Yearly Archives: 2011
Leftridge: Cardinals Win Much Less Exciting, Much More Important Game
Much like the recently crowned 11-time World Champion St. Louis Cardinals, I just can’t lose folks. What’s that old Jerry Reed song? When You’re Hot, You’re Hot? That’s right. That song’s about me, and my mad game-prediction skills.
See, from the beginning, I’ve been calling this a Cardinals’ championship in 7. If you don’t believe me—and frankly, I’m a little insulted—go back and check yesterday’s piece. It’s all right there, laid out cleanly (and honestly). I even called how the shit would go down, you see? Allen Craig starting in leftfield? Yeah, I knew he’d get Berkman and The Bombers started early with a blast off of Texas starter Matt Harrison. That set the table for a persistent offensive attack that didn’t let up.
So, congratulations to Tony LaRussa and his Cardinals, and in fact, the whole goddamned city of St. Louis. Man, I love that place. The Arch. The Professional Bowling Hall of Fame. That runny fucking Provel cheese they insist on putting on all of their pizzas. What a fine little town.
Ok… you got me. I can’t go on living this charade.
Maybe I didn’t pick the Cardinals. Maybe I was completely wrong. I guess the pressure of picking at such a high rate of success just overcame me. It ain’t easy keeping up with the Glazers.
Hearne: Glazer’s Funeral Rip Off, Lezak on MU, Chiefs, Local Sports Media Cheer for SEC & Lotus Hits Fairway
Wild week – funerals, apple orchard odysseys, corn maze deliverances – time to catch up…
If the shoe fits, be glad you’re not Jewish. And dead. Stanford’s Craig Glazer found out the hard way that when it comes to Jewish funerals in KC, money is no object. That is, if you use to go to Jewish funeral home, which he did. To the tune of just under $16,000 all in. And dad Stan already ponied the plot.
For the record, that’s nearly double what the Glaze would have been banged for had he gone to Charter Funerals.
The flip side of that deathmare: the rabbi Glaze was required to use laid down a kickass acapella rendition of R Kelly’s "I Believe I Can Fly."
"I thought he did a great job," Glazer says. "And he only had one day to learn the song."
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Glazer: Forget The NFL, College Football is Where the Action’s At This Weekend
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College football is a different tale than the pros….
It’s a far safer play. The good get better, while the semi strong fall. It’s clear that LSU and Alabama are BY FAR the best two teams in college football. No argument.
The real National Championship Game is November 5th between these two great, great college football teams.
Stanford is likely 3rd best. Oklahoma got exposed as good, not great. Same with Wisconsin. K-State can get legit with a win over OU this Saturday. And Oklahoma State is likely the 4th best team in the country and the overall champion of the Big 12.
So with all this in mind, college is the money play this week – not pro – pro football is too tough, too even.
Now the pics…
Glazer: The State of the NFL & This Week’s Pro Picks
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The football season’s half over…
We see teams – as always in the NFL – that have weakened. And some that have gotten decent. For three reasons; Injuries, defenses getting better and no real dominant teams.
Only Green Bay is a monster because of Aaron Rodgers. Green Bay’s D is still below average and needs to improve if they want to win it all. The Steelers are tough, but beatable by average or above average teams. The Saints have the offense but little defense thus far. New England is all Tom Brady and has no defense either.
Detroit‘s "lucky charms" have given out. They’re good, not great – a 10-6 team. The Eagles are getting better, but are still shaky. Dallas is better but still losing too much. The Giants are a potential wild card.The Chargers can lock up the west with a win at KC Monday, Oakland is too wounded. Denver is better than you think but not good enough.
The Chiefs have come back, but against horrible teams so we still don’t know if they are decent or poor.
In other words, it’s the up for grabs league.
Starbeams: Twine Time, Medical Marijuana to the Rescue & China Top Kansas in Ripping Off Missouri
The National Endowment for the Arts has denied the state of Kansas any federal money to replace funds slashed by the state for arts programs earlier this year. We need that guy who made the giant ball of twine to cut off his ear in protest.
