Look, I never expected to be so right in my Kansas City/Oakland A’s Wild Card prediction, but like the classic 1971 Jerry Reed ditty suggests, “When you’re hot, you’re hot.”
That’s right, I knew I was going out on a limb suggesting that the Royals would trollop the Athletics, “probably in extra innings, even. Twelve innings, actually,” I said. But I am a man of bold, always-accurate and honest prophesy. I mean, the fact that I went so far as to state, “They’re going to get to starting pitcher Jon Lester for sure, and if I had to take a guess, I’d say they’ll tag him for six earned runs” is pretty amazing, sure, but that’s what happens when you’re really good at predicting things.
OK. Or maybe not.
But hey, I wasn’t the ONLY person to suggest that this was an unfavorable matchup for KC. In fact, a great majority of writers/analysts/ex-ballplayers on ESPN wearing terrible suits thought the A’s would emerge from the raucous confines of the K victorious, setting up a boring, sunny, very late-night series in California.
But it was not to be.
Instead, the Royals won a game for the ages by playing their peculiar brand of small-ball, wherein “a player is only as good as their last sacrifice bunt,” and, “what is a home run?” They singled, sacrificed and jack-rabbited chaos across the base paths, en route to their first postseason victory in 29 years. George Brett called it, “The most amazing game I’ve ever seen.”
Whatever. It worked.
I’m not here to cast aspersions or ask questions or suggest that this team won DESPITE Ned Yost. (They did, though.) I’m here to say, “whatafuckinggame,” “holyshitIstillcantbelieveit,” and “now the Royals have to play the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, a team with a still-ridiculous name and owners of the best record in the American League.”
Here’s what the Royals need to do to win:
Walk Mike Trout every single time he’s up. Trout is the best player in all of baseball and he can beat you in SO many ways. Since I believe it is illegal to send someone into the outfield to cripple him with a lead-pipe— taking away his extraordinary defense in the process—the Royals’ next best option is to not allow him to beat them at the plate. That means throwing him pitches that he would never, ever swing at and having catcher Salvador Perez attempt to pick-him off the bases 30-35 times a game. I’ll grant you that this is very cowardly and boring baseball, but it also increases the odds of victory tremendously.
Walk Albert Pujols every single time he’s up. Look, Pujols isn’t the player he once was. But despite having the brittle knees of an old, retired call-girl, he’s had a really decent bounce back season and he’s always killed the Royals, regardless. They need to just go ahead and put him on. And then pick him off. Because hey, Salvy.
Steal bases. In Tuesday night’s ridiculousness, the Royals tied the Major League Baseball record for steals in a postseason game by swiping seven. The Royals led the major leagues in 2014 by stealing 153 bases. The Royals like to steal bases, they are good at stealing bases, and they should continue stealing bases until the league mandates that it is illegal to do so. Both Angels’ catchers—Chris Iannetta and Hank Conger—are average (at best) in terms of throwing out runners. And actually, according to the dWAR statistic (defensive wins above replacement), Iannetta is worse defensively than a totally average replacement level player. So, steal.
Play their game. I know that’s a cliché, but it’s true. This is a team built on solid pitching, expert defense and a pesky, gnat-like offense. The worst thing they could do is suddenly start swinging for the fences or stand pat on the base paths. And although I doubt those things would happen, A) this is a team with almost no postseason experience, and B) they are managed by Ned Yost who has cost this team more games than an average manager would.
I like this match-up for the Royals. I really do. They split the season series with the Angels 3-3, and one of those losses came against the Angels’ best starting pitcher Garret Richards, who has since been injured and is done for the year. Aside from Richards, LAA’s starting rotation is solid but not untouchable, and the offense—with a handful of exceptions—is really good but not, like, Threat Level Midnight.
So I’m thinking Kansas City wins it in four.
And I think the city explodes in an orgy of insanity.
And I think I probably physically die from happiness.
And if this prediction goes horribly awry, I think I write a piece pretending that I accurately predicted whatever ACTUALLY happens.
So until then, go Royals.
Royals @ Angels, 8:00pm CT, TBS
Barring the bases loaded when Trout comes up, I completely agree with walking him every freaking time. Hell, I think I would consider it WITH the bases loaded. haha 1.You minimize the damage the guy can do to you. 2.Eventually, it is going to get frustrating to him to know he can never contribute anything to their offense other than a walk. I’m just NOT going to let that guy hurt me. He’s THAT kind of player!
Hoping your “always 100% accurate” prediction is right, Lefty. But, I think it’s LAA in 5. Damn it!
Here’s the deal– we know how the Royals work though, right? They’ll manage to keep Trout from killing them, but some made-up sounding character like “Kole Calhoun” or “C.J. Cron” will end up terrorizing them throughout the series. Seems to happen regularly.
I got to see Mike Scioscia play high school ball. You could tell then he was headed to a good career. Not this year, Mike. Sorry.
As another blogger said, these guys are Yost Busters!
Walking Pujols is the correct strategy, just as knee-capping Trout is the most efficient play.
But don’t give up so easily on the latter; there are die-hard Royals fans, willing and able to travel to LA to semi-streak the outfield with a concealed spring-loaded 10 oz sap. Wouldn’t have to cripple him, just put him on the Dl for…say…4 games?
All it would take would be a little beer and gas money.
We could start a pool.
YES. I am good for at least $5.
I got a sawbuck toward the cause.
Cool.
I’m thinking Kickstarter; if some dweeb from Ohio can raise $50K to make potato salad, we ought to be able to fully fund 2 or 3 Outfield Ninjas for a truly worthwhile cause…
Pujols is a shell of what he used to be with about a 3.0 WAR.
Go at him and walk Trout.
These late-into-the-night Royals wins are killing me…
Totally. I’m an “up-at-4:45am” kinda guy, and oof, painful. It’s been worth it so far, though.
So – got to sleep in this morning and dawdle over coffee. Which was just as well…old age is not for the timid.
Man.
In any event, thinking ahead, the season has been refreshing; the playoffs exhilarating; the eventual outcome (in either direction) untethered to my enjoyment of the moment.
However comma but…that said? I will not be buying season tickets next year. Nor will I attend a game in person or otherwise financially support the Royals, for all the obvious reasons a person who attended a couple of the ’85 World Series games will conveniently have at hand. Of interest, and worthy of a post, is how many other people reasonably think this way…or not.