Glazer: Happy New Year, It Doesn’t Get Any Better Than This!

Thanks to the powers that be, looks like to we may all make it to 2015…

Things are just so much better now than last century, right? During that fateful era movies stayed in theaters forever, with all those geezer actors like Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Jane Fonda – even Steve McQueen, the Bullet guy. You know, has-beens.

But now that we’ve got The Rock, Jennifer Lawrence, Paul Rudd and JackAss, things are looking up!

We can see movies mere weeks after they leave the theaters on pay TV. Yep, now we have 1,500 channels plus porn and it’s only $200 a month (it used to be free) but then, we’ve got our Internet connection for another $25 or $50.

And sports are all over the place with football and basketball games on practically every night – NBA and college. Used to only be the big games were on TV – back when baseball mattered and the NFL had those stupid, rival grudge match games we all gathered round to watch with family and friends. You know, like the Chiefs and Raiders.

Speaking of which, look how much better those teams are today.

Who needs Len Dawson, Otis Taylor, Derrick Thomas or Neil Smith when we have Alex Smith, Dwayne Bowe and Eric Fisher. Am I right?

The Royals were in the World Series and we used to go to the playoffs with that George Brett guy. And yeah we won that World Series but hey, the stadium has more food options and beer joints today. And how about that All-Star game with the  home run derby – edge of your seat stuff?

And I’m super glad medicine’s improved and we have more insurance coverage.

Yeah, it’s 500 bucks a month or more but so what? They even pick our doctors for us!

Speaking of improvements, there are no more lines to get in nightclubs – no more lists – because, well, we don’t have too many nightclubs anymore. Look at the Plaza, it was jammed in the late 1990’s, now it’s quiet and we can get into any place we want on most nights. The restaurants are mostly all chains and the food is pretty much the same at each place, but at least it’s consistent. And shopping is wide open now that we buy half our stuff online.

Lazlo

Speaking of online…

We do almost everything online today – from meeting singles, playing cool video games, writing our friends. We all have iPhones and take lots of cool photos to show almost anyone who will look at them – whether they know us or not – right, Lazlo? Who needs a phone anyway though because we only text our thoughts today.

And race relations have come a long way, right?

We all get along great now. The street violence we saw in the latter part of the 1900’s is all but gone today, Thank God. And the world is so much safer. No more threats from North Vietnam or Russia. We do have a slight issue with the Middle East groups, but we’re working on that one (same as the race relations).

Hey, and weed is almost legal.

We don’t have to worry about cops pulling us over late at night to check on that crap anymore, right? Late night driving is a snap. And the job market is off the chain, thanks to the computer age.

Yep, we solved so many problems last century we’ve almost run out of shit to fix.

SO HAVE A HAPPY 2015.

Things are gonna continue to improve – I just know it – so let’s take another look back same time next year!