New Jack City: ‘Breaking Dawn, Part 2’–My Night With the Nubiles

No, this is not a review, not quite…

It’s about last night’s journey and encounter with Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, Jacob Black and the rest of the pretty vampire bunch based on the Stephenie Meyer created characters.

It was a Wednesday night and the Kansas City invitational premiere of the closing episode of the Twilight saga.

The tip-off that this was not going to be a typical advance screening was the makeup of the audience with nubile tweens and teens primarily filling the large auditorium. The rest of the assembled masses were Lenexa-beige looking housewives and cougars who had schlepped their young ones to the theater.

Any guys here?

You could’ve counted them on one hand. Maybe two.

So what was it like?

Kinda like at a Justin Bieber concert I would imagine.

Because when the lights dimmed at 7:30 p.m. the screeching began.

And as each of the film’s principal player’s names popped up on the screen, the young audience went wild.

Ironically it wasn’t Kristen Stewart or Robert Pattinson who got the loudest screams. Those were unleashed for Taylor Lautner.

All the while I kept thinking back to 2008.

Who would’ve thought back then that a movie—make that a franchise—could get young female juices flowing the way these movies have?

“It’s a wolf thing.”

But in fairness, both the acting and production values have vastly improved through the five films. Especially as the big money began to roll in.

There’s something to be said for vampire sex.

BREAKING DAWN-PART 1 and PART 2 were filmed concurrently in late 2010 and early 2011. So Ms. Stewart was apparently still true to Mr. Pattinson. She hadn’t cheated on her man yet.
And when the first lovey dovey doings between them appeared on screen, you could almost feel a hush throughout the auditorium.

But the kids soon forgot.

Fast forward to the film’s climactic, massive and brutal conclusion and I observed plenty of girls turning their faces from the screen or burying their heads in their hands.

Amazingly tearing off a person’s head in the picture apparently only warrants a PG-13 rating.

And then there’s the matter of Taylor Lautner’s bare chest.

I bet a fellow critic that it would take less than five minutes for the shirt to come off upon his first screen appearance. Well I lost that bet. It took more than 10.

A nice touch to this closing chapter of the franchise came during the end credits. Tribute is paid to – with names and photos – cast members of the entire series. More screams.

TWILIGHT SAGA—Forever.

On my way out I of the theater I asked a group of fans whether they were sad to see it all end here. They were. But only up to a point.

“We’ve still got THE HUNGER GAMES” seemed to be the consensus.