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Welcome to fall! The city of Lawrence reports six cases of the whooping cough. Patients are experiencing rapid, violent coughing, runny noses, congestion and sneezing. Strange side note…all six patients in Lawrence have requested medical marijuana.
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It’s colder than a hand shake with Todd Haley.
Leftridge: Game 7! Game 7! Game 7! and Other Things to Watch This Weekend
Oh, my.
In case you missed it, Game 6 was one hell of a… something. Debacle? At times. Barrel of monkeys? Perhaps.
If you’re waking up as a Rangers fan, you’re thoroughly disgusted. Your team squandered leads in the 8th and 9th innings, managed to regain the lead in the 10th, give it right back in the bottom half of the inning, and ultimately lose it in the 11th. Cardinals’ postseason sensation David Freese pissed all over your Toaster Strudel, ripped your heart out, did a Texas two-step on it, and told you to like it.
If you’re a Cardinals’ fan, you couldn’t have penned a better ending to a game that was marred early and often by sloppy, Little League caliber play.
Steven St. John said it best on Twitter:
“Is there a keg in each dugout? I think both teams are drunk.”
Jack Goes Confidential: ‘Puss’ Goes At It Alone. Unveils New Family Franchise
Look what the cat dragged in…
Ooops, that IS the cat. PUSS IN BOOTS, one of the most popular characters from the SHREK franchise, gets the spotlight here alongside an equally loveable cast of characters. While taking us back to Puss’ origins—his orphanage upbringing and early days of mischief with running buddy Humpty Alexander Dumpty – today still chasing his childhood dreams. Going for the magic beans. Climbing the bean stalk. Jack and Jill. The Golden Popper (a.k.a. The Golden Goose)…and so much more.
Antonio Banderes leads a strutting, star-stutted voice tracks cast of Salma Hayek, Zach Galifianakis, Billy Bob Thornton and Amy Sedaris.
JACK GOES CONFIDENTIAL: Johnny Depp’s Hunter S. Thompson Adventure Underwhelms
Honest to God, I was really looking forward to this one…
After all, having Johnny Depp tied to a autobiographical Hunter S. Thompson project as both its star and producer should make for an extraordinary night out at the movies.
In THE RUM DIARY Depp dumps the madness of 1960 New York, escaping to tropical Puerto Rico and a rum soaked lifestyle as an island reporter for The San Juan Star—shady dealings and all.
Industry rumors that this movie’s been sitting on the shelf for almost 2 years now should’ve been my first clue that I’d be in for disappointment. This thing is incoherent, unfocused and its editing leaves a lot to be desired.
Jack Goes Confidential: ‘MARGIN CALL’; Greed Is Good—Until It Implodes
Fans of American business classics like GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS and WALL STREET are in for a treat!
MARGIN CALL is an excellent thriller set in one 24 hour cycle during the 2008 Wall Street meltdown. It revolves around a number of key players at a major investment bank on the brink of imminent chaos and collapse.
It’s a real Wall Street nailbiter delving into the actions and reactions of the people who choreographed those complex financial schemes and whose after effects continue to blight the lives of tens of millions of their fellow citizens.
What makes it so compelling is it’s told through their eyes. From their point of view and almost makes you feel for them and root for these flim-flam artists as they dump huge chuncks of worthless assets on unsuspecting customers—many of whom will go bust so that the firm can survive.
It’s convincing, complelling—-and scary as hell!
Glazer: Scribe Does a Little Nail Biting While Handicapping Remainder of Chiefs’ Season
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It was your humble scribe who first noticed just how horrible the Kansas City Chiefs looked to end up…
With the close of last season, it was clear to me that this was a very bad team. They had no quarterback, true running game (one that could drive the field and score, sorry), the defense was poor, the coaching lame and the general manager seemed to be a bust as well.
All bad, very bad.
