Hearne: Is The Power & Light District’s Jones Pool Kaput?

What’s that expression?

Don’t believe anything you read (or hear) and only half of what you see. Sounds like a perfect fit for what Stanford & Sons main man Craig Glazer says he was told about The Jones Pool downtown this past weekend at the Woodside Health & Tennis Club in Westwood.

“Apparently they closed the business quietly right after the summer,” Glazer says. “I know they must have had some issues, because last summer I didn’t hear anything about it. No promotions like the one I got Jimmie “JJ “Walker to host two or three summers ago. And some Chiefs players had a couple of events there that I went to, but I didn’t hear anything last summer, it was really quiet. And I was talking to a staffer at Woodside and he said, ‘Did you hear that the Jones Pool closed?’ And he told me they’re going to turn it into some kind of 24Hour Fitness thing.”

Hold it right there

Calls to the Jones Pool hotline were greeted with the following message:

“You’ve reached the Jones Pool. Unfortunately we are closed for the 2013 season. We will reopen for the 2014 season on Memorial Day weekend.”

Would that it were that simple.

Turns out the Jones Pool may indeed miss the 2014 swim season, according to Power & Light District senior sales and event manager Laurie Ambroson. That because of swinging cranes and the ongoing construction of P&L’s new One Lake Tower.

“But the pool’s not shutting down or anything,” Ambroson assures.

And it will in fact be joined by a Onelife Fitness center in the space above Cosentino’s Downtown Market, directly beneath the Jones Pool’s rooftop home.

So fear not, lovers of women in stripper-looking swimsuits, hunky bar bouncers and the like. Because while the Jones Pool is likely to open later than expected this year – and could miss 2014 altogether – it will return, Ambroson vows.

Much too the relief of the following reviewers on Yelp.

“I think I was too fixated on the silicon breasts and pectoral muscles flexing to notice anything beautiful about the atmosphere,” writes Jillian W. “Unless you can the bodily fluids floating in 3ft of water…and solo cups floating like the emptiness of Ronnie’s soul.”

“It’s a cool concept and the location couldn’t be better, the views are spectacular,” adds Scott M. “But unless you have either a perfect body or an IQ under 90, it gets intolerable pretty quickly…Early in the afternoon the crowd wasn’t too douchey, but as sundown approached the place quickly turned into a pale-skinned episode of Jersey Shore.    Bleeeeeeccchhhhh!!!!!!!”

“If anyone is interested in the atmosphere at this unique venue, just check out the Kansas City Star Ink section on the web,” says Jill D.  “They regularly carry pictures of events at the Jones.  If I were to judge the clientele by the pictures, I would have to say it’s a collection of young, attractive strippers and Jersey Shore wannabes.  Some of the poses that the young women engage in are something they wouldn’t want their mothers to see.”

Erin W’s take: “I have completely mixed feelings about this place.  First off, it’s GREAT people watching…because oh my there’s some interesting people that are here.  But…you start looking around after a few hours and notice there’s several people that never get out of the waist deep pool after consistantly drinking and I get a little grossed out.”

Ditto, Glazer adds.

“You know, the pool’s really shallow – it comes up to your waist – and what it became was a daytime dance club,” Glazer says. “You know, everybody would get in the pool and sway to the music and they were drinking but they didn’t get out of the pool. And the water would get a little cloudy.”

Guess we’ll see.