A-Rod’s Plan B?
I’ve been in touch with people in A-Rod’s camp and they seems as disappointed as he is with the suspension handed down by baseball and the negative reaction from the crowd as he took the plate in Chicago Monday night. He’s deeply discouraged and wants to leave the game on his own terms.
To that end, we have it from insiders that A-Rod will begin immediately training for the Tour de France, seeing a huge void left by Lance Armstrong’s exit and thinks he may be the man to fill that void.
A-Rod already has sponsorship commitments from Biogenesis and the FDA and is selling yellow rubber bracelets for $5.00 inscribed with the words “I’m Riding for My Life, With Both Balls.” They can be purchased locally at It’s a Beautiful Day, Temple Slug, and 7th Heaven.
Pet Shop Boys
Police in Canada are investigating the deaths of two young boys who they believe were strangled by a python that escaped from a local pet store in New Brunswick.
The snake, an African Rock Python, got out of its enclosure at Reptile Ocean pet shop and entered the apartment above the pet store where the boys were sleeping. The two victims had been spending the night at the home of a friend.
The bodies of the two boys, Connor Barthe, 7, and his brother, Noah, 5, were discovered early the next morning.
Staten Island Craigslist – Baby for Sale – $100.00
22-year-old Paul Marquez is a stock boy at Victoria’s Secret by day and a ladies man by night. He met a girl online, went out with her a few times but was angered that he didn’t seem to be getting enough attention from his love interest because of her 2 year old baby.
Solution? Marquez put the baby on Craigslist.
He posted an ad entitled Baby for Sale – $100, stating “the baby loves to play and have fun,” but had asthma and was “really getting on my nerves, I don’t want her, please email me.”
How this MENSA candidate got caught? Marquez used the woman’s telephone number and email in the ad, leading her to call police after she received a phone calls from a person offering to buy her baby.
Staten Island investigators are looking into the requests generated by the ad as it’s a crime to both sell and buy a baby on Craigslist; that can only be done on eBay.
Marquez faces up to a year behind bars if convicted.
Branson Airport Sues Burns & McDonnell
The Branson Airport is the only privately owned and operated commercial airport in the nation and was the world’s largest earth moving construction project. Like most of Branson, the airport is on the side of a hill and required the construction of an enormous man made plateau of rock and soil.
In a just and perfect world, Branson would be in court charged in a class action suit with “Mass Demonstration of Bad Taste,” but no, they are suing multiple Missouri contractors, including Kansas City’s Burns & McDonnell, alleging faulty design, engineering and construction.
Work began on the airport in July 2007, it opened for business in May 2009 and by 2011, a large area of the foundation, located beneath a runway had collapsed.
To date it’s required nearly a million dollars in temporary repairs and will require millions more in additional repairs.
I reached out to Burns & McDonnell for a comment and was told, “Jesus, it’s just a runway on the side of a mountain; we’re not talking about the Hyatt Skywalk or anything! We don’t know why they have their panties in a wad, those hillbillies are lucky to have an airport at all.”
I’m kidding, of course.
That’s all the news that isn’t, now go out and make it a great day.
Ok, that was very funny stuff.
🙂
Chuck, thanks, I’ll accept that, coming from you! I do what I can to bring a smile; servants heart and all that crap….
But where do all the busses park at Branson? So does Southwest have a hub there? Do the Sammy lane boats still operate? Maybe I should just fly down and spend the day riding a duck.
Super Dave, I hope most understand the term; you may come under suspicion indicating you’d like to spend a day riding a duck!
Homer Simpson said Branson is “Like Las Vegas, being run by Ned Flanders”.
Thanks for another fine installment of ‘Paul sumzitup’.
Lib, you’re just way too kind. Thanks for commenting. It offsets the hate and discontent and is much appreciated.
Okydokily!
My uncle sold my cousin for $100 in the 50s. I’d think the price would have increased by now. Daddy Bob was a piece of work.
You missed the guy with a baseball bat who went into a gun shop to rob it. Walked in, smashed a display case, only to find the owner’s gun pointed right at his nose.
Anyone who has played rock-paper-gun-baseball bat know what wins the game.
http://www.slate.com/blogs/crime/2013/08/01/dumb_criminal_of_the_week_derrick_mosley_oregon_man_allegedly_uses_baseball.html
Orphan, thats why my daddy always told me, you dont take a knife to a gun fight!
You need to go see the Phillipino guy down on the corner.
He sells children 2 for a buck. How do you like yours cooked?
All of the people that put down A Rod are just jellous losers and haters like Super Duper Fatty Fat Fatso Dave and the others on here. They have never done anything in there own life so all they do is hate on other people who have. They see there life going by with nothing to show for it and cant stand to see someone who has been a success like me, been able to afford almost as many women as me, almost as good of a build as I have, etc.