I watched the preseason unfold and it was even worse. The Chiefs were a team trying to win just one game and they couldn’t. I had no doubt that they were one of the two or three worst teams in football.
Unfortunately, now it looks like I should have made that bet on the under when it was 8 1/2 instead of 7 games.
Now what looked like a sure thing – and nothing is these days – might become a nightmare for your poor scribe. A team that everyone else figured out way after me, that looked to be the NFL’S WORST, is now playing for FIRST PLACE MONDAY NIGHT AT HOME.
Lordy, lordy, lordy – shocker!
Hearne: It’s Time for News Radio KMBZ to Bring Back Tom Becka
In the spirit of not missing y
our water til the well runs dry, it’s time to bring back one of KC’s best talk show hosts…
Former KMBZ personality Tom Becka never turned in Rush Limbaugh-like ratings during his tenure here, and his raspy voice was a known irritant to former Entercom boss Bob Zuroweste. That said, the 50-something yakker looks like Prince Charming in the rearview mirror compared to most of the hosts that have followed in his footsteps.
And until radio giant Clear Channel pulled the plug on its stations across the country yesterday, Becka was kicking butt and taking names at KFAB in Omaha. He was let go as part of the sweeping cutbacks reported by Chicago media columnist Robert Feder.
"When the largest radio company in America assembles its major market general managers in Chicago today. it won’t be to tell them what a swell job they’re doing," Feder wrote yesterday. "Instead, if knowledgeable industry reports are correct, Clear Channel Radio will set in motion massive cutbacks that could lead to what one analyst called ‘a new form of local radio.’ ”
Sounds Good: Social Distortion@Midland, Quiet Corral@Granada, The War On Drugs@Jackpot
This weekend is the real KC slut-walk…
You know, slutty witches, slutty nurses, slutty pirates, even slutty zombies.
Halloween just has a way of turning everything into a bikini contest. That’s the real trick.
Or is it the treat?
Either way, here’s where to go and what to listen to while you’re getting your slut on…
Hearne: Can the Pitch Survive Departure of Key Staffers & Dark Days of Print Publishing?
It’s way too easy writing about the difficult life and times of the Kansas City Star…
After reading the Star for something approaching a lifetime, writing about it while running the Pitch for several years and finally working at it for 16 years, I pretty much know the players and where the bodies are buried at 18th and Grand. Trust me.
Covering the Pitch however is a different beast. It’s been 20 years since I darkened its door as an employee, its staff is far smaller and the turnover has been great given all the regime changes.
That said, the Pitch is as far up you-know-what creek as the Star and any number of other print publications around the country.
Which is unfortunate, because in a perfect world, Kansas City deserves to field a first class alt weekly. Unfortunately, that’s seldom, if ever, been the case.
Hearne: Missing Baby Mom Expects to be Charged & Who’s Paying Lawyer Fees, Enquirer Asks
With the national news media game fully afoot, it’s little surprise that the National Enquirer is on the case…
"The noose is tightening around the mother of baby Lisa Irwin – the 11-month-old baby found missing from her crib in her family’s Missouri home on Oct.4," the Enquirer story begins.
Police aren’t buying tot mom Deborah Bradley‘s story, a source close to the investigation tells the Enquirer.
"Her family members, and even Deborah herself expect she will ultimately be arrested and charged with a crime," the Enquirer says.
"Now that Bradley has lawyered up, authorities are even more convinced that she has something to hide, sources say," the Enquirer continues.
Star Search: Star Sends Mixed Message on Likely MU Move to SEC
Life goes on, right?
In the wide world of cliches, they don’t get much better than that. The girlfriend dumps you, a parent dies, the cat takes off – you’re bummed. So you cry in your beer for a bit, take stock, suck it up and get your ass back in the game.
That’s pretty much what Star sports scribe Sam Mellinger attempted to do today re the all-but-inevitable departure of Missouri from the Big 12. For weeks, Mellinger wrung his hands and cursed the sky, lamenting how bad it would be for Kansas City. Over and again, like a dude getting dumped. he tried to rationalize and/or guilt trip MU into not leaving.
