Shooting Your Junk – The Unintended Consequences of Concealed Carry
Kansas gave final approval last week to a bill allowing residents to carry concealed firearms without a permit…
However, some lawmakers voiced concerns about inadequate training under the new law, and I have to agree. This week the Internet brought us the story of a security guard in Trinidad who accidentally shot his manhood with a .38 firearm. I”m going to give you men a moment. Now, put both hands back on the keyboard and continue reading.
If you’re keeping score, it’s not the first time this has happened. Three years ago Michael Smeriglio, 18, shot a bullet through his penis and left testicle while cleaning his pistol.
And in 2012,Tavares Colbert, 36, admitted to the cops that he’d had intentions of selling his gun to a man outside a 7-Eleven in Oklahoma. Unfortunately when he test fired the gun in his car, he sot himself in the nads.
In 2011 Joshua Seto, was walking into the store with his girlfriend when she asked, “Is that a pistol in your pants or are you just happy to see me?” The pistol went off causing a junkectomy. Adding insult to injury, it was a pink pistol.
An unidentified teenager, in Vallejo, California, was spotted holding his wounded crotch while walking into the emergency room. The kid wouldn’t admit what happened, but it was hard to hide the evidence.
Political Progress…
We learned this week from Hillary Clinton’s attorney that she wiped clean the private server that hosted her emails while serving as Secretary of State, permanently deleting all correspondence. This occurred, even though a subpoena was issued for all of Clinton’s emails to be turned over to a neutral third party relating to Libya and the attacks in Benghazi that killed four Americans. This means Clinton turned over 30,490 emails she thought were relevant and deleted 32,000 she felt were personal or nothing anyone else needed to see.
I’m proud of how far we’ve come. Remember when Arthur Andersen did the same thing in 2001 during a government investigation? An 80 year old firm was forced out of business and 80,000 people lost their jobs. Remember President Richard Nixon? He got in a little hot water over 18 ½ minutes of missing tape. This is progress, people. As it stands today, Hillary can delete 32,000 emails that aren’t any of our business, and she’s going to be our next President! We’ve come a long way, baby.
WTFlorida?
Your well-coiffed scribe scans the news, far and wide, each week to find stories that make you smile or scratch your head in disbelief.
What I’ve noticed is a great preponderance of news of the weak comes out of Florida. What’s up with that? Here’s a sampling of headlines that have come across my desk recently:
Man Shot Sister In The Buttocks For Baking Him A Penis Cake
Drunk Couple Passed Out In Dumpster After Casino Bender, Had To Be Rescued From Garbage Truck
Florida Man Turns Backyard Into Shooting Range Because Pools Are For Pussies
‘Church’ Loses Its Tax-Exempt Status After Being Outed As Nightclub Throwing Naked Paint Parties
Florida Man Calls 911 Seven Times After Getting Kicked Out Of A Strip Club
‘Breaking Bad’ Contest Winner Meets Cast, Ends Up In Prison For Multi-Million Dollar Drug Ring
Man Asks His Pregnant Girlfriend ‘Ready For Your Abortion?’ Then Hits Her With His Car
Teenager Spends a Month at a Hospital Pretending To Be an OB/GYN Doctor Before Anyone Discovered Him
Pilot Drew a Penis on Flight Radar While Flying a Private Plane
Florida, you’re making Arkansas proud.
I apologize for having so many PENIS references in this column; Honest, I wasn’t trying to be a dick.
Good stuff Paul. Very good information about concealed carry going off accidentally and shooting your junk. Can you provide any information on when it’s your junk that goes off accidentally? 🙂
Stomper, there are many Doctors who’s practices focus strictly on the PE disorder. Tune in to any talk radio station; since they are trying to reach their target demographic, they advertise on all of them! Glad I could help.
I heard a rumor that harlinator would shoot his junk off if he actually had any junk to shoot off.
Dude, Harley just shoots his mouth off and that doesnt require a concealed carry.
I heard he has a 3″ clit. Does that count?
rww, I can’t speculate on rumor. I only deal in the world of hard core facts. That said, I bet you’re right…
The good news is that in few short years, Florida will be completely under water because of ——- —— (I’m respecting the governor’s request not to say that phrase in public). Glub, glub, Florida crazies!
My condo is way up the Gulf side. I plan to retire there so let’s hope it is above water from Seaside…north.
Once left alone, to his own device,
in an empty house he planned to war.
Fopped in gear of camo so nice,
girded and gutted he went for the door.
A song of Odin bred a warrior whore.
A lion’s cough before the rush,
his talons and teeth are in his belt,
into the yard into the bush,
it’s thorns that leave these ugly welts.
His face wrecked now, the Curse of the Celts.
Turning on this brand new foe,
his pistol drawn like Sgt. Rock
Stumbling again he stubs his toe,
and then shoots off his fu*kin cock.
I have to read that a few more times….. You didn’t start early today, did you?
😉
I have the sense that several of the people written about in your article, Paul, will someday be candidates for a Darwin Award.
speaking of which…. Harley’s been awfully quiet lately…
Ive been admonished by Lib, when it comes to Harley; I can no longer touch the poo…… So Harley will just have to do, or not do, what Harley does. Plus, my attorney has advised me to not talk to him or about him any more until we walk through the big swinging doors at 100 North Kansas in the ’61.
YES!!!
look at this man finally learning to not touch the poopy!
nice column btw, enjoyed it
Balbo, I need to apologize. I’ve been WAY under the weather and MIS attributed my “don’t touch the poop” lesson to Lib. Let me correct that publicly; BALBO coached me, NOT Lib, no stop touching the poop (Harley). Thank you, Balbo and my apologies.
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