With all the bad news abound— heat, drought, midnight movie massacre – and some would even suggest, the London Olympics—it’s time to bring back one of my favorites: The Name Game...
Consider it my tip of the hat (or flash of the raincoat) to those clever porn promoters, titillating title terrorists and movie marketers who so cleverly turn well known motion picture properties into cheap knocks-offs.
How do they get away with it? They’re parodies protected by the First Amendment.
Of course, as I’ve said in prior columns, my all time favorite title remains the very patriotic YANK MY DOODLE IT’S A DANDY.
Here then is a new batch of REAL movie titles that await you for pleasurable viewing.
* CARA LOFT: WOMB RAIDER
* AMERICAN CREAM PIE
* A TALE OF TWO TITTIES
* CLOCKWORK ORGY
* FORREST HUMP (My pants are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.)
* HONEY I BLEW EVERYBODY
* MISSIONARY POSITION: IMPOSSIBLE # 2
* PULP FRICTION
* RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARSE
* REBEL WITHOUT A CONDOM
* SAN FERNANDO JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF PORN
* THE SEX FILES: SLUTS AND THE CITY
* THE DA VINCI LOAD: ANGELS AND SEMEN
* TITS A WONDERFUL LIFE (…George Bailey eat your heart out.)
* TITTY TITTY, GANG BANG
And finally, that wonderful double feature adventure program (not) for the entire family WHORE OF THE RINGS and WHORREY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S BALLS.
May the farce be with all of them!
But Jack, you’ve failed to mention the stars. Jennifer Anuston, Courtney Cocksucker, David Swimmers, Stroker Long, Harry Beaver, Mona Cummings, Peter Banger, Molly Wantsit, Divine Swallows, Dickey Long, Girth Brooks, Pippi Longsuckings…….and my favorite, the gent whose real name is OSCAR MAYER.
…I left that task to your fertile mind, Smartman. Damn they’re funny!
But how could you leave out little Annie Sprinkle?
My bad. Methinks I saw her back in the day at the Old Chelsea and she did some incredible things with ping pong balls and Hershey’s Kisses out of her hoo-hoo. Not even Cloris Leachman can do that kinda stuff.
Shaving Ryan’s Privates.
Whorrey Potter and The Sorcerer’s Balls
Honey I blew everybody.
LMAO.
Yes dude, “Shaving Ryans Privates” is still my favorite.
Wouldn’t it make sense to have Cara Lott in Womb Raider?
She could be Laura’s mum in the flick.
Damn you can’t pay for great enertainment like this in this city anywhere.
I swear smartman missed his calling.
Brokeback Fountain, the love story of Vern and Greg, two Plaza area bartenders working at Geena Patel’s jazz bar, Sardine’s, will be cumming to a screen near you shortly. Vern is trying to make his way in journalism and Greg in comedy and along the way they make each other whilst not knowing the other has been making Gina in order to keep his job. Then Geena turns up preggers and one night finds the boys playing hide the salami after hours in the kitchen. That’s when it starts to get interesting
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
And Hearnes guest role is?
Oh have to have TJ MIller in this as well
Hey smartman, I think that’s where “Yank My Doodle, It’s a Dandy” comes into play……
Hey smartman, I think that’s where “YANK MY DOODLE, IT’S A DANDY” comes into play….