I’m so, so sorry. But you’re still the doctor of my heart, baby.”

And while Cosby wants nothing more than to sit there in his creepy bathrobe, fondly remembering the 3,000 women he (allegedly) drugged and raped, a solitary tear rolls down his cheek.

Now THAT’S what I call “justice: served.”

But the best part is, they’re not even the first to rescind one of his honorary degrees. Hundreds of universities, once bewitched by Cosby’s charms (or who had possibly been drugged by him), have done the same. Rescinding an honorary degree is a stern, no-nonsense way of saying, “Hey, fella—we don’t approve of the way you were always running around raping, and because of that, we’re going to cross your name out of the ‘honorary degree ledger’ or take your name off of our ‘Wall of Honorary Degrees’ or whatever stupid thing it is that we do. Rape is bad and you shouldn’t do it, Mr. Cosby.”

Because, in the end, maybe Cosby doesn’t feel bad about the countless women he (allegedly) took horrific advantage of; he has never admitted guilt or said “I’m sorry” or slit his throat in the bathtub like someone decent might. Instead, he has puttered around his mansion talking to walls, spilling soup down his chin like the invalid he has become.

But maybe this will do it. Maybe losing his honorary degrees will finally drive home the point that, man, I’m a terrible person and I should eat a bunch of pills and then put a plastic grocery sack over my head for good measure. Beboppa-skoodle-doo-bop!

So kudos, Mizzou, for having the balls to step up and say, “We do not support the way you rape.” (And I’d also like to note that it’s outstanding that they made their revocation public so that we all know it happened… I mean, otherwise, I might be still sitting here stewing about the fact that maybe they held him in high regard. Because unless they told me, how would I even know???!!)