The park is open and business is just fine…
But JUST fine isn’t good enough anymore for the nature/amusement park’s ownership group. They’re still only getting $7.00 a pop for soda at JURASSIC WORLD.
Time to boost attendance.
That task falls on the park’s operations manager, Bryce Dallas Howard who readily admits that the public has grown tired of the everyday variety of dinosaurs at Jurassic Park, and now wants even more bang for their buck.
To that end Ms. Howard’s team of scientists have created a genetically engineered T-Rex dwarfing anything the park has ever offered.
It’s bigger, badder, louder and guaranteed to sink even more teeth into ticket sales.
“Do you think it’ll scare the kids?….It’ll give the PARENTS nightmares.”
So what’s holding up the introduction of ‘Indomius Rex’?
The commercial branding, that’s what. They haven’t been able to secure a sponsor yet for this latest attraction.
VERIZON WIRELESS INDOMINUS REX, anyone?
Ok, let’s cut to the chase.
Things go wrong. REALLY WRONG. All hell breaks loose. But Indominus Rex eventually gets——-no, not inserting spoilers here.
Of course there’s much more to this summer’s perfect popcorn adventure. Matter of fact it comes with a couple of squirts of butter.
There’s also a nice family story here which acts as the glue holding the action together.
And researcher Chris Pratt, he’s the good guy throughout all these multi-faceted goings on.
As for the acting, hey, who cares if it borderline hokey at times?
Remember you’re one of the tourists at the Costa Rica based island that is home to JURASSIC WORLD.
And a tip of the hat to crass commercialism. Your nightmares from this movie may include Mercedes-Benz. Seems like their star logo and cars pop up at just about every turn in JW.
Gotta love the product placement.
At 124 minutes long visually stunning thrill ride.
Choose it in 2D, 3D or in IMAX 3D.
This beast is poised to rock the box office this weekend to the tune of $100 million-PLUS!
I’m scoring this blockbuster a critics-proof B.
(Reviewed at Cinemark, Merriam)
JACK GOES TO THE MOVIES Friday mornings at 6:40 a.m. and 8:40 a.m. on 98.1FM, KMBZ and
I Loves me some Jessica Chastain…
The Screenwriter for these movies is in no danger of acquiring a statue anytime soon, but, I love these movies.
🙂
They are all exactly the same. E.X.A.C.T.L.Y.
At some point, some guy, a mid level manager, or a Park General Manager picks up the phone, grimaces, screams out to those within hearing distance, “The FU*KING DINASAURS GOT OUT AGAIN!!!!!!”
The premise just kills me. Like, at some point, everyone is bored with seeing prehistoric lizard monsters from 70 million years ago, so, of course, we gotta build a bigger Dinosaur Trap. What a hoot. Who the fu*k was in on that meeting?
“Ya know, we should maximize this opportunity, before people just quit coming to see dinosaurs altogether. The bloom is off of the Triceratops.”
Cause, you know, people quit gong to zoos too. So why would anyone want to see a prehistoric lizard, 10 times as big as an African Elephant, chase down and eat a…, hell, I don’t know, an African Elephant?
After the carnage, who makes the call to Lloyds of London? I wanna hear that.
“Thanks for calling Lloyds of London, this is Duncan.”
“Yeah, Bob down in Jurassic Park.”
“Fu*k you dude, really, fu*k you, what do you want?”
“The dinosaurs got out.”
“Really? Seriously” Really? Who is this really?”
“It’s Bob, Duncan, you know me and you know my voice so put me through to Edward and lets get the paperwork on the road.”
“No, he just got over the check he wrote to CVS for that sh*t show in Baltimore. For fu*k’s sakes, you morons gotta do one thing and one thing only to make literally billions and billions of dollars and that is to NOT LET THE FU*KING DINOSAURS GET OUT!!!”
God, I would like to be a Mussaurus Patigonicus on his pocket when he got that call.
🙂
The flick sounds great!
Hearne, hire this guy!!! This is the most I’ve ever laughed reading this site. You are ON today, Chuck!!
You are too kind.
🙂
I’m serious! I just read it again and laughed even harder!!
Remember – by the 3rd Apollo moon landing attempt (Apollo 13), the public’s interest in landing on the moon was waning. That was not exaggeration in the film of the same name when they find out they will not get airtime on television while Powell and team are en route to a moon landing. So I thought that “public is bored with regular dinosaurs” line was both funny and realistic!
Ok.
🙂
By the way, movie of the year so far is Mad Max Fury Road in my opinion.
Killer flick.
I loved the way they didn’t take time to explain any details, chrome spray paint in your mouth, everyone’s blood works with everyone, cause, who cares when you are praying to the V8 GOD with 8 fingers. What a hoot!
My daughter and I had a rough time with that one, Chuck
Man hearne, you are such a racist.
Well, my daughter wouldn’t have liked it either. I took my son.
You can borrow him if you want, he is nothing like me, everyone loves him. Nicest kid in the world.
Go figure.
He did love the flick though. We laughed our azzes off.
I way, WAY underestimated the potential of this movie! Based on Thursday evening and yesterday’s ticket sales “JW” is stomping into record-breaking territory.
New prediction: $180 million-PLUS opening weekend. WOW!
I went on Fandango to get tickets yesterday, all sold out unless you want the front row.
I am gonna wait a couple of weeks.
Wow…
By the way, the Raptors are loose in the food court again.
Good review Jack, I like this movie to do well over 1 billion world wide, maybe a record. over 1.7 billion..likely…its for all audiences kinda.
A record maybe—UNTIL “STAR WARS” HITS FOR THE HOLIDAY…:)