Hey, Montreal is truly like, “You ain’t in Kansas anymore!”
Oh, Canada – I was actually surprised that everyone speaks French here in Montreal. And that there are very few Americans up here, except for the ones that are attending the Montreal Comedy Festival.
It even looks like Europe here.
Lots of older buildings, clean. Last time I was in Canada I got stuck in Calgary in 1995 and was shooting a low budget movie, co starring Sonny Landham (48hrs / Pedator), Brian James (Blade Runner/ The Player) and Frank Stallone.
I played a lawyer.
Clint Eastwood had just shot the “Unforgiven” in Calgary and I was trapped there for about a month with bad food and nothing to do. Hey, it was nothing like this beautiful city, Montreal.
Hearne wrote about my movie experience in Calgary. I’d hired a couple Chiefs players to be in it, missed my flight, and given my girlfriend at the time Laurie King a small role as a dancer who gets shot and killed by bad guy Frank Stallone. Shocker.
But it’s a who’s who of the comedy standup/TV/film industry up here now.
There are comedy shows in every downtown hotel.
Lewis Black, Howie Mandel, Chelsea, Bob Saget, Jim Jefferies, Jim Norton and “Nasty Show” host and star Bobby Slayton are all here. Seems like Stanford’s entire fall lineup is here performing, KU ‘s Nikki Glaser (she got her own TV show on MTV), Lynn Koplitz (our New Year’s Eve star/Joan Rivers Show), Eliza Schlesinger (star of Excused and winner of Last Comic Standing), Moshe Kasher (top ten Variety new stars), as are Rory Scovel, Joe Mande and Dan Cummins who all will be at Stanford’s this fall/winter.)
Last night I was joined by Steve Kramer, my partner on this animated reality show.
Kramer co starred in the WB series HYPE in the early 2000’s with Frank Caliendo. Steve is from KC and animated the pilot about Stanford and Sons that we will present at the show here today.
I was invited to be the date of some female Canadian Soap star to a Fetish Party at midnight tonight. Hmmm. Figures. No, it’s not part of the Comedy Fest. I’ll fill you in if I go. By the way, I knocked off a foursome with three girls right before I left Kansas City. Very cool.
Most of the stars here already have strong careers and the new faces are hoping to move up. The focus is still on the stand up comedy and the reality/web series portion we’re part of is kinda new. We’re in the final five.
However, every time I’m away from home, it reminds me of how much I feel best in Kansas City. There’s just no place like home.
P.S. the “Just For Laughs” festival draws more than 100,000 Canadians, lasts several days and nights. It’s a party.
St. Catherine’s street is where it’s at in Montreal.
So two Canadians are sitting around bored. They are snowed in. 6 feet of snow. The cable is out becuase of the shit weather. They have read everything in the house.
The first Canadian says, “Hey!! I got it, lets play 20 questions!!”
The second Canadian says, “Great idea, you think of something!”
The first Canadian is kind of a smartass, he thinks a little bit, then decides on what he thinks is funny. His word is “Moosecock”. He says, “I got it. Go ahead.”
The second Canadian asks, “Can you eat it?”
The first Canadian hems and haws. He says, “Well, I uh…, well, yeah, I guess you could eat it.”
The second Canadian says, “Is it Moosecock?”
“I was actually surprised that everyone speaks French here in Montreal. “-Glazer
It’s a slow, hanging curve…….but I just can’t do it.
You did it anyway…subtle…but you did it.
We have a negro problem and the Canadians have a French problem. Only 22% of Canadians speak French but damm if every road sign in the whole damn country isn’t bilingual. The Canadians have done a pretty good job of keeping most of the frogs in Quebec but damn if the weasel pastry chefs don’t think they own the whole country. Like their counterparts across the pond in France they hate Americans the way that Muslims hate Jews. More to do with penis envy then anything I think as French men are notoriously small. Last time I was in Montreal was 6 months ago for a bachelor party and as a gag they showed a French gay porn movie with the frogs all corn holing each other and moaning “Ooh Oui! Ooh Oui!”. In the moment it was funny as hell.
If you wanna score, don’t bathe or use deodorant, smoke Craven A’s, and make sure your breathe always smells like coffee and cigarettes. And DON’T say voulez vous coucher avec moi…..dead give away you’re a Yankee.
I would love to put up a vigorous defense of the French, but I have the unfortunate experience of dating a French woman once……ONCE. And um, yeah……and don’t forget the French femme aversion to waxing and shaving.
Why am I so moderated?
huck says:
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
July 28, 2012 at 1:28 pm
So two Canadians are sitting around bored. They are snowed in. 6 feet of snow. The cable is out becuase of the shit weather. They have read everything in the house.
The first Canadian says, “Hey!! I got it, lets play 20 questions!!”