Like that was going to work.
Having more than exhausted that theme, Man Sam decided today to go from grieving to grooving.
Starbeams: Outage at KCI, Hollywood Coming to Legends & Kemper Arena on Death Row
Terminal B at KCI was closed yesterday after it experienced a power outage. Lines went the entire length of a football field.
Or, if you’re a Raiders fan, you call that a PIPE DREAM.
The outage was caused by an air traffic controller who plugged in one too many margarita makers.
Passengers were unable to go through security scanners and the pilots were unable to go through the breathalyzer.
Airport traffic was so backed up crop dusters were forced to land at the downtown airport.
Hearne: Sleeping With The Enemy; Star Hops in Sack w/ Dealsaver Rival Groupon
Yesterday was a good day for a funeral…
Or just about any outdoor fun. However, funeral day it was for scribe Craig Glazer‘s brother Jack. Not that I didn’t notice that enticing Groupon email offer for the Kansas City Star.
Hold it! The Star just went into competition against Groupon a few months back, what’s the deal?
Ever since the Groupon phenomenon took off here two years back, the money hungry hombres at the Star have been licking their chops to get in on on the daily deal loot. And it is, now that the newspaper’s dealsaver.com game is afoot.
Leftridge: Tales from the Tweet: Chiefs Streak, Artest’s Taco Meat and King Carl to the Rescue
So the big news ‘round these here parts over the past few days has been the lopsided Chiefs’ victory in Oakland. Though it wasn’t a pretty victory at times—10 penalties for 98 yards is damned awful—the defense shined. Derrick Johnson was unstoppable and our secondary feasted on the deliciously terrible Kyle Boller and a rusty Carson Palmer, picking off the duo a remarkable six times. Javier Arenas scored a rushing touchdown out of the Wildcat and Jon Asamoah’s jiggly-ass fell on a loose ball in the end zone. A complete victory.
What did Twitter think?
@Mellinger (Sam Mellinger, columnist, Kansas City Star)
“Most stereotypes are wrong or exaggerated. The one about the #Raiders parking lot is not. #chiefs”
“Just saw a guy sell a toke of his blunt. There’s a cop maybe 10 yards away.”
Leftridge: Who Lost? Who Won? Who Got Cleated in the Eggs? Weekend Recap
In every contest, there must be winners, and there must be losers. It’s an irrefutable, scientific fact. Sometimes, it’s difficult to differentiate—there are levels of grey that force deep evaluation. Other times—this weekend, for example—it’s brilliantly obvious.
For no particular reason, let’s start by looking at the winners.
Tim Tebow/ Denver Fans/ Christianity
Look, I don’t know why people want Tebow to fall flat on his handsome face. Perhaps it’s his humble nature that people misconstrue as smugness. Maybe it’s because he seems to have some deep connection to God that most of us can only dream of. Regardless of reason, I don’t know that there’s a more unwarrantedly polarizing figure in the NFL. Some people—grandmothers, Coloradans, Floridians, preachers—love the ‘Bow. Others—NFL fans everywhere but Denver—detest him.
Hearne: Pitch Editor Claims ‘Best Of’ Awards About the Writing, Not the Counting
"Everybody’s a winner," spouted carnival barkers of old…
These days the king of cashing in on that concept is local alt weekly the Pitch. Year after year it dishes out unsubstantiated plaudits to anyone and everyone it can think of.
Best cupcakes, handyman, hair removal, pedicure – best T-Bones player, moving company, place to buy a scooter. Is there no end to it? In a word, no. You name it, they got it. And that’s just for the 250-plus reader-picked winners. Add to that 35 pages of picks by unnamed Pitch writers, ranging from best workaholic and best mom to best place to pretend that you’re employed.
Which by the way was the H&R Block employee lunch room.
But do the Pitch readers really think the best place to meet men is Oklahoma Joe’s?
