Well, Christmas is over and our lives are terrible again, but we can get shit back on track by having a festive time next week, too. Wednesday is New Year’s Eve, a magic night when people who don’t drink that often drink way too much and those who drink too much as is spend a weird amount of time ridiculing the once-a-year lushes.
I’m somewhere in the middle and I can’t stand the holiday for one simple reason: the expectation that Something Fun Needs to Happen. See, if you’re not a total jackass, you gussy up real nice-like and go to some swanky hotel shindig where you eat a five-course meal (one of which has to be braised _____ shank in an apricot demiglaze) and then listen to some bad local party band do covers of Prince songs until the ball drops. Then you retire to your comfy hotel bed (this is all part of the inclusive package) and laugh about “how (you) haven’t been up this late since you were ____,” and you then have tired sex where at least one party doesn’t finish.
If you’re not ritzy enough to get down with that, you might end up at a friend’s house with a bunch of other people who are also not very wealthy, and you’ll drink too much there and eventually end up hitting on the host’s wife while your wife sits in the corner angrily playing Candy Crush and pretending like she’s somewhere else. You’ll end up getting pulled over on your way home and there goes your job in the accounting department of Home Depot, because “Home Depot is a family-based business, Mark, and we have no place for drunk drivers.”
Best case scenario is that you’re single and friendless; you’ll end up drinking a twelve-pack of Busch Light alone in your studio apartment, crying at midnight and then passing out with your pants around your ankles as cuckold porn plays quietly on your computer, your masturbation attempt— much like your life, hopes and dreams—an inarguable failure.
But I have a solution—to all of these, really. All you have to do is throw your own party. That’s right, your own party. In your own house. That way, you control the evening. If you want to cook something elegant for your guests (you don’t), you can. If you want to get just, really fucking shit-faced and not worry about getting pulled over, you can.
And I know it’s a little late notice, but you can get everything you need by like, tomorrow even. How, you ask? Through the magic of Craigslist, that’s how.
Cowboy/ Western Themed Party Decorations & Supplies (overland park ks)
Purchased Brand New, never used, from my sons b-day party.
Selling everything together:
9 kids Cowboy Hats
10 Adult Cowboy Hats
24 western moustaches (8 packs of 3)
17 Sheriff badges – gold & silver
17 cow pattern straws
32 dessert napkins
22 handkerchiefs assorted colors
1 set of cowboy spurs
1 string tie & badge set
1 large sheriff badge
$60 for everything.
As Abraham Lincoln once said, “you have to have a theme for your fucking party, man, or ain’t nobody gonna come.” And Honest Abe had a point. And maybe you think it’s a little tacky to have a cowboy themed party at a gathering for adults, but to that I say, “fuck off.” EVERYONE loves cowboys.
(My only question about this particular posting is: what in the hell happened to the kid who was supposed to have this party? I mean, the napkins are unused… Either this kid disappeared, and that’s terrible, or he did something so horrific that his parents cancelled his damn birthday. Dang, ya’ll.)
FOOTBALL CROCKPOT – $25 (independence)
This crockpot is great for those football games, perfect size for those little smokies or cheese dip for nachos! Really cool even for looks in the MAN CAVE!
Look, nobody’s coming to your party unless you have small meatballs and cocktail weenies. I’m sorry, but that’s a fact from a scientific study. So what better way to cook those balls and weenies than with an official FOOTBALL CROCKPOT from the good folks at Pro Pots ASCA. It’s only $25, appears to be in moderately worn condition and, as the seller says, “really cool even for looks in the MAN CAVE!.” Put this pot full of balls and weenies in your MAN CAVE and enjoy.
JVC home stereo – $10 (Kansas city)
JVC stereo. Sounds good. Ill plug it in and let you hear it. No remote. Just need money. Also have a bunch of other stuff for sale. Tools and household items like two dressers pots and pans a lot of nice stuff. Give me a text or call with your need or want I can send pics. Thanks
It is not a party without dancing, and in order to dance you need music. Hiring a live band would be awesome, but who in the fuck are you, Einstein Q. Rockefeller? NOPE. Submitted for your approval, a JVC home stereo that DEFINITELY works because “ill plug it in and let you hear it.” GodDAMN that’s some kinda service.
(Oh, and while you’re there, check out his household items like “two dressers pots and pans and a lot of nice stuff.” This could be the Craigslist post that turns you from Average Joe Twelve Pack to Guy with Two Dressers Pots! And then you can go spit on your mom’s grave for never believing in you.)
2-1960 game of life & 1-1950 sorry! Board games (Grandview or Overland Park )
Life games appear to have lots of pieces but not sure if complete. Both have 1960 copyright but op1 is 100th anniverary and has different lid.
Sorry appears complete but has water damage.
$20 for all 3.
I am posting a lot of old board games.
