I’ve always considered Red Lobster as the Aldi or Walmart of seafood restaurants…
Poor man’s sea food. They don’t serve the expensive, palate-pleasing fish such as monk, shark, or Chilian Sea Bass like the Bristol or Capital Grille. Instead they give you standard options like salmon, tilapia, and grouper. However they do come through bigtime in quality, portion size and value. And they care, which is hard to find these days for the hard-earned dollar.
I never call in a to-go order at Red Lobster because…
1. I like to decide when I get there because the menu is so vast.
2. And I like to see the bartenders make a thousand frozen drinks while waiting on people who don’t tip and have their tabs transfered to a table. Then I thank GOD I bartend where I do.
By the way, the bartenders at Red Lobster are the hardest working and most under appreciated MFer’s in the biz. I came in on a Sunday and it was busier than the free clinic after a NASCAR event. It draws a very diverse crowd too. I had to wait 20 min. just to find a seat at the bar to order take-out.
I didn’t really want to squeeze in between two people with marinara covered fingers and HUGE glasses full of strawberry something to say, ”May I place a to-go order?”. So I just waited it out. Trying to get a seat at this bar on a Sunday is tough – I felt like a midget waiting for a urinal. I had to be on my to.jpg)
es and ready.
Finally I got a seat and placed my order.
I ordered the New England Sampler, which is my favorite appetizer on the menu. It’s four bacon-wrapped scallops, fried clams, and four lobster-stuffed mushrooms. Mind-blowing. It tasted so good I wanted to put my dick in it.
I also got the wood grilled lobster, shrimp, and scallops that comes with two sides and a salad. I asked for broccoli, a baked potato, and a salad with blue cheese. Once again, it was very good.
For new readers, if I’m dining out at a restaurant I would probably order a bottle of something that ends in Rothschild and eat on a white tablecloth. Certainly not at Red Lobster. But for take-out, they do it right.
The lobster tail was cooked perfectly and came with plenty of melted butter. The scallops were well seasoned and melted in my mouth, much like my skewered shrimp. And do we even need to go over the cheddar biscuits? Don’t they go without saying? NO! They are always great. Eating one of those, the feeling is euphoric, like free basing bacon.
There are only three things that a
re so good that no one else can ever truly recreate them:
1. The Coke at any McDonald’s. It tastes better than Coke you get anywhere else.
2. The BJ’s from the last girl who dumped me.
3. And the cheddar biscuits from Red Lobster.
Three years ago my mom told me she’d gotten the recipe for these little nuggets of joy and would be recreating them on Thanksgiving. It was the worst family holiday dinner ever.
Don’t get me wrong, they were decent, but not the same as at Red Lobster. I wanted to kick my mom in the uterine area I was so disappointed. Needless to say, she never tried that recipe again.
Even the Bristol has tried in vain to make them…
Back to Red Lobster, my salad was good too, however it could have been put in a bigger box. It’s really hard to dress your salad when it’s in a box the size of your wallet.
Lke Hooters, the bartenders here will go through your order with you when it arrives and have you sign off on it. Then they’ll hand you your check to sign verifying your order is correct. This is actually genius because it’s a preemptive strike to keep people from going home and making up a story that they’re missing an item or two.
Red Lobster puts the accountability on the consumer, and I respect that – seafood ain’t cheap.
In short, Red Lobster is actually a great value for seafood to-go. Pretty much whatever you order is a winner. And not just because of the cheddar biscuits. My order was around $30.00 and I tipped 20% for the outstanding service.
Red Lobster in Overland Park, KS. 4.5 out of 5.
tipping
As a former bartender, I know exactly what you mean by “diverse crowd.” They are the ones who don’t tip. And they bitch a lot. And they one-time the shit out of the wait staff for something like water. A lot.
Ever notice
A bus stop in front of every Red Lobster? Or is that just an East thing? But the food is edible but a sad version of the real thing. Biscuits are good.
Tip a server two-bucks and you might get a Christmas card for life.
Scallops tend to be shark meat which is plugged and then cut to size. Nothing wrong and often better than scallops. Monk fish is good. Went fishing for Monk once and when you caught one it was as if you had a 55-gallon drum of lead you were hauling up. Damn think only eats lobster and tastes, IMHO, better.
Funny stuff Reid. 🙂
“Free basing bacon…”
LMAO. 🙂
Orphan has me wanting Monk fish.
The Turk is dead on.
Please tell us something we already know,
It defeats the purpose of take out to go a busy and wait, you might as well eat there. WTF?
Iit is always sad to see people make fun of the miserry of others, it typically indicates a pathertic person who can only feel good when others are misierable…. and there are way to many assholes down here on Earth like that.
Would you please skip the crappy restaurants and tell us something we dont know…some good tips…somewhere new to go?? Red Fucking lobster, are you kidding? you might as well describe thrOlive Garden….
PS
Just to not make this a wasted slot, I would reccomend Macaroni Grill to go. The on across the street from the Rewd shit house described here. Call ahead (OF COURSE!!) and try tthe scallapini de pollot, or whatever they call it these days…. then you wait inyour car…… and they bring it out….give the kid $2.00….
Red fucking Lobster, are yoiu fucking kidding me? and you dont even call ahead? what is the poinmt of that?
$36 for take out? Was the food laced with psilocybin?
Had to read twice
I have had a lot of seafood in my day great stuff by the water fresh in San Fran, the Gulf area and all along the east coast. But I swear I have never had any that I felt the need to stick my dick in.
In the novel Portnoy’s Complaint by Philip Roth, the main character, Alexander Portnoy, masturbates using a liver steak as well as a cored-out apple.
I am starting to wonder now the real reason behind you doing take out all the time.
I laughed myself sick so many years ago
reading Portnoy’s Complaint.
🙂
@chuck
Was a good movie as well why back in the day.
strike 2
another poor article…hearne…let smartman and the other funny guys write articles…this artilce sucks…who would
get red lobster to go…the food sucks eatingin the smelly disgusting place as it is…stop!
Fail
Yeah, count me as one of those who thinks this “restaurant review but with a take-out twist” gimmick just doesn’t work.
fail, not really, you guys are failures
How many comments did you get on your blog there Harley? thought so. Till you put your money where you mouth is, just shut up.
Who is writing this stuff?
You took time in your first post to call out everybody in Independence and Lees Summit as white trash, now you talk about ordering takeout from Red Lobster. Figure out who you are, mature a little, and maybe try this writing thing again in five or six years.
Red Lobster Blows
Small portions, fishy tasting frozen seafood. no thanks. The last time I went to Red Lobster, I spent $60 and left hungry.
The real thing?
The Red Lobster in Lee’s Summit, at least the last time I went about 8 months ago was serving what I assumed was some sort of subtitute chedder biscuit, a somewhat plain biscuit with a coating of cheese with a little butter brushed on.
They were like the Pilsbury you get in the bag (frozen) at Sam’s Club, like they were being used as a back up.
They were O.K , I didnt asked the staff