We don’t have parking space shortages on the mean streets of KC like some metros…
In Boston a few weeks back, one Lisa Blumenthal, paid $560,000 at an IRS auction for two off street spaces near her home. The record price for a single spot in Boston is $300,000.
The Left Coast isn’t much better with a parking space in San Francisco’s South Beach commanding $82,000. For you investment you get an 8 x 12 foot piece of underground real estate in a condo building. That last spot was listed by a real estate broker and sold in less than two weeks flat.
Which would lead you to believe it must have seemed a bargain price.
Ah, but here in the Midwest we have parking spaces to burn.
I guess that’s why we’ve seen a preponderance of “reserved” spaces for every cause de jour. As a regular attendee at Kauffman Stadium, that’s where I first saw reserved parking spaces for electric cars with outlets to plug in your Tesla, although I’ve never seen a single car parked in one of those spots.
At a local retailer is the first place I saw parking “Reserved for Expectant Mothers.”
I get that.
I’m not too crazy about parking in a back lot and waddling all the way to the store myself. Let alone if I were 9 month preggers.
I understand “Reserved for Valet” parking. But I get a little testy with “Reserved for Elderly” because that’s too close to “Handicapped.” Because you can be aging and still capable of parking anywhere you choose. Our Editor here at KCC is proof of that (editor’s note; funny guy).
And check out the antediluvian biker geezers on the Plaza.
They manage to park just fine, albeit illegally.
But when going to see a client at the JoCo Court system recently I noticed a new one.
“RESERVED PARKING Fuel Efficient Vehicles ONLY”
I was instantly incensed and had a number of thoughts, most of which I can’t print.
Then I wondered just how politically correct we’ve become? Is this the county’s job?
After the few court cases I’ve been following, I’d be much happier if Johnson County’s Court system concerned itself more with providing justice instead of preferential treatment because they deem me green enough.
That’s the benchmark for providing me a closer parking spot?
So as I sat in my armor plated 500SEL Mercedes, looking for a space in the back 40 where you can take two spots and no one cares, I felt oddly discriminated against.
The longer I pondered the sign and the level of disapproval JoCo had shown by proxy, the more dubious the sign became.
Fuel efficient, just what does that mean?
So I looked it up.
The Cambridge Dictionary defines “fuel efficient” as, “Producing power, heat, etc., at a rate considered optimal with regard to the amount of fuel consumed.”
A light bulb came on.
My car produces 375hp and weighs 4,900 pounds. It will cruise effortlessly at 130 miles-per-hour while maintaining 12-13 mpgs.
Know what? That’s pretty darned fuel efficient all things considered and it clearly “produces power at a rate considered optimal with regard to the amount of fuel consumed.”
“But, officer”
I have an appointment at the same building next week. Guess where your well-coiffed scribe will be parked? Front and center, in the closest spot to the door, next to a Toyota Prius and a raft of other tin cans, side by side in their green orgy.
And what will I’ll be doing? Waiting with great anticipation for the first person who tells me I can’t park my big ass car there and asks me to move.
It’s at that point I’ll hand them the preprinted definition from the Cambridge dictionary showing my Grey Lady is indeed…… fuel efficient.
My take is that cities, highway systems and retailers have been playing parking and lane access games for many years now.
I drive a lot and some multi lane highways only allow cars carrying two or more passengers in the left or passing lanes during rush hour. I’ve also seen that for hybrid vehicles in California.
It goes hand in hand with the government dictating that cars put out less pollution, get better gas mileage, etc. The net result (or goal) being cleaner air and thus a healthier environment for all and more conservative use of natural resources that are in limited supply.
More to the point, a number of businesses are putting in parking with recharging stations for electric cars and need to reserve those spaces for them.
What are you going to do, park in one of those spaces and recharge your electric hair dryer? For the good of mankind?
And i somebody calls you out or challenges you on parking in one of those spaces do you intend to go Craig Glazer on them and engage in the gentlemanly sport of fisticuffs?
I’ll will park in one of those spaces TOMORROW! And if called out, I will eloquently explain how my bullet proof, 375HP, 4900lb 500SEL is more than “efficient” at 11mpg! I also have pre printed the definition of “fuel efficient!”
Just so you know, that qualifies as pre-meditated d-baggery.
Most Americans would benefit by taking a few extra steps to/from our automobiles.
KCM; guilty as charged. You don’t see the humor on it?
OK, Paul…
Sitting in the car and waiting for them you some shit is a coward’s way out!