The second Canadian says, “Great idea, you think of something!”
The first Canadian is kind of a smartass, he thinks a little bit, then decides on what he thinks is funny. His word is “Moosecock”. He says, “I got it. Go ahead.”
The second Canadian asks, “Can you eat it?”
The first Canadian hems and haws. He says, “Well, I uh…, well, yeah, I guess you could eat it.”
The second Canadian says, “Is it Moosecock?”
Now I like these comments…Hearne dropped the foursome thing in there, not me, maybe it happened, but I really no longer enjoy telling those events…for some reason the word gets out in KC and I am labled a ‘dirty pig’ hun, can you imagine that…more important we just gave our presentation, killed it, if this thing isn’t fixed, we won…but don’t know yet, hope they announce it tonight….Steve did a nice job….and the audience laughed it’s butt off, good crowd there and some exec’s from other networks and websites…so who knows, we got lots of attention…hope it goes our way…you never know.
Glaze sounds like a blast … you should promote a comedy event in KC.
Had to go NFM last week…took the Mrs. over to Hollywood Casino for some buffet action. Yes it was a Tuesday, but good Lord the place was DEAD, Nothing.
Looks like Sams Town in the Dotte?
Where we at on the Chefs? They going over 8? Chuck, Smartman, Harley,Kerouic? I like KSU over 7
@bschloz
Chiefs win 10.
🙂
Chiefs need to change their name to Sucking KC. Arrowhead needs to be called The Head, like where you go to take a dump. Sucking KC will be 9-7 this season. KU will win 3 games, MU will win 4, KSU will win 6. Chuck has given me the Broncos +24 when they play Sucking KC at The Head.
They will kill the Donkeys smarty. Kill’em.
🙂 They win 10.
Was at The Legends last night. My prediction of The Legends turning into Bannister Mall by 2020 is coming true. Place was crawling with people from the community, and we ain’t talking Huxtable’s we’re talking Tupac, Biggie Smalls, Tupac wanna be’s. Lot’s of FAT white women with bad tattoos as well. Probably shopping for a new wardrobe for the next NASCAR race.
They need to just get it over with and name it “New Indian Springs at the Legends”.
bschloz…Chuck…yeah Tuesday are dead everywhere in KC I’m afraid…weeknights are tough, really all over the nation…we bust our ass to draw on WED/THURS…but we have been doing it a long time…Montreal is fun, ready to get back…five straight days of comedy, clubs and party time can ware anyone down…I’m still a KC guy deep down…
Chiefs…really have to see their preseason to tell, so many question marks…like Chuck says 10 is sure possible if all is well, 8 or less is possible if some things don’t pan out…it’s a tough call…they could be a good team this year…I know I will not bet the under on them again..think its 8 or 8 1/2…they are too tough to call, not the bet I would take…last year I knew they were a bad team, this year maybe not…I hope they are good, would be fun to have a team that matters other than KU bastketball…God the Royals are headed to losing plus 100…damn…what happened to OUR TIME? This team has NO FUTURE, NONE…next year they will stink, and on and on, all these young guys WANT OUT…trust me ALL OF THEM, BUT BILLY
They are good for 10 Glaze. The AFC North was like watchin a shot fighter last year.
We start off slow, and then win 10, PLUS we win a playoff game!!
It will be good for business.
Hope your are right Chuck, that would be fun..winning ten and winning a playoff game…its been too long…maybe win TWO…or three…AS FOR LEGENDS…we sold out both shows on Saturday Night, our crowds are 99 % white, middle to upper middle…usually…and they spend ok dough, I walk around there at night, cops have kept the crime down to zero, pretty much, the blacks we have are usually family…there really is not much for them out there, but walking around and some shopping…they don’t go to Yardhouse or Jazz much, or Stanfords…I’d say its pretty white….yeah we have our local folks who are not Hallbrooke, who is? Even the Plaza has shmo’s too often…our city is just not Chicago…is it…Legends, like all our shopping districts hurts for more people living in the area…Oak Park has the best numbers cause of density…not great shopping, Legends boasts more and nicer stores..way more to do..the Plaza has the “class joints” but not much traffic, why….the six figure folks moved out south for the most part…its tough all over…no doubt…til the credit gets moving again, this will continue…we all need to win the big one..hah.
There used to be a lot of Americans in Montreal back when the dollar was worth something. You could go to Montreal and double your lap dance budget due to the exchange rate, and get dances by wholesome (looking) French Canadian girls instead of awful Jersey Shore rejects. There used to be a huge flow of men from the Northeast US to Montreal for just that reason — not so much any more.
Yes I noticed what great shape the gals are up here, very in shape. ON the thin side, not many chunksters. But yes very few Americans…didn’t catch a strip club though.