There’s a period of time—we’re coming out of it right now, actually—where all of the shows have gone into a merciful Christmas slumber. They’re not done for the season, but they’re also not willing to lose viewership to Frosty’s Still Fucking Here, Kids! or Flip Wilson’s 1977 Christmas Spectacular. So they break.
And if you’re anything like me, you’re grateful for this lull. You get caught up on the 10 episodes of each show you already have DVR’d, you rekindle your love affair with fine literature and you spend an hour or thirty minutes (per week) with your loved ones.
Then it’s January, and you’re all, “holy shit, why do I watch so many shows? Swear to God, one more poor decision involving aliens or Stevie Nicks and I’m through with you, American Horror Story.” But in the end, you realize how miserable your life is void of these weekly escapes and you carry on.
Anyway, here are some things that are coming back to television within the next month.
Downton Abbey: season five premieres January 4th at 8PM CT on PBS
When last we left the manor, Lord Felchington was threatening to cut Miranda from her inheritance because of her relationship with Finnegan; Abbey (who I assume the show is named after) was pregnant with Custard’s baby and none-too-eager for Really Angry Looking Old English Lady to find out; a chimney sweep taught Craig that there’s more to life than wealth. (And then he died in an accident on the moors. [“In” the moors? I’m not sure.])
Okay, clearly I’ve never seen an episode of this show, and I’m probably not going to start now at the beginning of the fifth season. But lots of smart people with good taste watch it, so hey, don’t listen to a word I’m saying.
American Horror Story: season four resumes January 7th at 9PM CT on FX
We’re in the middle of the fourth season—Freak Show, it’s called—and it’s sometimes better than the first (Spooky House) and second (Insane Asylum) seasons and sometimes not as good, but it’s infinitely better than last year’s gigantic waste of fucking time, American Horror Story: Witches in New Orleans.
This season left off with the fake fortune teller confessing to the black lady with three tits that she and the gay conman weren’t there to be a part of the show; they were there to kill freaks and sell them to a museum. It also told the story of how Pepper the Pinhead ended up going from the freak show to the haunted asylum (season two), because, wouldn’t you know it, all of these things are connected, supposedly. Okay.
Anyway, it’s been pretty good so far. Jessica Lange is her typical, good-ass self and most of the rest of the cast is pretty good, too.
The Americans: season three premieres January 28th at 9PM CT on FX
I’ve been telling everyone to watch The Americans since it premiered in 2013 and I won’t stop now. Frankly, it’s the best show on television right now. In case you’re unfamiliar, it’s about two KGB spies who live covertly in 1980’s Washington D.C. They raise their kids and run a travel agency and struggle with their marriage and occasionally, they have to wear totally bitching 80’s disguises in order to undermine Regan’s government by murdering Americans and/or stealing secrets.
The acting is amazing, the writing is brilliant and if you’re a fan of weekly, scripted television dramas but you’re not watching it, you’re doing yourself a huge disservice. (If you’re NOT watching it but interested, you’re going to want to start at the beginning, though. Same with the next show.)
Justified: season six premieres January 20th at 9PM on FX
When they announced that the sixth season of Justified would be its final, I had mixed emotions. On one hand, the show still feels really good. The writing is still solid and both Boyd (Walton Goggins) and Raylan (Timothy Olyphant) are still two of the best things on television. On the other hand, there’s something to be said for going out when you’re still on top. It’s always embarrassing to be the former superstar running back riding out his autumnal years as a third-string charity case.
Therefore, we’ll end with what this show has been edging toward for a long time: a final showdown between Raylan and Boyd to determine whose gigantic veneers will stand triumphant in Harlan County.
The Walking Dead: season five resumes February 8th at 8PM on AMC.
I hate that AMC shows take these gigantic fucking midseason breaks. It’s annoying. By the time the second half premiers, I’ve already forgotten how part one ended.
Are there still zombies?
Who’s dead now?
Has CORAL! killed Rick and taken over as leader yet?
Will Daryl ever find a boyfriend?
Anyway, I’m still pretty excited about this. Season five has been good so far. (I think.)
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: season ten premieres January 7th at 9PM CT on FXX
Holy shit, I cannot believe this show has been on for a decade. It’s a testament to the truly bizarre tastes of a passionate viewership and an excellent cable network willing to take a chance. While I don’t think it’s as funny as its peak years, it’s still the consistently funniest (and weirdest) comedy on television. I’ll keep watching until they pull the plug because where the hell else will I find laughs—The Middle? Cougar Town? Yikes.
