Hearne: Dissecting The Pitch ‘Best Of KC’ Awards

Who doesn’t like a good tip?

Like, you should check out this new band, restaurant, etc, But at some point there is such a thing as to much of a good thing. And in the case of the 1014 Pitch Best Of KC  issue, it begins with the overtly pretentious lead in to the awards- an astonishingly stereotypical ode to somewhat tired cliches and narcissism. Check it:

“We are not morning people. Shut up — you aren’t, either. We like sunrises as much as the next Eagle Scout, we guess, but we prefer a sunset the color of a two-cherry Manhattan. We like Manhattans. We like a beer and a steak and a beer. We like to watch the sun go down behind the Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts. We like to watch early evening’s commuters look a moment at the Boulevard headquarters when it lights up. We like the blue glow of the Roasterie’s plane. We like to congratulate ourselves for doing what we set out to do today, give or take the grocery store and having to leave the Nelson-Atkins before we were ready. There’s tomorrow, too, and sometimes we like tomorrow better. We like to talk with our friends about where we might go for drinks, for dinner, for drinks again. We like plays. We like First Friday in the Crossroads and in the West Bottoms. We like club shows and dive bars. Some of us like our chances with someone we met tonight. Some of us like our chances with someone who keeps going home with us. We like that so much of what’s best to eat and drink and see and do and think about in the daytime can be done — sometimes better still — at night. We like night anywhere. But we love the nighttime most right here, when the best of Kansas City glows just right.”

Nuff said?

For starters I’m going to go out on a limb and say I strongly suspect Pitch foodie Charles Ferruzza had a hand in overseeing the Food bests, so while it would have been stronger were bylines included, there is at least a measure of credibility.

Far less so awards like the best sign given to the Broadway Butcher Shop for its “old-fashioned cursive lettering” or coffee shop/bar Thou Mayest win of the best new downtown hangout for its “young arts types” and “vague Boy Scout vibe.”

Or how about the “best law student” going to some dude who “carries himself in an informal, easygoing manner that you don’t often find among law students” and who “seems more at home on a disc golf course.” What’s that about?

And in the Age of Stalking, I’m sure the legal director of the Midwest Innocence Project Trisha Bushnell was thrilled to be win the Best Crashworthy Woman award – it’s such a hip concept.

Hey and who wasn’t wondering who KC’s “best beer drinking dad” – that nobody ever heard of before – was? There’s a category you can sink your teeth into.

Obviously the Pitch was noticeably premature – a year late – in picking MU quarterback Maty Mauk as the best football player. Ditto Mizzou coach Gary Pinkel as best college football coach and Alex Gordon as the best Royal (Lorenzo Cain or Eric Hosmer, anyone?). Oh and soccer as the best sport (next year Sporting).

Somewhat obviously categories like best yoga studio, hairstylist, clothes, florist, mechanic and gifts are little more than meaningless kiss ups to friends and/or potential advertisers.

By listing the Reader’s Choices three deep, the mag was able to pat the most potential advertisers backs, which by the way, when I ran the Pitch we did not allow the advertisers to know in advance that they’d won or run ads in the best of issue.

You know, separation of church and state, keeping the editorial and advertising at arm’s length so as not to give the appearance of the awards being paid for.

I’ll remind readers of years ago when I asked one of the owners of the Grand Emporium nightclub why they had not won the best club award at Tom Leathers Squire years ago and was told, “We had to cut back on our advertising this year and couldn’t afford it.”

Are Best of Awards a good thing?

They certainly can be and that’s why I originated the practice at the Pitch years ago. However, the goal was to inform and enlighten readers and we were careful to include bylines of the writers who made the picks.

That helped keep things above board, because any conflicts were there for all to see. Plus it gave credibility too the awards based on which writer was bestowing them. Like Ferruzza in food and specific writers who covered art, theater, sports, etc.

What I didn’t get around to in those first few years was being open about the number of votes cast. We offered significant prizes though as an incentive to get more readers to fill out the ballots with their names on them. Things like tickets and accommodations to the Chicago Blues Fest, big screen televisions and free club passes for a year.

It’s an imperfect concept but done right the best of can be fun, informative and fair.

And it doesn’t require phony lead ins as to how hip you are to get the point across.

Go figure…