You’re welcome, fellas.
General Manager Dayton Moore just finished making hypothetical trade-deadline love to me, Joe Royalsfan, and apparently I’ve got all the elasticity of “Octomom” Nadya Suleman, because I didn’t feel a thing.
Wait… was that it?
Did you…
Are you FINISHED?
Greinke’s with the Angels.
The Yankees got Ichiro.
Ryan Dempster went to Texas.
Shane Victorino is now a Dodger.
The Royals, you ask? Well, they dealt closer Jonathan Broxton to the Cincinnati Reds for minor league pitchers J.C. Sulbaran and Donnie Joseph. And that’s it.
Broxton looks forward to Skyline Chili.
In a baffling move—one that will surely be defended with tired clichés such as, “nobody was willing to meet our price,” and, “we’re comfortable with the move we made, and also with the moves we didn’t make”—the Royals stood pat. The arguable worst team in baseball, perennial rebuilders from one decade to the next, did nothing instead of choosing to move some of the dead weight currently sitting lamely on the sinking ship.
And hey, I’m not an idiot—I know we weren’t holding any cards that would have brought us blue-chip prospects in return—but Jeff Francoeur is blocking an EXCELLENT prospect in Wil Myers, Yuniesky Betancourt is agonizingly expendable and Jose Mijares is just a replaceable lefty out of the pen.
They all should have been moved. For peanuts and Cracker-Jacks. Or Single A pitchers with wild command issues and cloudy urine. I don’t care.
What we have instead are two pitchers who won’t exactly get your motor running.
J.C. Sulbaran
22-year-old right-handed starter Sulbaran—who averages a strikeout per inning—was 7-7 in Double-A Pensacola this season. He brings with him a career minor league ERA of 4.68, and allows 1.5 base runners per inning. He walks too many, gives up too many homeruns and God-love-him, probably won’t ever be anything more than a number 4 or 5 starter.
Fun fact: he was Eric Hosmer’s high school teammate at American Heritage in Plantation, FL!
So wait… does Hosmer get to collect on an employee referral? Does Sulbaran have to “work” for the Royals for like, 6 months or a year before Hosmer gets the full $100? That’s how it was when I washed dishes at the Olive Garden, and none of my asshole friends stuck around long enough for me to get the full bounty. I’m gonna look into this and report back.
Donnie Joseph just wants to talk to you, girl.
Joseph’s numbers are better, but he’s 24 and a reliever. The lefty strikes out over 12 batters per nine innings pitched, has a career minor league ERA of 3.50, and has 54 saves between Billings, Dayton, Lynchburg, Carolina, Pensacola and Louisville. He could theoretically step directly into a spot in the bullpen as a late innings setup guy; Manager Ned Yost has already stated that the closer’s job belongs to Greg Holland.
In the end, this was really all a non-event.
Dayton Moore played it safe and that’s a shame. Again: it’s not as though Jeff Francoeur would have netted something amazing, but unless the Royals were getting completely low-balled, I think you’re a fool not to deal him… or Yuni, or Mijares, or Bruce Chen, or really pretty much anyone.
Give me a bucket of balls, a suitcase full of Juicy Fruit, the highest risk/highest reward prospect you’ve got, and show me where to sign.
walmart ball does not care about wins or hardware, just extracting the maximum amount of profit from the minimum amount of expenditure.
The only person winning here with walmart ball is GLASS, everyone else loses big time.
nice story, I agree…liked you said the truth WORST TEAM IN BASEBALL, we are! This team will likely lose 100 or close to it…go on 6,7,8 game losing streaks…we have nothing..nobody….Alex Gordon and the shortstop are the hitting attack!!!! Wow…rest of team is either a bust or doesn’t matter…oh yeah Billy Butler…next year…same thing…last or next to last.
The 5-way at Gold Star is about as orgasmic as one can get with man food. If Broxton likes to play Dutch Oven, Gold Star is the perfect place to start. That being said I am having lunch at The French Laundry in Napa tomorrow, which is about as far away as one can get from Gold Star on the culinary scale.
Man’s gotta sell a lot of Smartubs to dine at the French Laundry…. unless you’re Thomas Keller’s cousin’s best friend’s business partner– aka Harley.
It’s lunch, not dinner. Average lunch check is $250.00 per person. Dinner for average schmucks is around $500.00 per person. For foodies it’s around $1,000.00 or more (depending on how stupid you get with the grape juice) per person. $1000.00 is like 3 months worth of one 5-way per day. One dinner or 90 meals…..pick your poison?
Sounds like some fairly tony surroundings buddy. I may have ya though, today, I enjoyed the Chickken Fried Steak special at the 119th st. Tanners.
Yeah, thats right.
It showed up hot with corn and mashers.
The wine selection while inestimable, come in second to some ice tea that I uncerimoniously dumped 15 to 20 sugars into.
Yum, yum…
Chuck, you need to spend some time at mercola.com. Read it, apply it, live long and prosper. You can thank me when you’re still shaggin’ broads with 8″ of man-sausage when you turn 100!
Harley is like Herpes. I expect a flair up any day.
He already made a quick return on another column.
Expect more flare-ups.
Harley is the glitter of the cosmetics world. You just can’t get rid of that shit!
Which is worse?
No Skyline 5-way?
I know they get paid well but what a kick in the balls it must be to have your manager walk in and tell you that you’ve been traded to the Royals. Broxton must feel like he just got released from prison.
He’s excited to go to Sinsee Town. This is hilarious:
http://m.deadspin.com/5930623/cincinnati-news-station-duped-by-fake-barbecue+lovin-jonathan-broxton-twitter-account