Better Call Saul: series premieres February 8th on AMC
Look, this is either going to be amazing or a titanic disappointment. Spinning off of the best television drama ever (Breaking Bad), it feels like there’s little room for anything in between.
I’m not sure what sad statement it makes about my life’s priorities, but the mere idea of this show’s premier makes me nervous. I’m irrationally excited and I feel like I might throw up a little.
Is anyone as excited as I am?
Agree, Raylan and Boyd are gonna be missed. I’ve been binge watching The Wire and Justified, starting from season one. What with my advancing age and the hippy lettuce , they seem like brand new never watched shows. Im going to try the Sopranos and Deadwood next.
“Deadwood” was beautiful. The Mayor’s soliloquies, the violence, swearing, the whores, it just reeked of mud, blood, bad blood and bad whiskey.
Deadwood is on my to-do list. Lots of crossover w/ the Justified folks.
Lefty, of all the HBO series that have come and gone, I miss Deadwood the most. That was some damn fine television. If you didn’t catch it when it ran a number of years ago, ROME was also a fabulous HBO series.
Gotta agree. Deadwood and ROME were HBO at it’s very best. Both were cancelled way too early, especially ROME. The rule of the Caesers was so full of murder, sex, and political intrigue, it could’ve ran for years.
I need to get serious and stick with The Wire. I keep starting it, then forgetting about it for months.
I started The Wire yesterday with my 17 year-old daughter Savannah.
That first episode was rough; kinda disjoint, not wildly compelling…
She bailed but I stuck with it and at No. 7, so obviously it’s gotten better, but it’s still not the easiest to watch., so I can see why you’ve had difficulty sticking with it, Brandon.
It certainly provides some timely food for thought with Ferguson, etc.
Keep with the Wire, you will be rewarded.
It is the best TV show, period.
Justified has jumped the shark but the characters keep dragging me back in. Walking Dead has to have some of the worst writing of all time, I would not be surprised if Glazer had writing credits.
Jon Voights character in Ray Donovan along with James Woods now dead character on same show rank right up there as well.
i just finished binge watching Breaking Bad and loved the Saul Goodman character. lot to work with there, and since the show is from the creators of Breaking Bad, i think it stands a good chance of succeeding – at least for a couple of seasons before the schtick maybe gets a bit stale.
meanwhile, i watched several teaser clips on AMC’s site. worth checking out if you haven’t already.
Yeah, the fact that Vince Gilligan is involved certainly helps keep my expectations afloat.
One can say either: ‘in the moors’ or ‘on the moors. Though why one might want to spend any time even near a moor is unclear. Grouse, we’d guess.
Ha! Excellent. Thank you, Nick.
Serial storytelling (thanks, HBO!) has definitely led to more quality television, no matter when and how you get it, but it definitely fits in to binge watching, and that’s how most of us get our TV these days. Episodic drama with little or no character development (CSI, Law & Order), may become a thing of the past. Good riddance.
One show I can’t recommend enough is “The Fall” with Gillian Anderson. Five episode first season is on Netflix and the second, six episode season premieres on Netflix later this month. Anderson plays a detective in Belfast on the trail of a serial killer.
Any fan of stuff like “Breaking Bad” and “The Wire” will love this.
I started watching The Fall last night on your recommendation, Hot Carl. Was NOT disappointed! 2 episodes in and I’m hooked. Damn that Gillian Anderson is not hard to look at. Thanks for the heads-up!
Glad you liked it. I’m really looking forward to season 2.
I’ll have to add this to my list.
You may want to put on the closed captioning…it can take a while to get used to the accents.
looks like the networks are going to end up getting killed. If not for the live
sports they show the networks are getting creamed.
The cable ratings are hard to comprehend because of the lack of clarity
in what they connotate to. The semifinals in college football playoff
were the highest rated cable shows ever. Doesn’t surprise me…but
espn paid 500 million for those games.
Its amazing how many people are watching these shows on cable
and not watching the crap the networks claim are drawing huge
numbers.
Be interesting to see how it all shakes out….but direct tv or dish (not sure
which one) not running fox news has hurt fox’s ratings dramatically.
But whatever the case…cable is providing the quality shows people want
and they could eventually leave the networks with AMERICAN IDOL/
THE VOICE AND CSI!
I’m SURE THE NETWORKS ARE THINKING LIVE SPORTS ARE THEIR
SAVIOR…LOOK AT THE BILLIONS THEY ARE INVESTING IN
SPORTS ON THIER CHANNELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!