Hearne: Lawrence’s ‘John Brown Underground’ Facing Steep Odds

It was one of the most anticipated bar openings in Lawrence in ages…

And on a frisky Friday late last month – in the midst of the Lawrence Busker Festival – a “speakeasy” called the John Brown Underground quietly came into this world at 7 East 7th Street in downtown Lawrence.

A speakeasy, you say?

My dictionary defines speakeasy as “a saloon or nightclub selling alcoholic beverages illegally, especially during Prohibition.”

And since Prohibition has long since passed, and pretty much all of the liquor I saw at the tiny basement club appeared to be of the “legal” variety, I’d say John Brown’s speakeasy reference has a lot more to do with the fad of retro style bars hustling classic cocktails than any illegal activities.

Early on rumors that the John Brown was to be a “gentlemen’s club” had some local lasses a titter over the prospect of scantily clad, lewd women cozying up to ungentlemanly gentlemen. That however was not to be.

Here’s the deal…

The speakeasy fad has been going fairly strong in this country for at least five years, even though John Brown to my knowledge may be the first of its ilk to grace the land of KU basketball.

So it’s a little late to the party; it’s also a little on the small side.

According to principle owner Scott Elliot of Leavenworth, John Brown will accommodate 69 patrons in its three small rooms. That contradicts Lawrence Journal World good, old boy columnist Chad Lawhorn‘s contention that the club can seat 80. Maybe if you count the two tiny bathrooms with whorish red velvet wallpaper outside their entries.

The 2014 Lawrence Busker Festival

And with six two-top, red granite tables in the back room to the west and a larger red granite table – suitable for a small card game – in the back room to the east, that leaves seating for 40 or fewer in the main room. A room that’s punctuated by a faux Prohibition Era mural of Lawrence legend John Brown with a sax in one hand, a microphone and stand in the other and a flapper chick fawning over him.

On my initial visit on the club’s first Saturday night, my party of three was outnumbered by John Brown’s waitstaff. Then on a weekday evening last week, there were about 20 customers soaking up the speakeasy vibe. However as one local bar owner noted, it’s a lot easier to make money with a staff of five serving several hundred customers than it is two dozen.

So cool as its vibe is, John Brown has its workout out for it.

And with $9 cocktails, it’s also facing what would appear to be the impossible task of ringing up a minimum of 55 percent of its total sales in food – as opposed to alcohol – which Lawhorn says is required by city regulation.

Especially with a menu only five items deep to start with, ranging from a pretzel basket and sack-O-nuts at $6 each to a broccoli and cauliflower basket – also $6 – a $13 burger and an $8 bratwurst.

And with a kitchen smaller than my brain and an assurance from its owner that there will be no steak offerings, it would appear that John Brown will face an uphill climb in trying to get its food sales up to even 25 percent.

Do Martini Olives count as food?

Unless maybe it can keep the two back rooms rented out to private parties and get somebody like Robert Krause to conduct the catering at nosebleed prices.

Given that unlikely prospect, perhaps the John Brown Underground will indeed live up to the speakeasy name of selling liquor illegally, unless the Kansas Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control allows the club to ring up its fruit juice, mixers, olives and the like as food.

Hey, it’s definitely got a cool vibe, but living to tell the story won’t be easy.