Please leave a call back number
To find the rest of my listings search……cdc-Grandview
Who doesn’t love a board game? I mean, at the moment, all my Facebook feed consists of is people posting “PLAYED CARD OF HUMANITY WITH GRAMMA OOH BOY!” And sure, this isn’t the immensely popular Cards Against Humanity, but it is two copies of LIFE and a water-damaged copy of Sorry! For $20! You’d be an idiot NOT to buy this.
Black Americans of Achievement board game (Grandview or overland park)
Board game based around famous black Americans trivia. Fun for the whole family. I think it’s all there. $13 To find the rest of my listings search cdc-Grandview
Holy shit, it’s the same guy! And HOLY SHITTIER, THIS IS A REAL GAME!!(?) I need to own a copy of this, and I need to own it YESTERDAY. “Fun for the whole family,” seller proclaims. YES!!!!!
2014 John Deere 320E Skid Steer – $36500 (St. Louis)
2014 John Deere 320E Skid Steer
E-H (ISO Pattern) Joystick Controls
Two Speed
Engine – Turbocharged
12×16.5 10PR SKS Extra-Wall
Standard Hydraulics
Power Quik-Tatch
Horn
2 inch Seat Belt with Shoulder Harness
Cab Enclosure with Air Conditioning, Heat and Defrost
Vinyl Air Ride Seat
EH Joystick Performance Package
Cold Start Package
Radio, AM/FM/WB with Aux Input
Rear View Mirror
HD Rear Grille
Foot Rest with Floor Mat
Keyless Start
72 in Construction Bucket with Edge
Only 5 Hours
Warranty
Okay, so first I looked up “noise makers” and there was almost nothing. And so then I looked up “air horn” because air horns at a party is a ridiculous idea and kind of funny. Again, nothing. And as I pared down the air horn search, this came up. And maybe it’s not right for a New Year’s Eve party, and—JESUS CHRIST, ARE THESE THINGS ACTUALLY $36,500?!?—but WOW, look at this thing! I’ve been on a farm like, once. I was in high school and I was dating a girl who lived on one. But they didn’t have ANYTHING this bad ass. LOOK AT IT!!! It’s got LEATHER FUCKING SEATS!!! And air conditioning! And it’s way nicer than my car! I want this thing. I don’t know what I’m going to do with it, but I’m going to get one. And you’re all gonna be so fucking jealous.
Happy New Years to me!
The John Deere is the way to go.
1) Home Depot won’t care if your neck deep in your cups as long as they get the snow shoveled in the parking lot and they pony up some big cash for that.
2) You can bury either your wife’s cell phone, or, your wife if she won’t stop playing Candy Crush, in a hole you make for all that other sh&t you keep buying on Craig’s List. When was the last time you parked the car in the garage?
3) Let’s go back to the part, where you are in the bag, driving that John Deere in the Home Depot parking lot. Now there is a security video for the ages. Home Depot personnel, constantly preoccupied with ANYTHING other than helping customers, munch on Slim Jims in the break room, gathered around the monitors, mesmerized as you prove once again, that reading the instructions is for pussies. “He is putting the Kia right on top of that Lexus!” *”high fives” as speakers throughout the store beg for help in the electrical, plumbing, paint, tool, lighting and gardening departments*
That John Deere is a goldmine of material for future kcconfidential masterpieces. Don’t let us down Lefty.
🙂
Loan me $36,500, Chuck.
“…then listen to some bad local party band do covers of Prince songs until the ball drops. ”
Really – such bands exist?
Oh, my.
Probably. I think what I was ACTUALLY thinking about is Disco Dick and the Mirror Balls, though. I’m sure they’ll be playing somewhere on NYE. (Maybe multiple places… provided they’re still a thing.)
disco dick will be at Hollywood Casino New Years Eve.
Coulda swore I heard that the Dick died a couple years ago though. Maybe Harley will be filling in
…or the band continues to haul Dick’s stiff corpse around from show to show. Might pay good money to see that.
“Best case scenario is that you’re single and friendless; you’ll end up drinking a twelve-pack of Busch Light alone in your studio apartment, crying at midnight and then passing out with your pants around your ankles as cuckold porn plays quietly on your computer, your masturbation attempt— much like your life, hopes and dreams—an inarguable failure.”
This actually sounds like a pretty decent New Years to me, no DUIs involved and climax is usually achieved.
Oh yeah, I didn’t say it was BAD, necessarily.
JVC home stereo – $10 (Kansas city)
Short and skinny- Meth costs money and I am gettin’ itchy.
Black Americans of Achievement board game (Grandview or overland park)
This actually looks interesting Lefty. I would like to see who got Park Place and Boardwalk. Looks like something to drag out when the kids want to stay up (to put them to sleep) or threaten them with when they are acting up. “If you kids don’t calm the Eff down I swear I will bring out Black Americans of Achievement BOARD GAME!!! That’s better.
Yes! It’s a total threat of a board game. I need to get it.