Lay it on the line and park and leave your gas guzzler there while you do your business and if you get a ticket THEN play your little dictionary game.
That will take far more guts.
In fact, just start parking there as you need until you do get a ticket and let the fun begin.
While it’s true that definitions such as “elderly” and fuel efficient” can be subject to interpretation, I think we both know how a judge would interpret it.
FYI, Car & Driver composed a list of “The 10 Most Fuel-Efficient Gas and Diesel Cars for Sale Today” and the lowest one on the list – the Ford Focus Sedan 2.0L 6AT – got 37 MPGs.
Good luck!
I’m not WAITING, I have an appointment there! I’ll park, make sure I’m noticed, then proceed!
wtf??????????????????????/just after you embarrassed not only
wtf? just after you wrote the worst article in the history of this
site you come out with undoubtedly the worst article ever written
on tkc/greg hall/kcc etc.
You’re too freaking lazy to walk an extra 50 feet…come on Bluto…
come with me to lifetime fitness and I’ll get you in shape in
a year.
You’re concerned with a parking sign and your jalopy that gets 12 miles
to the gallon. Get real…its not the law…its you’re lazy. do a little
exercise. get glaze to shoot you with his hgh concoction.
But the truth is you need one of those “handicapped” placards cause
you can’t walk with extra 40 feet to get inside the building.
Again..you proved the fool you are. Please…please….go back to your
hiding under the seat dashboard waiting for the jewel thief…please
tell us how astute a businessman you are when you predicted the
sprint merger….please write about the
many stupid untruthful…non data filled…false stories you have become
famous for…and then do another story (please please) about the
cobblers from the college town. You should win at least 5 Pulitzers
for those “classic” stories……
please…you are making me laugh so hard that you’re going to get
arrested to keep from walking an extra 40 feet. I can’t wait and either
can this who email me to see you in that xxxxl organge jumpsuit
trying to post bond because you can ‘t walk 40 feet without keeling
over.
Please call and get an oxygen tank to help you make the “long trip”
either to the jail cell or to the building. We couldn’t stand not having the
pleasure of the hilarious articles you write. You make all of our day…
as one email pointed out “he’s one of a kind…we can’t lose him”!!!
Once he leaves kcc all we have to roll on the floor laughing at is
glaze and chuckles the sad clown.
In fact …if anyones interested lets all get a collection to getyou
that oxygen tent.
send all contributions toL
KEEP PAUL ALIVE
C/O Commercial Bank
1100 Main
Kansas city, Missouri 65555.
please…please don’t do it. what would we all do without you wislon…you’re
funnier than fallon and seth combined……we really love your
style..whatever that is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
I own you Harley! I’m so far in your brain you have nothing better to do than see what have written at 8:45pm. What a sad little existence.
Thanks for being my biggest fan, reader and di3iple!
Really, this is all you have; such a rabid interest in my stories you’ll hang out here instead of with the little lady? You really need a life and an admin assistant to write your comments for you and stop making momma take care of her own needs.
I got a quarter of the way into that comment you wrote and had to quit. I didn’t have my Captain Crunch decoder ring so I have no idea what you were trying to say.
You do realize how laughable it is for you to make fun of anyone’s writing don’t you? You’re Rev Al telling Billy Graham he’s not a real preacher.
Now be a good little fanboy, wipe my azz for me then go crank out that second barn burner of a story you’ve been promising us for weeks on end. KCC readers want your view from the short bus. Please don’t let us down.
Harley/JoJo’s skull is where brains go to die.
so far your fans have collected .59 cents for you.
How stupid can a grown man be to want to
prove his point about a parking sign…then have the
editor verify his complaint.
you’re making a fool of yourself. Here’s some takes
from the emails I got.
“maybe the guy can’t get out of the car. They make
those fuel efficient cars much smaller and he’d need
the fire department to use the jaws of life to
extricate him from the car in the first place to make
his complaint. And since the car is probably a 2002
model it wil be even more difficult”
another email made this comment:
“I hope the judge throws the bookat him. From his
description It won’t be hard to misshim”!!!!
lady from northland said
“up here in riverside we let famous people off on
offenses like these. Dwayne Bowe got off his
ticket. But who’s this guy wislun. Wasn’t he the guy
who got stuck under the dashboard trying to catch
a jewel theif and had to get a tow truck to pull him out of the car?”
