Well, football season is well underway, and the Kansas City Chiefs are a firm 1-1…
They are, depending on which Craig Glazer article you read, either “… in the mix this season for the postseason” or they will “…lose to Green Bay and then chase our tail to be 8-8 or 9-7 season, in what will, as always, be a meaningless season. Haters.” (I added the haters for emphasis and stylistic purposes. Because it’s Glazer, you know?)
Regardless, we are civically obligated as a United Nation Under Price Chopper (is Chiefs-N-Chopper even still a thing?) to support the Chiefs in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. (Even if they now have a “national rep as jerkoffs in big games” to once again quote our good friend Glaze.) And what better way to show your support than with terrible, stained, shoddy merchandise and apparel from Craigslist.
Let’s see what we can find!
KANSAS CITY KC CHIEFS FOOTBALL DINO 85 PLUSH – $5 (Lee’s Summit, MO)
KC CHIEFS Dino 85 Plush. Comes from a collection, never played with. Comes from a smoke free and animal free home.
Starting off strong with something that combines two things that have no association to each other whatsoever. Flintstones? Check. Kansas City Chiefs? Check. OK, sure. Whatever.
Kansas City Chiefs Picture – $25 (overland park ks)
Very nice Kansas City Chiefs picture.
Uh, hell YES it is. You mean I only have to give you $25 for a child’s crude rendering of a Chiefs’ helmet on a burlap sack? SIGN ME UP, FRIEND.
Mens denim Chiefs Jacket / Large – $10 (Independence)
Moderatly worn Lee brand denim jacket. Embroidered Chiefs logo (Not a Patch).
Size large.
So much going on here.
“Sweet ‘moderatly’ worn Chiefs denim jacket, bro. Where did you get it? Paris? Armani Exchange?”
“Ha! I don’t have that kind of money, man. I got it at a dude’s house in Independence.”
“No shit?? And how much was that bad-boy, a cool $1,000?”
“Um, yeah—MINUS MOST OF THOSE ZEROES!”
(laughter, high fives, depression)
CHIEFS JACKET – $100 (GLADSTONE)
Leather & wool Chiefs jacket Size Large Like new If interested please call
Have you ever wanted to look like a dirt-bag step-uncle from 1991? Do you want to walk around smelling like Salem cigarettes with a sweet undercurrent of Gravity: for Men from Wal-Mart? This jacket, man… this is the fucking jacket then.
Signed Chiefs Football-Nick Lowery – $60
Nice KC Chiefs Football Signed by Nick Lowery. Chiefs player from 1980-1993 7 Time all pro, 3 time pro bowler (kicked game winner in all 3 games), Ranked 10th of all kickers in NFL for all time scoring leaders. Own a piece of Chiefs history. Comes with protective case Need money for a kid on the way. email preferred
Look, I almost don’t want to make fun of this because he’s selling it on account of having a kid on the way, and as the first time father of a semi-new child, holy shit, kids are ridiculously expensive, but come on… a Nick Lowery signed football? Nobody in the history of ever has wanted to buy a Nick Lowery signed football. Now, get it signed by the ball-boy who he slapped the shit out of as a member of the Jets too, and I might start thinking about it. (I still won’t. But that would be hilarious.)
KC CHIEFS denim vest – $25 (Blue Springs, MO)
100% cotton/denim, Ladies, Large, two pocket vest. Chiefs helmet etc., on left side front is embroidered. Other logos are hand stitched onto vest. Red, hand stitching around collar and down front sides reads; “GO CHIEFS WIN” length of vest on both sides of front. Worn one time. Great wearable for the CHIEFS fan. Get ready for another winning season! Feel free to text, e-mail or call with any questions. Thanks for looking!
This is a very cool gift to get that special someone in your life who is a 62-year-old, female elementary school teacher. She can wear it on Red Friday! at her place of work. Which is a grade school. Because that is who would wear this.
Chiefs used training camp cleats – $60 (harrisonville)
Size 15, nike tank tyler cleats from probly 5 or 6 yrs ago, $60
I clicked on this because they were player-worn cleats for $60, and I was like, “haha, whose used cleats are only $60? Tank Tyler’s?? Haha,” and they were Tank Tyler’s cleats. True story.
34 officially licensed NFL throw back Jerseys mint condition! – $3975 (2343 East 600 Road Edgerton KS 66021)
For sale is a 34 officially licensed NFL throw back jerseys of some of the greatest players to ever play the game see pictures. I am selling this for a friend who is an defensive great ex Chiefs player. The sizes range from 56 to 60 and all are in mint condition! Buyer must take entire lot and pay cash only no trades please. For more pictures or if you have any questions -Call or text anytime
Haha. This sounds shady as hell. 34 jerseys? Who needs 34 jerseys? And, the seller is selling them for “an defensive great ex Chiefs player,” whatever that horribly busted English means. Hmmm, OK. Whatever you say, liar.
KC Chiefs beautiful hand made thick and warm poncho – $575 (raytown mo)
$575.00
Very warm thick handmade unisex pancho fits all 🙂
“Fits all” and meant for none. Unwritten but understood: if you travel to Raytown and buy this $575 poncho, the seller will—by virtue of your purchase—instantaneously become the richest person in all of the city. This is a true, weird fact.
Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for now. I mean, I could seriously go on for days, but nobody has that kind of time. So for now, GO CHIEFS!
that poncho looks like something we’d use as a dog blankie. cooper would love it. but, i really think that price point is a typo, brandon. it should have read $5.75.
and that denim vest? my take is that it would be worn by a 62-year old obese aunt who lives in California (MO) and who is slightly out of touch with reality but thinks it would delight her 8-year old nephew because he mentioned watching the chiefs on tv once.
all in all, you have to feel a little bit for these folks who own these things and believe them to be real treasures.
Yeah, I usually feel for them if they have some sort of emotional plea in the ad: “Hate to sell this treasured family heirloom, but my kid needs a surgery so he can have a normal face.” Then I take solace in the fact that they’re probably just lying, anyway.
Dang, so many horrible choices to spend my money on.
Might I recommend ALL OF IT?
great funny article lefty….this is your forte….I laughed harder at your
story than the one wilsolong did about the p**** formation at ksu.
Aren’t you scared at a invitation to fist fight by just talking about the glazed one?
Absolutely. But it’s one of those risks we all must take at some point during the course of the day.
The DINO-saur wearing the (19)85 jersey is referencing fan favorite Dino Hackett, LB in the mid to late 1980s.
Interesting theory, but Hackett wasn’t drafted until ’86.
probably so they didnt have to pay him royalties.