Gregg Halla said:
“you don’t break the law. That’s a 15 yard penalty”
and jj walker while talking with glaze said in his
email:
“this honkie dude is dyn-o -mite.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
your car is bullet-proof??? I suppose there’s a reason for that.
choose your fights responsibly, paul. remember, the jail is right there too.
I agree with you, Paul. Before someone can say you are wrongly parking there, they have to give you what their definition of “fuel efficient” is. The same with the signs saying “senior citizens only”. I’m almost 53. Some would consider that old, some would not. Do you have to be REALLY old and be able to remember when Metcalf Ave. was a gravel road?
Mike, I made a copy of this to hand them if questioned ;
The Cambridge Dictionary defines “fuel efficient” as, “Producing power, heat, etc., at a rate considered optimal with regard to the amount of fuel consumed.”
I’m hoping to get the chance to let them defend THEIR position.
Mike T; the original owner bought it, had it trailered to a security firm and had it armored. He seemed to be in some risky businesses from NY to Boston. Meat, packing, produce, etcetera. I’m guessing he had his reasons. It’s now a permanent member of my collection.
Oh, if my parking experience goes poorly, it’s just another story!
Better hope they use the same dictionary
Courts are pretty good at making stuff up and putting it in their rulings.
http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/jurisprudence/2014/09/supreme_court_makes_up_facts_amicus_curiae_briefs_bias_and_truthiness.html
hahahahahaha! Pauly…you are the funniest guy on kcc!!!!
Paul, please stop living your life as the white, 60 year old version of a fat black lady who has been ‘disrespected’ by a retail worker.
And yeah, we all noticed the humblebrag where you mentioned you drive a Mercedes. Haven’t seen one of those before…what do they look like? Sounds exotic. Like what a successful insurance agent would drive.
balboni…winner of comment of the year!!!!!!!!
“60 year old black lady” hahahahahaha
“fat black lady” hahahahaha
“humblebrag” hahahahah ( when speaking about his 2002)
“successful insurance agnet” hahahahahahaha
and the rest of the mensa members here on kcc thought this guy
really wasserious.
letes see…there’s isis/ebola/elections/middle east problems again…
and the well scrubbed scribe is concerned about a parking sign
because he has to walk 40feet.
I suggest a cane wislun….one of those onlate nighte tv that really give
youa good grip on the ground….think its called the “super walker”…that
way you can get around easier and also beat the kids who try to
steal your 7-11 bag of Metamucil and depends.
HEARNE….PLEASE…YOU GOTTA BE PAYING THIS DUDE..
OR I’LLL SEND HIM A BUCK FOR EVERY ARTICLE HE WRITES…
HIS STORIES ARE FILED UNDER JOKE OF THE DAY.
By the way…how often when someone is driving to larrytown do they
gps “shoe repair”? seriously…whats the deal…they lookingfor
a cobbler in Eudora? Hear they have some nice quilt makers
in Baldwin. hahahaha.
Harley, you’re a funny boy. No one is emailing you anything about anyone. You’re universally hated and dispised on KCC by virtually everyone. That’s what universally hated means. Were glad you think you’re the repository of deep thought with people all over the metro sending you their thoughts, but we all know it’s just another Harley lie. It’s right up there with you being a jurnulust and righter.
You have to be a big deal in your own reality cause it stops right there. I’m glad I’m so deeply embedded in your brain, under your skin like a chigger that you have to come back six times on one bad story to add your two cents.
I own your AZZ. Get used to it, jurnulust boi!
hey Harley, I’m back over here now…. wanna take another pot shot at me with some of YOUR ill-informed, overblown, superfluous commentary, or do you want to duke it out over at OTC because I dissed your home boys on KCFX?
Mike, he’s just nuts and everyone knows it. Real problem is, he doesnt know satire when it hits him on his little punkin head. The asshat thinks Im fighting for my rights to park there? I just think its funny to push their buttons!
And since he’s such a learned person, jurnulust and righter, thats surprising.
He’s so eaten up with me he reads half a story, makes up the rest then “rights’ 27 endless, non understandable comments telling me how terrible I am. Such a mogul and business tycoon really has time for that?
I OWN him and he can’t stand it….
He should use his legal mind and contacts to ask SureWest, now Consolidated, why they don’t tell their clients when a John Doe Subpoena is filed with them to get a customer’s contact information…….
Yeah, he really is that stupid.
Im an earwig thats crawled into his brain, laid eggs in that dark morass and molted five times leaving all my waste product behind.
that last comment, paul, while brilliant, was a major “eewwwww, gross!!”
Thank you.